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 Posted: Thu Jul 09, 2015 1:25 am
Roxas relaxed into Axel's embrace as he listened to the redhead's words, eyes slipping closed as he laid limp against his lover's chest. He knew Axel was right, and even before the redhead gave him that heartfelt speech he knew what he needed to do. He just...felt like Sora didn't need him anymore, no matter what he did. But now he knew he needed to at least try to get close to him again, or everyone would be miserable. He would be miserable. He couldn't even function properly while the two were so far apart.
"You're right," he mumbled as he opened his eyes slowly and turning a bit to gaze up at Axel. "Do you think he's awake?" he asked softly, glancing out of the small window in the bathroom to see the dawn awakening. He was hypnotized briefly by the sight of the day beginning, eyes going wide and glassy, before he looked at Axel again slowly. "Can you get me some clothes while I dry off?" He didn't want to risk forgetting something again.
Demyx hummed out a chuckle at Sora's words, snuggling even closer to the brunet. "While that sounds amazing, and I would love for you to be the person I spent the rest of my days with, literally, we have to get up and eat eventually. A little while longer might be okay, though," the blond told him, kissing his forehead gently before just resting his lips there.
"Oh," Demyx said suddenly in a groggy voice, "I think you should know that Roxas came to the door earlier to talk to you, but I don't think he realized what time it was. He sounded a little panicked, but I guess he usually does. He seemed to really want to talk to you, though he didn't say it. He invited you to go Christmas shopping with everyone today if you were feeling up to it. He said he'd really like it if you would go," he informed him as he gently ran his fingertips along his back. "I think you should really think about going. I think he's trying to apologize to you, Sor, in his own emotionally-constipated way." The blond chuckled at his own words about Roxas and pulled back a little to look down at Sora's face, moving a hand so he lifted Sora's face with a finger beneath his chin. He leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on his forehead in encouragement. "Please at least consider it?" he asked hopefully. "Or at least go talk to him?"
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Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2015 7:24 pm
Axel shrugged his shoulders a little as he pulled out of the embrace, but left the towel around Roxas's body. "You know, I don't know if he is awake this early, but there is only one way to know for sure. And that is to go and see, Roxas. You can't runaway from this anymore." Axel told the blonde before stepping away and getting in front of him again. The blue eyes that stared back into his emerald eyes were so lost and confused. This was probably one of the most vulnerable states that Axel had ever seen Roxas in, since normally Roxas got defensive or went to rage before accepting that he needed help with something.
"Yeah, I'll get you some clothes, hold on a second, okay?" Axel stated before turning around and heading into his room. There wasn't much of Roxas's clothing in Axel's room, but at least, Roxas would have a t-shirt, and some shorts. The shirt was one of Roxas's old ones, so it was a little beat up, and the shorts were Axel's and some basketball shorts, but at least they would cover Roxas up until he could get back into his room. He was also going to let Roxas have some of his boxers, but he had multiple of those that would fit him. After gathering the clothing, Axel moved back into his bathroom with a soft expression as he looked at Roxas. "Here, sweetheart," He breathed out with continued softness.
Sora frowned and started to hid his face in the pillow he had. Demyx was trying to push him out of getting out of the room. He didn't want to leave. He could pretend everything was okay in the room. He could forget that everything fell apart in the room. If he went outside, he was going to have to face the fact that Riku wasn't going to be there anymore. Sora was going to have to face the ******** up things that happened to him. He was going to have to face that reality that was laid out in front of him. The one where just about everyone in his life turned their back on him or revealed that he wasn't good enough for them. Sora just didn't know if he could handle that... now or ever.
"... No offense to Roxas or you, Demyx, but I don't think that I'm in the right mind set or mood to Christmas shop... Plus, I got most of my presents already... even Riku's... I guess I'll just have to return that..." Sora mumbled depressingly. As Demyx pulled his face to look at the dirty blonde, Sora glanced away so that he wasn't looking him in the eyes. He wouldn't face Demyx knowing the way that his face looked. He probably looked inhuman, right now. "And if it is that important for you to eat or Roxas to talk to me, you can go get some food, and Roxas can talk to me from the door. I'm not really in the mood for anymore confrontation. I hope you can understand why," Sora mumbled as he continued to look away. He knew that Demyx wouldn't be happy with his answer, but he didn't feel like making anything easy. No one made it easy on him that is for sure.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Jul 12, 2015 9:27 pm
Roxas nodded a little to Axel's continued encouragement as he shuffled towards the door to get into Axel's room. He met him at the door and smiled a little at the clothes in Axel's hand. The smile forced its way wider when Axel called him a pet name. His cheeks flushed a light pink as he reached out and took the pile of clothes from him, towel draped over his shoulders loosely now. He leaned up and kissed his cheek, thanking him softly, before turning back around and just dropping the towel since he was about to get dressed anyway.
He set the clothes down on the counter and bent over, peeling his drenched boxers down slowly, grimacing at the feeling. He turned back to the towel sprawled across the floor and picked it up, drying off his nether regions and legs before pulling on the dry boxers and breathing in relief. He quickly pulled on the rest of the clothes and then walked over to Axel. He reached up, slid his hands around to the back of the redhead's neck, and pulled him down into a gentle kiss.
