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 Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 8:34 pm
He had hoped he'd be more at ease in his own skin after growing more settled in the world as it was now. He'd seen it, oserved it, even absorbed it mentally. But things were so... well, it all seemed so odd to him. When he'd left, he'd felt barely himself. When the cube had taken him, it had only been a couple weeks since the last spark of Rairne had disappeared. He'd still been mostly her, or had felt so.
But here and now, he was treated differently. He was seen as his own entity, with the right to defrence, power, a place in the world. It was a strange and unfamiliar feeling. Add to that the other major changes since he'd emerged, then throw in how vastly different the whole world was compared to what he'd left it as. All combined, it was vastly overwhelming.
Perhaps it was a leftover habit from spending all that time in the cube, but he found himself with a growing need to withdraw, to take time apart from all those, loving as they might be, who were looking after him, coaching him, watching him. It had become overbearing and oppressive, and thus he had escaped them all, slipping out into the peaceful gardens.
He took slow, measured steps, eyes cast down towards the earth he trod. The very fact that grass grew so thickly here, foliage sprouted, trees and bushes thrived... all so near to the Pantheon. It was surreal. It was such stark contrast to the wreck of earth and blood that had existed before. No more in evidence was the soot, ash, lava, magma, rock. He shook his head in something akin to dismay. It wasn't that he didn't appreciate and savor the changes. It just was rather like opening one's front door on a normal day to find one lived somewhere else than one always had. Very disorienting to say the least.
He stooped to pluck a flower from a bed, where it had nestled with others of its kind. He fingered the delicately purple-tinged petals, focusing intently on the sensation of velvet softness, on the subtle scent wafting up from his hand. He hesitated, struggling with the who of what he was now. Tentatively, he tried to invoke the power that had duplicated the coins in his pouch. He did not try very hard, and thus was unsurprised when nothing happened. He sighed silently, shoulders sagging slightly, and paused beneath a tree. As if seeking answers, he raised his gaze upwards into the tangled, chaotic pattern of the branches. To his amusement, even in this natural chaos, he found the steady, reliable rhythm that dictated the apparently random way the branches grew.
He could not escape who or what he was. He merely... was. But how could one handle such simplicity when it was so impossible to grasp hold of?
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Posted: Thu May 27, 2010 8:55 pm
When she heard the soft footsteps, Lisana smiled as she watched to see who was there. Perhaps someone she knew. Perhaps not. When she saw him, she just gazed at him silently watching.
He was brooding about something. Not knowing who he was kept her silent for a few moments. Then her lips curved upwards. He needed laughter more than anyone else at this moment. The long silk skirt she was wearing rustled slightly as she moved her feet a bit. Her shoes had been kicked off and were on the ground beside her.
"If you stare upwards too long, it will give you a headache. And you appear to have enough on your mind already." A giggle slipped free as she watched for his reaction to her pun. The bubbles streamed around her and upwards into the air as they always did. Since her change there were even more of them. Some drifted past him and then upwards to pop on those branches he was looking at.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:14 pm
He hadn't heard her come up and glanced back at her with mild startlement. He wasn't exactly startled, but her approach was unexpected. He raised his brows questioningly about what she might be talking about until comprehension dawned. The pun, as it was, entirely was lost on him, however.
"Ah, well, yes, I suppose so," he replied quietly, dropping his eyes back down to the flower he held. He twirled it in his fingers a bit more, lost in thoughts still wheeling about in his mind from a moment before. After a moment, though, he seemed to recover himself to the present. He looked back up to meet her eyes and smile noncommitally.
"I'm Arctang," he introduced himself by name only, not feeling any sort of urge to declare himself the lord of numbers or of divine blood. Certainly it was his right to, but what truly did it get him? He wasn't so sure anymore. For now, he felt almost as lost as he had in the cube. Better to let his name stand as identification enough.
He took in her whimsical clothing, graceful unconcious posing, sparkles in her eyes, and bubbles as... wings? Or just some sort of random expulsion? He couldn't help but be curious about that. "And you are..?" He offered her a somewhat solemn bow, bending at his still slender waist, tucking one hand back behind a hip and gallantly offering her the flower he held. The pale purple suited her, he thought. She'd likely make better use of it than he, at any rate.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 4:35 pm
She laughed as she accepted the flower from him. A moment later it was tucked behind her ear. "Just my color. Thank you, Arc." She shortened his name already deciding she liked him. Patting the chair beside her, she said, "Please join me. It's said that Laughter can be in every nook and cranny. It appears you have found me."
