About

Been a little while. I'm trying to update everything. I'll get through it, I promise.

Time to Cleanse (again:

Ten things I'd like to say to certain people (but I'm not sayin' your names):

10. I know I messed up. But you broke my heart. I thought we were going to be the closest friends forever, but you ghosted on me! I told you everything. You were the first person I COULD tell everything. and you just.... left.

9. It wasn't because he would have attracted the Wolf. it's because I was afraid you were replacing me with him. YOu've never really done anything to assuage those fears.

8. You can't hurl yourself into oncoming traffic and then say you were "thrown under the bus." that's not how that works. You messed up your own life. Instead of saying all of your friends betrayed you, you should look and see if you may have been the problem

7. I love your music. I'm still willing to put in the effort if you're willing to talk to me more than twice a year.

6. You can't go back there and I know why. you're not as innocent as you think you are.

5. I know why you asked if your Symbol changed. It did. I'm sorry.

4. They're not as scary as you think they are! Yours wasn't anyway.

3. I wish you'd talk to me....

2. I got to see you after seven years! I still have trouble believing it wasn't a dream.

1. What happened between us all? Was Magic really all we had together?

Nine things about myself:

9. I wear things like scarves and bandanas around my waist. I have an entire style surrounding it too.
8. I am addicted to sugar. I'll do ANYTHING for it.
7. I'm afraid I'm shallow because I am not used to being attracted to someone, and so I crush HARD.
6. I block pain by seeming happy. or I ignore pain by acting happy. It's a very effective mask.
5. I've found I have a territorial or even jealous streak. I don't like it, but I try to live with it.... only use this stuff for Good.
4. I feel like I'm more secure than I used to be. (In most things. I've improved so much. I just feel like a lot of it was because I got out of bad situations.)
3. I want to love. I want him to love me back. I want to do it RIGHT though. not just selfishly.
2. I cut my hair. I miss it, but I like it better this way. maybe I'll color it someday. (I have since colored it, and I adore it.)
1. I wonder what people would tell me if I tol them what I REALLY believe. They accepted me! it was other shortcomings that tore us apart

Eight ways to win my heart:

8. Talk magic with me. ANY kind of magic wink
7. make me art. I'll make you art in return. or even first, sometimes
6. Once you've gained my trust, don't take advantage of it.
5. Allow me to be me, with all my imperfections
4. I value intelligence, but show condescension at your peril.
3. be understanding. I will try to be as well. You don't HAVE to be happy.
2. be willing to mess up sometimes
1. notice the little things.


Seven things that cross my mind a lot:

7. The Library (aka my job)
6. my Family, chosen and biological.
5. things I want to draw.
4. The Symbols. (representations of my friends)
3. Fate and all of its infinite possibilities, and Free Will's place in it.
2. My Roommates (more family)
1. Men. No seriously my mind is a thirst trap, I swear.

Six things I do before I fall asleep:

6. Eat.
5. game.
4. Watch a few music videos
3. Message my friends
2. Take my HIV pill
1. Art.

Five of my favorites of five different things:

5. Band- Kesha, Imogen Heap, Cloud Cult, The Xx, Zedd
4. Color- 2:00pm Sky Blue, Wine Red, Sunset-Gold, red-tinted purple, teal
3. Food- Volcano Roll Sushi, Zero's turkey sub add bacon, Flan, oh my God, PASTA!!
2. Drink- Cranberry Juice, milk, Gatorade, coffee, Dirty Vanilla Chai
1. Place- my soon-to-be apartment, Any Barnes & Noble, A club called the Wave, the Library, tops of parking garages.

Four things I'm wearing right now:

4. wing ring
3. a bracelet with opalite and blue goldstone arranged in the phases of the moon.
2. An old pair of TRUCE women's jeans. there are massive holes in them.
1. an Opalite Pi disk. in Feudal eras, it was thought if you spoke through one, it would reach your god's ears.

Three songs to which I listen often:

3. Simple and Clean - Yuki Kajiura
2. How Far I'll Go - Moana
1. Paradise Circus - Massive Attack

Two things I want to do before I die:

2. get Married to a man I love. and his boyfriend if they're Poly
1. have a house in a cold place and a house in a warm place that I can escape to.

One confession:
1. I'm HIV positive. I've been undetectable for three years, and I'm proud I've made it this far.

well, that's me in a nutshell... that last one is a bit... heavy. I hope knowing all this, you will still hang around me!