About
We say we've evolved, but we're beasts, us humans.
We'd also say we're an advanced race, but really that's just a clever way of saying we've found new ways to kill each other that nature didn't intend for us to find.
Microsoft makes me want to barf bunnies.
There is one other thing, though. Rather, a whole list of things. And it's really, really, REALLY long. So, take a deep breath and be prepared to bully your way through it, as there may be some things that you have not previously considered. This list is compiled, so everything wasn't written by me, though quite a bit of it was. I'd be pretty p.o.'d if I saw the list some where else.
Without further ado:
Things You Should Know
Gum isn’t supposed to go on the ground or on the bottom of your shoes.
Making any kind of fluid come out of someone’s nose is disgusting and hilarious at the same time, unless you get sprayed.
Milk should not be drunk through a straw, it should be savored.
Cream soda floats taste better than Root Beer floats.
Scabs are gross.
Scars shouldn’t be purple.
You don’t eat paper.
Nearly breaking your sister’s nose does not mean it’s fair for her to nearly break your arm.
Watermelons taste like flavored Styrofoam.
Don’t bite aluminum foil balls. It makes your teeth feel weird.
Microwavable bacon taste gross compared to fried bacon.
Friends who are just friends should be nothing more than friends.
Banging at random keys on a piano is not music.
5 second rules only apply to solid foods and home, not the cafeteria.
Ouija boards scare the crap out of me.
Yourself.
Sometimes “what if” shouldn’t be considered.
Monsters don’t stay in horror novels.
People are more scary than any kind of monster, because we usually are the ones who create them.
There is no one original story.
Caring for someone is much easier than loving and trusting them.
Hospitals are good places.
Laughing too hard will make you cry and pee your pants.
Just because your poem feels right doesn’t mean it’s good.
Flaws are easier to find than perfections.
Lions are color blind.
Lying is the only way to get out of a lie.
Long shirts look like dresses and pants that hang low are just asking to get pulled all the way down.
Your a** (and/or) crack hanging out of your pants is not attractive. (Even if your a** is covered. It’s just asking for a wedgie.)
Words can be more important than you use them to be.
Don’t take for granted your ability to use a wide vocabulary.
The word “hate” shouldn’t come out of your mouth in 5/10 minute intervals.
Learning something interesting is fun.
Only female mosquitoes bite.
Snakes have never been poisonous because they’re VENOMOUS.
Poisons are topical/ingested/inhaled, venom is injected through hollow teeth (fangs.)
Talking with someone in the dark is the most comfortable way to have a conversation.
Moms ARE almost always right.
Making someone with a really full bladder laugh is really mean… and kind of funny.
Don’t try to avoid the inevitable.
It’s no use to be afraid of the inevitable.
Religion isn’t always the best thing to rely on.
How to respect other people’s religions.
Don’t stare.
Magic markers aren’t really magic.
Sometimes strangers are more affective than people that are close to you.
Smile when people make you mad or insult you. It undermines confidence and makes them think you insane. (who would dare want to mess with a maniacal smilely person?)
It isn’t always about sex. Sometimes there is a thing called love.
Cursing raises your blood pressure.
Violence is only funny when it’s video games and Hollywood.
Tires can reinflate themselves in movies only.
Crying when you are at the Dentist’s Office to get a cavity or root canal fixed isn’t something to be shameful about.
Ignorance really is bliss.
Men/boys almost always lie.
I’d rather die for someone rather than for no reason/old age.
Your life is of equal worth than another person’s, no matter how many differences there are between yours and theirs.
People are usually more cruel than animals.
I’d rather face a bear than a mean person.
Normal is just a casual phrase.
Wanting to rip your face off is not a good feeling even if it feels like the right thing to do.
Writing sad poems is more effective than cutting but less gratifying.
Fake tabloids are great things to read if you need a creative writing tool to write with.
Emotional damage takes much longer to heal than physical damage.
There is such a field of profession such as Demonology.
Paper cuts hurt more than regular cuts.
Secrets are best kept out in the open.
Flying off the handle is probably going to land you in the flames.
Nightmares are the real boogeyman.
When asked “what are you?” respond with your zodiac symbol.
Lessons are often mistaken for cruelty.
Video games aren’t the source of trouble with children. Resorting to blaming video games is sad.
Humiliation shouldn’t be fun even when it’s not pointed at you.
Smoking crack in Florida at night will leave you buck-naked in a lake with your arm nearly torn off by an alligator.
How to use punctuations.
Don’t rely on Spell Check.