Again the giggles broke free as she watched him. The bubbles swirled upwards faster, the more amused she was. "I'm Lisana. I sneak out here when I'm playing hide and seek with my aoidei. They just don't know that's what I'm doing." Turning to the side, she poured him a cup of tea and offered it out to him. "If they ever catch on, I'll be in trouble."
Laughter slipped free again as she admitted, "But then I'm usually in trouble in some fashion. Between the pranks, parties, and creatures I seem to collect, it's rather a zoo whenever I'm around."
Then mishief in her eyes, she asked, "And who are you hiding from?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:02 pm
To be perfectly honest, he had no clue what to make of her. It became very clear from the start, however, that she was a diety, and that she was Laughter. The somewhat stunned Numbers let the strangely enchanting goddess take over. He sat as bid, unaware he ran his hand through his hair in astonishment.
This was nothing like what he'd come to expect. It seemed emotions were high, or at least tensed, and often with a sobering or negative influence. This... this was different. Different even than Mystery's slight smirks and riddles. He blinked when she said she was... playing hide and seek? With her servants? Almost numbly he accepted the cup from her, not really looking at it but her instead. She was fascinating to watch, with the streams of bubbles twirling behind her back.
He opened his mouth to ask how she could possibly be in trouble, being a goddess, when she asked him a rather pointed and direct question. It was entirely in line with what she'd just been saying, but was much more blunt that he'd expected from her. Somehow he thought she'd be round-about, rather like Taj was. So taken off-balance, he answered her in all honesty. "Myself," he replied, eyes wide. The fingers about his teacup tightened, and he looked downwards into the contents as if somehow they held answers he sought.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 5:28 pm
Lisana broke entirely into laughter amused at his reply. "Not an easy thing to do. Don't you know that wherever you go.. there you are?" She giggled even more intensely, the bubbles swirling upwards as she watched him and tried to calm herself. He had left himself wide open to her and it almost sounded as if the faint breeze sweeping through the leaves was laughing with her. Most were so guarded that there was little opportunity for such fun. She would sneak in to play her pranks or send her aoidei out to make people laugh.
A hand reached up to brush the hair from her face as she watched him. "It's not often someone leaves themself so open to a joke, Arc. Though it is truth as much as amusing to me."
"What is the problem? Perhaps I can help." She giggled again. "I owe you at least that for finding so much amusement in this."
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 7:20 pm
"Unless of course you go where you aren't." His answer was smooth and delivered with a faint smile, but it never reached his eyes. He spoke of the cube, though not in plain terms. He reflected that his time with Taj was altering how he communicated. It sounded more like the answer of Mystery than of Numbers. He did not elaborate however. The cube was not a matter for Laughter.
He took a sip of the tea, which he found delightfully delicious, as she made an offer of help. He adamantly shook his head, however. "No, it is not a fixable thing. It is...," he paused for thought. This was not something he was quite clear on himself yet. Why in the world he felt the comfort to discuss it with a stranger, goddess or no, wasn't something he bothered puzzle out. This was a private matter, something he hadn't even discussed with Taj, whom he swiftly was coming to regard as his closest friend, aside from Raja. The why of him sharing all this with her was... well, a mystery.
"I think," he continued carefully, sliding a fingertip around and around the rim of his cup, "that it is merely a matter of growing into myself." There, that certainly was the heart of the matter, wasn't it? He wasn't fully reborn, not really. Most of his body still resembled Rairne more than his old self, he was certain. Inwardly, he felt weak and uncertain, despite his new powers. He twirled around the edge of the teacup a few more times before sighing and sipping once more, again marvelling at how surprisingly tasty it was. He'd have to find out where to get it, so he could brew it himself.
