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Lith's Journal - 6/21/04

Dude. I have got PLANS.
Neon got a job, right? That's cool. She told me just cause we're little doesn't mean we can't do s**t, and I guess she was right. So I'm gonna try something too.
Neruo's getting better on drums. He still sounds kinda Meg-White-ish, but he's definitely improved. And me...well, I play the guitar every day for hours. So I'm not like ********' SLASH or anything, but I'm getting pretty decent.
So I had this idea. Pavo can sing kinda good, especially when he's not drunk. And Harry started playing Cal's bass guitar. And Mikhail...well, he's here. So here is my idea:
I'm gonna start a band.
Awesome, right? I'm gonna teach Pavo how to play rhythm guitar--it's easy, he should be able to do it--and backup vocals. I'll be lead guitar and vocals. Harry will be bass, Neruo will be drums, and Mikhail will be TURNTABLES. Every good rock band these days has turntables...well, except Metallica, but they're old and I'm not sure how much I like them anymore anyway. So we're gonna need:
-2 microphones, one big and one small (I've seen these ones that they clip onto people and they're little.)
-6 amps (I figure since I'll have my mic sitting on the ground it'll pick up my guitar, too, right?)
-A regular guitar (Cal only plays bass, but Sig hasn't come to pick up his s**t yet, and we still have one of his guitars)
-Mik-sized turntables (that's gonna be hard, but oh well, we need it)
And that should be about it. Once we get really good we're gonna send in a CD to a record company. Only problem is, I told Cal we needed all that stuff and she went ape-s**t. "Where am I going to get Mikhail-sized turntables?" she says. ********, do I look like I know that? If I did, I wouldn't be asking her, would I? "Do you KNOW how much amps cost?" Again, if I KNEW, why would I ASK? Honestly, she is so ******** stupid sometimes.
But then...today she brightened up a little bit because she found Sig's checkbook under the bed.
"Did I mention that Sig's the son of a multimillionaire?" she says.
And I say yes, you did, but she's already not listening.
-------------
So today, Harry and Cal had an argument. Cause Harry's not supposed to do magic when he's not at school, and he's going into his last year there, right? But Pavo got drunk and crawled into bed with him when he was sleeping. And Harry usually sleeps naked. And so does Pavo.
Chaos ensues.
So then Cal had to get someone from the weird "wizard government" type thing to come over here and take Pavo's ears off his a**, and make his toenails stop growing, and then Harry kinda got expelled-but-not-really? Apparently he never gets in trouble because he's worshipped by the British. Go figure. I like his tattoo, though. I want one but I can't because the ink wouldn't go into my skin, it'd just make me crack more, and nobody can poke needles into me anyway because even if they get through the skin the needles melt. Oh well. At least I got markings...and Neon says my scar is cool. So I guess it is too.
Speaking of Neon...that guy Antimony? His caretaker's been wandering around the lab, Cal says. I hope that doesn't mean he's back.
It sucks being breakable.

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Friday, June 25, 2004 - 5:29 P.M.
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Today this big pile of boxes appeared on our porch and spilling out onto the driveway. It took Pavo and I the better part of an hour to get them inside, open them, and unpack their contents into the proper places. Given my new financial freedom (ha!) I thought I could afford to buy all the band's stuff, get some awesome recording equipment, add an extra room onto the house with plenty of outlets for amps, etc., and order Lith a present...but hush on that for now. wink
Speaking of Lith, I'm actually rather worried. Ever since he started dating Neon he's gone deeper into his morbid/dark phase. It's odd, I thought he would be happier, but he's not. I wonder why.
Anyway, the extra room was finished this morning, so Pavo and I moved everything in there and then let Lith dictate where it should go. Turns out you CAN find pocket-commie-sized turntables. Hooray for eBay!
Anyhoo. After all that, Lith was pretty satisfied. The room has soundproofing and everything else, it's really professional. I'll have to remember to thank Sig for that (later razz ).
I heard Lith, Neruo, Pavo, Harry, and Mik jamming away in there a little while ago. Right now, I'll be honest, it sounds....worse than anything I've ever heard. But Lith is really good on his own, and Neruo isn't half-bad either, so they're in good hands.
More later....I think they're going to break some windows.

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Lith's Journal - 6/27/04
--------------------------
Neon left me, I think.
I don't know. I'm still confused. It happened Friday night. I went to the labs cause Cal was bitching and moaning about Sig again and when I got there, Neon started talking to me and asking if she made me like her and stuff. What the hell does that mean?
Anyway, before I could try and straighten things out she left. She said she was sorry and she wouldn't make me like her anymore. But she never did! I never knew whether she liked me or not 'cause she never talks in real sentences, just in Kill Bill-speak. And I don't get that very well.
I'm feeling like s**t. I sent her an email a few minutes ago to see if she really doesn't like me anymore. If she doesn't...I'm ********. I hate everyone else. She's the only person in the world who could ever possibly understand me and it doesn't look like she ever did.
What's the point? Of anything?
I read about Kurt Cobain the other day. It sucks because he was happy and stuff and had Courtney Love and they had a good time and he was a rockstar, but then he got all depressed and next thing you know he's dead. I wonder if that's what you have to do to be a rock star, do drugs and all that. Pavo smokes but that's not the same.
But I really don't care about being a rock star anymore. I don't care about anything. Pavo is pissed because he wants to practice but I locked up my house so no one can get in, not even Neruo or Brad. I just keep looking at the music room, at the acid spots on the floor and how those were because of her. All of it was because of her, I guess. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have gotten to go to the concert, or the arcade, or make out, or any of that stuff...
s**t. I won't get to do any of that stuff again.
Cal keeps leaving food outside the door, but I don't want it. It only makes me feel sick. And I like the pain from not eating. It reminds me of just how bad I ******** things up, almost like a little voice in my stomach saying "I told you so. You deserve this."
And I do deserve it. I'm such a ******** loser that NO ONE, not even the one person I trusted, wants to be around me anymore.
Sometimes it's not worth the trouble to get up in the morning...
I've got to check my email.

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Tuesday, June 29, 2004 - 11:34 A.M.
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I want to get something straight. I've always liked Neon. I thought she was cute, and spunky, and, well, fun.
I was apparently quite wrong.
I told the little brat about what's happening to Lith and she laughed. She didn't care at all! She called him weak and told me to stop "coddling" him. I think she's taken one too many blows to the head, myself. And I have this irresistable urge to go over to Syc's and squish the little brat. She doesn't deserve Lith. It's a good thing it happened now.
Last night Oxygen came over. She said she needed to talk to Lithium because she wanted to be his friend and make him feel better. I wasn't sure how good of an idea that was, but I brought her home with me, and...hmm. Lithium's still in his house. Although at least now he's sleeping in his bed and not on the floor.
Here's what happened.

