Welcome to Gaia! ::

Things have taken a turn for the worse.

Today I have witnessed the extent of Lazarus’s desperation. I shall be brief for really, it is the act of writing which comforts me. I know what happened and details are inconsequential here. They would encumber rather than aid my thoughts.

The day had started ominous enough with the discovery of occult notes scattered across the study room table. When confronted, Lazarus then smashed his fist through a glass cabinet.

That was when things started to get really bad.

The Art of Demonic Summoning

Those very words itself causes me unease; not only because the title itself succinctly states the book’s contents but because a hitherto unobtainable option has now become attainable.

Demonic Summoning

If only I had acted more swiftly, then perhaps the book and its ominous contents would have been destroyed.

But instead what happened…

Allow me a moment to gather my thoughts...

Dear diary…

How could I have been so calloused and cowardly?

No, being speculative about that would only distance myself from the cause and lessen the harshness of reality.

In truth, I did not want to know.

I did not want to know how the Doctor was doing. I did not want to see him because I did not want to know the true severity of the situation. I wanted ignorance to be my shield. To be my barrier against a horrible reality.

I wanted to be sympathetic at a distance.

I do not wish to be humbled by the sight of someone who had once given me reason to fear to now be nothing more than a weakened being knocking on Death’s door.

But when reality strikes, it strikes hard.

Against my better judgement, I had agreed to follow Lazarus’s to the Doctor’s room.

I truly wished I had not.

The sight of Dr. Kyou, bedridden and unconscious stirred up emotions within me that I wish never to address.

Feelings of guilt, shame and disgrace were foremost. I had let Lazarus down. I failed in my role as his boyfriend. Lazarus should have been able to rely on me. And yet I see nothing but disappointment in his eyes.

But beneath that…there was revulsion too. My weak excuses, they disgust him and I have no defence for that.

Needless to say, the situation did not go well. Like a dog with its tail between its legs, I fled at the first signs of a raised voice.

Leaving my friend with his dark musings, the accursed book and the comatose Doctor.

And what hurts was that…I felt relieved to be able to get away.

Like a death toll the phone had rung, its ominous peal shattering the quietness of the bookstore.
There was no reason to suspect anything. Nothing to indicate that this call was any different from the rest. Phones are not capable of distinguishing good news from bad.

But Xiu could feel the knot of dread forming in him as he approached the ringing apparatus.

“Hello?”

Xiu stood hovering beside the phone for several seconds as he listened to the call. What had happened? Did Lazarus actually…

“Hazeline, I am taking my leave now,” called out Xiu as he took a set of keys off the hook and hurried to the front door.

“Now? Xiu, what’s wrong?” asked Hazeline peering over the banisters. “Who was that?”

“It’s Jeremy, they have found Lazarus. I need to be there,” came the brisk reply followed by the click of a door being shut.

Hello Again

Lazarus finally wakes up. This is a joyous occasion indeed.

Xiu attends the Summer Tea Party to celebrate Dr. Kyou's and Lazarus's recovery. Xiu learns about cakes and desserts from the good Doctor and got a teapot planter too!

(Skype RP between Dr. Kyou, Lazarus and Xiu )

Xiu took a deep breath. He was not looking forward to this but it was something that had to be done. He had to make amends.

The Sigel glanced down at the box of cream filled cupcakes. Would this be sufficient? He did not plan to stay long but the Sigel knew of the Doctor’s fondness for sweet treats. He had seen the Doctor happily tuck into three plates of cakes at the recent tea party after all and appeared none the worse for it.

That being said, the Sigel did not want to distract the doctor completely from the issue at hand. So mild vanilla filled cupcakes would do for today. As Xiu entered the Lab’s entrance, the Sigel was relieved to not find anyone there. It made things easier. Floating directly towards Dr. Kyou’s office, the white Sigel gave the wooden door several soft knocks “Dr. Kyou?”

A soft sound of paper shuffling could be heard from within before a the voice of a man came through. "Come in."

The room was still in a mess, although it was way better than how it was the last time Xiu visited. The floor was no longer covered in paper and folders, instead they were stacked up haphazardly in the form of towers, some leaning precariously. Kyou was seated behind his desk, which had a small paper fort going around as well. If he didn't wave at the entering Raevan, one could almost miss him.

