BlueBus
(?)Community Member
Offline
- Posted: Sat, 25 Feb 2006 19:18:48 +0000
Hey, kids. mrgreen
Thought you'd got rid of me, eh? Thought you'd gotten me with the oh-so-cunningly-hidden landmine on my toilet seat, or the snake pit you secretly installed in the meat drawer of my refridgerator, eh? Well, as crafty as your attempts on my life are, I am craftier still. And now prepare for my retribution, which will be swift and ferocious...
IT'S CONTEST TIME. domokun
WHAT SORT OF CONTEST, EXACTLY?
Well, first off, I highly suggest you take a trip down memory lane. This should help familiarize you with the basic rules, which I'll go over again later on...plus, it's damn entertaining if I do say so myself. cool
Now, as you can clearly see, the object of the original Craptastic was to see who could write the most hilarious intentionally bad dark poetry. We can't say "Goth poetry", because apparently it's politically incorrect. I guess that means they have their own country now. Where the rivers run black with mascara and the malls never close and the national anthem is written by Staind...but, I digress. x_X
Right, so. In many respects, this contest is about the same. I'm still looking for dark poetry of the unimaginably crappy variety, same as before. Easy enough. But in addition to dark poetry, this new contest has...a SECOND CATEGORY. Le gasp! And category number two is, yes, dark fiction!
What do I mean by dark fiction? Aw, come on, you know what I'm talking about! Though it's not quite as common (Nor quite as hilarious) as poetry, the whinemongers among us will sometimes vent their pubescent pain by penning prodigiously pitiful prose. Most of the time the story revolves around a misbeggotten teen - one that bears strange and possibly non-coincidental similiarities to the author - who goes about being cruelly opressed and insulted by everyone they come in contact with. These stories always end with murder, suicide, or a combination of the two, followed by all the people who wronged the deceased/incarcerated protagonist wailing "Now we eat crow, and the taste is bitter indeed!!!111ONEELEVEN11!1"
You don't need to restrict yourselves to sappy, oozing "Chicken Soup for the Souls" angst, either. It's an equally common practice for the afforementioned whinemongers to veil their sullen malcontent in some half-assed fantasy, which tends to culminate with an angel getting stabbed to death by her supposed true love or some s**t like that. stare God, I don't understand how you can write this stuff WITHOUT making a joke out of it.
In any case...there you go! ^_^
OKAY, SOUNDS PRETTY COOL...HOW MUCH DOES THIS COST?
1. It costs 180g for your first entry in either category. However, it's totally free to post more then one entry after you've paid the fee for that category! That's a bargain, kind of!
WHAT ARE THE RULES, THEN?
Overall rules:
1. NO PLAGIARISM. Some of the "serious" poetry and fiction I've seen on here is far worse then anything we could willfully crap together, but that doesn't mean it's okay to borrow any of it. Besides, you'll have way more fun doing it on your own.
Poetry:
1. To the people who've submitted poems into the original Craptastic...I'm torn. sad On one hand, I don't want this new contest dominated by original entries, which is probably what would happen. On the other hand, I know that most normal, well-adjusted folks only have one really good dark poem in them, and to re-attempt the feat treads the road to madness. eek But, see, I really would like to see some of the beloved old faces in the crowd this time around...so, hmm...
How about this. I will ADVISE AGAINST posting poems already featured in Craptastic 1, but I won't forbit it. By this I mean that if it comes down between a new poem and an old one that are completely equal in all respects, I'm going to have to lean towards the new one. Which means that, essentially, you might be better off writing something new if you can manage it. And, hey, it's been months and months since the first Craptastic, plenty of time to recharge your awful poetry engines!
2. LENGTH: 8 line minimum, NO maximum. This is probably a bad idea, but that's how we roll. domokun And if you go too long and lose my interest because of it, well...sucks to be you, don't it? pirate
3. Can also be in song form. Craptastic dark songs are just as funny, if not moreso, then poetry. Hell, look at Bright Eyes. stare
Stories:
1. Minimum of 500 words. Maximum - NONE. See above for words of warning.
2. No fanfics. Save that for Craptastic III, perhaps... twisted
OKAY, I'M INTERESTED. WHAT DO I DO?
1. Post your stuff here. If you've got a poem and a story, put them in seperate posts, please.
2. PLEASE title your stuff. Please? Is it so much to ask?
CAN I EDIT MY STUFF?
As always, I allow you to make any edits to already posted work you feel necessary. Just let me know, somehow, so I don't skip over the new material. That's unfair to you!
WHAT DO I WIN?
