About
[THIS s**t IS BURIED IN CHARACTER. HAHAHA. WAIT UP FOR THE ACTUAL THINGIES ABOUT ME.]Call me Bert. Or Berto. Or Bertollini.
Or even Lucifer.
Or "Yes, Satan?". (Points to you for recognizing the reference)
But most of all, YOU CAN CALL ME UMBRIDGE.
And don't be deceived.
I AM A WOMAN!
It's a man's world out there and you gotta be stronger than a man!
You gotta be a WO-MAAAAN!
I AM WO-MAN!
HEAR ME--
SMAAAAAASH!
I'll like to think of you all as my daaaughters! [and sons wink ]
And that makes me...YO MAMA!
And a loving and caring mama I am!
From now on, we gonna be doing things around here my way.
From NOW onnn, we're gonna be doin things around here...
THE UMBRIIDGE WAAAAY!
DId I make you cry (you chubby little ********)? That's alright.
Human tears are very natural.
In fact, when I was a young human, tears would flow from my eyeballs all the time.
Until one day, my momma said to meee,
"Dolores! Girl, you put dooown that cheesecake! You throw out that fondue! And you get up offa that couch, girl! GET ON UP!".
scream SIT DOWN!!!
And from that day on, I would pick up anything that I could and hoist it above mah head and I ate NOTHING BUT PROTEIN SHAKES, FALCON EGGS, AND RRRRROOOOCKSS! evil
So you get on up, kids. And FAAAALL IN!
[OUT OF CHARACTER NOW. PHEEEWWW!]
I'm not Dolores Umbridge. XD
So don't kill me!
And no, I've never had much coitus with a centaur.
I like:
*art (of the visual sort) in general
*music in general (rock will always be my preferred genre, though)
*movies
*theater
*SCIENCE AHAHAH TROLOLOL DIDNT SEE THAT COMING [yeah, IM A NERD]
*books
*hanging out with my fellow lunatics
*comedy
Don't be afraid to bombard my comments box or my inbox with offensive notes, love letters, pictures, videos, your phone number(lol, i aint gonna text you so forget about it =)) ), anything really.
Especially questions. [descending into character...]
If you need advice, I'm gonna help you girl.
I'm gonna help you!
I'm gonna suck you up into mah woooomb, then I'm gonna spit you back out a red-hot titanium baby with diamond teeth!
But before I recreate you...
...I must destroy you.
twisted
Now lift up that skirt, girl. *WHIPS OUT MAMA'S LITTLE LOVE HAND*
So yo momma can love yo bottom til it BLEEDS!
HIYAAAAAA---
gonk
OH s**t.
And before you go..
..can you ask Dumbadoor if he got mah texts? xp
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ANG SCARY NUUUUNNNNN D;
BUT DO NOT UNDERSETIMATE OTHER MOTHER IRL.
SHE BURY YOU IN WORK.
CAN'T BE MORE TRAUMATIZING THAN SEEING THE OTHER MOTHER IRL VERSION.
"VOLDIE CAN I PLEASE TOUCH YOUR MUSCLES?!"
xD
It's his dream, after all ;D