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NOVEMBER 4, 2012

To everyone that knew me:

It has taken quite some time for me to muster the ability to do this. And perhaps I shouldn't have. Perhaps I should have denied the flickering spark...refused to ignite the flame. But I've already done it, there's no turning back now.

To Jesse: I think of you often. I didn't know you as well as I could have, but I know you made him happy. I'd never seen a smile so bright before you. Carry him with you...always. I know he will never be forgotten so long as there is you.

To Ryoko: Thank you for thinking of me. I wont lie, I miss our late-night chatting. The only woman to ever truly understand me. You will always have a place within me. Thank you for your friendship.

To Azrael: I can say, without a doubt, that I will never have a connection with any other as I did with you. I still sit back and have a chuckle at the conversations we had. I respect you to this very day, and you will always be considered my family. Thank you, my brother, for everything that you were, are, and will be. Stay true to yourself, as I know you are one of the few that are strong enough to do so with unwavering confidence.

To my Sinner... Coming back here this last time has been the hardest because of this very reason. Even as I think of you, my heart aches. I've done the unforgivable - I abandoned you. I had every intent of coming back for you and yet....this place is connected to so much pain. I'm sorry...I have never regret anything as much as I do leaving you...Know that you are in my heart each and every day. Forever yours.

Live your lives, and live them well! Each and every one of you are special to me - whether that means anything to you now or not, I will never know ... but I dedicate my life to becoming a more complete and better person because of you.

Thank you ... for remembering him when I couldn't bear the cross alone ... thank you. For everything.

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Thank you for donating:
Ted_Onoru
HeartlessSinner
Licentious Toxicity
And a huge thank you to Soubi_Agatsuma for his more than generous donations.

Before I go on talking about myself, there's one important thing everyone must know.

I'm currently madly in love and unable to do a damn thing about it. If I can't (nor do I plan to) do anything about it, neither can you, so don't try.

Kono (also known as HeartlessSinner), I love you with all my heart. I'm yours, from now until forever.

I must admit, it's difficult to talk about oneself. How does one know what to admit? What others would want to know? So perhaps...I should start with the basics...

The < Name >|| Sho Ikeda
A.l.l. -these- {years}|| Twenty+3
sKin && BonEs|| 179 lbs and 6 feet tall.
[T h o s e] I's|| Narrow...dark brown, sometimes ringed with green.
That .h.a.i.r.|| A complete mess at the moment...black/brown

[Currently being revamped. Check back later.]

-RoM-

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Azrael the Mad

Report | 09/25/2016 11:15 pm

Azrael the Mad

I know that you shan't ever see this. I know this in my heart of hearts, and yet there was still so much left unsaid between us when you disappeared. I shan't lie. Things fell apart without you. I respected you, Sho...Reiji...as much as you respected me. You were my brother in the truest sense of the word and my room was just...never the same. People came, people went, but there was never another one quite like you. Never another session quite like the golden days. I miss you. I miss Lee. I still talk to him now and then, and (disgustingly sentimental as it may seem from the man I once was) I also think of you and I remember what we all had. Who we all were. What the room was for us all. I read that you could not see your home as home anymore after Lee left us. It was the same for me. Life went on, undoubtedly. But there was something missing from the slots room. It's like all the light just went out of the place and I couldn't bear running it anymore. People blamed me for Lee's death. I blamed myself. To this day I wonder if it was actually my fault, whether I could have done something. After so long, I wonder that if things were handled differently, we would all still be laughing in that room together. As things should have been.

