Cheese: Squirm in your chair cheesy.
Line Attempts Successes
(With hands on shoulders) Oh, those are shoulder blades, I thought they were wings. 3 0
Am I dead, Angel? Cause this must be heaven! 23 4
Are you busy tonight at 3:00 A.M.? 7 0
Are you lost ma'am? Because heaven is a long way from here. 0 0
Are you O.K.? Because heaven is a long fall from here. 2 0
(As s/he is leaving) Hey aren't you forgetting something? S/he: What? Me! 3 0
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel! 3 0
Bond. James Bond. 41 40 (Lost. Get Lost.)
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the man/woman of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her. 0 0
Did it hurt? S/he: Did what hurt? When you fell out of heaven? 3 1
Do you come here often? 0 0
Do you have a map? I just keep on getting lost in your eyes. 7 1
Don't worry about it. Nothing that you've ever done before counts. The only thing that matters is that we're together. 0 0
Excuse me, but I think I dropped something!!! MY JAW!! Once too many 0
Hello, I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart. 1 0
Hey...somebody farted. Let's get out of here. 1 0
Hi. I suffer from amnesia. Do I come here often? 10 -10
How was heaven when you left it? 0 0
I didn't know that angels could fly so low! 20 5
I have only three months to live. .. 27 14
I must be lost. I thought paradise was further south. 3 0
I play the field, and it looks like I just hit a home run with you. 0 0
I'm new in town. Could you give me directions to your apartment? 0 0
I'm sorry, were you talking to me? (No.) Well then, please start. 7 0
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together. 0 0
If I followed you home, would you keep me? 1 1
If you were a tear in my eye I would not cry for fear of losing you. 0 0
Is there an airport nearby or is that just my heart taking off? 5 1
My lenses turn dark in the sunshine of your love. 0 0
So there you are! I've been looking all over for YOU, the man/woman of my dreams! 2 0
Stand still so I can pick you up! 0 0
Was you father an alien? Because there's nothing else like you on Earth! 0 0
What time do you have to be back in heaven? 3 0
What was that sound? It was the sound of my heart breaking. 2 0
What's a nice boy/girl like you doing in a place like this? 0 0
What's that in your eye? Must just be a twinkle. 2 0
What's your favorite position on extramarital sex? 0 0
What's your sign? 3120 314
Where have you been all my life? 4 0
Would you touch me so I can tell my friends I've been touched by an angel? 0 0
Wouldn't we look cute on a wedding cake together? 6 0
Wow. 100 30(It's just so simple...)
You look like an angel. Welcome to Earth. 7 0
You must be a hell of a thief because you stole my heart from across the room. 0 0
Your daddy must have been a baker, because you've got a nice set of buns. 0 0
Your legs must be tired because you've been running through my mind all night. 3 0
[Grab the a**] Pardon me, is this seat taken? 0 0


Submitted Line Attempts Successes
Can I have directions? (To where?) To your heart. 6 0
Was your father a thief? 'Cause someone stole the stars from the sky and put them in your eyes. 4 1
[Look at her shirt label.] When they say, "What are you doing?" You respond: "Yep! Made in heaven!" 30 30
Your eyes are blue, like the ocean. And baby, I'm lost at sea. --- ---
Ask a person for the time. "10:30? So today is June 2, 2006, at 10:30 PM, thanks I just wanted to be able to remember the exact moment that I met you." 1 0
"Pinch me." "Why?" "You're so fine I must be dreaming." 1 0
Your name must be Mickey because your so fine. --- God, I hope this number is "0".