"Thank you...for being patient," he whispered to him and then released him. He made his way over to Sora's room once more and took a deep, calming breath before knocking softly.
Demyx sighed softly but nodded, kissing the top of Sora's head once more since he didn't seem to want to be looked at. "Okay, Sor. But you're going to have to go out there eventually. I really don't want you closed off from everything and everyone for more than a week. I mean, I don't want it at all, but--" he was cut off by a soft knocking sound coming from the door. He frowned slightly at it as he heard Roxas's soft voice coming through the wood.
"Sora...are you awake?" he asked, hand sliding down to the door knob and twisting, frowning deeply as his gut twisted instead of it. He heard a faint call from Demyx and took in a deep breath once more before speaking again.
"Sora...can...can..," he started, words tripping over themselves and he felt himself beginning to tremble, not being able to get the right words out. He grunted a few times, looking down through tear-filled eyes as he twisted the fingers of his left hand painfully with his right, berating himself for not being able to think straight now that he knew that Sora was awake, or at least that's what he thought Demyx said.
After around five minutes of standing there, body shaking, hands turning white as tears rolled down his cheeks, odd noises and grunts the only thing coming out of his mouth, he quickly whimpered out, as the darkness surrounding his vision began to suffocate him, "I'm sorry. I miss you," and then bolted to the living room to grab his winter coat and then out the front door once more, slamming it behind him. He didn't go anywhere, though. He just sunk down on the wall of the front of the house and wrapped himself up in the coat, crying into his covered arms and hyperventilating slightly. Why was he so weak?
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Posted: Mon Aug 10, 2015 4:41 am
Axel turned away from Roxas and sat on his bed as Roxas began to change in the bathroom. It wasn't out of embarrassment or anything like that. He just figured that Roxas, in his fragile state, would want a little privacy. Axel could get his rocks off when everything was back to normal. Any sex that Roxas and him had right now, would strict be out of emotional release, and Axel didn't want to build their new relationship on that. All of the sex they had at the end of their last relationship together was based on it, and even though Axel loved sex... it didn't mean the same as making love to Roxas. He wanted to make Roxas feel special and loved... not a mean to an end.
Axel's bright green eyes reflected back into the blue ones, as he heard footsteps coming towards him. "Roxas," His voice was soft and comforting. Their lips touched briefly, and Axel thought he felt butterflies in his stomach as Roxas spoke to him. How did Roxas always manage to sweep all his confident away when he talked to him like this? The blonde was just so sincere and sweet. Axel melted.
The redhead stayed sitting on his bed until he heard the blonde faintly starting to stutter out in the hallway. Axel didn't want to interfere. He had already made everything so much worse when he hit Sora yesterday. Despite himself though, Axel stood and walked to his door. Patiently, Axel watched the blonde trying to relax and speak to his recently estranged twin. The blonde looked like he was drowning in turmoil. It hurt Axel to see it. He didn't reach across the hall, though. He didn't know if Roxas wanted to do this on his own.
As Roxas finally reached his threshold for self-torture and ran away, Axel stared for another moment at the door, before he bolted after Roxas. He could have swore, he heard something break inside the room. "Roxas, wait," Axel called out as he reopened the door after it slammed shut. He would have easily caught him, if the blonde had actually bolted farther than the door, but it definitely made Axel happy that Roxas didn't completely run away. Pulling the door behind him, Axel stepped out on the small porch with Roxas.
"Roxas, baby, it's okay, he'll come around. I promise, it's okay." His words were coming out much like a lullaby as he leaned down and pulled the blonde completely into his embrace. "We can take baby steps, and I promise, he'll come around. Just give him some time." Axel continued. "shh, shh, don't cry, you have been so strong today, there is no need for tears."
Axel wasn't in a coat as he hugged his little psychotic blonde, but the cold wasn't getting to him physically, yet. He was practically a walking heater, so even in just a t-shirt, he was still warmer than Roxas. "Do you want to stay out here? Or do you want to go back inside with me to sit on the couch? We can do whatever you, Roxas." Axel told him softly after a brief pause in his comforting words. The cold winds and the walls of the house were shields to the damage being done inside.
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Sora was well on his way to drifting off back to void-like sleep. He didn't even wait for Demyx to finish talking before he started to allow himself to slip off. He wanted to be back in blissful denial again. It was the only reason he was still sane currently. When Demyx started to say that he didn't want something at all, Sora blankly thought that we all have to deal with things we don't want. Why did he get to pick and chose? Sora's fogged-up brain attempted to fired back up as there was a knock at the door. ********. He could hear the all too familiar voice coming from the other side of the door. Why couldn't everyone just let him sleep? At least he wasn't screaming or breaking s**t, why couldn't he just sleep?
His frustrated brain was trying to fire on all cylinders, but it wasn't working out. The only thing it was wanting to process was anger. Demyx called something back to the voice. To Roxas. Sora had to physically stop his muscles from wrenching back and elbowing Demyx in his side. Why in the hell would he inform Roxas that he was awake. They just got finished talking about how Sora just wanted to sleep. No one was listening to him, and everyone was against him again.