Well, here's to the "Gay/Bi Literate Guys ONLY!" room and the days that once were. And here's to you, my dearest brother. My compatriot and one of the truest friends I had ever had on this site. Wherever you are, I hope you are well. I hope you have grown. I pray you are alive. And please...don't ever make the same mistake of abandoning the ones you care for and who care for you ever again...even when things are at their darkest. There is always a light, dim as it may be. Be well, Reiji. Sho. Wherever you are.
HeartlessSinner

Report | 12/03/2012 9:29 am

HeartlessSinner

Hopeless, isn't it?
It always ways, but I forgot that for the briefest moment when I saw that you updated your profile.
It hurts, almost as badly as the first time.
I miss you so much, Sho. It still eats away at me every time I take a breath.
The part of my heart that holds your memory remains untouched and colder than cold.
Forever awaiting your return,
HeartlessSinner/ Kono
HeartlessSinner

Report | 12/01/2012 9:31 am

HeartlessSinner

I see that you haven't logged onto Gaia since you left that--touching little note on your profile.
Why did you even bother, Sho? Obviously you had no intention of actually attempting to REPAIR the damage that you have done, so why?
Did you just want to make sure that if anyone had healed from you, or even forgotten you, that they would suddenly be forced back into a world of agony and confusion?
I never got closure.
My closure was telling myself that you were dead.
How DARE you come back here, just to throw salt in the wounds of others?
You are the most sadistic, cowardly and WEAK person on the planet.
Even when you returned for a brief second on November 4th, 2012, you didn't bother trying to contact ME, you just felt the need to update your profile.
I deserved so much better than the years I wasted worrying and wondering about you.
I don't even know why I bothered writing this. You'll never see it.
You've already run away again.
I regret giving you my love.
I haven't been the same since you left and I hate myself for that.
HeartlessSinner

Report | 11/30/2012 3:39 pm

HeartlessSinner

Oh, my God. You came back.
HeartlessSinner

Report | 05/28/2012 9:13 am

HeartlessSinner

I still don't know who you really are/were.

But you still cross my mind
from time to time.
HeartlessSinner

Report | 06/01/2008 10:09 am

HeartlessSinner

And even more months have passed since you have disappeared. I'm still not entirely sure how to react to that, but I'm still here.

I leave Lee messages often and I talk to him under my breath when I can't think straight. You are a much harder case.

Sho, I don't know if you are in heaven or if you're just trying to find yourself, but either way, you are missed more than you'll ever understand.
[Spartan_Prep]

Report | 05/22/2008 10:52 pm

[Spartan_Prep]

I know you'll probably never see this, since you're gone and said in a rather strong seeming voice that you're not coming back and/or you're gone til you can cope...

...but I thought about you and Skull Candy. I knew you both, somehow, I don't remember where or how, but I did. And recently my own little brother died at eight years old. I read your entry everytime I think about it, how you must have felt, and I can't even comprehend in the slightest, though I've had my own loss. And... I read the journal again and decided to write something for my own brother since.... he deserved something. =/

But your words have touched my life. And I don't mean to have, but I showed a friend. Who showed a friend. And the words you wrote touched so many lives. And I know this sounds so... messed up but thank you. Your words said so much more than people know, and I understand what part of you they came from as my story does the same with my own brother and the entry I made for him.

If ever you come back you have a friend, and more as it looks by your comments, if you need someone [though this totally sounds creepy most likely. Heh].

I hope you are happy and you've brought yourself up from where you stood before more than a year ago.



~Chris
heroxorxzero

Report | 04/25/2008 10:20 am

heroxorxzero

I hope that wherever and whatever you're doing is making you happy, and I hope that where you're going is best for you. I hope the journey there is filled with lots of experiences. I wish the best for you, Sho.

Always,

Jesse.
Ami Kei Misaki

Report | 04/14/2008 7:37 am

Ami Kei Misaki

Wow...can't believe it's been a whole year since you left...I guess this is kind of the nail in the coffin that your never coming back eh..? Well...wherever you are remember that people here will always care about you, no matter how much time passes.
Sixxxty-one

Report | 02/27/2008 6:50 pm

Sixxxty-one

I miss you.

That's all I really have to say.

I know you prolly aren't going to come back. Hell, you prolly CAN'T even if you wanted to. In more ways than one. I just wanted a goodbye. So I know that you cared.

So please.

You're breaking my heart.

Well, everyone's really.

Come back.

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