Lithium
CREAK.

Lith sighed and rolled over. The floor wasn't particularly comfortable on his back, but the satin bed seemed too contradictory to his foul mood and the pangs shooting through his abdomen, so he'd simply rolled off and made do with the acid-stained floorboards.

The house was barely recognizable now, at least from the inside. Many of the grand wrought-iron doors had been torn from their hinges; Lith had found the main wire for the lighting and burned through it, since the darkness seemed almost a comfort, and the brightly glowing lamps reminded him of Neon; countless shattered mirrors and windows littered the floors, always led away from by a trail of dull spots on the floor.

In the moonlight coming from outside the main house he could just make out the silhouette of a hand that he clenched into a fist.


Oxygen
Oxygen flittered over and looked at the mendel-sized house before her. She turned and waved to Cal, then threw Cal a wink for good measure! There would be no need for Cal to interupt! Because friendship always prevails!

Cheerfully, she landed over at the door and knocked. And knocked again. And again. Hmm... well, Cal did say that Lithium wasn't responding to anyone. But friendship always wins!

"LITHIUM!!!" she called out as loudly as she could. "Are you okay!?"


Lithium
"Oh, Jesus."

Lithium sat bolt upright upon hearing that awful cheery voice outside the house. He'd never been able to put his finger on WHY Oxygen's voice sounded to him like nails on a chalkboard--until tonight. He wanted nothing to do with anyone, least of all her.

Falling back to his side, Lithium curled tightly against the bed frame and tried his best to ignore it.


Oxygen
Hmm, this might be harder than she thought. But she was sure that Lithium was in there, right? Yai, from what she could see of the windows, this house was so dark inside. Poor Lithium! But she'd help him! She'd never give up!

"Come on, Lithium! You can't be very happy in there! You should be outside and making friends!"

She waited for an answer. Although if Lithium still refused to talk to her, she might have to break out her carebear stare ray secret weapon.


Lithium
Lithium sighed and put his forehead against his knees. What was this b***h's PROBLEM, anyway?

"I'd be a HELL of a lot happier if you would GO THE ******** AWAY, IDIOT!" he bellowed, clenching his fists against his aching stomach.


Oxygen
Oxygen took note of where the voice came from, and looked up towards the window. Ah ha! There he was! Cheerfully, she leaped into the air and headed right for it, then stopped as she was level with it.

As she looked into the darkness of the window, she wondered what to say, exactly. She had already apologized but Lith didn't forgive her, and that was probably because he didn't think of her as a friend anymore. So first thing's first! She had to make him realize that she was his friend!

"I see you, Lithium!" Oxygen giggled. Actually, she couldn't see him at all, it was so dark. "Lithium, you should stop doing this! You had us worried!"

Hmm... the window was broken, practically. She could fit right in. So she did so.

"Hi, Lithium! I hope you don't mind me coming in for a bit? But it's obvious that what you need now is a friend more than ever! And you DO have friends, Lithium! Even if you won't admit it!" she snapped, as she flicked on a light in her umbrella. It was just a normal white light that Jaes had managed to scrounge up in his lab, but it at least proved that the whole light-in-the-umbrella thing would work once she got those christmas lights.

...of course, what she was looking at at that very moment was anything but christmas-y.

Lithium looked sick! And he had cuts all over his knuckles and forearms, and his hair is a mess! And waaah! The entire sight freaked Oxygen out.

"LITHIUM! What... what HAPPENED!?" she cried out.


Lithium
"s**t happened," he said dryly, squinting and putting his hand up against the light. "s**t that you didn't help at all. And no, I haven't got friends. All I've got is one ex-girlfriend who won't speak to me and one annoying b***h who won't STOP speaking to me."

He glared at her. Who did she think she was, barging into his house like that? Especially now. When things were so horribly long, and it was partially her fault.


Oxygen
"I'm speaking to you even though you don't want me to because I'm your friend!" Oxygen proclaimed with determination. "And friends don't let friends do things like this to themselves! I was told that this was something you had to overcome, yourself, but I'd probably be the same as you today, if it weren't for my friends, so I'm not going to let this happen to you, either!"

Oxygen didn't say who told her that about Lithium. Because she didn't want to bring that up. Right now, it was more important that Lithium concentrate on friendship, not love. Because while love could bring about the greatest things, Oxygen had also learned by without friends to support you if you lost it, you'd be nothing but sad all day. Like Lithium! AND NO ONE SHOULD BE SAD!


Lithium
"You're not my friend," Lithium grunted. "I haven't got friends, and I don't need them. In fact, I don't need anything except to stay right here--ALONE--until I die." He frowned and rolled over, scratching at a mat in his hair. "So ********]

Oxygen
"I am not leaving, Lithium!" Oxygen snapped. "Not until you're out of this house and feeling better! And obviously, talking to you isn't going to work, so I'm going to have to do something else from the bottom of my heart to show you that I really mean this!"

Grr! She'd make Lithium happy! Because sadness was evil and no one deserved that! All she had to do was think. What cheered her up? Swimming? No, she couldn't grab Lithium and drag him to the closest sink. Teddy bears? No, Lithium liked spiders, instead. J-Pop?

...ah ha!

"Where's your recording studio, Lithium? I know what I'll do! I'll sing you one of my favorite happiest J-Pop songs! Those always cheer me up! Because J-Pop is who I am and that will be true to my heart! ...and if you don't tell me where your recording studio is, then I'll go find it, myself!"


Lithium
"Go find it, then. And leave me alone." Lithium curled more tightly into a ball. He hated looking like this, silly and vulnerable, but he didn't want to give the slightest hint that he MIGHT be accepting Oxygen's company.

He WAS awfully lonely, but not THAT lonely.


Oxygen
"Yea, okay, Lithium!" Oxygen snapped. "I'll go find that recording studio, and I'm going to sing you the happiest J-Pop song EVER! And then once it's recorded, I'll turn it on and it can keep on singing and re-singing and re-singing again until you're filled with so much happiness that you'll be happier than a barrel full of monkeys or something!"

With that, she took off to browse through the house for a bit. Flipping through doorways, dashing up stairs, crashing her head against the wall...

