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- 01/30/2023 10:23 pm
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- 04/28/2005
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Well I finally decided to do this right. I'm so elusive now that most don't even fully understand me. I suppose that's nice to some extent but... it get lonely. So I supposed I will spill some of the beans. I'm feeling sad, which is great! I write so much better when I feel that pinch in my heart. Well lets get to it!My name is *********** Sorry can't risk it. But if you can read this then you know my name. I will start with the surface stuff. I'm a college student. I'm studying philosophy. I plan to become a philosophy teacher. I work as a security guard. I get paid okay and it's an easy job so I have no complaints. I enjoy video games, anime/manga a whole lot. Even though I'm usually behind the trends. I like to write and read.
Now how to start...? I used to be very shy, very low self-esteem, and lonely as I kid. All that stuff influences who I am now. I would go into my past more but I don't find more use for it. I used to make myself the victim when I realized that many people have it much worse than I do. I realized how easy I had it considering other people. And at the end, I can't change the past. I can only take it in and learn from it. Become stronger. So now I don't want to talk about my past. I don't want to be pitied. I look at my past and I no longer feel it was a hard one. It's just there. Now I try to look to the future.
Now everything bounces off of me. Comments, jokes, stabs at me. And even if something does bother me I don't show it. Most people say I seem so carefree and I'm glad I give that vibe off.
I'm a bit rude, I accept that. I'm mean and an a**... at times. Depending. I don't do it just because, really. A lot of the time it's because I don't want to be taken advantage of me or because people won't listen unless I'm rough. Tough love *sigh*. I'm really quite gentle and sweet... but it's not something I let anybody experience.
I get lonely at times. Not something I really talk about with people. Why? Well because I'm not lonely when I'm with people I would confide with. So it never comes up. And also. It's my issue and it's something that I have to deal with it. It doesn't help to talk about it, it just upsets other people and helps me none.
Well to wrap this short and in no way conclusive intro. I want to say that, I'm just somebody trying to do as much good as he can possibly do with what he has. I may fall short, and I may mess up but I get back up. There's many things I still want out of life. And to be honest I want somebody to share those things with. It's who I am. And so I just keep looking forward toward the sunrise and hope that when the sun sets it doesn't be come to dark.
"Nice guys are the ones that always come last. Guys are not like parking spaces. Not all of the good ones are taken. They just ignored and tossed aside. It's always the jerks and the good looking that get all the damn luck. Letting the ones that have sincere feelings out to rot on the beating sun. But what can I do... I am a nice guy and will die one. I couldn't live any other way."
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