The brunette forced himself up with a sharp groan. His body hurt more than he realized from all the running he did in the cold yesterday. Reaching up with his own weakened arms, the brunette pushed his hands into his tangled and skewed hair. He allowed his elbows to relax down on his raised knees. He was in a loose ball, as he awaited Roxas's next words. But no words came, the seconds were ticking by slowly, and Sora was actually gripping his hair hard enough to pull it out. Hot tears were blazing down his cheeks before he could even stop them. He was going to erupt.
Sora knew that Roxas hadn't walked away. He could feel him standing outside the door... struggling to get something out. Sora was cracking as his body was starting to shake. The feeling of Roxas suffocating was starting to choke Sora. "If you are going to say something, say it dammit." His words were full of rage and self-loathing, but relatively quiet. He wasn't really mad at Roxas, though. He was mad at the world. He was mad at himself. He was mad to feel something other than pain.
As Roxas replied shortly after Sora spoke out, Sora felt the rage only boiling hotter. Roxas probably didn't even hear him speak out at him. He didn't say it very loud, and Demyx was fluttering around him in a panic. Sora didn't blame Demyx for being upset at having to watch Sora in this state. He had started to breath heavily, and it was obvious Sora was out of control.
"I'm sorry. I miss you."
The words floated into his ear, almost by telepathy. Sora broke. Roxas didn't really miss him. He was just feeling guilty, because of what happened with Riku. If he actually give a s**t about Sora, he wouldn't be on the other side of that door. He could have ******** beat it down to be with Sora... That was what the old Roxas would have done, anyways. New Roxas was only worried about himself. New Roxas didn't give a s**t about Sora, and didn't really care what happened to him.
A second later, Sora reached over to the nightstand and gripped his cellphone hard. It honestly was just the first thing he could get his hands onto. Without hesitation, Sora chucked the phone as hard as he could against the bedroom wall. With a loud smack, it broke into several pieces and fell to the floor destroyed. The blonde forced his body into motion as he started up towards the same wall he threw his phone at. "Goddammit!" He screamed. He was bursting with rage and despair. Every muscle and fiber in his being was crying out for him to stop, but he didn't. He slammed his fist into the wall so hard that there was an instant crack from where he broke a couple bones in his own hand on the hard wall. The wall crumbled and cracked at the force, but he still hadn't completely broken through the wall. There was probably a stud there. He screamed out again before repeating the action. The cracking noise resounded through the room, and the wall caved slightly again. "Why! Why!?WHY!" Sora was screaming at the top of his lungs. His voice was breaking at random intervals, and his breathing was erratic.
Bam. Another hit to the wall. The dry wall had completely crumbled away revealing a large wooden post. Sora stained it a deep red with another blow from his broken hand. His body was shaking like it had when he was out in the cold. His whole body was on fire and he could feel his vision losing focus. He couldn't stop though. He hit the post again, but it was obvious now that he was losing steam due to exhaustion and weakness. Broke and now defeated, Sora finally collapsed down onto his knees on the floor. There was pieces of wall now mixed with his cellphone bits in front of him. His tears were pouring into the pile drop by drop. In a brief moment of clarity, Sora stared down at the pile and thought about how it reminded him of his life.
The brunette whole appearance looked decimated. It was apparent that Sora had blown through the first stage of grief, and and moved on to the second stage... anger. His hair was matted into terrible tangles, and his face was drained. What wasn't bruised to hell was somehow both flushed and pale. Tears were still streaming down his face and even down his neck. His arms were un-moving at his sides, except the shaking that was pulsing through his entire body. His right hand was bloody and starting to bruise now as well. Sora didn't seem to care though. His dull blue eyes were empty as they looked up at Demyx. They were literally vacant windows of the brunette that used to exist in the same body. Zombie-like was even too kind for the way his eyes looked. "... dem... can I go back to sleep now...?" His voice was almost non-existent. "...I don't ... I don't feel very well..." He sounded like a lost child. Maybe he was actually dying.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 12:24 pm
"No...No, it's not okay. He's never gonna love me again. He's never gonna trust me again," Roxas sobbed out hysterically. "He hates me. He hates me," he cried loudly into Axel's embrace, gripping onto his own knees tightly. "And I'm so ******** weak! I can't even ******** say what I need to when I know he's listening! Why am I so ******** weak?" he hissed out through clenched teeth before burying his face in his knees and screaming, startling someone across the street who was up early walking their dog. Roxas didn't care. He was so lost in his own head that he didn't even hear Axel suggest moving inside.
"I hate it. Why am I so ******** difficult? Why can't I just get along with him? With myself? I hate it. I hate myself," he cried, digging his nails into his thighs as his grip on himself tightened. "Why do I push every ******** thing that I love away from me? Why do I need to be alone? I don't want to be. I can't be alone, or I'll break. I'll die. I can't handle it. I can't handle any of this. I'm not strong enough," he babbled on, crying his eyes out as his chest heaved with sobs and shallow breaths.
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Demyx could only watch as his best friend fell apart. He knew there was nothing he could do, even as Sora got up and began punching the wall. He just watched, tears streaming down his face as he failed to hold back his sobs at the scene, tiny whimpers escaping his throat as he cried. He told himself he needed to pull together and be strong for Sora, but he wasn't sure it would help. He tried anyway, though, and stood, walking into Sora's bathroom. There was the muffled sound of the sink running, then he came back out, face washed of tears but still stained red with irritation and swelling from crying. He had the small bown that Sora kept his soap in full of water, a wash cloth, and a roll of bandages.
