Alexander Bean

I were a we man in East Lothian durin de 16th century. Me da were a ditch digger an e trimmed bushes, an ah tried t take up de trade as he did but instead reckoned that ah had wee taste fer good honest labour.

Lef me das a wile back with tha woman o mine who shares me tastes. We got our home in Bannane Head , near Galloway where we live, left be for some twenty-odd years. Bein a large cave it can get a mite damp, specially when the tide comes in an blocks the opening.

We have a large lot. Me wife has bare me eight boys and six girls. An they got three times the amount of sprouts we got. Always tripping over a wee brat.
That's a lot of gaping maws to fill.

My wee clan has a sweet set up ere. Kip in the daytime. Always careful, we set up our ambushes at night. Git a small group unawares and strip them clean, if you know what I mean.

Me boys an me get the meat home an I cut the meat up for the shites as they know I like it. me wife and lasses pick at whats left before me boys lob the rest into the sea.

Sometimes the bits wash back up on shore, but what of it?

Hanged a few men a ways back for it. Laughed a bit at that. Thought of cutting the bodies down and dragging them home but changed me mind.

We get caught and they'll take us in chains to the Tolbooth Jail in Edinburgh, or maybe even to Leith or Glasgow. We'd never see a trial. Hanged, then drawn and quartered we'd be.