“Emos” don’t always cut themselves. (they have friends who do it for them XD JUST KIDDING)
You will never know the fear of a parent until you have a kid yourself.
The United States of America is worth fighting for, no matter who is president (because sooner or later they’ll be gone.)
Of the six billion people in the world, not many are lucky enough to call themselves free.
In order to have freedom you must have laws, without laws there is chaos without consequence, therefore you have no freedom to consider whether you want to do what is right or wrong.
There is no cure for loneliness but love and comfort.
Being understood is the best feeling thing to know that isn’t necessarily from the heart.
Pride for something isn’t cause enough for a fight.
Computers that malfunction aren’t “gay”, nor is something turning out wrong.
Optimism is easy to mistaken for pessimism.
Love more than you hate.
Biting your thumb works better than flicking someone off unless they’re an English teacher because you’re less likely to get in trouble.
Love and trust is the only thing you have to offer in life that matters.
Strawberries and ranch dressing oddly taste good together.
Sometimes the world is flat.
Trail mix with peanut butter and chocolate stuff in it makes you feel sick despite how yummy it is at first.
If you keep counting your losses you'll lose track of your accomplishments.
Time won't stop ticking.
The end has no end so don't try to find it.
Life is short-we all know this already yet everyone doesn't seem to mind wasting it, you shouldn't be like everyone.
You will never get all the answers.
There is only so much a person can change about himself.
No matter how mad you get at your Mother, you still love her. FACE IT!!!
When life gives you lemons, throw them at the bully and run away.
Good things always fall apart.
Hamburger Hot Pockets are nasty.
How to whisper.
When and how to lie.
To make banana pudding you need bananas.
Clean your ears.
STDs are no joke.
People change.
Don’t go to the Bermuda Triangle with metal teeth.
You can’t buy love but nobody loves the homeless.
Have an opinion.
Brush your hair.
Be respectable.
How to reason with people.
Friends change like your clothes.
Never be a slave to a substance.
Living with no regrets is living in denial.
Guys, somewhere in the world there is a woman taller than you.
Be patient, your turn will come.
You can look up to someone.
If you have a headache, then take a nap.
Know your manners.
Recycle.
What is good for you and what’s not.
Time travel is, by nature, paradoxical.
How to read a clock.
You can’t go through something solid.
Write.
The world does not revolve around you.
Our founding fathers didn’t plan for AK-47s.
If you can’t say anything nice, be creative.
The Golden Rule.
How to read at a 3rd grade level.
You do NOT spit on people.
"A lot" is two words.
Tazers will make you break dance.
Bodily functions are never okay in church.
Always be the bigger person.
Sit alone at lunch.
Life sucks and then you die. Unless you do something about it.
Hate will get you nowhere.
Someone loves you and thinks about you every night, and you don't even know it.
Splenda tastes like sh*t.
Snorting Pixie-Stix hurts like a mofo.
How to read, write, speak English, when to talk, when to shut up, what to say, how to say it, how to drive, how to swim.
Not everyone is going to be your friend. Deal with it.
If you're swimming in open water, don't splash around too much.
Don't become a slave to any substances.
1 day is 24 hours.
1 hour is 60 minutes.
1 minute is 60 seconds.
Not everyone finds you attractive.
Nobody likes a fake person.
People will try to walk all over you.
People will use you if you let them.
If you hate drama, get home schooled.
If it has 100 legs, it can outrun you.
If you see a mutilated body, don't wait around to see what was eating it.
If it has 2 rows of teeth, it can eat you in half the time.
Sharks can swim in less than 5 feet of water.
Don't stick a fork in the outlet.
Don't download porn at school.
Don't stand under a tree in a thunder storm.
Nobody wants to hear about your sex life.
The world is a jungle.
Tomatoes are evil.
Everyone has something they're self-conscious about.
You're not alone.
You can do whatever you put your mind to.
Someone copying you isn't a compliment, it's just plain creepy.
Don't complain every day about how horrible you life is. Nobody wants to hear it.
Don't bring drugs to school.
Don't rat out your only friends.
Don't try to run from the cops.
It's all fun and games until somebody gets hurt. Then it's hilarious.
Nothing is free in the world besides your parent's love.
Sugar does not make your personality "sweeter". In fact, it makes it worse when you gain 100 pounds from eating candy 24/7.
Don't piss off your teacher. Your future depends on them.
Don't poke a lion with a stick, and then put your head near the cage.
Write your own list.
By the way, that would be me. In the picture. Please don't hunt me down and kill me. That is most undesirable.
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