Demyx silently walked over to Sora, looking him in the eyes blankly, careful to not show any emotion, and kneeled down in front of him. He set the supplies down and gently took Sora's hand in his own, not answering the brunet's question of if he could go to sleep. He then dampened the wash cloth with the warm water and started to gently clean the wounds on his knuckles, noticing the bruising already beginning.
Next he began to wrap his hand up, careful not to move the fingers around too much. He wrapped it firmly and thoroughly, frowning slightly when he could already see a little blood soaking through the pure white. He clipped it in place then dipped his hand in the water and gently moved his hands up to Sora's face to wash away the tears.
"Bed," he said gently, face still blank. He was scared that if he showed any emotion, he would break. And Sora needed strength right now. So he gently pulled him to his feet and guided him over to the bed,laying him down in it and covering him up.
"Sleep. I need to go to the store. Please just sleep," he told him softly and leaned down, kissing his forehead. "I'll be here when you wake up. I swear on my parents' grave and my belief in Santa Claus and Christmas miracles." His lips twitched up into a little smile that didn't quite reach his eyes, and then back into a straight line again. He waited for Sora to speak, not leaving until he said he'd stay there in bed. Sora needed something solid and trustworthy, but Demyx also needed Sora to deem him trustworthy.
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Posted: Fri Aug 14, 2015 9:16 pm
Axel held on to Roxas like he might actually disintegrate if he let go. “Rox, baby, you can’t give up on yourself like this. You owe it to yourself and to Sora, to push through this.” Axel wasn’t even sure what he was saying anymore. He just held on to the blonde and said anything that came to his mind that he thought would make Roxas feel better. “I mean, honestly Roxas, when I first met you, You were pretty much attached at the hip to Sora, you were so scared to do anything without him. You guys could get through anything, because no matter what happened, no matter who came along, you guys had each other. People that have that strong of a bond don’t just grow apart.”
“Roxas, the thing that you are missing here is that Sora is still your brother in there. He is going through a lot of pain right now, and I know a lot of that pain is from me, and I know that makes it harder. But no matter what happens, you guys will always be a part of each other. Sora doesn’t hate you, Sora is just hurting so bad it is coming out as hate towards everyone.” Axel words were desperately spilling from his lips as he began to cry in front of Roxas. He wasn’t crying because he was personally hurt. He was crying for his boyfriend, and he was crying for Sora. He was crying, because the sorrow around was so suffocating it was drowning him.
“... Roxas… please come back inside with me… please don’t give up on Sora and your relationship. You may fall short again… hell, you may not even come close for the next hundred times you try, but Sora will know that you have tried…. and someday, he will look up from his depression and realize that you were right there waiting for him to wake up the whole time, and it’ll mean the world to him.” Axel’s words were almost completely sobbed out. He wanted Roxas to make it through this. He didn’t know what he would do if he lost Roxas now. He needed him to push through this.
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Sora silently watched Demyx doctor his broken hand. He knew it was suppose to hurt, but he couldn’t feel it. Maybe adrenaline was still running through him. Maybe he had just lost all ability to feel. Tears were still slowly flowing out of his eyes as he watched, but they had pretty much dried completely up as Demyx reached up to wash his face. He felt numb to every touch, but Sora could envision what Demyx’s soft, loving touches would feel like. He had felt them a thousand times before.
Demyx’s first real words to his fit, were so gentle. He wasn’t mad at him, or abandoning him. He was right there, and he was comforting him the best way he knew how. Nodding a little back, Sora reached up into Demyx’s arms with his unbandaged hand. His eyes hadn’t brightened, but there was an empty smile on his lips. His body was basically trying to reboot all the knowledge it knew. It knew that Demyx made him happy, so he smiled. There was no real emotion behind, but it was something. The brunette moved to the bed with Demyx’s guidance, and obediently curled up under the blanket.
His blue eyes seemed big enough to swim in as he looked up into Demyx’s eyes. His eyes were hauntingly deep like staring into the depths of the ocean. He looked lost, but at a chilling peace. He wasn’t sad, he wasn’t happy, he wasn’t even mad. He just was. It was twistedly heartbreaking.
“… k… “ His voice was soft and it was really more of a single syllable projected out pass his lips. His torturous eyes blinking shut for a moment, as Demyx leaned down and kissed him on the forehead. He flashed him that empty smile again. “... I believe you… hurry back thou… I don’t want to be cold… I think I’ll be cold without you… cold and lonely…yeahh…” his words drifted off as his tired blue eyes sank closed with only a few flutters. He was pretty wore out before, but at that point, he was passing out whether he wanted to or not. As his exhausted, defeated body give in to sleep, Sora laid curled up to a pillow on his bed, alone. The not bruised side of his face was hidden in the pillow, so all you could see was the dark blue, purple, and black damage that was spread across his cheek and eye. He was passed out, though, so there was the same chilling peace over the brunette.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:09 pm
Roxas's body shuddered with sobs as he listened to Axel speak. He wanted Sora back in his life so badly. So, so badly but he was terrified to face him after he was so shitty. He could never make up how he'd basically abandoned Sora to him. Ever. And he knew that. He also knew that if he didn't try, it would just get worse and worse until he lost him forever. The problem was, he had no idea where to start, especially with Sora being so fragile right now. The only person Sora even wanted to see was Demyx. Demyx obviously mattered more to him, then, right? Roxas could never measure up to the blond at this point. He had been there for him more than his own family had.