"OW!"

It was only a brief moment later that she came back to Lithium rubbing her head and smiling nervously. "Um... er... can I have a hint, at least? Is it even in this house or is it in the house that this house is in?"


Lithium
"There's two," Lithium said curtly. "And why the hell would I give you a hint?" He sat bolt upright, fixing bloodshot and deep-socketed eyes on her in a cold glare. "Do you honestly think I WANT to be made to listen to J-pop songs over and over again? That is the MOST ANNOYING genre of music ever created." He folded his arms, scowling. "No way in hell am I helping you."

Honestly. Stupid b***h! As if he'd TELL her how to get on his nerves. He might as well show her to the room and turn on the equipment for her!


Oxygen
"J-Pop is not annoying, Lithium!" Oxygen crossed her arms and frowned. "J-Pop is the song of happiness and life!! And maybe if you'd listen to it instead of all that dark metallica music or all that sad stuff or so, you'd be a lot happ..."

Oxygen paused. Wait a minute. What was she doing!?

"ARGH! Now look at what you've done! Now even *I'M* mad!" Oxygen snapped. "I can't believe this!"

She sighed, then kneeled against the wall. ...before quickly getting away from it when she realized it was all cracked and broken and spikey.

"Okay, okay. I... I didn't want to bring it up because I figured you needed a friend more than love, but you DO know why Neon had to leave you, right?"


Lithium
Lithium let out a hissing noise.

"Don't you DARE bring that up, b***h," he said dangerously, getting to his feet and advancing on her. "It's halfway your fault anyway, and if you're here to gloat about it, then get the ******** out."

He stopped about three inches away from her and leaned until his face was close to hers, so close he was sure she could feel his breath on her face. It was cold.

"Neon was the only person I ever cared about, and the only one I was stupid enough to think liked me. I don't like you, and no matter what you say I know you don't like me. So ******** about it."

If he had to think about Neon while Little Princess Stupid b***h was in his room...he'd explode.


Oxygen
Eeep! Okay, yea, so that thing Oxygen thought about love being a lot scarier than war? It was definately true.

Be brave, Oxygen! If you don't do this, then what will happen to Lithium!?

She stood her ground. ...no, okay, actually, she took a step back. But she stood her ground after that!!! ...no, she wasn't sure if she could keep this up. Oxygen bowed her head down a bit.

"Then just... come on out, okay, Lithium? She... she told me that she wanted you to come out. Without her help. Because she told me that love is a terrible thing that only makes people weak and die. But I don't think it has to be that way, and you don't have to let it be that way, either!"


Lithium
"What the hell are you talking about?" he barked, but his tone was slightly softer. After regarding her for a moment in silence, with her head drooping, he turned away and sat heavily on the bed.

He was an a*****e. That was all there was to it. He'd never seen anyone get to Oxygen before at all, yet here she was, getting all depressive in his bedroom. And that, of course, was why Neon had realized she was better off.

"******** off," he muttered quietly. "You're lying. She doesn't give a s**t what happens to me, and for good reason." He stared at his scratched knuckles. "It doesn't really matter anymore."


Oxygen
"I'm not lying! She told me! The night before you broke up, she told me that she saw that love was going to do this to you. Because... because it almost did that to me. So she... she wanted to stop it before it was too late." Oxygen remarked, slowing down a bit.


Lithium
Lithium grimaced and glared at her. "Well, that was real ********' noble of her! She worked so hard to get me to like her, then she just decides to drop me because she thinks I'm going soft? How honorable!"

********. Every one of them. Even Neon. Why couldn't she have just left him alone?


Oxygen
"She.... she thinks that she's doing the right thing." Oxygen replied, looking away a bit. Did she have to cry at EVERYTHING? "I don't know if Neon's right. I... I don't want to believe that love can be bad, even if it hurt me a lot, once. But I know that she thinks she's right, and she thinks she's doing the right thing because she cares about you!"

Useless useless useless... this... this couldn't be true.

Oxygen looked out the window, then back towards Lithium. "Lithium, please don't die. I don't want to believe that love makes someone so 'soft' that they need it so much that they die. I don't want you to die! If I leave you alone now, do you think you'll die, Lithium?"


Lithium
"I'll die because I WANT to die, not because of 'love' or anything like that," he spat. "And whether you're here or not isn't going to change that. In fact, if you don't quit ******** bothering me, I might just have to speed up the process."

He rested his chin on his knees. "I don't know if she's right, or I'm right, or if ANYTHING is right anymore. But I do know that I don't care. And that I'm finished with everyone."


Oxygen
This... was it, wasn't it? Speed up the process? Maybe she really did only make things worse. ...no! There had to be a way. She just... she just didn't know it, yet!

"I'm going now, Lithium." she softly whispered. "But not because I'm giving up. I'm not going to give up, Lithium. I'll find a way to save you. Or... I think something will. Because it can't be this way. It just can't."

She zipped out of the window, and then looked back in towards the sickly mendel, who now was barely discernable at all.

"But if I'm wrong, and you do die, then just remember! I'll cry for you, Lithium! And I'm sure Neon will, too! But until then, I'm going to try. I'm not going to give up!"

And with that, she flew over to Calliel. And she knew what she was going to say. She'd probably say it while crying, tears streaming down her eyes as always. Because she was weak. And she'd say "I'm so sorry, Miss Calliel. I'm not good enough to be Lithium's friend yet. Just... take me home. But I'll be back! I mean it!" and that... that would be the most she could do.


Lithium
Lithium leaned back against the pillows, feeling, although he'd thought it impossible, much worse than before she'd come. He wanted to hate her and Neon, to wish them nothing but ill and dissolve into his little ball of hatred until nothing else was left but a fragile, dried-up, ugly brown shell.

But he didn't hate them, at least not Neon, because try as he might to push them off any make them fit the holes he'd created for them in his mind, they wouldn't. They persisted in trying to help him and it made him sick.

Completely puzzled, and insides churning with hunger and--inexplicably--fear, he leaned back against the sheets. They were too luxurious...far too comfortable...but just this once, he couldn't be moved, and he drifted into the first sleep of days.

