NataliaDisfontes
In all actuality, it is more like a new chapter of a plot that I'd left to rest about six months ago and merely a piece of the picture overall. But due to limit constraints and such it was difficult to encompass all of it. This is the piece in which I attempted to recap that which has transpired in between my last stories with her and what hopefully is to come, and it is not set in modern times at all but rather in an era where war devastated the lands.
See, I didn't know all of that. That's interesting.
NataliaDisfontes
And her grandfather in the backhistory of this story which is quite indepth is and was a world reknown violin maker.
I wasn't questioning that he is famous. I was simply explaining that I don't tend to see a use for that sort of thing.
NataliaDisfontes
I studied violin making for two months in preparation for writing his part of the story overall alone.
I've been studying martial arts for years, now, but that doesn't mean I have a belt.
wink
NataliaDisfontes
This was my reawakening piece for her, in hopes that it would inspire me to begin anew and take them from the place which they had been left in and progress. But honestly, maybe it's best that she just stay asleep for now.
As I explained, I am an extremely critical person. I also explained that I enjoyed your story.
Certainly, my critique should hardly be enough to can the entire thing. I've felt that way of critiques of my own stuff in the past. It's not worth giving up for a single negative remark. I'm sure you've gotten plenty of positive responses to your writings in the past.
NataliaDisfontes
I didn't honestly enter this so much to be a contestant but to show you guys support as I felt like it was a good thing. I figured what I couldn't contribute in gold, I'd put out there in support. I hope you get alot of entries and kudos to all who do enter.
I'm sorry my review and suggestions weren't what you were hoping for.
I appreciate your support and your submission. I recommended that we give you something for being our first participant ever.
NataliaDisfontes
By the way, the french language in and of itself is meant to be staggered; it's not a rigid form like Japanese or German. 'Vous' in french means 'they' or 'we'.......there's no heirarchy to it.
I
am French. And once in a while, I even dream in French. I can think either in English or French. I've lived the vast majority of my life in a French environment. My entire immediate and extended family is French. I remember you explaining in the FoJ thread that you
aren't. While I do speak English fairly fluently, I'm sure you can see where I get my confidence in my understanding of the French language and won't take my advice in that regard as being an insult to you.
I've done my level best to be honest and give you everything I could to help you. That was the point of this whole "workshop" thing; to help people. The gold and prizes we're giving out at the end are crap. They're meaningless. Self-expression matters.
BUT if you're using your self-expression as some form of entertainment not only for yourself, then you probably want that self-expression to mean as much to others as it does to you. In order for that to happen, you have to be able to flip certain switches in them. Nobody can do that without practice.
Sure, there are the gifted few who never needed a word of advice. But for the rest of us, getting upset over reviews only bogs us down and kills what it is in us that drives us to think and feel the way we do.
We put words, lines, smudges or paint on paper or canvas. Why? For fame? For money? To avoid cutting ourselves?
Why do we do what we do? Why should our audience care? Why do
we care?
It's the caring that makes us blow up when someone doesn't quite like what we do. And we will blow up often. Until we get over it and realize that advice is a
good thing. You won't please the people whose opinions mean the most to you until you realize that there's something missing; you're not reaching them.
So reach them.
NataliaDisfontes
And it was included because typically it lends to the effect of the piece overall. Call it what you will, but upon reading the first instance of french that accent was firmly embedded in mind for the duration of Papa's argument.
That may be so, but it's not real French.
NataliaDisfontes
And -domo and -chan are affectionate terms, I believe that you might have been referring to -san, -sama, and domaiso.
Actually, it's -dono. I misspelled it. And -dono is used in the same way as -sama.
I used them as examples of how different languages show respect to others. In English, there's "you." He, she, it, "you." In French, there's "vous" and "tu." In Japanese there's no such thing; you say the person's name. Their honorific, in most situations, is
expected. If you don't use it, you're making a mistake.
"Vous" is the closest thing to an honorific French has. "Tu" is between equals or people beneath you. Street stuff.
NataliaDisfontes
Eh, I'm thinking about withdrawing it since it isn't what you guys are looking for. Sorry for the bother.
It
is what we're looking for. And you're not a bother.
Like I said, I'm sorry I seem rough. It's how I am. It's not personal. I'm not trying to insult you. I'm trying to help you. Please don't withdraw or feel bad.
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