"Good afternoon Xiu! What brings you here?" The man was dressed in a simple white shirt with sleeves rolled up, and khaki pants. Yellow eyes darted around a little embarassedly at the mess surrounding him. "I'm sorry for the mess. Just trying to sort all of these to where they belonged." He laughed sheepishly as he spoke.

Xiu stared at the amount of paperwork that littered the Doctor’s office and felt a little guilty at the recollection of the mess that he and Lazarus had left behind while they were pouring through medical journals. No doubt some of those piles belonged to them. Briefly, Xiu’s eyes flickered over to the smashed cabinet where Lazarus had found the Doctor’s notes and book of demon summoning.

The Sigel was uneasy. How was he going to approach this? Especially since…Doctor Kyou was looking at him with such an open and friendly manner.

“I brought cupcakes!” Xiu suddenly exclaimed before placing the box onto the Doctor’s table. Then pausing a moment, the Sigel then added. “And I would like to talk to you…about something…,”

The mess from the cabinet had since been cleaned a long time ago. The glass was replaced, and it even seemed like the exotic toad is back in a brand new jar. However, the jarred specimens were arranged in a way that it obscures the secret niche hidden behind the cabinet.

The uneasiness Xiu felt was apparent to Kyou, it seemed to him that something unpleasant happened here for the Raevan, so when he mentioned about cupcakes, he thought it would be the best excuse to have a change of venue.

"Cupcakes, how nice of you!" He exclaimed as he got up a little unsteadily, supporting himself with his hands on the desk. Then slipping his arms into the crutches leaning against the wall, he started striding around the desk towards Xiu. "Why don't we go to the cafeteria? It will be more comfortable there."

“No, Doctor!” blurted out the Sigel at the mention of having the cupcakes in the cafeteria. At the thought of others possibly listening in on what he had to say, the Sigel felt overwhelmed. “No, please. What I would like to discuss, I would like it to be private, if possible” added the Sigel quickly after the initial outburst.

Seeing Dr. Kyou’s stunned expression, Xiu felt guilty. The Doctor had so obligingly got out of his chair and had already begun walking towards the door.

But this was really something he’d like to do in private. It was something he had to come to terms with. Especially if he wanted to move on with his relationship with Lazarus.

“Doctor Kyou, I think you may have noticed that I have behaved uncharacteristically biased towards you…,” said Xiu when the Doctor was finally seated once more. “I-I wish to set this right…,”

Kyou didn't realize that Xiu was that on edge, so the outburst was quite shocking, especially for Xiu, who is normally so well behaved.

"Okay..." He muttered as he walked back a little, giving Xiu some space. Then pushing some of the smaller stacks of paper aside, he plopped his a** on the edge of the desk instead of going back to his chair behind it. He still fully intended to have those cupcakes in the cafeteria later, when their private conversation is over. The state of this room makes it no place to have any sort of food in here.

Kyou considered Xiu's words as he spoke. Yes, Xiu did seemed a little cold at some times, or maybe it just seemed too polite. But the man just thought that was how Xiu is. He didn't thought that Xiu had any problems with him. "Okay..." He said once more, quietly listening to what the Sigel have to say.

The Sigel watched as Dr. Kyou settled himself onto the table’s edge. This made the Sigel feel unnerved. Before, the table had been between the both of them but now, they were practically face to face.

Xiu closed his eyes for a moment to gather his thoughts. How should he put it…

“Do you remember the fel outbreak, Dr. Kyou? Back then, I bit you,” said Xiu slowly. “You tasted…foul. Tainted…,”

There, he had said it. The Sigel sat back and watched the Doctor warily, looking for a reaction.

“And I saw how you used…spells to subdue Lazarus too,” continued Xiu. “As a frei, I must admit that that triggered lots of alarm bells in me and so…I have always kept my distance,”

“But that gives me no excuse for what comes next. When you were unconscious in bed, for that whole year, I did not visit you. Not even once even though I knew how important you were to Lazarus and when I did;- when I saw you lying there so weakened and weary…,”

Here Xiu grimaced at the memory. “It was a fleeting thought but I had honestly believe that euthanizing…,”

The white Sigel could not go on. How could he? Telling someone to their face that he had thought that they were better off dead…

So that the Fiery raevan need not use that book to summon a demon….

