There's this man who drinks beer at a local bar every night. One night, he came in and had nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.
The man replied, "I don't drink anymore... Last night, I blew chunks."
"Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times!"
"No, No", the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"
6 Shots To Get Rid Of That Taste
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" Yeah, my first b*****b." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Two Weird Lumberjacks
Bill and John, two lumberjacks, are out cutting timber one cold day when Bill starts to complain about always having chapped lips then notices John never does. "Why don't you ever have chapped lips?" asks Bill. John answers, "It's simple - watch..."
John drops his pants, bends over and sticks his finger up his butt, then rubs his finger all over his lips. "Does that keep you from getting chapped lips"? Bill asks, "No" replies John, "but it sure keeps me from licking them"!
My Family Is Gay
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back.
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said: "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah... My wife!"
POOF! POOF!
There were three guys in hell. An Italian guy , a bum and a gay guy. One day the devil says to them I'm gonna give you one more chance on Earth, but you can't have your favorite thing. "Italian guy, you can't have any pizza. Bum, you can never shag money again. Gay guy, you can never have sex with another man."
So the devil sends them back to Earth and they wind up in front of a pizza shop. The Italian guy just can't control himself and he runs in and eats a piece of pizza, POOF! Now the gay guy and the bum are walking down the street and the gay guy spots a $100 bill and points it out to the bum. The bum bends over and picks it up with the gay guy behind him and, POOF! POOF!
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Blew Chunks
There's this man who drinks beer at a local bar every night. One night, he came in and had nothing to drink. The bartender was curious and asked him why he wasn't drinking anything.
The man replied, "I don't drink anymore... Last night, I blew chunks."
"Oh that's nothing", the bartender replies. "Everyone gets a little sick after drinking at times!"
"No, No", the man replies. "You don't understand. Chunks is my dog!"
6 Shots To Get Rid Of That Taste
A young man walks up and sits down at the bar. "What can I get you?" the bartender inquires. "I want 6 shots of Jagermeister," responded the young man. "6 shots?!? Are you celebrating something?" Yeah, my first b*****b." "Well, in that case, let me give you a 7th on the house." "No offense, sir. But if 6 shots won't get rid of the taste, nothing will."
Two Weird Lumberjacks
Bill and John, two lumberjacks, are out cutting timber one cold day when Bill starts to complain about always having chapped lips then notices John never does. "Why don't you ever have chapped lips?" asks Bill. John answers, "It's simple - watch..."
John drops his pants, bends over and sticks his finger up his butt, then rubs his finger all over his lips. "Does that keep you from getting chapped lips"? Bill asks, "No" replies John, "but it sure keeps me from licking them"!
My Family Is Gay
A guy came into a bar one day and said to the barman "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today, the answer came back.
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas.
The bartender said: "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
"Yeah... My wife!"
POOF! POOF!
There were three guys in hell. An Italian guy , a bum and a gay guy. One day the devil says to them I'm gonna give you one more chance on Earth, but you can't have your favorite thing. "Italian guy, you can't have any pizza. Bum, you can never shag money again. Gay guy, you can never have sex with another man."
So the devil sends them back to Earth and they wind up in front of a pizza shop. The Italian guy just can't control himself and he runs in and eats a piece of pizza, POOF! Now the gay guy and the bum are walking down the street and the gay guy spots a $100 bill and points it out to the bum. The bum bends over and picks it up with the gay guy behind him and, POOF! POOF!