Roxas, you piece of s**t.
"I-it hurts not having him," Roxas choked out, gripping onto Axel tighter. "It hurts seeing...how betrayed he looks everytime I catch his eye... I don't want him to h-hurt anymore, but every time I get near him..." He began sobbing once more. "I can't do anything to fix it. I've ******** it up too bad."
He was so distraught, caught up in his own pain that he didn't hear the front door open beside them. Demyx, dressed in his winter coat, hat and boots, shut the door behind him quietly. Then he paused, staring blankly at the door for a moment before squatting down beside Roxas and Axel. Roxas looked up at him with a red, puffy face as Demyx said his name softly, firmly.
"Go in there and be with him. He's knocked out, but the door's unlocked," he told him, careful to keep the emotion from his expression even still as he stared the smaller blond in the eyes...until said smaller blond shut his and shook his head.
"I can't," came the choked sound from his chest; Demyx's jaw clenched.
"Roxas, I swear, if you don't get in there and be with your brother--"
"What does it matter? H-He doesn't even want me in th-there," Roxas argued, tears pouring down his cheeks again. Demyx lost it a little.
"And what the hell do you think sitting here and crying your little 'woe-is-me' party is gonna do for him, huh? He's your ******** brother. Go be with him before he's ******** go--"
"He's already gone, Demyx!" Roxas snarled, voice cracking. "He doesn't want me, he wants you! You're his world now! I'm not! I ******** it--" An echoed smack, and a ringing in Roxas's ears shocked him out of his tyrade. Demyx grabbed him by the front of him and pulled him close before throwing another punch straight at his face, connecting with his cheekbone as he fell back into Axel's lap.
"You fix him," Demyx hissed through his clenched teeth. "You go in there, and you try your damndest. If you don't care, let him know, because he's in enough pain to deal with your bullshit right now, Roxas. Grow up, get your head out of your a**, and go love your brother before there's nothing left of him to love." He stood, jaw still clenched as he rubbed his knuckles. He turned his attention toward Axel, then.
"Grow some balls and ******** help Roxas see what a ******** idiot he is. Help him through it. Don't ******** hold his hand and buy him a candy store. He's a human. He's wrong. Build a bridge and get over yourselves."
Roxas crumpled in Axel's lap, holding his face as he sobbed, defeated. Now he was in shock, too. Demyx hit him. Demyx hit him, and he deserved it. ********, what a pile of s**t. He hated himself. He was deserving of getting beaten by Demyx. He was a monster.
"I can't. I can't. Sora doesn't deserve someone like me. I'm ******** horrible. I hate myself. I hate it," he cried as Demyx walked away, smoke practically coming out of his ears.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2016 11:51 pm
A person can be stunned. A person can be utterly shocked to their core. But this feeling that washed over Axel as watched Roxas and Demyx verbally and physically fighting in front of him, was more than any form of shocked or stunned. Axel felt a revelation wash over him. He felt like after years of being around the two twins he woke up and was looking at the two’s relationship for the first time. Both of them were so unhealthy. They had just repeatedly thrown themselves at people like some sad form of fishing lure tactic, praying to hook something… anything. Because they could be with one another, but they were each other. They were one… and therefore, they were still alone…. But now that they were two different people. They were both half of a person. Axel thought for a long time that they were better off growing apart. They were freakishly close after all… but now it all just seemed so visible.
Axel sat there quietly, eyes wide just staring. He stared until Demyx addressed him, and even though he tried to formulate words back, all that came out was Axel mumbling Demyx’s name. It was as if all he could think to do was call to his best friend and pray for salvation that would never come. With lost emerald eyes, he watched Demyx walk way and soon there was no sound other than his boyfriend sobbing in his lap.
His eyes look down at the pieces of the Roxas he used to love so deeply. He was so broken and disarrayed that there barely a person in front of him… and Axel knew this… He had known this… He knew that Roxas wasn’t whole, not without Sora in the picture. And Axel knew what he had to do. He knew that Roxas may hate him… He knew that he may even lose Roxas over this, but he had to. He had to do, because he had to at least attempt to fix the rift that he created so many years ago.
In one swift motion, Axel stood and lifted Roxas up into his arms. Without stopping to think about the repercussions any further, Axel walked straight into the house and back to Sora’s room. There was a pounding in his ears from the fear of losing Roxas, and he was pretty sure that Roxas was trying to talk to him, but Axel just held onto the blonde tighter and keep moving. With adrenaline racing through him, Axel pushed open Sora’s bedroom door and walked over to the brunette’s disheveled bed. He didn’t stop. He couldn’t now. He dropped Roxas on the bed, and moved back to the door as quick as he could, so that Roxas couldn’t run back out. Yes, he was locking Roxas in with Sora, but Axel had to face facts. On his own, Roxas was never going to face his brother. On his own, Roxas would never open that door on his own.
