Welcome to Gaia! ::

Timmy: So I was like, "Rico, I'm going to close my eyes and count to five. If the twenty grand isn't on my desk when I open them again, we're gonna take a little trip to the crocodile farm."


Labtech Gene: It's the life he chose, T-Bone.


Timmy: Exactly. Just business. So anyway, Rico's looking at me like he's gonna wet his... Oh! Hey there, cats and kittens. Thanks for dropping by. My name is Timmy, and this is my business associate, Large G. Show the people some love, LG.


Labtech Gene: I'd like to say a special hello to all the pretty ladies out there.


Timmy: Ha! You're a real bird-doggin' tomcat of an S.O.B., you know that, LG? Anyway, welcome to your favorite show, Dr. Timmy's Evolving Item Report and Smooth Jazz Countdown. We've got a real hot show for you tonight, so let's rip into it. First, the science stuff: we've got three items doin' their thing this week.


Labtech Gene: Hit 'em with some facts, brother!


Timmy: First on the list, the lovely Inari's Beads. These things are real classy and elegant, huh? They'd make a perfect gift for a certain caliber of lady, like perhaps a fancy hairstylist or a waitress at a fine chicken wing establishment. We've also heard some crazy rumors that the Furugasa is getting even creepier.


Labtech Gene: Kick its a**, T-Bone!


Timmy: No, Gene. You see, I'm a businessman. It would be untoward of me to perform violence against an umbrella without reasonable cause. But believe me, if that thing gets out of line, I will put in a call to my best people, and they will handle the situation with swiftness and discretion, and-- don't cry, LG!

Labtech Gene: I'm sorry... I just... I just respect you so much, man...


Timmy: Finally, check this out. I've got two words for you, ladies and gentlemen: Death Whisper. Just sit back and let those words marinate for a minute. This thing is the real deal, you dig?



Anyway, ladies and gentlemen, you can pick up these fine items and many more in the Gaia Cash Shop. If you stop by, be sure to tell Flynn I said hello. Tell her that anything she needs, I'm her man. Money is not an issue, you dig?

Dr. Singh: I'm here! Here I am! Don't start the show without me!

Timmy: You're late, baby. That's unacceptable.


Labtech Gene: T-Bone demands excellence from his people.

Dr. Singh: Sorry, everyone. It was the weirdest thing... I was all ready to do the show, and then I just had overpowering feeling like I needed to change my clothes. I can't explain it...

Timmy: I forgive you, baby. Can't stay mad at a pair of stems like that.

Dr. Singh: Well, shall we get started? Hi, everyone! I'm Dr. Singh, and this is my little pal Timmy.

Labtech Gene: Whoa! Whoa whoa whoa. Stop right there, sweetheart. Did I just hear you call T-Bone your "little pal"? Maybe you don't know who you're talking to, lady, but T-Bone commands and appreciates your respect.


Timmy: Cool down, Large. The lady doesn't know what she's saying. She, like many broads, tends to get a little emotional and speak out of turn once in a while. Isn't that right, baby?

Dr. Singh: Hey, what is this!? Why are you acting like such a little creep?

Timmy: Mellow out, baby. We can get you something to improve your mood, if you know what I mean. Love the new look, by the way.

Dr. Singh: Oh, shut up! Let's just do the report.

Timmy: Report's done, baby. LG and I took care of it. But don't worry, you still get to be a star. We're about to do the best part of the show: the smooth jazz countdown. You ready for this, doll?

Dr. Singh: This is a science program! There's no smooth jazz countdown!

Labtech Gene: Smooth Jazz is a science, baby. The science of listening to saxophones and then getting busy down by the fire.


Timmy: Don't worry, you'll like it. This is all you have to do: I call out the name of the tune, then you say "ooh, I can dig it" or something, or just moan appreciatively. You ready for this?

Dr. Singh: No!

Timmy: OK, here we go. Number five this week: Chocolate Cake Supreme with the laid-back chillness of "Whale Memories, Pt. II."

Dr. Singh: ...

Labtech Gene: Do it, lady.


Timmy: Give her time, LG. Let her get used to the idea. Number four: The Hugo Rodney Combo with their smash-hit sax track, "Teatime For Ya Butt."

Dr. Singh: I won't do it!

Timmy: You will, baby. Just feel that smooth jazz. It'll happen. Number three: Raoul Champagne makes his top-five debut with "Allow Me to Touch That."

Dr. Singh: Mff... urhg...

Timmy: Don't fight it, baby. Number two: The Titi Muscatachiollaire Orchestra lays it on heavy with the clarinets in "I Fell Asleep in the Pool."

Dr. Singh: Fffffff...

Timmy: Let it happen, babe. You know you can dig it. You ready for number one? Here it is, ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Timmy's Smooth Jazz Pick of the Week: Cassius LaFontaine with his ultra-mellow instrumental, "Take My Hand, Baby, and I Will Lead You to a Place."

Dr. Singh: Oooooooh. I can dig it!

Timmy: I knew you could, baby.

Dr. Singh: What...? What did I just say? Nooooooo!

Timmy: That's all for this week, ladies and gentlemen. If you want to drop us a line about which items you dig the most this week, just visit this thread. Stay mellow!