We all have 3 addresses memorized:1. Your own address2. Your best friends address3. P Sherman, 42 Wallaby Way, Sydney

You see a robber in your house ready to steal all your stuff.60% would silently call the police for help.25% would let them go.15% would grab the nearest weapon and beat the living s**t out of the robber.I'm that 15%

Sometimes I have to stop myself&remember that I'm only a teenager.and that all this is only going to be afoolish memory someday

Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

what do you do if you see your ex , running around in your front yard covered in blood and screaming for help ? stay calm . reload . and try again

*Who's Guilty Here?* A wife is dreaming in bed, she suddenly wakes up and shouts, "Quick! My husband is home!" Her husband wakes up and jumps out of the window...

When you get a bruise, 5% of people try to remember where they got it, 5% of people don't even know they have it and 90% poke it to see how much it hurts.

Easy come, easy go That's just how you live, oh Take, take, take it all, But you never give Should of known you was trouble from the first kiss, had your eyes wide open Why were they open? Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash You tossed it in the trash, you did To give me all your love is all I ever asked, Cause what you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain, Yes, I would die for you baby; But you won't do the same No, no, no, no Black, black, black and blue beat me till I'm numb Tell the devil I said "hey" when you get back to where you're from Mad woman, bad woman, That's just what you are, yeah, You'll smile in my face then rip the breaks out my car Gave you all I had And you tossed it in the trash You tossed it in the trash, yes you did To give me all your love is all I ever asked Cause what you don't understand is I'd catch a grenade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain, Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you won't do the same If my body was on fire, ooh You' d watch me burn down in flames You said you loved me you're a liar Cause you never, ever, ever did baby... But darling I'll still catch a grenade for ya Throw my hand on a blade for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) I'd jump in front of a train for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) You know I'd do anything for ya (yeah, yeah, yeah) Oh, oh I would go through all this pain, Take a bullet straight through my brain, Yes, I would die for ya baby; But you won't do the same. No, you won't do the same, You wouldn't do the same, Ooh, you'll never do the same, No, no, no, no

"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

A Blonde suspects her boyfriend of cheating on her. She goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment unexpectedly and sure enough, she opens the door and finds him in the arms of a redhead. Well, the blonde is angry. She opens her purse to take out the gun, but as she does so, she is overcome with grief. She takes the gun and points it to her own head. The boyfriend yells "No, honey, don't do it!." The blonde replies "Shut up, you're next."

HOW TO IMPRESS A WOMAN Compliment her, cuddle her, kiss her, caress her, love her, stroke her, tease her, comfort her, protect her, hug her, hold her, spend money on her, wine & dine her, buy things for her, listen to her, care for her, stand by her, support her, go to the ends of the earth for her.... HOW TO IMPRESS A MAN Show up naked, with beer....

Men are the best cooks *************************** because with two eggs, one sausage and a little bit of milk, we can fill a woman's stomach for nine months.

There are things we dont want to happen, but have to accept. Things we dont want to know, but have to learn. There are people that we cant live without, but have to let go...

When Karma Finally Hits You In The Face; I'll be there........... ........ Just in case it needs some help. ♥

Friend: Woah What's That?! Me: It's a birth mark... Friend: Really? How long you had that for? Me: GTFO

My mother always told me if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all...... And some people wonder why I'm so quiet around them...

what goes through a girl's mind when she's on her period: - oh my god, i'm leaking. there's blood all over me. - move out of my way, b●tch! - i hate you, you're stupid. - i want ice cream. somebody, get me ice cream! - i'm going to throw up. - midol.. where's my midol?! - *screams like a girl in a horror movie* - i hate mother nature. - touch me again, and i will cut you. - shut up, you stupid tampon! stop making that obnoxiously loud crinkling noise

********* I Hate When This Happens ************** When you're lying in bed, using your phone. Then all of a sudden, it decides to ninja backflip out of your hands and attacks your face.

They say, "guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you just stood there and yelled "BANG," I don't think you'd kill many people.

My friend once told me 581 people are having sex in the the U.S. right now............. I was so confused cause I thought that should be an even number

Isn't it ironic how we all tend to love the ones who ignore us. We ignore the ones who love us. We want the ones that hurt us and we hurt the ones that love us.