Your daddy must be a hunter because he sure caught a fox! --- 0
Your daddy must be an archer because he sure shot a bulls eye! 0 0
Your daddy must play the trumpet, because he sure made me horny! 0 0
Ouch! My tooth hurts! (Why?) Because you are soooo sweet! 0 0
You must be from Pearl Harbor, because baby, you're the bomb. 0 0
You must be Jamaican, because Jamaican me crazy. 0 0
Do you know karate? Because your body is really kickin'. 0 0
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call FINE PRINT! 0 0
Hi. I would like to award you the {Whatever beer we were drinking} award for looking so good. Now if you will give me your name, number and other vital statistics, I would like to enter you in our grand prize drawing for an all-expenses paid date with me. 2 1
You must be a Snickers, because you satisfy me. 0 0
Is your dad a terrorists? Because you are the bomb. 0 0
Are you religious? Cause you are the answers to all my prayers. 0 0
You're like a dictionary, you add meaning to my life! 0 0
Say, you remind me of a pop tart. (Why?) You are cool because you're hot! 1 1
If beauty were sunlight, you'd shine from a million light-years away. 0 0
Baby, you are the finest thing in the world. I could put you on a place and sop you up with a biscuit. 0 0
Hello. Cupid called. He says to tell you that he needs my heart back. 0 0
I must be a snowflake, because I've fallen for you. 0 0
Excuse me, I think you have something in your eye. Nope, it's just a sparkle. 0 0
Is there a rainbow today? I just found the treasure I've been searching for! 0 0
You remind me of a magnet, because you sure are attracting me over here! 0 0
It's my birthday! How about a birthday kiss? (Is it really your birthday?) No, but how about a kiss anyway? 5 5
What is the name of your perfume? "Catch of the Day?" 0 0
If you were a laser, you'd be set on "stunning". 0 0
(after the target walks in) And out of nowhere comes the sunshine!! 0 0
When I marry I wonder if God will be mad that I stole one of his angels. 0 0
I'm good at math. U I=69 0 0
If stars would fall everytime I would think of you, the sky would soon be empty. 0 0
Hi. Your name must be (your car here) because my backseat has it written all over. 0 0
Excuse me, do I need to buy a ticket for your fantastic voyage? 0 0
I'm wearing Revlon colorstay lipstick, want to help me test the claim it won't kiss off? 0 0
Go up to the person and ask for their hand. Draw a line across it and explain that its a really big river, and the bunny on this side (doesn't matter) really needs to get to the other side. Ask how he does it. Give cute little answers as to why the bunny can't cross the river (i.e., ...bunny jump in river, bunny goes *glubglubglub*.) When the person finally asks how the bunny is supposed to get across, give them the cute puppy eyes and say "I don't know, I just wanted to hold your hand." 0 0
Mars? This is the advanced recon unit. Good news, I've found a couple of foxes. 0 0
Damn! Somebody needs to write explosive on you, because you are the bomb! 0 0
Hey, is it just me, or are we destined to be married? 1 1
Do you remember Crayola Crayons? They used to have this color...Blizzard Blue. It was my favorite color and I could never figure out why. But I just realized why, your eyes...Blizzard Blue. 0 0
Something tells me you're sweet. Can I have a sample? 0 0
Excuse me, do you have any raisins? How about a date? 0 0
Your lips look so lonely.... Would they like to meet mine? 0 0
Is that a keg in your pants? Because I'd love to tap that a**. 0 0
Hello. Are you taking any applications for a boy/girlfriend? 0 0
I have an "owie" on my lip. Will you kiss it and make it better? 0 0
(stand next to the target) Hey do you think you could ask this person to give me his/her name and number? (Depends on who it is) Okay but keep it quiet because s/he is standing right next to me. 0 0
Hi, my name is Chris. I'm funny, financially stable, and have a very interesting DNA structure. 0 0
Can I take your picture? (Why?) Because I want Santa to know exactly what I want for Christmas. 0 0
(Open and close wallet quickly) Here's my "Fine Arts Connoisseur" diploma. You sure are a masterpiece. 0 0
Let's make like a fabric softener and Snuggle(TM) 0 0
(while looking at stars) I didn't see any stars in the sky tonight, the most heavenly body was standing right next to me. 1 1
If you know a person's name: "Hi, [name]." How did you know my name? "Isn't every beautiful boy/girl named that?" --- ---
See this pin? I want to p***k you with it to see if you truly do bleed sunshine. 1 1 (ouch!)
