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Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.
Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a ******** Indian.
In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.
Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.
Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
There are no steroids in baseball. Just players Chuck Norris has breathed on.
When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
A picture is worth a thousand words. A Chuck Norris is worth 1 billion words.
While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
Chuck Norris doesn't stub his toes. He accidentally destroys chairs, bedframes, and sidewalks.
Chuck Norris eats beef jerky and craps gunpowder. Then, he uses that gunpowder to make a bullet, which he uses to kill a cow and make more beef jerky. Some people refer to this as the "Circle of Life."
Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris had won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.
Once you go Norris, you are physically unable to go back.
Ninjas want to grow up to be just like Chuck Norris. But usually they grow up just to be killed by Chuck Norris.
Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.
Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.
In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.
Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
Human cloning is outlawed because if Chuck Norris were cloned, then it would be possible for a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick to meet another Chuck Norris roundhouse kick. Physicists theorize that this contact would end the universe.
Saddam Hussein was not found hiding in a "hole." Saddam was roundhouse-kicked in the head by Chuck Norris in Kansas, which sent him through the earth, stopping just short of the surface of Iraq.
Chuck Norris doesn't look both ways before he crosses the street... he just roundhouses any cars that get too close.
The original title for Star Wars was "Skywalker: Texas Ranger". Starring Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does, in fact, live in a round house.
Aliens DO indeed exist. They just know better than to visit a planet that Chuck Norris is on.
Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.
Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.
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