Kyou just listened quietly as Xiu confessed his feelings, his guilt. The man had no idea that the Sigel had harbored that type of feeling against him, and this is coming as quite a shock. However, his expression was calm as he listen, which was a contrast to the Raevan's.

There was a quiet moment as Xiu's voice faded at the end of that word, Kyou could see how difficult this is for him. How much courage he had to muster to confess to him. His golden eyes looked down as he contemplated how to respond. This was an extremely awkward situation for him as well.

It seemed like a long moment had passed before the silver haired man look up again. "I'm sorry my blood wasn't tasty." He said, smiling apologetically.

Xiu stared back. Took a moment to register the Doctor’s words before attempting to speak again. “D-Doctor Kyou,” fumbled Xiu when he had finally found his voice again. “D-Don’t you realize that you might have been- I could have- If Lazarus had not chased me out of the ward?”

Xiu shook his head. “I feel terrible and it is something I cannot bear,” said Xiu, his rune glowing erratically for a moment as the raevan fought an internal conflict. “And you were so kind… we played chess together, talked… Even in the recent tea party we shared cakes…,”

The raevan fell silent once more. “No, it was long before that…you were the one who helped me with my bloodlust, secured my blood supply, treated my wounds…,”

Why had he not realized this sooner? Why had it taken him this long to come to terms with the good Doctor of the lab? Dr. Kyou had always been there although sometimes working behind the scenes and out of the limelight. He had been terrible. Had let a moment’s suspicion cloud his judgement and marred Dr. Kyou’s efforts in the lab. Lazarus was right, what sort of raevan was he…?

Unconsciously, Xiu’s rune began to pulse and glow as the dam of walled up guilt and emotions threatened to burst out.

Kyou shook his head at the Raevan's words. "I understand why you had came to that decision, euthanisation." He said as he looked at Xiu in earnest. "My situation was dire, there was no telling whether I will improve or not. And seeing what Lazarus had to go through in order to save me... I too wonder if euthanisation was the better choice back then." Kyou confessed, his golden eyes dipped down towards the floor as he said those words.

"But I wasn't awake to make that decision back then, so it doesn't matter." There was a soft smile on his face when he looked at Xiu again. "What matters is that I'm awake now, alive, and Lazarus as well. And you..." Gingerly, he reached out and placed a hand on Xiu's shivering shoulder. "You could have came back in the night when no one is around, and pull the plug on me if you really wanted to. Even if you were chased away by Lazarus before that."

"But you didn't..." He squeezed Xiu's shoulder as he said those words.

Xiu could feel his shoulders sag with relief at the Doctor’s magnanimous words. “So you aren’t horrifie-,”
The Sigel paused. Did he truly want to know what the Doctor thought of him now? Did it matter?

He had confessed and that itself took a huge weight off his shoulders. Never once did Xiu think that the Doctor would forgive him on top of that. To ask if the Doctor thought that his deed wasn’t horrifying would be pushing the boundaries.

Xiu took a deep breath to steady himself.

“I wish to atone for what I did; what I might have done,” said Xiu looking up into the Doctor’s golden eyes with newfound respect and…humility. “Just say the word, Doctor Kyou and your will is my command,”

His eyes widen at Sigel's last words. Honestly he didn't know what to ask of Xiu, it came up quite abruptly as well. But he was glad that the Sigel was no longer shaking, the turmoil inside of him seemed to had subsided, and that was what Kyou wanted. The man actually felt a little bad that Xiu had to keep all that to himself all this time.

Gently with his one hand he pulled Xiu close to give him a one-armed hug, patting his back gently to assure him that everything is alright. He was smiling broadly when he let Xiu go. "Perhaps you could go with me to the cafeteria now so we could enjoy the cupcakes?" He laughed as he got up on his crutches.

Xiu was surprised with the sudden hug that the Doctor gave him but it did indeed help to lessen the tension that was in the room. “Yes, you are right,” said Xiu quietly as he helped the Doctor with the crutches. Then taking the box of cupcakes, Xiu opened the office door to find a stunned Lazarus on the other end.

At the sight, the white Sigel’s features paled slightly. How long had the fiery raevan been there and how much of the conversation did he hear?

“L-Lazarus…,” stammered Xiu.

