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Warning: PG-13. View at your own amusement.
PROLOGUE: Hail to the Kings

Three years previously....


"C'mon, say it."

Kat stared at the paper. It didn't look evil, but you could never tell with her brother, and especially with his best friend. Adam was just kind of a jerk, as brothers often are, but Quinn was evil straight through, from mad grin to beat-up Docs. Therefore, she'd had a crush on him since third grade. "Should I?" she hissed at Jen and Jenny; Jenny averted her eyes, and Jen clamped her hand over her mouth, but nodded.

"Say it," Adam repeated. Quinn looked at her imploringly.

Kat took a deep breath. "I am," she said, reading the gibberish from the paper, "sofa, king, wee... todded?"

Adam grinned. Jenny and Quinn burst out laughing. Jen snorted and fell over. "What?" said Kat.

"Hey, you said it yourself," Adam said. "You admitted it, after all these years."

"Admitted what?" said Kat, thoroughly confused. She said it again in case she'd missed something. "I am sofa king wee todded. Huh. What does that mean?"

Quinn was laughing so hard he rocked backward and hit his head on the basement floor. "Quit it," Jen said, trying really hard not to laugh. "She doesn't get it."

"That's why it's funny!" Adam was elated at having pulled yet another fast one on his naive little sister. "Say it again!"

"I am sofa king... WHAT? What does that mean? Who's the sofa king?"

"Oh god. I'm going to bust a lung," Quinn gasped.

Jenny was still snickering, but Jen had pulled herself together and figured she should stand up for her confused friend. "You guys are seniors. Don't you have anything better to do than mess with the minds of freshman girls?"

Adam threw himself onto the couch and struck a majestic pose, no small feat while lying down. "We're not just seniors," he announced. "We are now the Sofa Kings!"
Lol!

Very nice. Very nice. You have my ear. I'll be back to see chapter two, and I look forward to it.
Thanks!! Yay, a reader! I like readers. Especially since this is the first story I've posted to... well, anywhere, except for the LiveJournal Incident of '03 (don't ask).

I don't know when the next segment will be done, but this is going to be a fun thing to write.
New segment will be up today! Meet the rest of the Sofa Kings! Find out which superpowers they wish they had! Etc.
I. Heroes of the Basement Realm

Three years later.

The weather in the middle of May is generally the most glorious the suburbs ever see. Anyone in their right mind would be walking the dog, mowing the lawn, doing something involving a Frisbee, anything that gave them an excuse to be outside -

- except the five guys informally known as the Sofa Kings, who were in Adam's basement. Typical.

"Pick your superpower," Graham said, hand poised over his sketchbook.

"Mind control," said Mitch. "To make all the stupid people follow me like lemmings into the sea and drown."

"Like a super kung-fu Tibetan monk," Ben said, flat on his back on the ancient shag rug. "I can control my own heart rate and levitate things with my mind, and have inner peace, and kick people's asses."

"Invisibility, dammit," cursed Adam, as Snake was spotted by another Russian soldier. It WAS Adam's basement, of course, but the other guys kinda resented how much he hogged the PS2. Although watching him play Metal Gear Solid 3 was funny, because he really sucked.

"China," quipped Quinn.

"What?"

"You said pick a superpower. So, China. Everyone underestimates China. They've got, like, half the world's population, plus nukes. You gotta respect that."

"China doesn't have nukes," Adam said, not taking his eyes from the screen.

"Yes they do."

"No they don't."

"You never read a newspaper in your life. They have nukes."

"You can't think of an actual superpower to have, can you?" Graham said.

"Nope," said Quinn, a little sadly. "Not a one."

Graham paused. Quinn had been kind of down lately - not that most people noticed, he hadn't dropped his perpetual sarcastic-comedian act - but the guys could tell. Something was eating the guy. They had a pretty good idea what it was. Who it was, actually.

But Graham decided not to bring Her up. "China it is, then. And with me as a vampire...." He sketched furiously. "Check it out."

He held the picture out, proudly. Quinn envied how easy it was for his friend to draw anything, anywhere - but hey, that's why he was in art school. There was Mitch, leading an army of crosseyed morons into the ocean; Ben, bald, wearing monk's robes and a serene smile and standing on a pile of vanquished ninjas; Adam's glasses, jeans, sneakers and anime T-shirt floating in thin air; and Graham, in his thin, debonair vampire persona of Alexei, holding a bleeding goth girl in one arm and giving a thumbs-up with the other. And Quinn, his features a little more Asian than usual, wearing the typical Chinese Communist outfit and looking - a little sad?

Damn, Graham was good.

"Here," Graham said, tearing out the page and handing it to Quinn. "You can have this one."

"But I gotta leave for work in fifteen minutes."

"Take it with you," said Graham.

And try not to think about Her, he thought.
I hate to have to bump, but I want readers.

Also, a question: What's the most people any of you have been able to fit into a regular-sized aboveground pool? It plays into the storyline later.
Okay, I'm off the first page. Sigh. Anyway, I'll try and have another chapter up tomorrow - should I put all the new chapters in this thread, or should I post each chapter in a new thread?

Decisions, decisions.

Okay, read my story or I'll send out the levitating kung-fu monks.
xd Funneh.

-wishes she could offer constructive criticism of some sort, but doesn't feel up to it today for some reason-

evie_vie
Also, a question: What's the most people any of you have been able to fit into a regular-sized aboveground pool? It plays into the storyline later.

Seventy-three, last week, but it was a little crowded. ^_^
Wow. That's a full pool. Anyway, there are only going to be about 15-20 characters total, including people who are just casually mentioned, so I'm pretty sure they'll all fit, even if they bring a friend.

No new update today, but there was supposed to be. I'll see what I can do about tomorrow.
Still loving it. And I don't say that very often, so you know you're damn good.

