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"I only wish that you would see, my sister, from a perspective that is not behind -pretty green eyes-." ((or are they gray now? ;; )) Robin continues to speak calmly, head lowered. "You tell me that you believe that 'Sommer is in love with the idea of love' and I wish for you to see that you are being unkind with this flippant appraisal. 'He -thinks-,' you tell me, and I want to know; how do you know what he is thinking, what he is feeling. 'He can be so shallow.' How is this statement meant to be taken, when you have also said to me that I am shallow when I say that I could like someone that is good-looking. You are not saying it as a positive, no?"
"You are getting off the subject, you have a problem that you wish to talk about, and yet, from the conversation that we are having, your problem is-" His eyes widen and he pauses, shaking his head, just a little bit. "You do not understand how Sommer can like so many herla, and claim to love you in the same breath? I want to know what it is you are thinking and feeling about yourself, not about everyone else. I do not think that you have ever once said to me, 'I think,' or 'I feel,' about you own self, before this. If you feel like a bad herla, perhaps it is because what I am saying to you, hits some part of you that sees that it is true. I am not asking you to feel bad, I am asking you to feel something about yourself, instead of about everyone else."
"I do not expect you to be perfect, nor always innocent, nor loving, nor sweet. Because I know that you are not. You show me that. I do not think that you show this to anyone else. What else should they believe about you than what you show them? Would you prefer that they makes their own judgments, whether or not they are truth, and believe only this?"

Flora looked at him and shook her head at what he was saying. "I see what you're saying Robin. I get it. It goes with the self centered thing you like calling me so much. Why do you think I don't tell you how I THINK or how I FEEL. Because I HATE hearing you call me those things. I don't feel like a bad herla Robin. That's how you make me feel. And it sucks. and it hurts. Why can't I think that he's shallow? I, me, it's my thought that someone is shallow for liking them based on looks alone. Or thinking that you'd rather get to know a pretty herla over an ugly one. Becuase that's how it sounds to me when you said 'he is handsome and I think I'd like to get to know him'. Sure you added on MORE to it AFTER the fact and have I called you shallow anymore after it? No. I haven't." She took in a deep and shakey breath; not wanting him to try and tell her again that she just threw a fit to get her way. She wasn't going to give him any excuses.
"Sommer KNOWS how much it hurts me to hear others tell me they love me; or they like me; and want to be with me. He KNOWS it hurts me when he doesn't tell me things too. And he's kept so many things from me already that hurts even more. How can he expect me to beleive that he really likes me 'a whole lot more than a friend"; but have kept so much from me? THAT brother is why I have such a hard time beleiving him. So go ahead. Tell me why that's wrong. Judge me and tell me I shouldn't have those thoughts. Tell me I'm selfish and self centered; and I'm used to hearing it from you."

I do not -like- calling you self centered, my sister. You called me selfish and self centered, you screamed it, along with a lot of other things, I said it back to you, once, because I was fed up, I wanted some peace at that point and you would not leave me alone because you wanted to know something that I would not tell you. I have not said it again, nor did I mean it, as I am sure you did not mean everything that you said at that time. If you really understand what I am saying to you, but do not agree, that is fine. Please do not take it as, I do not want to hear what you really have to say or, that I am trying to tell you, you are awful or wrong or all of this. I do not know why you will not ever tell me, how you think and feel, about what is going on with yourself, this is why I ask, this is why I question why you focus outwards so much. I cannot make you feel anything, you choose to let what I am saying bother you, if it did not bother you, you would not feel this way.
These are all still things that you are thinking about everyone else, what about -you-. Again, you think you know what Sommer is thinking. -And- *he gets a little rise, growing frustrated* If you know that, both the absence of telling, -and- the giving of his feelings will both upset you, and he also knows this. What are you expecting him to do with you? This puts him in a 'damned if I do, damned if I do not' situation. How is he to decide how he really feels about anything if he must jump through whatever hoops your whim tosses his way? How is he to decide when he should tell you, he cannot tell you and also keep it from you at the same time, it is madness for you to wish to have it both ways. He or I, or anyone, is free to keep whatever they wish from you, until they feel that they want to tell you, no matter what it is. If you cannot deal with other people having scerets this is not the fault of others. They are entitled to have private thoughts.