To be honest, Lazarus had been there almost the entire time. He had stopped right in his tracks when Xiu confessed about his thoughts of euthanizing Kyou. The Valsaros realized at the time that perhaps the honorable thing to do was to quietly walk away, but he didn't. He didn't know why either, but he felt compelled to listen to what Xiu had to say to Kyou. He was glad though, that the conversation turned out the way it did. He knew that Xiu's distaste towards Kyou had been eating away at their relationship slowly for a while now, so he was glad that the air had finally cleared.

When he overheard that they would be coming out, Lazarus had a moment of panic. Should he run and hide? Or should he pretend to be approaching the door? How should be act? However, the door opened before he could make a decision.

Now this is awkward. Kyou found himself staring at two stunned Raevans, and the tension seemed to be rising so he just had to do something about it. "Lazarus, would you join us for cupcakes?" He asked.

"Uhm uh..." Lazarus stammered. "Sure?"


As the group (led by Dr. Kyou) made their way towards the cafeteria, Xiu cast a worried glance at Lazarus. He had not planned on letting Lazarus ever know those dark thoughts that he had. The white Sigel knew just how important the Doctor was to Lazarus and was horrified to find his friend here and most likely listening in at the door.

Gingerly (behind the Doctor’s back), the white raevan reached out a hand to timidly touch Lazarus’s fingers.

Lazarus glanced down as he felt Xiu's fingers touching his. Smiling, he took Xiu's hand in his and held it firmly, then shot him a reassuring smile to let him know that everything is alright, as they slowly made their way towards the cafeteria at Kyou's slow pace. No words were needed to convey his feelings.

"So... how exactly did I tasted like?" Kyou asked Xiu as he turned his head back a bit. "You said 'foul'. So... I taste like sour milk?"

Xiu blushed when Dr. Kyou turned around and caught sight of the two raevans holding hands. Although the Doctor was too polite to mention it, Xiu could not help but feel that the smile had a “knowing” element to it.

“F-Fermented fish…actually. And it is more of an aftertaste,” stammered the white raevan as he felt a blush beginning to creep up his face. The sigel hoped that Lazarus wouldn’t start asking what he tasted like too.

"Hmm." Kyou seemed thoughtful at the comment. "I taste fishy huh? Definitely didn't guess that."

Lazarus chuckled at the banter. He gave Xiu a knowing look that he definitely will ask later how he tasted like.

What was he doing with his life?

No doubt that that was a question that kept many an individual up awake at night. Tonight, it seemed that Xiu had drawn the short straw.

As Xiu laid staring up into the darkness of the ceiling, the Sigel began reminiscing about his life thus far. He had a good home, albeit with a rather distrustful housekeeper who was adamant that nothing good could come out of dabbling with souls. He had a good guardian although Hazeline rarely attended many of the Lab’s functions, citing that socializing was not her strong point. Hazeline’s brother though, was growing up to be a fine teenager and was showing signs of having a special someone…

Speaking of a special someone, Xiu found his mind wandering over to Lazarus. The fiery raevan had recently grew and Xiu was genuinely happy for his friend. Friend? an inner voice said. Or something more?

At that thought, Xiu found himself blushing beneath the sheets. Where did he stand with Lazarus? How will their relationship go from here?

Should he…announce their relationship to his guardian?

…

Would Hazeline and the rest of his family approve?

Would they be horrified?

Would he be forced to choose between the Raevan he loved and his family?

He was probably overthinking this. This was not the dark ages. Society has gotten pretty accepting of all sorts of relationship. He had seen a woman betrothing herself to a Ferris wheel for goodness sake! Surely falling in love with another raevan was nothing!

But Lazarus is part demon and not so very long ago, a relationship between two beings of similar gender was frowned upon said the insidious voice within him. Can you handle that?

“Lazarus does not feel the same as Zul,” said Xiu weakly. He knew it was silly but speaking out loud had a certain power to it. “And I love Lazarus. With my very being. We will work it out,”

The voice said nothing but Xiu could feel its doubt. Which angered him. Loving someone meant surrendering it all, throwing yourself off the proverbial bridge as it were; never having second thoughts.

So why were these thoughts plaguing him? And at this time of night too! It was then that Xiu realized…he needed to talk to someone.

Giving a soft growl of frustration, Xiu picked up his phone and dialled Lazarus’s number. He waited for two beeps before turning it off. It was a crazy and reckless thing to do. Things would look much more rational in the morning. Perhaps then….he would decide on his next course of action.