FIRST PLACE - 2500g
HONORARY MENTION - 800g
BLACK ROSE AWARD - 400g, the Black Rose Award banner thingy
WHAT THE HECK IS THE BLACK ROSE AWARD?
Go find out for yourself. twisted
WHEN DOES THIS THING END?
Contest ends when I have 15 poems and 10 stories. Less stories because most people simply don't have the emotional fortitude to crank out works of such astounding badness without asploding.
As always, I reserve the right to pull the plug on the contest if I feel that it's stalled beyond resuscitation. If that happens, I simply judge what entries I have, and dole out awards accordingly. But don't worry! I have powerful patience, and I feel this contest will turn out alright. 3nodding
ANY TIPS FOR ME, OH GREAT ONE?
Refer back to the first Craptastic - those helpful hints still apply! About the best advice I can give you is to find a solid balance between making fun of old cliches and trying something new. If you want to be studious about it, look at the winners of the previous contest and try and figure out what it was that MADE them winners, eh? 3nodding
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE SHAMELESS, GREEDY JERKS WHO TROLL FOR DONATIONS?
Yes, I am!
Just like my last contest, I'm currently paying for this baby out of my own (rather shallow) pockets. And though I don't really mind - these things are a labor of love, after all - it'd be nice if you guys would change all that. If you're interested in donating to my oh-so-worthy cause, DON'T POST IT HERE; PM me instead, and we'll discuss it there. Why? Well, whoever donates the most - or if it's just one person, which I will sadly admit is a very real prospect - will get a FREE submission into my next two contests! Oooh-hoo-hoo! (And that's not a bum ticket, either - now, since I'm getting back in the game, you can expect plenty of contests in the not-too-distant future!)
So you see, I don't want to start a sort of bidding war, nor do I want donators to be scared away by the thought of "Oh, man, I can't match that guy's 688,000,000g donation, so I won't even bother". As such, donations will remain as private as humanly possible, please. But one way or another, they're welcome bordering on required for me to avoid going broke, so please consider it! cry
Alright, then! That about covers it. On the offchance I forgot something, lemme know...it's been a long while since I've done one of these, and I'm a bit rusty. Well! Go forth, you princes of Hot Topic, you kings of the dark corner of the mall food court, and WRITE ME SOME CRAP. domokun
_ _BlueBus Owt
Thought you'd got rid of me, eh? Thought you'd gotten me with the oh-so-cunningly-hidden landmine on my toilet seat, or the snake pit you secretly installed in the meat drawer of my refridgerator, eh? Well, as crafty as your attempts on my life are, I am craftier still. And now prepare for my retribution, which will be swift and ferocious...
IT'S CONTEST TIME. domokun
WHAT SORT OF CONTEST, EXACTLY?
Well, first off, I highly suggest you take a trip down memory lane. This should help familiarize you with the basic rules, which I'll go over again later on...plus, it's damn entertaining if I do say so myself. cool
Now, as you can clearly see, the object of the original Craptastic was to see who could write the most hilarious intentionally bad dark poetry. We can't say "Goth poetry", because apparently it's politically incorrect. I guess that means they have their own country now. Where the rivers run black with mascara and the malls never close and the national anthem is written by Staind...but, I digress. x_X
Right, so. In many respects, this contest is about the same. I'm still looking for dark poetry of the unimaginably crappy variety, same as before. Easy enough. But in addition to dark poetry, this new contest has...a SECOND CATEGORY. Le gasp! And category number two is, yes, dark fiction!
What do I mean by dark fiction? Aw, come on, you know what I'm talking about! Though it's not quite as common (Nor quite as hilarious) as poetry, the whinemongers among us will sometimes vent their pubescent pain by penning prodigiously pitiful prose. Most of the time the story revolves around a misbeggotten teen - one that bears strange and possibly non-coincidental similiarities to the author - who goes about being cruelly opressed and insulted by everyone they come in contact with. These stories always end with murder, suicide, or a combination of the two, followed by all the people who wronged the deceased/incarcerated protagonist wailing "Now we eat crow, and the taste is bitter indeed!!!111ONEELEVEN11!1"
You don't need to restrict yourselves to sappy, oozing "Chicken Soup for the Souls" angst, either. It's an equally common practice for the afforementioned whinemongers to veil their sullen malcontent in some half-assed fantasy, which tends to culminate with an angel getting stabbed to death by her supposed true love or some s**t like that. stare God, I don't understand how you can write this stuff WITHOUT making a joke out of it.
