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 Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 10:01 am
Attention:
You may have well noticed that I haven't been grading the past few days. Some of our people are out of commission and this next task requires that perhaps you get to know one another better and work on your person to person interaction. So, I've slowed things down a bit. That and well, I'm ill again, as per usual. Heh. :3 Just a bit tired.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 1:43 pm
((Heya, I just wanna inform to all of you that I will not be frequenting the forum for about one to two weeks due to life. I have around three projects going on around the same time so I need to catch up with my schedule. Thanks for understanding.))
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:11 pm
Aurak smiles a little, knowing that the paladin was satisfied with her students. looks down upon the pillows, he places his hand on them to feel the softness of the pillows. They are soft as the softest pillows around, though they still had enough hardness in them to keep from making his hand touch the floor. Then shock covers his face a bit as he realizes something, stands straight up, checks his hands then patting himself all over as if looking for something. Oh Drack! Where is it? WHERE IS IT!?
He pulls his small pack out again and opens it again to check inside, nothing. Where is it?! Continues to fumble around in his pack.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 12:02 pm
Arch_HitsujI ((Heya, I just wanna inform to all of you that I will not be frequenting the forum for about one to two weeks due to life. I have around three projects going on around the same time so I need to catch up with my schedule. Thanks for understanding.)) (That’s cool. Life keeps going, even if we don’t want it to.) “I love you dad. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Liran whispered as he finished his prayer. He lifted his head, and opened his eyes. The scents from the meals caused him to drift back into time. “I don’t know. Maybe the faith is spreading.” He looks up, and sees an old man wearing a grey robe, sitting across from him eating a meal. “Maybe it is, but I don’t think many will follow whole-heartedly, or at least for long. It’s getting harder to remain faithful.” He looks into eyes of the man he knew as Dad.. The blue eyes drew him in like a fisherman drew in a fish on a hook. The clattering of plates, and lids brought him back to the present. All the memories of the days back at home hit him like a tsunami. A tear rolled down his face. Liran stood up, pushed out the chair and walked up to a chef and lowered his head into a bow. “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat right now. I’m sure the food is nourishing and delicious, but I won’t be able to fully appreciate it.” He turned around as soon as he finished. He took off out the door without raising his head and looking at anyone, including the chefs. Fresh air rushed at him as the wooden doors opened. By instinct he took off towards the gate then burst out of the abbey, then turned left and followed the black fence. He kept running till it dawned on him he wasn’t home. He stopped and fell to his knees. He kneeled there for what seemed hours. The moon disappeared and everything went black. Liran looked up into the sky where his Dad now resides. “Oh, my. Someone help me!” The scream shook him back to reality once again. He got up onto his feet quickly, then the moon reappeared again. “Thank you heavenly father.” Liran murmured as he took off back into the abbey. He pushed open the gate and looked around. A ring from the bell drew his attention to the tower. A dark figure started ascending up the building and vanished at the third story. (Yes. Another long post. I hope I conquered the “Liran” thing. Oh, yeah. Sorry it’s depressing. I hope this sort of showed more of his past, and what his religion is. Also, I took this out of my story.)
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 2:46 pm
"I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by."
(I'm so sorry, but I thought I would have internet access when I went on vacation. I was wrong. >.<)
The crickets were chirping, the owls were hooting, and the moon was rising in the sky. Night had settled like a blanket over the green woods, turning the trees next to the path black. Like many of the night-time creatures in the woods, a small figure walked carefully and silently down the darkened path.
"Mew"
A small hand slowly crept up from the wooden carving on Kellen's neck to the kitten on her shoulder. The bitten and dirty fingernails sought the kitten's head to give it a good scritch. Soon, powerful purrs came from the kneading Luna as her master continued to walk down the path. As the darkness filled the woods, Kellen's skips had gradually turned into occasional jumps and the jumps into fearful steps.
"Don't worry, Luna. I-I'm sure we will get out of here soon." Kellen said shakily. "D-don't be afraid. I think we- Look at that Luna! Walls!"
As most children her age should at the thought of play, Kellen's eyes gained a sparkle at the thought of a warm fire and some food. Her hand dropped from the still purring Luna to her wooden pendant and finally to her side. Quickly, her slow walk turned into a skipping run, much to the dismay of Luna. Her scared meows and digging claws convinced Kellen to slow down to a pace Luna was happy with too.
Soon enough, the walls were easily seen and so were the closed gates. The brilliant smile that had lit up Kellen's face for the short run fell at the sight of the gates.
"Oh, no."
Her eyes lost their sparkle as she grasped the bars.
"Hello? Is anyone here?"
