I am a writer and I'm in the making of a visual novel (who ever has read those) and I am putting a demo of what is in the making right now, please be as much of a critic as you please for I need down right honest opinions or it won't improve much. ^.^



My Friend is a Fox!?



Chapter zero, Prologue



You ever wonder what it would be like to be the next step in evolution?



Well it’s talking to you right now…



I was supposed to be an embryo that would "change the face of man kind" or so the coats said to me…



Frankly I never liked em, he he…



I was an embryo that was spliced with a fox.



I was dubbed "Red"…



The most obvious changes were that I had the ears and tail of a fox.



The not so obvious were I was more agile, flexible, faster, and had heightened senses.



So you couldn’t really call me a human anymore.



It didn’t matter to me.



I had always been like this.



A gloomy fact though was I could hear those damned dog whistles…



Every time one of those went off I swear I would hear bells for a week…



I don’t have human ears at all just fox ears.



So now I rely on the freak sized fox ears sticking out of my head all the time.



I had red hair, and red ears and tail with white tips.



Much like any fox you usually see.



I could talk but now as a fox I find myself making growling noises sometimes when I’m angry or irritated.



When ever I would fight I would rely on bites and instinct much like a real fox or I would run away, I do know when I’m beat after all.



The lab coats decided I should go to school and learn the ways of the average human.



The first time I heard school I wondered if it was some kind of food.



I was pretty simple minded before I got to school.



The closest thing I had to parents was the man that donated his uh... Jesus juice… and a fox that had some DNA taken from him.



A little too off topic as it is so lets not go any further, hmm? ^.^'



I will say this though the, he was the man that founded the whole project of me becoming "Captain Foxman"…



So anyway the lab coats decided that I should go to school after much deliberation.



(Actually they drew from a hat if I should go or not…)



Anyway off topic.



It took a couple of days for them to register me as a citizen.



(Mostly because I didn’t have a normal blood type or surname.)



When they got through that they had to register me at a school.



After that I was going to get my picture taken.



That was a trip…



"Can you please take off those ears while I take the picture?"



"I can’t…"



"Right kid real funny."



"I can’t…"



"Just take them off…"



"I can’t…"



"That’s it!"



He tried to yank my poor ears off.



"OUCH!!!"



"What are these things glued on or something???"



"NO THEIR REAL!!!"



Fox ears- $5.00



Fox tail- $10.00



The look on a confused photographers face when he realized they were real-priceless…



When he let go in shock I proceeded to pet my poor ears and tend to their pain.



"What’s the matter, fox got your tongue?"



He stared intently and I heard him say on his breath "just get this over with this…"



It was nothing more than a murmur but thanks to my excellent hearing I could understand him and chuckled a little to myself.



After that little escapade I was told to introduce myself to my new class.



People stared at me as though I were a strange creature.



(I didn’t blame them, after all I was the next step in evolution and the works…)



Hello my name is "Red" it’s great to meet you all! ^.^



And so that’s how it all started.



A fox-boy in a classroom of 24 kids who didn’t know what the hell was going on (great let’s just see THIS outcome before it dissolves to chaos...)



Chapter One, A Foxes First Few Days



It was a bit of a rocky start (at best) and most of the kids would steer clear of me.



I would always hear words in the hallways saying "fox-boy", or "keep an eye on him" and the like with my more than astounding hearing.



Then with my more than astounding speed and agility I would jump right next to them with ease in an instant from even the greatest of distances and scare the hell out of them.



They would always scatter and stumble over each other as they tried to run.



Serves em’ right for spreading rumors in the first place, he he…



When lunch came I would usually jump up on the roof, it wasn’t that high for me.



Only like 20 feet off the ground.



It was a one story building.



I enjoyed the roof because I could get fresh air where no one would bother me.



It was a little lonely but I enjoyed it for the most part.



It would go on for the next couple of days the same way.



My favorite was when girls would pet my ears and tail.



Except all the guys in the room would let off a MASSIVE killing intent.



But I didn’t care I just sat there looking all smug.



I enjoyed it all, but…



I still felt kind of lonely…



I didn’t know why but it wouldn’t stop bugging me.



No matter how hard I tried I just couldn’t shake it off.



Instead "pissing me off" would be the appropriate words here.



So I just bopped myself over the head and thought nothing more of it.



When ever lunch was over I would go to the library just to read some books.



I didn’t really like books all that much though.



I just didn’t really have anything better to do.



All the teachers thought I would be nothing more than trouble.



It wasn’t like I didn’t notice how they always had their eyes on me.



I could always smell the administrator staff near me.



The guy reeked of cheap male perfume.



Even someone without my senses could smell him a mile away.



(And that’s an understatement.)



So I would just eye him and he would usually go about his business (whatever the hell THAT was...)



Basically he was my idea of "comical relief".



Sometimes I would play a trick just to see what he would do.



One time I turned around a corner and jumped up to where he couldn’t see me.



When he turned the same corner I wasn’t there.



Or so he thought.



I jumped silently behind him and waited for him to turn around.



When he did BOY did he give out a yelp!



I would just sit there laughing my a** off at his torment as he scrambled away in fear.



So my first couple of weeks ended rather well.



I never did shake that lonely feeling though.



Well that's it for now, if you enjoyed it please let me know via PM or comment, any way please let me know if you know any voice actors, and bands.