You be the Dairy Queen and I'll be your Burger King: You treat me right, and I'll do it your way Only in the corporate world... ---
[Pretend to read your hand, do so quite poorly] What is a nice person like you doing in a place like this? (Huh?) [Lower left hand and raise right, read poorly] What's your sign? --- ---
Hi. My name is {name}. I'm running for president in 2012. And I could sure use your vote. Here...write down your number and I'll call you to discuss my platform. --- ---
If I could reach out and hold a star for everytime you've made me smile, I'd hold the sky in the palm of my hand. --- ---
Good evening. May a thorn sit down amongst the roses? --- ---
Many people will walk in and out of your life. But only lovers will leave a footprint on your heart. And you, my dear, have left one great leap on mine! --- ---
Well, here I am. What were your other two wishes? --- ---
Do you have a BandAid? I just scrapped my knee falling for you. --- ---
I was so enchanted by your beauty that I ran into that wall over there. So I am going to need your name and number for insurance purposes. --- ---
What is your favorite color? (Answer) Mine too! --- ---
Giant polar bear (What?) It broke the ice. --- ---
(Put your fingers on the other's nipples) Hey, here's (name), comin' at you with the weather. Can I be your warm front? --- ---
Excuse me, does this tequila taste funny? (Hand them an untouched shot) 2 2
So, what do you like to do for fun? (Why?) Because I'm gonna ask you out. --- ---
Well, I AM telepathic, and I can tell that you love me. Right? (NO!) Damn, I always get "love" and "lust" mixed up. --- ---
(Talk to her)Did i ever tell you you are my hero? You're everything I wish I could be? (Start Singing) I can fly higher than an eagle! (talking) Because (the person's name) you are the wind beneith my wings. 3 1
(close hand with nothing inside and give it to the target) It's my breath from when you took it away (open palm while saying this) --- ---
Should I smile because we are friends, or cry because I know that is what we will ever be? --- ---
Speak of the devil....or should I say "Angel"? --- ---
When I look into your eyes, it is like a gateway into the world of which I want to be a part. --- ---
I'm a Love Pirate, and I'm here for your booty! ARRRGGGHHH!!! --- ---
I believe that it was Socrates who opined, "Know thyself." Whelp, I already know myself, how about I get to know you? --- ---
I put a drop of tear in the ocean last night for you. And I won't stop loving you until you find that tear drop. 6 Still lookin'
Hey, where did your smile go? (Check back pocket) Here it is! --- ---
(Get as close as you can to the other, then stare at his/her lips) Can you feel it? There is some kinda sexual attraction. Can you feel it, too? 10 7
Hey baby. You got a jersey? (A jersey?...What for?) Because I need your name and number --- ---
Hi, I'm astronomer and I've been sent by the department to examine a heavenly body named XGY8... 6... 9'er... Er, wait. That heavenly body is you! --- ---
You be the biscuits and I'll be the gravy, let us do breakfast sometime. 7 4
When you walk into a room, who looks at you first, guys or girls? (Answer) After seeing pictures of you, I would have thought more guys (girls) would want to talk to you. --- ---
My lips are skittles, wanna taste the rainbow? --- ---
Please do not be alarmed if a big man wearing a red suit picks you up and throws you into a bag. (Why?) Because I asked for you for Christmas. --- ---
You must be a magnet, because it looks like you are attracted to my buns of steel. --- ---
Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines. So, do you pick 'Do you come here often?', 'What's your sign?', or 'Hello, I'm doing a survey of what people think are the cheesiest pickup lines.'? --- ---
(hold out hand) Would you hold this for me while I go for a walk? --- ---
I was looking at a light bulb today and it made me think of you and how you light up my world. --- ---
You know, we have actually met before. Remember the dream you had of the perfect guy? I was the guy standing to his right. --- ---
Is your name David? I want to be Goliath and fall for you. --- ---
This time next year let&#xu2;019s be laughing together. --- ---
Clarinets are wood and trumpets are horny, but a trombone can do it in 7 positions. --- ---
Can you pull this heart-shaped arrow out of my a**? A damn little kid with wings shot me. --- ---
--- ---
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Yo' Mama is so old, Cleopatra signed her high school yearbook, "BFF."