Fear of what was going to happen was making tears pool in the corners of his eyes as he forcibly held the door shut. He couldn’t mechanically lock the door without Roxas being able to open it from the inside, but he could forcibly hold it shut. He could force Roxas to face his brother. He had to. For all of their sakes.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 12:30 am
It took Roxas an honest minute to realize exactly what Axel was doing. He realized only when he noticed Axel stopped short, right before his room, and opened a door. His head shot straight up, and he immediately began thrashing around in Axel's arms, objecting to this turn of events.
"Axel, please. No, please don't," he pleaded, scrambling after Axel as soon as he hit the bed. "Please, please let me out. Axel, please. He won't want me. He's gonna be mad. PLease, it's just gonna make everything worse. I'm just gonna ******** everything up," he begged through the door as quietly as he could while sobbing and yanking on the door knob. He kept glancing back at Sora while he tried to get out of the room.
Five minutes, ten minutes, half an hour passed before he finally gave up and just slid down the door crying. He was just going to ******** it all up again. Sora didn't even want to see him. He knew he didn't want to see him. He was just going to go off the deep end again as soon as he saw Roxas in the room with him. He stared sadly, terrified, at Sora's form on the bed, barely blinking because he didn't want to miss a move.
He froze as Sora shifted.
"Axel, please. Please. I'll do it on my own. He's waking up, please let me out. I don't want him to see me like this. I'm not strong enough. I'm not strong enough to help him. I can't even help myself. Please, Axel. Please," he began sobbing again, clawing at the door knob to get out.
Demyx had come back just about twenty minutes later, at first relieved to see Axel and Roxas not on the door step. Then when he walked inside and heard the quiet commotion down the hallway, he looked Axel up and down briefly before nodding. Axel had finally figured it out. He figured out that everyone was wrong. No one really understood what was going on except the two of them now. Roxas and Sora needed each other more than they needed anyone else, and no one should tear them apart like they were.
He shrugged off his coat, laid it across the back of the couch, and then joined Axel at the door, reaching down to hold the knob for him. "Sit down and rest," he said quietly. "I'll keep it held." It honestly hurt to hear Roxas's pleads for mercy, but it hurt more to see them apart. This was all worth it, he knew it. It had to be.
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Posted: Thu Aug 25, 2016 1:11 am
With every plead and cry, Axel felt himself breaking a little more inside. He couldn’t give in though. He had to let Roxas ride this out. His face must have looked like a wreck from the tears and silent sobs. He couldn’t wipe his face at all, because he couldn’t let go of the door, so it was just all there. All the love that Axel had for Roxas just out for the world to see, because this is what this was. Axel was choosing to give Roxas what he needed and not just what he wanted. He knew that this was the only way to get any part of the real Roxas back, and Axel knew that Demyx was right. Despite, his love and want to give Roxas his every desire. He ******** needed this. He needed Sora.
After twenty minutes, of what was pure torture, he heard Demyx walk up through Roxas’s cries and he glanced over at the blonde. He didn’t know what to do. He couldn’t think of anything else to do, so as Demyx took the door knob, Axel just collapsed in front of the door and curled up down next to it, and Demyx’s feet. “I’m sorry. Please don’t hate me.” He whispered softly into his own knees. He couldn’t even look at the door as he continued to cry. He knew Roxas wasn’t going to forgive him for this. Even if he understood why Axel did it. Axel should have just faced that he couldn’t have Roxas back before… maybe none of this would have happened.
“I can’t Roxas… I can’t.” Axel spoke up a little louder as he heard Roxas’s cries getting desperate and frantic again. Roxas probably didn’t even hear him through his own cries, but Axel couldn’t stop the emotions and words flowing through him at that moment.
Sora didn’t know what going on the whole time. He couldn’t hear any of Roxas’s pleads through his comatose, but his sleep was anything but restful. The pain and the emptiness scratched at him and scratched him until he finally couldn’t even pretend to be asleep anymore through his exhaustion. He didn’t know if he woke up and started crying, or if he started to cry and woke up, but he knew he was in so much pain. Everything, inside and out, hurt. He heard a voice through his fog at the door. He didn’t know who it was, but the voice was pleading… begging for help. There was the sound of scuffing and struggling…. And of sobbing other than his own. Or maybe it was his own. He sounded like his own sobs. It felt like his own pain. The self-loathing… the confusion… the hatred for the future and events to come… it was so familiar and yet foreign.
Sora shifted uncomfortable and all of his body resisted the physical force of movement. Sora groan in displeasure at the feeling, and his throat cry in a small shock of pain. His eyes were forced up by the pain of reality come back to him, and with what energy he had left, he rolled over to look at the door. Roxas. Roxas was in his room… or was this his room. He didn’t feel any connect to the fabric of the bed, or the things scattered about. It was all too far from it. Maybe this wasn’t his room. Maybe he was outside of everything, watching Roxas from apart. What could Roxas be so distress about? What was he trying to get to? … or get away from? Was he in trouble?
Sora felt his brother’s pain. He could hear it in every syllable, despite not being about to even process the words Roxas was saying. “..R-rox..as.” Sora mumbled out in a weak crack from his own lips. “..what’s wrong…” Sora asked through his crippling depression and emptiness. Just like before, his eyes were empty and hollow looking..