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Lith's Journal - 6/30/04
--------------------------
I went to the labs last night to talk to Neon, but all she would talk about was Oxygen and how I was "picking on" her. I got mad and left. There's no point in talking to her if that's all she cares about.
...She was hanging out with this guy, though. Iron. He's new. And he kept calling her "sweetheart." She said she wasn't his sweetheart, but...hm. I don't like it much.
Actinium followed me out of the labs. I guess he was worried or something, although I can't see why he'd care. Kept asking me about the cuts on my arms. He asked me whether it made me feel better to hurt myself.
...Now that I think about it, not really.
He told me to stop, and asked if I would help him build a staircase so that Mendels without wings can get up on the table. I still don't think I like him a lot; he's kind of...I dunno. Too nice, I guess. It's a little creepy. But I said I'd help MAYBE, 'cause it IS annoying having to climb up the table leg, and if I fall I might break off my arm and then I'd never be able to play again, which would SUCK.
I started drawing again last night. I only know how to draw one thing, though, and every time I did a picture, it made me feel really shitty. Like I almost wanted to cry, which would suck a**.
I finally ate something. I really wasn't hungry. I'm still not, but everyone keeps bitching at me to eat so I guess I'll eat a little bit, just to chill them out. And I played guitar a little bit. It felt weird, though.
But I've got an idea. I'm going to write a song. And I want to have a concert with all the Mendels. And anyone else who wants to come. And then I'll play that song...and maybe when she hears it she'll like me again.
Maybe.
Probably not...but it's worth a try.
Only problem is, most of the Mendels hate me. So they wouldn't come. But I've got an idea. They like Oxygen...so what if I let her sing one of her damn J-pop songs? Then maybe she'll leave me alone, AND the others will come.
For now, though, I'll just sit here and try to write.

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Lith's Journal - 7/16 to 7/19/04
-----------------------------------
Things have just been...odd lately.
For starters, I was SURE I wrote all this on Friday, but when I looked in this book today it was gone. Huh.
Anyway, here's a recap. I was checking MXtabs.net for some new guitar music when I got an email. I didn't know the address, but with a screen name like "peachy_princess," I was pretty sure who it was.
Damn.
The Email
To: "Lithium" (callielness@fakeaddy.com)
From: "Oxygen" (peachy_princess@fakeaddy.com)
Subject: msg from neon

lith, neon is not feeling very good

shes really hurt sinc something happened with her and iron but iron is sorry for it 2

i dont kno if she will get better

neon wanted me 2 tell u that shes sorry

she said shes sorry she couldnt be who u wanted her 2 be, but she still wants 2 be ur friend

neon is at her home now. u know where that is if u want 2 see her

im also sorry lith 4 what i did 2 u and neon

~oxygen


I didn't bother to reply, just ran into the other room and started yelling at Cal to take me to Neon's. But the stupid b***h wouldn't do it! She said she had a migraine! My house ******** sucks.
So I had to wait for two goddamn days until she finally got around to it. And THEN, on Friday night, I finally got to go.
Things are not good.

Fun with Injured Mendels
Lithium stood at the doorway to Neon's...house? Lab? Base? Whatever the hell this thing was, he'd been here before, and HE knew the way, but as usual that dumb b***h Cal wouldn't speed at all. He'd been waiting for two ******** days for her to get around to taking him.
"Could've walked by now," he grumbled as he tapped the door. "HEY, LOSER!" he shouted, just to ensure he was heard.

A tawny-skinned boy answered the door, and glared down at the Mendel, eyes slitted. These were the small things that were making his Mum work herself sick! Neon was one thing, but these other people should get someone to organize themselves!

"I am not a loser and neither is my Mum!" the lion boy, whose name was Lex, snapped his tail testily. Mum was working, so he had to answer the door! He was now in charge. YES.

"Who the hell are you?" Lithium asked, narrowing his eyes and turning his head. "I don't remember seeing YOU here before. And what's with that 'mum' business? I thought only gay British school kids said 'mum.'"
He frowned. "I'm here to see Neon, anyway."

Lex growled lightly in the back of his throat.

"I'm Sycorax's son! AND I'm a Lion. So don't piss me off! I shouldn't let you see Neon at all. I'm in charge and I say no," Lex crossed his arms.

[******** this," Lithium growled, shoving past the kid. What an aggravating little b*****d. "NEON!" he shouted, wandering toward the hall where he knew her room to be.
That was why he hated kids. And that one...didn't look like Syc's kid, unless she was shacking up with Simba or something. Weird.


Lex easily caught up with Lithium, and scooped him up in one bronzed hand. The Mendel was brought to the boy's eye level.

"HEY. I said that I was in charge, and I am!" he looked disgruntled, in a little-boy sort of way. "I'll let you see Neon, but I'll be there too. Don't go making a racket and disturbing my Mum. She hasn't slept in days."

With that, Lex hauled Lithium into Neon's room, and set him down on her shelf. Neon herself was sleeping lightly. Which was good, because she'd probably yell at Lex if he pissed off one of her friends.

"In charge. Right," Lithium snorted, smirking. Did this kid have any idea how badly Lith could hurt him if he wanted to? As the boy moved away from the shelf, he muttered, "You ever heard of respecting your elders, kid?"
He then turned his attention to Neon, and his look softened. She looked sort of wan, but...he rarely saw her so peaceful, and it was kind of nice. He didn't want to disturb her.
Sitting crosslegged a short distance from the foot of the bed, he turned his guitar around and began to softly strum "Mexico," humming a little and glancing up at Neon every once in a while.

Sleep was good.

Neon liked sleep.

Sleep was good and painless and free and she could fly still, when she was sleeping. And she dreamed of blood and owls and red eyes and transparent wings and a mexican standoff at high noon.

Singing was not usually in her dreams.

And neither was the pain in her gut.

So when both bled into her awareness, she knew that she was awake.

"Who's there?" Neon muttered, throat ragged from coughing blood. "Oxygen?"

Aw, ********] Lithium thought. I had to go and wake her up.
She sounded terrible. It was a voice he was glad to hear again, but he hated hearing it so pained, and his rage at Iron flared up again. He suppressed it quickly and set the guitar aside, moving to the side of the bed and kneeling.
"It's Lith," he said softly. "Sorry to wake you up."
Goddammit. STUPID ******** NEW MENDELS.

"Lithium?" Neon's voice was raw, but getting stronger. He was kneeling right beside her.

It was good to hear his voice again.

"You came," she smiled slightly.

"Thought ya hated me," the pain was making her lightheaded. "I really ******** up, ya know."

Oxygen wasn't here. This could be a fever dream, right? She'd been having those.

"Nah," he said, smiling a little. Truth be told, he was still hurting like hell, but this wasn't the time or place to have that discussion again. He'd shut up for now and scream and rant about it once he got home.
"Don't worry about it. How are you doing?"

