Asexual FAQs, Links, and Definitions
Definitions:
Asexual: There are two commonly used definitions for an asexual person.
1. A person who does not experience sexual attraction.
2. A person who is indifferent towards sex.
There are subtle differences between the two, and certain asexuals tend to identify more with one than the other.
Repulsed Asexual: Exactly as it sounds, a Repulsed A is someone who is repulsed or disgusted by sex and sexual acts. They are not afraid of sex, just disgusted, and have no desire for anything sexual.
Indifferent Asexual: Also exactly as it sounds, an Indifferent A doesn't care one way or another. The can often laugh, joke, read, or write about sex. Some may even have sex for the sake of a significant other. But there is a difference between the DESIRE or DRIVE for sex and doing it for the sake of others. People do a lot of things they don't necessarily desire to do, for the sake of others' desires or wants. And since an indifferent person doesn't care one way or another, it's possible they may partake in the act and still be considered A.
Celibate: Someone who consciously chooses to not have sex. This is DIFFERENT from an asexual. In the case of asexuals, the desire was never there. How can you choose or deny something that wasn't offered in the first place?
Links:
The Gaian Asexuality Guild
Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN)
Wikipedia: Asexuality
BBC Article on Asexuality
FAQ:
Asexual vs Asexual: A confusion of definitions
Definition 1: An organism that reproduces by itself. AKA "the scientific definition" AKA Asexual reproduction.
Definition 2 and 3: The definitions for an asexual person as listed at the top of this post. The breakdown of the word is the root sexual, with the prefix a- meaning lacking or without, such as in the word
amoral. This definition is synonymous with
nonsexual, and is the definition we will be using in this thread.
Do you like kissing/hugging/cuddling/etc?
Probably the question I've seen pop up the most in this and other threads. Some do, some don't, and some do only in certain situations. Some people may like hugging, but not kissing. I expect we'll be answering this many times, and since each of us has different experiences, as more people join the thread you'll get a wider variety of answers.
Do Asexuals Masturbate?
One of the most asked questions. The long and short of it is that some do, some don't. Repulsed A's usually don't, but Indifferent A's might. However, as I've been told, when an A masturbates, it's strictly for the physical pleasure. It feels good, like how a backrub feels good. (We may be asexual, but our nerve endings are still there after all). A's don't think about sexual things when masturbating, ie, they don't think about other people.
Most of the people in the guild that have replied have never masturbated, and don't see a reason to.
What about children? Do you want them?
Much like with sexuals, some A's want to raise children, some don't. The decision is usually based more on a like or dislike for raising children then the person's sexuality. Keep in mind, there are many homosexuals who want to raise children, just as there are many heterosexuals who don't want to have any kids. It's a decision that tends to not have anything to do with sexuality.
Also keep in mind that there are a number of ways to have and/or raise a child that doesn't involve actually having sex. If the asexual is with a partner and has the money, in vitro fertizlization may be a popular decision. Adoption is also an idea, as is foster care, although with foster care it tends to be a number of children over a short period of time instead of one or two children over their entire lifetime.
Finally, though the number tends to be small, there are some indifferent A's who could see themselves having sex for the sake of bearing a child. After all, there is something beautiful about creating new life. But keep in mind this would be different from having sex for the pleasure. We cannot speak from experience, but it is easy to compare to eating. To have sex for the sake of procreation is like eating for the sake of not starving. You don't eat because it tastes good, you don't eat because you -desire- food. You eat for the sake of sustaining your body. So an asexual might have sex for the sole mission of creating life.
On the flip side, sex for pleasure would be like eating because something tastes good. You crave it, you want it. You don't need it to survive, but it tastes good and makes you feel good, so you eat it. An asexual wouldn't have a craving or desire for sex, or at least would have a very very small craving.
Oh, you just haven't found the right person.
Does this mean a straight person hasn't found the right same-sex person? Or a gay person just hasn't found the right opposite-sex person?
The truth of it is, sexuality is usually life-long. Most people have the same orientation for life (though I and others will agree that some people DO change orientations for whatever reason).
People realize they're sexual fairly early in life, usually when they hit puberty. They discover that they ARE attracted to people and WHO they are attracted to. At the same point, asexuals realize that they are asexual, and that they are NOT attracted to people.
And if an asexual really just hasn't found the right person... so what? Some DO change into sexual lives, and that's fine. But most just simply DON'T.