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Aug 26, 2016 9:35 am
Roxas froze as soon as he heard Sora speak up. A whimper forced its way through his throat, muscles paralyzed and unable to do much work in his body. Sora was awake. Sora knew he was there. He had said his name. He had to face him now.
He wasn't ready.
His eyes were peeled, wide as could be as his gaze shot over to Sora looking right back at him with...with void eyes. There was nothing left in him. No love, no happiness. He was just...empty. And tears slid down Roxas's face once more at the sight.
He didn't want to see him like this, in so much pain. But what could he do? He wasn't even strong enough to hold himself together, much less someone as broken as Sora was.
"I'm sorry," he whispered, collapsing in on himself and hiding in his arms. "I'm not strong enough to help you. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," he began sobbing, body breaking down as he retreated into himself. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I can't leave. They won't let me. I know you hate me. I know you don't want me anymore. I'm such a s**t brother. I'm so sorry. I can't fix anything. I just make everything worse for everybody."
Demyx could hear Roxas's voice raising the more he spoke, words drowned in tears. It was painful listening to him speak. Listening to him realize how broken he was, how much he'd messed up. Demyx looked down at Axel with a small frown. Sora was definitely awake now. He must have addressed Roxas. The tall blond's hand gripped the handle tighter, ready to either hold the entrance shut tighter or rush in there to stop a fight. There was no telling which direction the siblings were going to go.
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2016 9:28 pm
Something was wrong with Roxas. Something was very wrong with Roxas, and Sora could physically feel his pain. It was as if he, himself, was all of his own pain and Roxas’s pain all at once, and yet he felt disconnected from it. It was as if he knew he was in pain, that Roxas was in pain, but he couldn’t actually do anything about it through the numbing sensation of his broken psyche. He probably should have been alarmed, but he didn’t have the energy. He didn’t have any more energy to give, and sleep apparently wasn’t an option for him.
It took Sora longer than it should have to process the words that his twin was saying to him. There was a pounding in his head, probably from the swelling along his face, and it made it extremely hard to think clearly. More maybe it was the fog of other pains and depression. Either way, the room seemed to be uncomfortably silent in between the blonde twin’s sobbing. But Sora was listening. He heard every word of Roxas’s pleads for forgiveness or
Sora glanced away from Roxas, if to collect what little thoughts he had, before giving them to the blonde. “You never had to fix anything.” The words came in soft, and from the depths of Sora’s being. It was as if, he had thought about this conversation for so long and so hard, he wasn’t even thinking about what he was saying now. He was just running on autopilot.
“You were always enough to me, Roxas. You don’t have to be perfect or sane or even remotely together, like you attempt to be for everyone else. You can’t say that I don’t want you anymore, because I never stopped wanting you. You are my brother, my best friend, and despite everything and all the odds against me or you, I will always love you. Despite everything in my being, I can’t hate you, or Riku, or Axel, or anyone. I made my choices to get here, and you made your own choices to get there. One day you made the choice to walk out of my personal life, and I made the choice to let you, so don’t sit there and lie to me, or cry about how you don’t know how to help me or that you aren’t strong enough, or whatever bullshit excuse you have left to give. The only thing you ever had to physically do was choose to be here with me. To choose not to walk away from every opportunity you had to be close to me again. And all I had to do was choose to stand up and admit that I needed you, that every day you chose to be alone or with Axel, or with ******** it killed me inside, because I wanted you to choose me. I wanted to be enough. I wanted you to just simply want to be with me like you used to. To need me like you used to. But obviously, our choices have lead us stray and no amount of sorry or self-loathing is going to fix what we did to each other.”
Sora wasn’t crying. He wasn’t even really mad. His eyes held nothing, but tiredness, and then they didn’t even hold Roxas’s glaze, because he rolled back over on the bed. He shut his eyes and felt something inside him breaking, even more than it already was, because he knew what was going to happen. Roxas was going to walk out of this room, and Sora was going to lose him forever. He was going to lose another person he loved forever.
Axel had wiped his tears away and was slowly trying to collect himself as he watched Demyx breaking over the same experience he had trying to keep Roxas in the room.. but then Sora woke up… and Axel honestly didn’t know what was going to happen. There was this feeling of panic that was growing in his throat, and he didn’t know if he could take the mental stress of having to keep Roxas prison in the room with Sora. Maybe it would have been better to let them come to this on their own. Maybe they really weren’t ready for it. He didn’t hear what Sora had said, but based on Roxas’s pleads, Sora must have made his state of consciousness known. He felt like he was betraying Roxas hearing him say those things, but he didn’t know what else to do. Their feuding was killing the entire household and they couldn’t continue to live in a state of distress all the time.
Of course, when Sora spoke up the second time, and proceeded to just open the floodgates, the house become so quiet, that someone could probably hear Sora from the porch. It stabbed into Axel’s heart, and Axel wasn’t even the one facing Sora. How did they get like this? How did everything get so bad? Axel slowly reached up and grabbed Demyx’s hand as Sora’s lament finished. “…he needs you.” Axel voice was barely above a whisper, but this little exercise had obviously gone too far.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Aug 29, 2016 10:53 pm
Demyx felt his heart break more with every word that came out of Sora's mouth. He may not have been speaking loudly, but Demyx could hear just enough. And his heart broke simultaneously with what was left of Roxas's own heart.