When no response came, Kellen's eyes filled with tears. As she sniffed back her tears, she took off her pack, turned around, and slid down the bars to the cold, hard ground.
"We'll just have to wait till morning I guess..."
-Douglas Adams
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:55 am
No_1_cares ((thanks for the assessment, I'm still kinda new to the whole literate RP environment.)) Seeing the paladin make her way to the kitchen he follows, unsure of the consequences and not caring for he would bear the burden of the others, he felt it was his duty. Stepping up to where Aniur and the head chef stood he bows to them. Being older than he appeared through the gift of Okimishu, the god of life, he has seen the future become past but holds true to his roots. His voice humble he speaks to both the teacher and the cook. "Excuse me Sensei Aniur, but their burden shall be my own. I was the latest of the group and do not deserve to enjoy the fine meal the most honored chefs have prepared. I would like to cook the meals for those here." Turning to the head chef he produces a book, old and well used and presents it to him. "In this you will find dishes from the far reaches of the globe, some you will undoubtedly know, others will be as new to you as the rising of the sun each day." Rising from his bow he turns not toward the way he entered but towards the back of the kitchen making his way to the training grounds for the upcoming sparring matches. The training grounds, the very thing that reminded him of the Meji Era, drew his attention as soon as he had entered the sacred place. Bowing to the straw training dummy as he would a real opponent he moves with a speed and precision that only comes from years of intensive training, though his swiftness was a gift from Okami, the god of winds. Quote: Seeing the paladin make her way to the kitchen he follows, unsure of the consequences and not caring for he would bear the burden of the others, he felt it was his duty. Quote: Seeing the paladin maker her way to the kitchen, he follows. Unsure and uncaring of the consequences, he decided that he would bear the burden of the others because he felt it was his duty to do so. Quote: Being older than he appeared through the gift of Okimishu, the god of life, he has seen the future become past but holds true to his roots. His voice humble he speaks to both the teacher and the cook. Quote: Being older than he appeared due to the gift of Okimishu, the god of life in his region of the world, his eyes held a timeless gaze that reflected he had seen the future become past far too many times. He would hold true to his past though. His voice betrays a note of humbleness as he speaks to both the teacher and the cook. Quote: Bowing to the straw training dummy as he would a real opponent he moves with a speed and precision that only comes from years of intensive training, though his swiftness was a gift from Okami, the god of winds. Quote: Bowing to the straw training dummy as he would a real opponent, he moves with a speed and precision that only comes after years of intensive training. Though, he had some help. There was an unearthliness to his swiftness hinting at another gift from yet another god.
That would be about it. Yes, I did add a few things here and there in order to give it a better flow, but for the most part I attempted to keep your words primary. A few notes to remember. There is always a comma before the word 'but'. If it seems like a sentence is running long, make it two. Don't over power your character to the point no one wants anything to do with it. Powers should be earned through rping. This is just a note. So far your character seems to be close to godlike, but even gods have issues. Take my character Ceras. She is the Goddess of healing yet her power is bound and she cannot attack with her power making her practically useless in battle except for healing and even then she has limits to her powers. This character, Aniur cannot heal herself and sees the world in black and white. It makes some things quite difficult for her to understand. Interaction with people other than family members is dry so on and so forth. Just be sure to watch this.
Otherwise, good post. I'll make a good post in a bit so hold off and wait for it.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:10 am
TwoDou Van savored the amazing scent of the food before he dug in. It was the most delicious meal that he had eaten for a long time. I truly MUST find a way to repay the chefs! Much sooner than he would have liked, the food was gone. Sighing dejectedly he got up from the meal and took his dishes to the kitchen, it was the least he could do. Afterwards he walked to the library and began the tedious quest for the scrolls and books on his list. As predicted most were as bizarre as their names had suggested. Tales of mages who bartered with the Dark God directly and had committed nefarious acts that had gotten their names written down for generations to come. He shuddered as he flipped page after page, each one describing mass murders and grave robbing that led to attacks on villages by the undead. Van walked away from the table he was working on and reached for another scroll on the shelf. He stood up as high as he could and just managed to grab it, but in the process bumped into the shelf. He was paralyzed with fear as the it wobbled and tipped back over Van, "Oh my! Someone help!" he yelled as he was covered by the overbalanced bookcase. ((The transformer outside our house got struck by lightning and the insulator exploded, cutting the power.))
Anyways, on with it.Quote: Sighing dejectedly he got up from the meal and took his dishes to the kitchen, it was the least he could do. Quote: As predicted most were as bizarre as their names had suggested.