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Yo' Mama is so fat, when she was born, the doctor announced twins.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... DealerYo' Mama is so fat, she's got more crack than a drug dealer.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), drugs (197) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Special EpisodeYo' Mama is so fat, when she walked past the TV, I missed a two-hour special of "Lost."
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), pop culture (805), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Throwing ShadowsYo' Mama is so fat, when she throws her shadow, it breaks the sidewalk.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351) Yo' Mama Is So Stanky... Monkey PoopYo' Mama is so stanky, monkeys throw poop on her at the zoo.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), animals (959), Yo' Mama (791), potty humor (215) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Order in the CourtYo' Mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), food (406) Yo' Mama... Red LobsterYo' Mama has more crabs than Red Lobster.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), gross-out (687) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... MenopauseYo' Mama is so stupid, she thought menopause was a button on the DVD player.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... SmilesYo' Mama is so ugly, her smile makes puppies whimper.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351), potty humor (215) Yo' Mama Is So Short... TrophiesYo' Mama is so short, she models for trophies.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Stanky... Vacuum SheetsYo' Mama is so stanky, she vacuums her sheets instead of washing them.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... ZitsYo' Mama is so ugly, her zits don't want to be seen with her.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is Like... CampfireYo' Mama is like a campfire: everyone gets to stick their wiener in.
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Jokes Tagged: sex (2434), insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Bald... RollersYo' Mama is so bald, she has to use rice for rollers.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... Run-AwayYo' Mama is so ugly, when she ran away from home, her parents called the dog catcher.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511) Yo' Mama Is So Stanky... Odor EatersYo' Mama is so stanky, she used Odor-Eaters and completely disappeared.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Skanky... Sperm BankYo' Mama is so skanky, she could sell her spit to a sperm bank.
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Jokes Tagged: sex (2434), insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... BricksYo' Mama's so ugly, if ugly were bricks, she could build homes for all the homeless.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511), housing (115) Back to Top
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Yo' Mama is so poor, she puts McDonald's dollar meals on layaway.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), money (444) Yo' Mama... Sex PositionsQ: What sexual positions make the ugliest babies?

A: I don't know -- ask Yo' Mama.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... First WordYo' Mama is so fat, her first word was "more."
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Turns AroundYo' Mama is so fat, every time she turns around, it's her birthday.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351) Yo' Mama Is So Old... TeethYo' Mama is so old, her teeth are like stars: they come out at night.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), aging (257) Yo' Mama Is Like... Pool TableYo' Mama is like a pool table: put in 50 cents and she'll rack your balls.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Hairy... CoconutsYo' Mama is so hairy, her breasts look like coconuts.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Stadium SeatingYo' Mama is so fat, when she goes to a stadium, she sits next to everybody.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Window SeatYo' Mama is so stupid, she didn't want the window seat on her flight because she thought the breeze might mess up her hair.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), flying (96) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... Her FaceYo' Mama is so ugly, her face looks like her neck took a crap on her shoulders.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511) Yo' Mama Is So Old... Breast FeedingYo' Mama's so old, when she breast feeds, powdered milk comes out.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), aging (257) Yo' Mama Is So Poor... MarriageYo' Mama is so poor, she got married for the rice.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), money (444), Vow (361) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Boil WaterYo' Mama is so stupid, she needs a recipe to boil water.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Short... DimeYo' Mama is so short, she could sit on a dime and swing her legs.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Short... RacquetballYo' Mama is so short, she plays racquetball on the curb.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), sports (625) Yo' Mama Is So Fat... Bent OverYo' Mama is so fat, when she bent over, a couch and three chairs came out.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), weight/obesity (351) Yo' Mama's Teeth... Comb Her MustacheYo' Mama's teeth are so busted, she can kiss yo' daddy and comb her mustache at the same time.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... ChinstrapYo' Mama is so stupid, her wig has a chinstrap.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511) Yo' Mama Is So Stupid... Speed DialYo' Mama is so stupid, she put the operator on speed dial.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791) Yo' Mama Is So Ugly... Imaginary FriendYo' Mama is so ugly, her imaginary friend played with other kids.
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Jokes Tagged: insults (1661), Yo' Mama (791), lookin' good (511) Back to Top
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