He looked down at Axel as the redhead held his hand. He gripped Axel's hand back, giving him a dull smile. "He needs Roxas, too," he said softly and slowly, quietly found himself pushing the door open, knocking Roxas slightly sideways as he slipped through, pulling Axel through with him. "He needs all of us."
The sight was even worse than the sound.
Roxas was a frozen, broken mess. He was trembling, and his face was puffy from tears and bruising from the abuse Demyx dealt. But he had to do this, and he needed help. "Come on," he encouraged him quietly as he released Axel's hand briefly to bend down and haul Roxas to his feet. Roxas looked at him with wide, scared eyes. He didn't know how to process anything. He was lost, and didn't know what to do. He didn't know how to help his brother. Demyx would help him figure it out. Axel got him in here, Demyx could guide them through the rest.
He managed to haul the listless Roxas to his feet, the smaller, confused blond gripping onto him for support. He looked at Demyx for what to do next. He had lost all ability to think for himself, however briefly.
He made sure to look back at Axel and grab onto his hand once more. With a nod, he lead them slowly over to the bed, pushing Roxas slightly in front of him when they reached it. Roxas stared at Sora's back, then up at Demyx, eyes lost and confused. Demyx only nodded to him and looked pointedly over at Sora. Roxas slowly turned his head back to see his brother.
He looked...small. And fragile. And broken. He looked lonely and sad, and...like he needed a hug. A hug only those closest to his heart could give. He...he said he would always love him, didn't he? He...they were brothers. That's what they did. They loved each other no matter what, which meant...he was close to his heart, right? Roxas began trembling harder, tears welling up and sliding down his cheeks once more as he wrung his hands together.
He worked his jaw, trying to force words to come out of his chest. It seemed as it time had slowed to a stand-still as he tried to push his thoughts out, to vocalize them. The problem was, there were no thoughts. Nothing would string itself together enough to form something that could come out coherently until--
"--lay with you?"
What did he just say? Did he just speak? He couldn't keep up anymore. His brain worked overtime to descipher what had just happened, and when it realized what he said...he wasn't sure if he had actually said it, so he repeated himself.
"Can... Please, can I lay with you?"
His voice was drenched, anxiety taking him over once more as he awaited his answer.
"I-I'd really like to... I think..." he trailed off as his thoughts wisped themselves away and then slowly came back. "We both... I... We need...we need each other. And...and I miss you. I want..." thoughts gone, he forced them back in, eyes squeezed shut and brow furrowed in concentration. "I want to...hug you and help you heal. If...If you want me..."
His eyes flew back open to look at Sora's back sadly, still waiting on his response. Demyx squeezed Axel's hand. He wasn't even sure Roxas remembered they were there anymore.
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Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:01 am
Sora’s conscious mind was vaguely aware of the newcomers to the room, but he really didn’t care who it was. They were probably here for Roxas, he was the better of the two of them obviously. Sora was a ******** train wreck waiting to just repeatedly crash over the same mistakes. Who would want to see him? Especially like this? He closed his eyes a little tighter to keep from crying again. He couldn’t cry again. He didn’t know if he could stop crying, if he started.
The room was filled with the whispers of the others, and then through the silence in the room, Sora heard that small, familiar voice. It was far from loud, but Sora heard every word. His ears felt almost enhanced to every vibration from his brother’s voice. He was so unsure if his heart could take it, if he reconnected with Roxas for him to just walk away again, but he ultimately could never push Roxas away. Almost hesitantly, Sora rolled back over, so that he was facing Roxas. His face looked so damaged, but there was a spark of hope in his blue orbs.
“Really..?” Sora felt his eyes filling with unwanted liquid. They weren’t tears of hate or sadness; they were happy tears. He didn’t honestly think that Roxas was going to want stay by him. He thought that his words, for sure, would have chased the blonde to the farthest corners of the Earth, but there Roxas was. Pleading to be able to hug him, even like he was. Roxas still wanted to be with him. Reaching out with his bruised and bloody hands to the blonde, he couldn’t even form the words to say yes, as he started to sob a little. He had Roxas back.
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UnDeadReaper95 Vice Captain
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Posted: Fri Sep 09, 2016 1:42 am
Roxas thought his heart would explode when it finally seemed to thump itself back to life at the hope in Sora's eyes. He did want him. Roxas hadn't completely ******** up, and Sora still wanted to have him in his life. A soft sob escaped his throat as he nodded in affirmative, sucking his bottom lip into his mouth to muffle himself. He couldn't form any words. He could barely form them before, but now...now he may as well give up on his voicebox entirely.
As Sora held out his weak arms toward his blond lookalike, Roxas stumbled forward and collapsed on the bed beside him, wrapping him up in his arms and legs, completely engulfing him in the most affectionate embrace they had shared in a long, long while. Roxas was openly sobbing now as he buried his nose in Sora's hair, tucking him under his chin for safe-keeping. His body trembled and shook with emotion as he sobbed, groping onto Sora as much as he could without hurting him.
"I-I'm so sorry," he finally coughed out, voice muffled in Sora's hair as he cried. "I l...love you." It felt nice. They both may have been broken, but it felt so nice, like he was whole again, having Sora wrapped up in his arms like they used to be. He was barely holding himself together enough to function he was so overcome with emotion.
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