"I apologize for my lack of proper introduction," he added after yet another sip. "I am the Pie Bird, diety of Numbers." He offered a slightly wry smile, though this time it did reach his eyes. "That is what I struggle with, fair Laughter. How to live up to what I was born to be, so long ago." Again his shoulders sagged, as if it were a physical weight he bore. "How am I to be that god when I am not longer who I was?" It seemed to him an unsolvable connundrum. He couldn't be what he was, because he wasn't who he was, but thought he was supposed to be! It left him chasing his tail endlessly... if he had a tail, that is. Thus far, no such thing existed, save in his inward struggles.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:09 pm
"Such weighty matters." she replied, watching him with a smile. "And Numbers are meant to be fun as much as meaningful. One two, buckle my shoe, three four, shut the door... " Her lips twitched slightly and she giggled. Leaning back in her chair she said, " Growing into yourself... I suppose that is one way of putting the position we are in. But are you so sure that you want to?"
Glancing away, she watched the horses playing a short distance away. Aridai and Rorie racing one another, tails and manes flying behind them. "Are you looking at the physical you or the person you are inside, Arc?" She teased. "I've only recently changed myself, but I feel no different than I did before."
"Shall I tell you about my host?" she murmurred, watching him with a smile. "Eftemie. Her mother died at her birth- within moments really. She and her father refused to celebrate such a day. Her father died when she was ten and she was raised by her uncle. She could not remember anything because she preferred to avoid rather than face anything. She had notes stuck all over the place. One here to remind her to buy food for her animal friends. Another to remind her she had a painting to sketch. There were those who thought she should be more than she was, but in the end what mattered to her was her own thoughts of who she was and should be. And just when she found the man she would love, she lost him when he gave her a stone at her first birthday party. Yet in the end, she gave herself entirely to me with no expectations on who I would be. She merely asked me to do some of the things she could never do. She was a very interesting mortal."
"Perhaps you are over-thinking your situation." She smiled at him, her gaze returning to his face. "I mean, I think about her and what I see is the joyfulness of her laughter. The girl could never have harmed anyone. Even as sad as her life was at times, she still looked for the sunshine without trying to live up to anything except what she thought she wanted to be. She was a clown, a painter, a friend, a lover, and much more."
"I think of her each day even though she and I became one, merged together. I have her strength and memories now and I guess thinking about her each day and what I see out there, has made me who I am now. Quite frankly, I don't want to be who I was before." She watched him a long moment. "We failed then, Arc. Everything faded. Perhaps Creation brought us back as stones, knowing we needed to take a host -to give us more. Perhaps even to give us the true meaning of what we have and what we are. He gave us the option to grow and learn rather than be set in stone and unable to see anything else."
"So enjoy what you are and what you have each moment. Don't over think and let the numbers weigh too heavily on you. You will miss much." Then she began to giggle again. "Besides, my bubbles will not float if they are weighed down or popped. And neither will your wings." Her eyes suddenly teased him, daring him to disagree with her.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 8:30 pm
She recited the poem that he himself didn't know. Apparently neither had Rairne. Or... had she? He frowned as he tried to tap into what unanimated bits were left of her, but the response was sluggish at best. Afraid to destroy what brittle remains of her there were within him, he stopped stirring amongst the dead memories and returned his attention to Lisana.
He once more opened his mouth to answer that he meant his inward self when she continued on, unheeding of his intent to respond. The subject matter however was a total shock to him. He never did close his mouth, staring at her with a slack jaw as she described her host. Noone seemed to talk about their host. None that he had met, anyway. Yet here she was, speaking of her as... as a friend!
But her words of remembering her host every day almost undid him. Tears sprang to his eyes and he felt pierced to his physical heart. A lump grew rapidly in his throat, and his chest tightened severely. Here was someone else, another diety, who loved and cherished their host! Who thought of her host every day! He was not alone in that! He sucked a deep breath, tea completely forgotten in his hands. He listened intently to the rest of her words, aching deep with an unnamable need. The tears trembled in his eyes, unspilled as yet.
They did spill over after she was done, though. "Oh, but she missed so much herself!" he said hoarsely, fighting the words past the boulder in his throat. He felt the maddening urge to tell her all about Rairne, about what she'd faced, and how he'd taken it all from her. He ground his teeth and blindly set aside the teacup. "She had so little, and I took it away. I took it, then did as I pleased and ended up imprisoned for it." He had been a fool, and he knew it. More tears ran down his young face, and he clenched his fists so that his clipped nails dug into his palms. "I am unworthy of her. She deserved better!"
