Welcome to Gaia! ::

one of these days I'll learn how to cook.. when I was younger my parents would make all kinds of good things, but these days they only make the things I don't like, I know, cry me a river, but still. we are having spaghetti tonight, and the noodles are so wet that none of the sauce sticks to it, nevermind that not enough sauce is ever made in the first place, and I'm all like, who wants to eat just a buncha boiled noodles... One of these days. Still saving money and still seeing if any opportunities involving roommates come up.

some one at work today got there car broken into.. apparently she locks her purse in the car.. they rumaged through it and stole her check book and stuff.. she really shouldn't leave her purse locked up in her car.. i'd be to freaked if i did.. when i do i get freaked even if it's for 10 seconds..

Well, I'm just going to take the opportunity to rant at the unnamed person above me who posted absolutely nothing - frankly, it looks like advertising, a thing that I was glad to AVOID in the Gates - in every single thread, thus dragging old topics to the top and kicking current topics to the bottom. scream If you're going to do that, at least post something worth reading, neh?

Apparently I had a bit more Jack than I should have last night, I forgot what these whiskey hangovers felt like.

It's 2:00 in the afternoon but it feels like 6 AM. I've been awake for a little over an hour now but have yet to leave my room or wash up or anything of the sort. I feel like I could crawl back into bed. And I know the grass probably needs trimmed too, what lovely weather for yardwork.

Not really a rant, but wth? My contest in the Writers Forum ended yesterday and I handed out the prizes and now I'm poor...abysmally poor....Okay, not really, but my I was rather used to seeing a great big 4 in front of the count. Now it's a great big 3. cry Oh well, I like hosting the contests more, so I really can't complain. Much.

wahmbulance

I know I'm a broken record, but I can't help myself. You don't have to reply; it isn't required.

I just sorta flipped out at my sister, and I've had this feeling all day of...I don't, of snapping. Like, it's a breaking point. And I know where it's from, too. It's because I'm looking for a girl in all these places and I'm not getting anything. It's frustrating, and I do feel like I'm going insane.

All I see is "Message read and deleted", and I see my photos get rated less than 5 (on a scale of 10, 10 being the highest), even less than 3, and it's disheartening. And as much as I am a broken record, my friends--despite their good and well meaning intentions--seem doubly so (in their defense I don't think there really is anything else they can say).

I'm just tired. And lonely, and jealous, and depressed. Each day is like a punch in the gut. Some of you have had times like these, some of you got lucky, some are in the same situation as I am in the sense that they've never had something or someone yet they miss it like water after walking a day in the desert.

How does that work? How do I miss something I've never really had? Maybe I did have it. Not completely. It was text love, happened a couple of times years ago, and both times they were far away and I didn't have the means to go to them. I've never had the physical side of the equation, though.

I get told to be patient, but it isn't working; I get told to work for it, but the harder I look the more it hurts; I get told I'm looking in the wrong places, but how does that work if I simply can't get to where I need to be looking.

Maybe I'm just looking for an easy answer, or for something to just be handed to me, I don't know.

Is it shallow for me to need physical attraction in a woman, yet still be hurt when I don't meet their physical attraction? Am I a b*****d for having a standard of what I think is beautiful and what isn't? Does a loser like me have the right to judge who to talk to, who to ask out, or be interested in? Does a beggar have the right to choose? Are ppl who aren't considered hot, or sexy, relegated to only be with ppl who they themselves don't consider hot or sexy? Can "ugly" people only be with other "ugly" people?

I'm ashamed to admit that not being considered "hot" or "beautiful" is like a shot at my worth. I'm ashamed to admit that when people hesitate before telling me they think I'm cute that I feel hurt.

I keep trying to tell myself, "They just don't really know me. I'm cool." Yet I always feel like screaming right after I say those words in my head. Like I'm about to explode.

Do I have the right to blame anyone but myself? Is it THEIR fault for having THEIR standards? Is it THEIR fault they feel they need someone more beautiful than me? If it's their fault for that, then isn't it my fault for feeling the same? That I need to sleep beside someone who is beautiful, and to wake up beside someone beautiful?

I just feel like screaming "WHAT THE ******** DO YOU WANT FROM ME!?" right in a mirror, and then subsequently punching said mirror repeatedly.