In any case...there you go! ^_^
OKAY, SOUNDS PRETTY COOL...HOW MUCH DOES THIS COST?
1. It costs 180g for your first entry in either category. However, it's totally free to post more then one entry after you've paid the fee for that category! That's a bargain, kind of!
WHAT ARE THE RULES, THEN?
Overall rules:
1. NO PLAGIARISM. Some of the "serious" poetry and fiction I've seen on here is far worse then anything we could willfully crap together, but that doesn't mean it's okay to borrow any of it. Besides, you'll have way more fun doing it on your own.
Poetry:
1. To the people who've submitted poems into the original Craptastic...I'm torn. sad On one hand, I don't want this new contest dominated by original entries, which is probably what would happen. On the other hand, I know that most normal, well-adjusted folks only have one really good dark poem in them, and to re-attempt the feat treads the road to madness. eek But, see, I really would like to see some of the beloved old faces in the crowd this time around...so, hmm...
How about this. I will ADVISE AGAINST posting poems already featured in Craptastic 1, but I won't forbit it. By this I mean that if it comes down between a new poem and an old one that are completely equal in all respects, I'm going to have to lean towards the new one. Which means that, essentially, you might be better off writing something new if you can manage it. And, hey, it's been months and months since the first Craptastic, plenty of time to recharge your awful poetry engines!
2. LENGTH: 8 line minimum, NO maximum. This is probably a bad idea, but that's how we roll. domokun And if you go too long and lose my interest because of it, well...sucks to be you, don't it? pirate
3. Can also be in song form. Craptastic dark songs are just as funny, if not moreso, then poetry. Hell, look at Bright Eyes. stare
Stories:
1. Minimum of 500 words. Maximum - NONE. See above for words of warning.
2. No fanfics. Save that for Craptastic III, perhaps... twisted
OKAY, I'M INTERESTED. WHAT DO I DO?
1. Post your stuff here. If you've got a poem and a story, put them in seperate posts, please.
2. PLEASE title your stuff. Please? Is it so much to ask?
CAN I EDIT MY STUFF?
As always, I allow you to make any edits to already posted work you feel necessary. Just let me know, somehow, so I don't skip over the new material. That's unfair to you!
WHAT DO I WIN?
FIRST PLACE - 2500g
HONORARY MENTION - 800g
BLACK ROSE AWARD - 400g, the Black Rose Award banner thingy
WHAT THE HECK IS THE BLACK ROSE AWARD?
Go find out for yourself. twisted
WHEN DOES THIS THING END?
Contest ends when I have 15 poems and 10 stories. Less stories because most people simply don't have the emotional fortitude to crank out works of such astounding badness without asploding.
As always, I reserve the right to pull the plug on the contest if I feel that it's stalled beyond resuscitation. If that happens, I simply judge what entries I have, and dole out awards accordingly. But don't worry! I have powerful patience, and I feel this contest will turn out alright. 3nodding
ANY TIPS FOR ME, OH GREAT ONE?
Refer back to the first Craptastic - those helpful hints still apply! About the best advice I can give you is to find a solid balance between making fun of old cliches and trying something new. If you want to be studious about it, look at the winners of the previous contest and try and figure out what it was that MADE them winners, eh? 3nodding
I SUPPOSE YOU'RE ONE OF THOSE SHAMELESS, GREEDY JERKS WHO TROLL FOR DONATIONS?
Yes, I am!
Just like my last contest, I'm currently paying for this baby out of my own (rather shallow) pockets. And though I don't really mind - these things are a labor of love, after all - it'd be nice if you guys would change all that. If you're interested in donating to my oh-so-worthy cause, DON'T POST IT HERE; PM me instead, and we'll discuss it there. Why? Well, whoever donates the most - or if it's just one person, which I will sadly admit is a very real prospect - will get a FREE submission into my next two contests! Oooh-hoo-hoo! (And that's not a bum ticket, either - now, since I'm getting back in the game, you can expect plenty of contests in the not-too-distant future!)
So you see, I don't want to start a sort of bidding war, nor do I want donators to be scared away by the thought of "Oh, man, I can't match that guy's 688,000,000g donation, so I won't even bother". As such, donations will remain as private as humanly possible, please. But one way or another, they're welcome bordering on required for me to avoid going broke, so please consider it! cry
* * *
Alright, then! That about covers it. On the offchance I forgot something, lemme know...it's been a long while since I've done one of these, and I'm a bit rusty. Well! Go forth, you princes of Hot Topic, you kings of the dark corner of the mall food court, and WRITE ME SOME CRAP. domokun
_ _BlueBus Owt
