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I don't know if any of you have noticed this but for some reason everyone seems to assume that because one is Lolita one is automatically nice and sweet. I mean really dressing that way doesn't mean people are allowed to step all over us and not expect to get a comeback because we're 'polite'. I've seen a lot of people who bash Lolita get angry when you say something back and they automatically go "OMG you must be one of those crazy brand people who are completely rude! Aren't you people suppose to be polite?". I mean we do follow a form of dressing influenced by Rocco and Victorian times but that doesn't mean we have to act like women back then who were stepped on and demeaned.

What do you guys think about this stereotype associated with Lolitas that we must be "polite and sweet" to everyone and everything?

Edit: Here is the example that set this off in my mind so I can clarify what I mean.

I meet some girls during my panel who had bought Bodyline clothes with immense amounts of lace. I told them that to be careful because that line was known for inferior lace and quality. One responded with "Not everyone can afford expensive brand like you ok". I wasn't even wearing brand then but rather a replica I had done. I calmly told them I didn't have brand on and that as a more experienced Lolita (and the host of the Lolita Panel) I know a little more about clothes than they did. Once again her response was "God you're wailing on us like those stuck up bitches from LJ EGL". I was still trying to remain calm and said that I wasn't trying to offend her but I was rather giving her advice. Her final response was "You know Lolitas are suppose to be nice and polite and you're a b***h. Go look at how real Lolita's act". That irked me because they assumed that it being "polite and swee" meant you always smile, act happy, and agree with everyone. If it was just them I would blow it off but apparently more than just that group seems to think thats the way we should act. I mean no one in reality is like that, not even Lolita's who follow the strict lifestyle I've seen are like that.

I agree to some extent.

Lolita can be anything from a snobbish aristocrat to a sweet child. I believe that one of the

Also let us take a look at polite's definition.
According to Dictionary.com Polite is:
1.showing good manners toward others, as in behavior, speech, etc.; courteous; civil: a polite reply.
2.refined or cultured: polite society.
3.of a refined or elegant kind: polite learning.

Showing good manners towards others, well what are manners:
the prevailing customs, ways of living, and habits of a people, class, period, etc.

And what Standards do many Lolita's believe in: Victorian
I ask that all the people who believe that ALL Lolita consists of only "niceness and innocence go read a book on etiquette and come back with a much more compelling argument.

I personally, am not the aristocratic type, but I do not complain.
Even though sometimes I wish certain people would "lighten up" at times, I would never change the diverse number of takes on the personality of a Lolita. All these personalities make up a society, which I would never want to change.

I can see where everyone is coming from in regards to exhibiting the basic manners that our parents teach us and I for one am the type of person who likes to be courteous to others.
Let me set forth an example for you that happened recently at a con for which I brought this up. I meet some girls during my panel who had bought Bodyline clothes with immense amounts of lace. I told them that to be careful because that line was known for inferior lace and quality. One responded with "Not everyone can afford expensive brand like you ok". I wasn't even wearing brand then but rather a replica I had done. I calmly told them I didn't have brand on and that as a more experienced Lolita (and the host of the Lolita Panel) I know a little more about clothes than they did. Once again her response was "God you're wailing on us like those stuck up bitches from LJ EGL". I was still trying to remain calm and said that I wasn't trying to offend her but I was rather giving her advice. Her final response was "You know Lolitas are suppose to be nice and polite and you're a b***h. Go look at how real Lolita's act". That irked me because they assumed that it meant you always smile, act happy, and agree with everyone. I mean no one in reality is like that not even Lolita's who follow the strict lifestyle I've seen like that.

I feel it's more important for me to feel comfortable in what I'm wearing and acting like I'm used to, rather than feel like it's a costume and I'm putting on an act. Whether I'm nice or not all depends on who I'm talking to.

Mostly, if someone says something negative about my outfit as I'm passing, I ignore them -- but I do that, no matter WHAT I'm wearing. It's not a matter of being "polite" or "rude".

Most lolita are girls. Girls are not always nice, and they shouldn't be expected to be, no matter what they're wearing. We're humans. Not creepy robot women.

-C'est la lune qui conduit la danse...-

LOL I can't kick my foot up high enough. D':

-...quand le soleil sera couché dans ton âme froide.-

You should be polite and nice, but not to a point where others trample all over you. There is a breaking point. And you should not change you personality for the clothes. But lolitas shouldn't bully or pick fights, but if other pick them with you, them fight back, nobody wants to be a doormat.

There are like, two ways a lolita can act. "An Elitist brandwhoring b***h c**t face" or "polite, kind, gentle victorain maiden doormat".
It's almost like if you want to have standards and want lolita fashion to be true then you're a b***h and everyone hates you can if you give any con. crit you're suddenly attacking someone.
And if you're a polite maiden everyone hates you anyway because you've got a lacy stick shoved up your a** and are constantly saying s**t like "you cannot be lolita if you use profanity" and are "lifestyle lolitas".

I think lolitas should act how they want to. I personally prefer the bitchy "elitists" because we can laugh at ourselves and at the fashion and they're very nice girls when you get past the fact that we are all stuck up.

Annai, by my standards, you were being kind, and helpful. There are many times in life when being polite just isn't going to work because we don't have a common code of conduct to follow. If we did live in victorian times, things would be quite a bit different, but (I'm speaking for the usa here) currently, we've grown up being told on the one hand that we should always 'be ourselves' while also being told that 'unless we have certain things or qualities, no one will like us.' All of that is complete nonsense. Yes, each person should aspire to be herself as fully as she can be, but there are times when she needs to put on attitudes that may not be innate to her, in order to survive, or get where she wants to go. I really admire people who go through life without ever doing that, but most of us find it more to our advantage to use occasional false selves achieve our ends.

But, it doesn't really matter if everybody likes you as long as the people who are important to you regard you as important to them. And, my friends like me no matter how I act. They think it's amusing when I'm rude and swear, and speak my mind, and cute when I try to be courteous, polite, refined, and cultured. All of us are complex, and inconstant, and it's okay to decide to change how you act, if you really do want to become someone different because you think that how you've been acting is more false than what you will become.

If any of what I just wrote is intelligible, I'll be amazed. I speak much better than I write.