He did not mean to be cryptic, but somehow this Lady of Laughter had unlocked that secret compartment where he held all the sorrow, all the mourning, all the self-loathing that was a result of the destruction of his host. With a rasp he buried his face in his hands and wept.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 9:28 pm
Lisana listened carefully to him, her eyes softening as she watched. Then she moved, slipping her arms around him as he cried. For awhile she just let him cry against her. Then she finally did speak. "I did not say what I did to make you sad, Arc. She had no expectations of you. How can you have so many when you have changed so much from what you were before?"
"I do not think she would fault you. I no less took what Eftemie cherished most. The man is still around and I see the anger in his eyes still, but I know what she felt for him and I cannot find it in me to dislike him for it. Instead I do my best no matter what I situation I find myself in. And if you feel she deserved better, then do not wallow in hatred and anger at yourself. Make what you are joyful for her. Take those memories she gave to you and cherish them. Protect them and let them remind you of her. In the end you will be deserving of what she has given you simply because you never gave up."
"Anyone can find blame, Arc. But those who pull themselves above it and laugh at themselves are those that have a spark of understanding of what really matters in this life." Her voice was soft and gentle as were her arms around him. "That is what gets me through each day. I remember and I do my best each day to strive to be all that she and I can be together. That is the most anyone can do."
She stroked his head a moment, then laughed, challenging him. "Now chin up. If this were your party, I'd say you could cry if you wanted to. But it's mine, and I don't want to cry. And noone is allowed to burst my bubbles." She patted his shoulder. "Drink some tea. It's one I rather like. It took me awhile to find the proper ones to mix for it, but it was Eftemie's favorite."
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:00 pm
His tears slowly subsided as she held him and talked. It felt nice. No, that wasn't right. It felt wonderous. A measure of understanding for Rairne's awe that he had wanted to care for her, look after her, protect her. Here was this goddess whom he did not know, whom seemed to see right into his soul, and who apparently had an instinct to take care of him. There was nothing sensual or suggestive in her embrace of him. It was the gesture of a soft heart to a fellow troubled soul. It touched him, for noone had bothered to let him grieve. Noone had let him cry. Noone had held him in his distress after that hateful thing had arrived and caused the last spark of his host to be blown out.
He shuddered a last gasp of breath, soft though it was, and sat up a little straighter, running both hands through his unruly hair, pulling it back from his face. He gazed into her eyes with pained wonder. "How did you come to be so wise, beautiful lady?" he asked softly. He searched her eyes as if to find the answer there, shining in their depths. he ached all over in a very physical way, an echo of the ache in his spirit.
She was right, of course. Agonizing over what had been long ago, or tearing himself up over things he'd done that dishonored Rairne, was of no use. It helped nothing, changed nothing, and perhaps in the end, meant nothing.
He swallowed the fading lump in his throat and then obediently picked up his teacup. He took a deep drink, not at all the demure sips he'd been limiting himself to before. He rested the cup's base in his cupped palm then and took another deep breath. "The tea is indeed wonderful," he agreed, if a little raggedly. "You make it then?" It wasn't just polite inquiry, though it might have sounded so, since his mind was still whirling away at the application of what she'd said to him. He genuinely did want to know about the tea, but he was distracted as his mind absorbed and mulled.
Yes, it was time to stop feeling sorry for himself, wasn't it? Time to stop being the victim and villain both, and time to simply start living. He still wasn't sure what it meant to be himself and that alone. It was a surprisingly frightening thought. But he would manage. As Lisana had taught him, for Rairne's sake alone, he would press on.
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Posted: Thu Jun 03, 2010 10:31 pm
"Wise?" she repeated. "Because I dare to be a fool, Arc." She broke into laughter again. "Don't you know that wise men are fools and fools wise men?" Shaking her head, she sipped her tea.
"Yes, I made it. It's a blend of the various ones I've been able to find. Arabel has been growing them for me from various plants we originally found scattered around the pantheon. Mints and other herbs, but where most only use one type, I mix several. It is not exactly what Eftemie had, but it is close enough that little difference can be seen in the taste. If you wish, I will send one of my aoidei to you with the recipe and some of the leaves. Arabel grows more than I can ever use. The girl has a very green thumb."