"Yeah I did," she croaked. "I ******** up a lotta things."

Her head fell back, and her eyes closed.

"Like my dodging. Gotta work on that. Syc's working on me."

Neon took a deep breath, and expelled it slowly. Made her stomach hurt like a b***h.

"Iron did a number on me, but I'll get better. I gotta."

He resisted the urge to touch her. "What did he do to you?" he asked quietly, trying to disguise the murder in his voice. His hands were shaking a little bit, and he clenched them in his lap.

"We were sparring," Neon evaded the question. "s**t happens. I know the risks, ya know? Iron is my rival."

After a small coughing fit, she continued. The pain made it hard to focus on Lithium. On how much she'd missed him.

He was probably the best friend she'd ever had, and she'd ruined it, ruined him, ruined everything. Maybe she deserved all this.

"Like I told Fluo, if he could not hurt me, he would not be my rival."

More hacking.

Her rival.
Her Bill.
Lithium felt sick and cold, colder than usual. He wanted to get up and leave, or kill Iron, or go back to his house and curl up on the floor with no one and nothing but his guitar forever, but he couldn't. He'd told himself that no matter how much he hated it he WOULD do this one thing, would be here for Neon when she needed it.
"I'm glad...you found one," he said with some difficulty.

"Yeah," Neon was looking at the cieling, but her mind was full of Lithium. Remembering when they coudl talk about anything. "I told ya that once, didn't I? That I was looking for an Elle. After us, though... I dunno. It was just a shitty movie, right? There's no such thing as Elles and Brides and Bills."

It took her a little while to say her piece, every word of hers forced and harsh. But it had to be said.

She grabbed Lithium's knee with her good arm.

"I still wanna be your friend, ya know. You were like... the best friend I ever had," unlike Oxygen, who was different, and her sister.

Her eyes closed again. "But I understand if ya don't wanna. Like I said, I ******** up."

Lithium definitely deserved someone who kicked more a** than Neon. Way WAY more a**. Someone that kicked it to the moon.

Whoa.
What the hell?
"Movies are cool, but you can't live by them," he said sagely, although he had no idea what he was talking about. Cal had said it once in her sleep.
But the feeling of Neon's hand on his knee nearly made him want to cry or scream at her how badly he missed her. Instead, he sucked in a breath.
"You were the only person who ever liked me," he said, putting his hand over hers. "In any way. Why wouldn't I want to be your...friend?"
Because I want to be more, that's why.

"Cause I ******** up? We covered that," Lithium's clay felt warm against her hand. Warm, warm... she'd been so hot lately. All those fevers, blazing and breaking over her.

Neon managed to look him in the eyes, some of her old spark back.

"I don't think there's any such thing as a Bill, butyer the only one that ever knew everything about me and still liked me, 'cept maybe fer Oxygen. So... kickass times."

What kickass times.

It felt light a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Which was funny, because she was still stuck against the pillows.

"And I said, don't worry about it." Lithium smirked. "I know you don't take orders from anybody, but it might not kill you to just listen once in a while, b***h."
He felt slightly better. At least he'd have Neon around. The world was pretty shitty all the time, but it was a million times worse without Neon.
"Oxygen..." He frowned thoughtfully. "I don't get her. I'm a total a*****e to her, but she keeps saying she's my friend." He glanced at her. "Do you know why?"
Oxygen annoyed the s**t out of him either way, but he was discovering that he felt either some sort of warped respect or pity for her, he couldn't decide which.

"Because she is strong," Neon said, simply.

That was the plain truth.

"Strong?" Lithium repeated. "I guess I just don't get it."
He sighed. He really didn't know what Neon saw in Oxygen, but then again, he didn't know what she saw in him, either. So maybe she just liked to take in outcasts or losers or something.
"Anyway," he said, changing the subject, "what've you been up to? Besides getting your a** beat, of course." He smirked again, the typical Lithium a*****e grin.

"Lotta drama bullshit with Oxygen and Fluo," Neon shook her head, slightly. All that lovey girly relationship stuff ever did was ******** things up. Lithium especially.

"And Iron didn't beat me," she smirked. "We're still at a draw."

Her wings twitched. Did she really want to ask what HE'D been up to, when there was that whole not-cool-times no eating thing, and she'd messed him up so much? And...

Neon had promised herself that she would be strong, so she would. Hell yeah.

"You?"

"Ah." Lithium rubbed the back of his head. This was what Fluorine had told him about, right?
"Oh, you know. Went off into ******** for a while, got annoyed out of it by your friend Oxygen. Cal dragged me off to the beach with her new kid." He frowned thoughtfully. "Come to think of it, I think he's kind of the same...species?...as that bitchy kid who answered the door."
He glanced at her sideways. "I met Fluorine at the beach," he ventured. "She doesn't seem so bad. Kinda...I dunno...girly, but not as bad as some."

"Fluo..." Neon didn't trust her, but they had a truce now. "Fluorine got with Antimony. Hurt Oxygen's heart."

She was so tired, SO tired...

"Big mess..."

Her voice trailed off. Even her wings felt heavy.

"I know it's lame, but I think I gotta sleep now, Lith."

The lion standing in the doorway cleared his throat, noisily.

"Oh."
He was a little disappointed, but hell, at least he'd come this far.
"Alright," he said, and squeezed her hand a little. Hopefully she didn't think it was girly and lame. "You better get...uh...better soon, b***h." He smirked. "Email me then, okay?"
He got up and walked to the edge of the shelf where the child took him down. Stupid lion kid. Stupid Iron. Stupid ******** everything. He didn't want to leave. Then again, he didn't want to be here, either.
He didn't know what the hell he wanted.

Sooo...yeah.
I'm gonna ******** kill that Iron guy if I ever see him again. I'll bleed every last drop from my body until he's a ******** puddle on the goddamn floor. If he ever lays a finger on her again...
I've got an idea. I dunno if it's any good or not, but...I've got to email Oxygen.

