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Work written between 2003 - 2006

release

Kesna

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Posted: Wed May 17, 2006 8:52 pm

Release

I stand waiting for the end
Watching the blood red sun descend.
Pain and sorrow burning deep
I wait as the moon stirs from sleep.
I clutch the blade to my breast
The demons waking from their rest.
I bring it down and break life’s bands
And fall into their waiting hands

Posted: Sat May 27, 2006 5:41 pm

I like the rymes that you used and how you describe the sun. I love how the description of the sun fits into the poem's meaning.

Two things that I'd suggest:
1. Breaking it into two stanzas (four lines in each)
and
2. I was slightly confused with that part about the main character holding the sword. It seemed like he or she was trying to defend themself and were about to fight when they "bring it down" but, suddenly, giving up and falling into the darkness.

That's just me though. smile

rachlarn

Anxious Explorer

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Kesna

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Posted: Mon May 29, 2006 7:05 pm

it's not a sword it's a dagger.. she's commiting suicide... sorry I thought I made it clear with "I bring it down and break life’s bands"...

Posted: Fri Nov 10, 2006 8:30 am

This is very well written. I agree that it might be better in two stanzas, but it can stand well as it is. I understood that she was committing suicide. I suppose if it needed to be clearer you could say "my life's bands".