Flora's whole body seemed to rise up; though she stayed planted firmly in the grass. her fur rising slightly and her ears facing forwards. "I know that Robin! Don't you think I know what kind of a situation I've put him in! But he's kept SO much from me! Like his eye sight! He kept that from me! He HID from me becuase he didn't want me to know. How am I to feel about that? Sommer is always there ALWAYS. More than you are. I never keep anything from him. But he kept that from me. It was hurting him so bad and he kept it from me. I don't CARE that he kept the fact that he thinks he likes me so much from me; He could have KEPT on doing that and I would have been so much happier. But that he was; that he IS losing his eye sight becuase of something he did for me. How can I not be mad? How can I not feel awful?" Her whole body began to shake from it all. She didn't like talking like this; didn't like being alone with her brother becuase she was always so confused with him anywhere near her alone. "And you know WHY I focus so much on the outward instead of the inward Robin? DO you REALLY? Fine I'll tell you! It's becuase I'm afraid that one day; they'll run away from me; and leave me like Lawley has left us."

"Will you please try to calm down a little Flora? Breathe. I feel like you are going to explode..." Sighs a soft breath. "If you know it, why do you continue to expect it? I stand by my thought that he or anyone is allowed to not say everything that they are thinking or feeling, at your whim. He had his own reasons for keeping it from you, to guard your feelings, or whatever else it was. If you know that your wants are so -dual- in nature, how is it that you cannot understand why someone would delay in saying something?" Robin sits up to speak to her now, still calm, and wishing that she would be more rational with her thoughts. "'How are you supposed to feel'? How do you feel? Upset clearly, but again, I tell you he had his reasons. You are free to be upset, but you should also learn to understand that you cannot always have it your way, and you cannot certianlly have it both ways." He shakes his head, the idea is almost more than he can bare. "You say again, two different things '-I do care-, -I do not care-.' Do you feel both? And what about his feelings? He felt he should tell you, is it not also his right to say what he feels?" Tilts his head to one side, watching her. "How does not focusing on what you are thinking and feeling, have anything to do with whether or not someone leaves? How does this have to do with the fact that Lawley spends a lot of his own time, doing what it is that he likes? It is not as if he is dead." Brow has wrinkled, confused, he doesn't see the connection that she speaks of.
[20:16] cmpskater: Flora deflated and it felt as if something in her had broken or cracked; more like cracked; becuase she could still keep a grip of . "Lawley told me he thought he was gay when we were fawns... and I told him he wasn't allowed to be... becuase mommy wouldn't want him to be... and it would make her upset and i didn't want to see mom mad at him; or not love him anymore... and so he left.... I haven't seen him since then Robin... I haven't seen my own brother since I was a fawn becuase I was only focusing on me and not him. That's why I don't focus on me... becuase if I do I might hurt someone like I hurt Lawley... and I don't want to be alone Robin. You're already mad at me. I couldn't stand to think that you might ever hate me...." She took in a deep ragged breath. "I feel like all the fighting that goes on around here; is always my fault becuase I'm always in the middle of it; whether I want to be there or not. I feel like if I acted nicer... or was better.... then it wouldn't happen. But no matter what I do... People around me still get hurt.. they still feel hurt.... and it's all my fault."

Is quiet and still for a while, taking this in, "Do not persume to tell me what I am, sister. I am upset, and hearing this... I do not know what I am feeling, but it is not anger. Not at you. You were a child, you said something stupid, repeated something stupid that you heard from your mother. You made a mistake. If it haunts you so much, fix it. Do not ask me how, you fix it. I do not hate you, nor will I ever, I have told you this before." Looks away, his eye going to slits, "As a child you made a single mistake that has colored every decision since, you are not the only one that has done this, and you will not be the last either, you can only go from here."

Flora doesn't beleive Robin when he tells her he isn't angry with her; he has to be. He won't even look at her. She can hear the anger in his voice. He'd been too quiet before he'd started talking. He told her he didn't hater her... but she wasn't so sure of that. He himself had said he would keep things from her if he felt like it... what if he felt like not telling her that. She bit at her lip nervously; her stomach jumping up into her chest and her heart jumping up and into her throat. "I don't know... if you mean that Robin..." she told him nervously.

There is not anger in his voice, this entire time he's been calm, if a little agitated, confused, annoyed, but not angry. He sighs at her, annoyed again. "If you want to decide that, then it will turn into your version of the truth. Your point of view and mine, are completely different."

"Then why aren't you looking at me? Why did you have to look away to say that?" she took in a few deep breaths trying to calm her nerves. "You said I was trying to tell you what you were. I'm not. How do I know when you're mad or not? How can I tell? You're upset, and it's becuase of me. I shouldn't even be near you if all I can do is make you upset every time I talk."

"Will you stop already Flora? Please. Think about what you have just told me. I am upset, very much so, but not because of what you did. "

Flora sighed and closed her eyes; happy about that at least. but up until this point... everything she'd said HAD made him upset.... so how could he not be upset with her? "How can you not be Robin? mom never said any of that stuff around us? never even mentioned it. I only thought it becuase she always talked about how much of a lady killer you two would be... mom never even said she'd have a problem with it...."