Offline

Offline
While I was gone I emailed Oxygen.
Lith's Letter to Oxy
To: "Oxygen" (peachyprincess@fakeaddy.com)
From: "Lith" (callielness@fakeaddy.com)
Subject: listen
oxygen
hey its lith. i know its kinda werd to get email from me but i got a question. i wanna have a concert for the mendels, im tired of just singing in my house. thing is if its just me nobody will come because people dont like me. but everybody likes you so i thout you should sing too. if you wanna do it ill get the band to play music for youre >>songs.
writ back.
peace
lith


She sent me a reply that I got once I came home...
Oxy's Reply
To: "Lith" (callielness@fakeaddy.com)
From: "Oxygen" (peachyprincess@fakeaddy.com)
Subject: Re: listen

ppl can like u, lith

there r lots of new mendels 4 u to meet

i think ppl will like ur concert 2

id love to sing if it will help

and meet ur band 2

just tell me when u want 2 have it

O2


Looks like it's gonna work...I gotta teach Argon, though. I ran into him the other night...

Offline
The other night when I came back I ran into one of the new guys, Argon. He seems all right--kinda young, but alright. I gotta make him cool before those goddamn hippies can make him suck a**.

The Argon Encounter!
Argon had had NJ drop him off at the labs for one reaon: To carry his book and headphones to the lab. He sure as hell couldn't get those huge things into the labs, except without four hours fo pushing them down the hallway. And that was entirely too much effort.

The headphones were a new addition to his interests. He had noticed NJ always had some sort of music while she was in front of that laptop all the time, and he had begun to take a mild interest in some of it (not to mention accustomed to the constant sound).

Pleased to actually have something to do in the labs instead of just flounder around for someone to talk to, he pushed the book open to where his bookmark was placed: page 126, and got himself comfy between the pages. For now the music was left behind him for when he could turn his attention to it.

Lithium blinked as he entered.
His first reaction had been to approach the glow in the corner immediately, but...that wasn't Neon, after all. There was ANOTHER glowing Mendel? Dear Lord, he missed too much.
He began walking to his corner, wincing with every step. The Florida sun had taken its toll on him; his shoulders and face were nearly black, charred, and his hair was much lighter. A faint dusting of dark spots sprinkled the bridge of his nose and cheeks. SOMEONE had obvously been on vacation--which, of course, he had.
He stopped when he was about three human feet away from the other Mendel, eyeing him cautiously and unsure of whether he should speak.

Argon noticed the movement out of the corner of his eye as he read over the pages. Shocked, he dimmed immediately.

"Oh! Hello!" Another new mendel! Oie! He began to wonder how many there actually were. Not wanting to be impolite, he pulled himself out from between the pages and stood up. "I'm Argon," he said, offering his hand.

Lithium frowned a bit and closed the gap between them, accepting the hand gingerly. "Lithium," he said. "Call me Lith."
He studied the other Mendel cautiously. "How long have you been here?" he asked. He just couldn't keep up anymore.

Argon smiled and shook his hand. "Nice to meet you, Lith." Argon hadn't seen someone like lith before. He actually looked and felt to be made of stone. "Um, not very long." He thought back. "No more than a few weeks, at the most."

"Ah."
Lithium moved a few steps away and plopped onto the floor, swinging his guitar around to the front. He wasn't feeling particularly inspired, though, so he leaned back against the wall and eyed Argon again.
"What's that?" he asked, pointing at the book.

"Oh, just a book I'm reading. Keeps me occupied if no one comes by the labs." Or if people DID come by the labs and he was just to shy to talk. Argon sat down next to the book, folding his legs underneath him and facing Lithium. Wow, was that a guitar? Oooh, Lithium must know tons about music. "Oh! You play?" Argon said with interest.

"Mmhmm." Interest flickered for a brief moment, and he ran his fingers across the strings. "You?" he asked, leaning forward a bit.

"Oh," Argon lit up just slightly, almost as if blushing. He shook his head. "No, I just started paying attention to music, really. I spent so much of the first weeks learning how to read I didn't pay much attention to much else." He eyed the guitar. Lithium must be a dedicated musician!! How cool! And romantic! "How long have you been playing??"

"Just about since I came out," he said. "About...three months? A little less." He fingered the neck of his guitar almost lovingly. "Only thing worth doing around here."

"Oh, wow," Argon oohed. Three months! He could scarcely imagine three months. That seemed like an awful long time. "Can I hear you play?"

Lithium almost blushed. He didn't play in front of people very often. "I'm not so great," he lied, ducking his head. "But I guess...if you want to."
Thinking, he quickly added, "But you're not one of those people who's going to get pissed off if I play not-happy songs, are you? Because I hate those people."

"Pissed?" Argon blinked. "Why would I?" That sounded kinda silly. There needed to be sad songs to go with happy songs just like there were sad stories to go with happy ones.

Lithium shrugged. "How should I know?" he asked. "Damned hippies, always freaking out about anything that isn't ultra-happy and shiny and 'let's-be-friends.' The world isn't like that."
Jackasses.
He settled himself beside the wall, keeping his head down to avoid meeting the other Mendel's gaze, and began to strum his new favorite--"Mexico."
"You could see me reaching,
So why couldn't you have met me halfway?
You could see me bleeding,
But you could not put pressure on the wound.

You only think about yourself.
You only think about yourseeee-he-he-helf...
You better bend before I go....
On the first train to Mexico, ooh..."
Lithium's voice started out small but gained confidence bit by bit. The song was soft, melancholy...one of his favorite Incubus ones. His voice seemed to fit it rather well, with its dark scratchy quality--almost earthy, if a sound could be that way.

Argon sat patiently and listened to Lithium play, absorbing the notes and rhythm. He immediately was fond of Lithium's earthy voice, particularly when it got stronger. He shut his eyes and the light in his chest began to pulsate slightly with the beat, though it was hard to tell if he was doing it intentionally or not.

He waited patiently for Lithium to finish. Though, 'waiting' implies he was eager for it to end, and he was hardly. It was a totally different sound than the canned sound the tiny headphones gave him. It was much fuller and much more crisp. He could actually hear the metallic taps when Lithium's fingers hit the strings.

"Wow, Lithium, you are good. I don't know what you're talking about. You're awfully humble," Argon nodded, smiling.

Lithium flushed again and peered out at Argon from under his sun-bleached hair. "Thanks, I guess," he mumbled. "That's about the best I can do."
Compliments were strange...nice, in a way, but they made him feel odd.

Argon grinned. "I can't do anything impressive like that yet. I'm pretty useless actually." He rocked back a little, holding on to his knees. "All I do is read, but I want to change that. I want to learn to use my dagger, since it's a gift and I don't want it to go to waste. And I'm starting to really like music. I wonder if I could learn to play? And lots of things in the books interest me too, but I haven't figured out if they're things that actually exit or not."