"You cannot miss my door. It has bubbles covering it and lies next to the door to the mortal hallway. I believe Taj's room is next to that." she added, and then laughed. "Lord Mystery can be quite entertaining. I like both he and Lady Karaskis." She had no idea that Arctang roomed with the god. "I do not know everyone yet. I suppose that will come with time."
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Posted: Tue Jun 08, 2010 5:21 pm
He regarded her thoughtfully over the rim of his teacup. Her laughter did not seem to preclude other feelings than merriness. Her words bore more weight than that, and expression spoke deeper than mere giggles floating on the breeze, as her bubbles did. In fact, he was rather reminded of a fractal pattern... the overall pattern was pleasing, pretty, and appealing. But when one looked closer, when one studied it, there were immense complexities, repeating nuances, patterns within the beauty that gave it strength and integrity.
He gave himself a slight shake, breaking free of his musings fancies. Who was he to compare a goddess to one of his fractal fantasies? Not everything was math, he chided himself silently. Especially when it came to other dieties.
He visibly lit up though at the mention of Taj. "It just so happens," he commented, taking another sip of the scrumptious tea, "that I am a guest of Mr. Mystery." He smiled a soft but warm smile. "He has been so kind as to take the lost waif into his humble home." He closed his eyes momentarily, wincing in regret at his own words which reminded him of Rairne. Again he felt that pressing desire to share her with this wonderous and strange Lady of Laughter.
"I should tell you about her sometime," he mumbled into his teacup, not meeting her eyes. He took a last gulp of the dregs of the tea, hastily trying to balance both the desire to tell her and the desire to keep Rairne to himself. It didn't occur to him that he'd spoken out of his thoughts and had not specified whom he meant. Instead, he stared down at the delicate cup in his hands, turning it round and round but not seeing the object itself at all.
This was going to be a long and hard road.
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Posted: Wed Jun 09, 2010 11:02 am
She laughed, clapping delightedly. "Then we are neighbors. I was going to ask what type of door would belong to a Pie Bird." A thought occurred to her of how like Pie Bird was to Counting Crow.
"Counting.. crow...?" she repeated softly.
It suddenly hit her and she gasped, before soft laughter slipped free as she stared intently at him. "Cosine is going to be very cross with me and so should you, Arc. I only just now realized the connection. You are her brother! She was most worried over you, but she is the one who spurred my own trip to Baadris. You should return with us when we go back. The buildings are glass and everything is desert. Rather interesting for a place that could be considered barren to some."
"We have become quite good friends." Lisana added with a smile. "And we have a great deal of fun together. It was meant to be that you found this alcove. And you should tell me about her sometime. I keep various things around to remind me of Eftemie. Not the least of which are those two horses out there playing. The violet one is Aridai and the dappled is Rorie. Both very mischievous. She seemed to collect critters of all sorts. So I am sure you will stumble over one or two at some point."
Aridai would tug at Rorie's tail until he got a reaction and then the other horse would give chase. Soon not only they were involved, but also a few of the stardust were giving chase or setting up interference between the two.
Lisana began to giggle. "I send my aoidei out to bathe them just because I know the horses will shove them into the water. It starts a rather interesting waterfight to watch."
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Posted: Fri Dec 31, 2010 11:52 am
He let her chatter swing his thoughts from Rairne to thoughts of Cosine. At least she was somewhat easier to think on, though things still didn't quite feel... settled, somehow, between them. Ah well, surely it would come with time? Hopefully? He smiled and nodded politely as she told him of the place they had gone, though his heart was not in it. He had enough to deal with here and now. Adventures on other planes or planets simply did not appeal to him presently.
Her shift in topic caught him unawares, though. His heart wrenched a bit again, though he tried to fight it down. His teeth sank into his lip and he glanced away, towards the horses he did not see. Her idle chatter pattered on his ears like spray from a fountain, not exactly unwelcome, but of no consequence either. He turned his gaze back down into his empty cup and gingerly set it down, squeezing his hands together in his lap and twining the fingers together tightly. So much to handle, and he feeling so not up to it.
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