Hee hee...levitating monks and vanquished ninjas.

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<center>Ooh, this is funny 3nodding Being the complete blonde I am, I still don't get the sofa king dealio sweatdrop *hides*

Edit: OOOOOOOOOOHHHHH! *just got it after hitting post* Man am I dumb, lol xd
</center>
i like it, it is great and funny biggrin biggrin biggrin
YAY!! Readers! I am grateful to you and you have made my entire day!! Hehe.

Btw, the prologue is Based on a True Story. Guess who it was who didn't get the phrase? Come on, guess.... I still can't live it down. redface
II. A Mall World After All

Quinn trudged in from the mall parking lot. The weather was still terrific, but still he managed to trudge, maybe thanks to the pool of overlong jeans around his Chucks. Also he was thinking about Her.

Might as well be pouring down rain, he thought, and me standing under her window shouting something sad. Yeah. Total John Cusack movie action, he thought, still managing to stare at his feet as he opened the door and received a blast of mall air conditioning in the face. He passed the food court.

"Hi, Quinn!" piped Cara at the Pretzel Twistery, tossing her blonde hair. "Want a free Honey Cinnamon Apple?"

"Hey, Cara. No thanks," he muttered. She'd never notice me even if I was throwing rocks through her window. Someone'd have to throw ME through her window. And I'd be all broken and bleeding on the floor and she'd go, 'What is THIS disgusting thing doing here....?'

"Quinn!" exclaimed his former classmate Julie, arms loaded with stock from her job at the Sugar Buzz. "Hey, we're overstocked on sours, I know you love sours.... Want some? I won't tell my boss."

"Hey, Julie. Nah, I won't steal your inventory," he said with a weak smile. Dear god. Can anyone be more pathetically ignored than I am?

He passed Garden of Luxuries. "Hi, Quinn!" chorused the entire female staff, as a whiff of of Vanilla Lemon Body Spritzer wafted into the hallway. He waved halfheartedly. And was finally at his work.

No wonder she doesn't want me, he thought, hanging up his jacket in the back and revealing the yellow polo shirt and the "Game On Electronics/ Quinn Donovan, Assistant Manager" nametag. He stepped out into the brightly colored mess that was his store. He actually liked working there, for some godforsaken reason, but...

...No wonder she won't look twice at me, he thought. I'm 21 and I work at the mall.
-----

"So do I," said his friend Emily over lunch. "And I'm 21." They were in their usual UberCoffee comfy chairs, Emily being on her lunch break too. They'd known each other since they were seven, but despite that and his mad crush on She Who Is Yet Unnamed, he thought the green of the barista's smock went well with her eyes. I'm in a thoughtful mood today. Crap. I hate those, he thought.

"Yeah, but you're home from college on break," Quinn said, sipping his whipped cherry vanilla mocha latte that, as far as he could tell, contained no actual coffee,which was how he liked it. "This is my JOB. I'm just not a college person."

"So?" said Emily. "We're 21. We've got time to figure out what we want to do. You're making pretty good money. You get to be around video games all day. What else could you...." She saw his face fall. "Oh."

"A girlfriend, a girlfriend, Quinn needs a girlfriend!" laughed Laurel, one of Emily's Ubercoffee buddies who'd become a lunch regular with them. Quinn didn't know her well, except that she'd been a freshman when he was a senior, and during her high school years she started hanging around with Adam's sister Kat. He'd seen her around in Adam's basement a few times. And she was definitely cute. Kat'd kill him, but... "Are you applying for the job?" he said with the classic wicked grin.

"Me? No. Me? No-oo. No." She laughed. "No! Hehe. No."

Oh dear. She'd overdone it. Quinn was blushing furiously. Laurel stared. Quinn Donovan, legendary sarcastic b*****d, with.... EMOTIONS?

Huh, thought Laurel, who'd only known him through his legendary high school exploits and the aforementioned visits to Kat's basement. This may call for.... a SCHEME.

Wow, it had been a while since she'd schemed. She restrained the gleeful grin, the frantic rubbing together of hands and the manaical laugh. Her schemes should be famous, but they weren't.

That was because they worked.

"See, I'm already seeing someone," she said. "I might have a friend or two who's single, though. And interested," she added tantalizingly.

"And my best friend's little sister's age," Quinn sulked. Emily watched, fascinated. After working with Laurel for a few months, she knew the younger girl's powers of persuasion weren't to be taken for granted.

"Okay, that matters when you're in HIGH SCHOOL, but in case you haven't noticed, we've all graduated now," Laurel said. "And I can tell you that there's a friend of mine who's liked you since she was a freshman."

"I'm not going out with Kat."

"Not Kat."

"Who then?" Your invisible friend Marlys? The ghost of Amelia Earhart?
----

Laurel tied up her dark brown curls for speed, and used the last five minutes of her break to race over to Booktopia. It was a slow day there. Delaney, her best friend since practically birth, was at the counter, pretending to look busy while surrepetitiously glancing at the latest in the Series of Unfortunate Events.

"You're coming to a movie with us tonight, OK?" Laurel said, skidding to a halt in front of the counter.

"What? Hi. What?" She pushed up her glasses and pulled herself together. "A movie? Really? Which one?"

"We're thinking...."

"I don't care. I haven't seen a movie in weeks. I don't even care if it's one of those ones with the exploding helicopters. I don't even care if it doesn't have Jude Law." Del grinned. "What time?"

"Probably a 10:30 show, to give them time to close, and...."

Del paused. She and Laurel were the only two of their Usual Movie Crew who worked at the mall - and neither of them were closing that night.

"Laurel, who's 'them'?"

Laurel grinned. "You'll like this," she said.

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