Dagger?
The kid was like Neon in more ways than one.
Lithium chuckled bitterly. "Doesn't matter what you do. SOMEONE is always going to think you're useless because nobody around here can agree on what the hell is good or bad."
He considered the question. "It isn't hard to learn," he mused. "Just takes practice."

"Well..." Argon seemed to ponder a bit. "I guess that's true. But as long as I don't think I'm useless, I guess I'm okay." Then Lithium's comment started to sink in a bit more. "So.. do we -- as in Mendels, I guess -- work toward anything? To make us ... not useless? Or do we all just sorda do our own thing every day? I know my caretaker NJ goes to school and work all the time. We don't have that. So are we ever actually useful?" Poor Lithium. He was on the receiving end of one of Argon's strange questions. The boy thought too much.

Wow. Apparently the kid took after Lithium's own heart, too.
"I wondered about that too," he admitted. "I'm trying to be. I started a band and we're going to have a concert soon. Oxygen writes songs too. Neon trains a lot to be a good fighter. Fluorine made this weird robot..." He frowned. "I really don't know, though. Sometimes I wonder why the hell that crazy scientist chick made us."

Argon's light pulsated a bit. So he supposed they were kind of useful. It was odd though, they didn't really have a society. They were just a secluded group of ....well, Mendels. No jobs or roles or social obligations. That was a formula for a really boring life... but he was beginning to realize his life wasn't going to be as interesting as any of his fantasy books. But he wanted it to be! Maybe if he tried extra hard...

"Ooh, wow you have a band??" Argon perked up and tipped his head to one side. "Who's in it?"

"No other Mendels," Lithium said dully. "None of them like my kind of music. It's just my brothers. Harry plays bass, Pavo plays rhythm guitar, Mikhail plays turntables...We haven't got a drummer anymore, though." He frowned. That was a problem.

"Oh, what happened to the drummer?" Argon asked timidly. He had really liked the heavy drum pieces NJ had played for him. Idly, he wondered if he could be the drummer. But that was silly! He hadn't even touched drums. But maybe it'd give him something to do besides reading! But ... he needed to learn how to use his dagger too. Oh well, that was hardly a problem right? He had just said that they had no jobs or obligations, so that gave him all day every day! He could at least try, he thought, to see if he had any talent. It would be fun anyway.

"He used to live with us," Lithium explained, "but he had to go live somewhere else. Lost his memory or something, I dunno." He kicked absently at the floor. "Sucks. We don't really need a rhythm guitarist that much, but our drumset's really small, and Pavo's human-sized."

That sounded horrible. The mind was so fragile. That scared him terribly. "Oh, that's terrible, I'm sorry." Ohhh but they had a small drumset! He wondered if it was too early to ask if he could try it out. Probably. He just met him today. But if no one was using it....

Nope! No, that was rude. Be polite, he told himself. "I wonder if I could try to learn drums." He thought out loud again. He was lucky. That was instrument that interested him the most so far, and then Lithium just happened to have a spot open. It was like a sign!!

Lithium blinked once.
He blinked twice.
And then, like a lightbulb coming on, it hit him. Why not?
"Sure," he said. "Neruo mostly taught himself, but I know a little bit. I could teach you the basics, I guess? The rest you just gotta learn from watching rock videos and stuff." He eyed him. "You like rock?"

"Oh really?! You could?" Argon tried to not look too excited, but he was very poor at it. "Um, well, I like a lot of things that NJ plays for me, and I like what you played. So, I think I do. I haven't quite figured out the genre's exactly,...yet." He trailed off at the end, feeling slightly embarrased. Lith was practically a professional compared to him! And here he was practically ignorant.

"Not a problem." Lith actually felt fairly pleased. He would have a new drummer--furthermore, he'd have a young one. Maybe he could turn the kid into something cool before the goddamn hippies got to him and made him all "love-and-peace" like.
But he was too tired tonight. "I gotta head out," he said. "Getting late. But...hm. You got a e-mail address? You can come by the studio sometime."

Argon grinned. Yes! He was doing something 'useful!' Kinda. It was good enough for him anyway. "Yea!" And with that he scribbled down his email and handed it to Lithium. "I can't wait."

Offline
I forgot to say--I saw Fluorine right before Argon showed up. Nothing much happened, we just talked for a while...

Close Encounters of the Fluo Kind
After Oxygen flitter-flattered off back into the kitchen, Fluorine took a little break from building. She had been at it for hours by now, and, despite her stubborness and constitution, it was taking it's toll. She undid the knot in her hair and made Flobot give her her comb. There she was, sitting on the yellow unfinished top of the stairwell to the table, a human-sized persocom kneeling next to her, brushing her hair. And probably doing a pretty damn good impression of Rapunzel.

Lithium hadn't been to the lab in a while.
No thanks to Cal, of course. Stupid b***h made him go to stupid Disney World with his stupid "family." Bleh. But now he was back.
The labs were almost empty, but he saw a purple figure by the staircase.
"Hey," he called, wandering over to Fluorine.

Flo looked down and saw Lith. He was looking medium rare and very very pissed. "Hello there ..." - she smiled. "Why the long face?"

Lithium began to climb the unfinished staircase as he spoke. It was nice to have a way up that didn't involve ACTUAL climbing, really.
"Meh. Just got back from this dumbass 'family trip' of Cal's. We went to this RETARDED ******** place called Disney World."

Flo grinned. She knew Barbies (e.g. she knew how to break their heads) and Disney World was something along those lines. A happy place for happy people. She smirked: "Sucks to be you. Did you get to go on all the rides and kiss the puppets?" And then she realized what she was building and her grin got wider: "And little ol' me is building a rainbow stairwell here. Wanna help?" She batted eyelashes in a most fake manner.

Lithium fell over and sprawled out on the blocks as though he had been shot, letting out a mock wheeze. "Man. Actinium asked me to help with this, but I didn't know it was gonna go all shiny-happy and s**t. What are you DOING?"
He sat up and put his chin in his hand. "Cal's stupid little Scherzo kid made me get my picture taken with MICKEY ******** MOUSE."

Flo was having WAY too much fun with this. She grinned again and snickered: "Mickey was ******** his Mouse as you were takaing the picture?" - she quirked her eyebrow and picked up a block. "And me? I am building HAPPY rainbows. Cuz I dont' care what color it is. It get's the job done. Besides, I just found out there will be a party afterwards. You could sing there, you know."

"Yeah, right. Get Oxygen to sing. People might actually come watch then."
He sighed. "Nah, no porn in Disney World. That might've made it cooler, but...just a bunch of goddamn little kids and SUN. Way too much sun." He shuddered at the thought.

"She's already singing. And I am doing the happy shiney special effects for her." - Fluorine put the brick down on top of another then grabbed the next one from Flobot's outstretcehd hands and handed it to Lith. "You know, if you are gonna be here anyway, you might as well help. Just keep on building the pillar like this" - she showed the place where to put it.

Lithium glanced down at the block in his hands in despair. "Aren't there any black ones?" he complained, already knowing what the answer would be.

"You can think of this as putrid bile yellow if it helps" - Flo patted his sholder encouragingly. "Sure you don't want to sing? I'll have to set up this entire stage anyway. Might be your only chance to sing on one."

Lithium sighed and plopped the block into place, stomping it down halfheartedly. "I dunno. Nobody would want to listen to me anyway. I kind of suck."
Thing was, he DIDN'T suck. Not by a long shot. He knew his voice was good, and his playing had gotten much, much better--he could even write his own songs now. But no use telling that to people; nobody would want to listen because he was Lith, not because he sucked.

Fluorine rolled her eyes and picked up another block, putting it down and then realizing her hair was still undone. She gathered it into a ponytail and knotted it so it didn't fall into her face. Having finished that, she smiled at Lithium and replied with a certain degree of sarcasm: "I am sure you do. Well, I guess it'll just have to be Oxygen and her happy friendship song. Which of course will not suck the least bit. Because Oxygen is a musical prodigy." And then she felt kinda bad, becasue she didn't meant to diss sweet Oxy. She was just tryign to bring a point across.

"Maybe she's good," he spat stubbornly. "I don't know."
He kicked another block into place. His section wasn't really as neat as Fluorine's, but it was a goddamn RAINBOW.
"Anyway, my songs aren't anybody here's type. They're not happy. They're not nice."

"That doesn't mean they are bad. And you are so stubbornly denying them any merit, I am by now REALLY curious how they sound" - Fluorine picked up another block and then put it back: "Wah. I am tired." With that she stood up and jumped onto Flobot's hand where she plopped down lazily:. "Anyway, the party is not for a while becasue there is lots more building to be done. So you have time to think or get non-sucky or whatever. But if you DO decide to sing, tell me. Cuz I am doing the lights and sound and >I< want to do an non-sucky job."

"You're doing lights and s**t?" Lithium felt a flicker of interest, but quickly squashed it. "That's cool...I mean...y'know, for Oxygen. Hope she's good."
Bah. Stupid brain. Don't you know you don't like people? Why the hell would you want to be in front of them like that?
He placed another block, a bit more carefully.

Flo quirked eyebrow. The clay was getting softer: "I am sure she is putting her entire heart into it." - she smiled honestly. "And my job is to make sure it sounds good, too."

"Got it."
Lith picked up two more blocks, one in each hand, and began setting them.
Should he tell her?
Oh, why the hell not.
"I'm actually planning my own concert," he admitted. "Oxygen's gonna sing at mine too so that people will come. Are you good at the lights and s**t?"

Flo quirked eyebrow. Aha. NEAT. Things she found out today ... it really DID pay to be social! But shoot, but what was she gonna say NOW. She kinda ... just said stuff to Oxy becasue it seemed a neat job to do. But she didn't really know much about it. But Flo was Flo and in her mind there was nothing wrong with a little white lie. Because there was still time to learn ALL about 'dem lights and sound, ne?

"Of course I am! I am good at robots and lights and special effects. That's easy. I got her up and running, and that was no small feat."- she pointed with her thumb at the Flobot and beamed proudly. "So I'm sure I can rig a remote controlled light system together. And some speakers."

She smiled. "Need some help?"

Lithium stiffened. "I was just thinking maybe I could use you," he said hastily. Lith didn't NEED HELP. Ever.
"I don't know when it's gonna be yet, though."

Fluorine's eyes narrowed at the word "use". That didn't sit well with her at all. But the clay boy was a walking Prozac advertisement and Fluorine ... well ... was trying to not blow up at every perceived insult. "Well, if you are gonna USE me, what will I get in return?" - she askedn, looking at him lazily with her golden eyes.

Lithium smirked. "The pleasure of helping out with the first ever Mendel rock concert, duh," he said. "I can find someone else. I just figured you might want to." Turning, he climbed the newest step and pretended to ignore her.

Fluorine shrugged: "Oh, that's too bad. Well, when you do find somebody else, tell me. We'll exchange tips or something". Did she had "EASY" or "Looser" written on her forehead? Humph ... MEN!

"Sure thing." Lithium continued his methodical building of the staircase, and it took him a moment to realize he'd been placing all blue tiles. He thought for a moment about changing them, then shrugged and moved on.

Fluorine looked at the tiles and yawned, to hide frustration. She was gonna work on the thing anyway, but if he's gonna be difficult, he could be difficult all he wanted. "Well, I'm gonna split then. Nice to see you again, Lithium. Good luck with that concert." She smiled and signaled the Flobot to stand up.

"Alright." Lith would get her to do the lights somehow, but he sure as hell wasn't going to start begging. He got to his own feet and made his way methodically down the staircase, waving over his shoulder casually. "Same with yours. Peace."

Offline
Lithium's Log - 8/6/04
-------------------------
The other night I hung out at the labs for a while. There were a shitload of people there. I saw...lemme think...Rhodium, Neon, this weird girl Gallium, that b***h Cobalt, and I caught a glimpse of somebody I think was Nickel right as I left.
Rhodium...wow. She looks way different. Grew up, I guess. I usually don't notice her much but she got these kickass thorns on her legs. Wish I had thorns. Knowing me I'll probably be lamer than ever when I grow up. Bullshit. She was all shy and s**t talking to me, but I was only trying to talk to her so that b***h Cobalt would leave me alone.
Talked to Neon for a few minutes. It's kinda weird talking to her now. I don't feel the same as I did before. It's not that it doesn't hurt as much...it still does. It's just like, before it was like getting stabbed in the heart, and now it's kind of this dull ache that never goes away. It hurts to look at her and talk to her and be thisclose but never touch her. And to know I can't, if I want to be able to see her at all.
But I've made up my mind. I'm not going to make this harder. I'm gonna be Neon's best friend, like I was before. I'm gonna be there for her and talk to her and have fun with her. And I am NEVER gonna mention the L-word again, to her or anyone else. She'll never know.
It's better that way.
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