Very small, problems. Otherwise, a wonderful post. I liked how you gave a vague idea about what was going on in the books without giving too grisly of details. Good. Perhaps on another site you could have expanded, but you understand your limits here and don't step past that line. This is very important to understand and I am very glad you do without having to be told. :3
Good job, go for your next post.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:34 am
Arch_HitsujI (My jaw is breaking, I'm in awe of how you transform my sentences burning_eyes Never thought of that. Well, here is my next post and thank you very much biggrin Oh yeah, I do have a question. Do you know when to use ; in sentences? I do have heard that you use it when you are writing long sentences.) He looked around the compound, trying to find the stairs which would lead him to his quarter. Nevertheless, at that moment the moon decided to hid herself and the compound turned bleak in colour. The place was poorly lighted. The only few sources of light present were candles, which often seemed to vanish as the night wind blew and lit back when the wind left. "How would I find the stairs... with such a dim lighting...?" He muttered as he adjusted his glasses. He scratched his head for a moment and then sighed. "...I guess... by not standing here all night is one solution." Avas studied the candles and then he chose the longest of them. Nodding to himself, he smiled and moved in a pace that would ensure the candle's survival.
Very good question and here is the answer including examples!Commas vs. Semicolons in Compound Sentences A group of words containing a subject and a verb and expressing a complete thought is called a sentence or an independent clause. Sometimes, an independent clause stands alone as a sentence, and sometimes two independent clauses are linked together into what is called a compound sentence. Depending on the circumstances, one of two different punctuation marks can be used between the independent clauses in a compound sentence: a comma or a semicolon. The choice is yours. Comma ( , )Use a comma after the first independent clause when you link two independent clauses with one of the following coordinating conjunctions: and, but, for, or, nor, so, yet. For example: I am going home, and I intend to stay there.
It rained heavily during the afternoon, but we managed to have our picnic anyway.
They couldn't make it to the summit and back before dark, so they decided to camp for the night.Semicolon ( ; )Use a semicolon when you link two independent clauses with no connecting words. For example: I am going home; I intend to stay there.
It rained heavily during the afternoon; we managed to have our picnic anyway.
They couldn't make it to the summit and back before dark; they decided to camp for the night.You can also use a semicolon when you join two independent clauses together with one of the following conjunctive adverbs (adverbs that join independent clauses): however, moreover, therefore, consequently, otherwise, nevertheless, thus, etc. For example: I am going home; moreover, I intend to stay there.
It rained heavily during the afternoon; however, we managed to have our picnic anyway.
They couldn't make it to the summit and back before dark; therefore, they decided to camp for the night.
Looks like I have not only picky notes for you this time around, but also a few major things. Quarter should be quarters, this is how the word is used. Kinda like how pants is only one pair and the word pant is rarely used unless talking about a specific leg. Hid should be hide. You could have used hid if the sentence had been more like this:Quote: Nevertheless, at that moment the moon hid herself... Quote: A little grammar lesson in the use of '...' or better known as ellipsis. Normally ellipsis are used to omit things. Here you use them in place of periods. This makes it sound like all your thoughts are trailing off into nothingness. Like you have something more to say, but refuse to say it. definition Ellipsis (plural ellipses; from Greek ἔλλειψις 'omission') in printing and writing refers to the row of three full stops (... or . . . ) or asterisks (* * *) indicating an intentional omission. This punctuation mark is also called a suspension point, points of ellipsis, periods of ellipsis, or colloquially, dot-dot-dot. An ellipsis is sometimes used to indicate a pause in speech, an unfinished thought or, at the end of a sentence, a trailing off into silence (aposiopesis). Wiki Definition Link Quote: Avas studied the candles and then he chose the longest of them.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:40 am
Deugaro "Blasted firefly.", Deugaro thought, slightly annoyed at the luminescent insect perched upon his nose. "Oh my! Someone help!" Someone yelled from inside the abbey before being accompanied by the sound of something heavy hitting the ground. "Might as well do my bit around here.", He thought before quickly assessing the situation. "The yell came from higher up so it means that the person is either at dinner or on the third floor. If the person is still at dinner then I needn't to worry because there are others closeby... however if it originated from the third floor..."The Phoenican decided his course of action and set off towards the third floor as quickly as possible. "Dakoon, Darkchain." From his right palm, an obsidian chain was being rapidly assembled and coiled up onto the ground, creating a small sound of metal hitting stone. "Soar Darkchain.", He commanded calmly before the dark links themselves shot off towards the bell tower. A bell sounded in the night sky as Deugaro's dakoon weapon attached itself to the clapper. He quicky stood up and leapt off the wall, his cloak trailing behind him, before the chain went taut and hauled him up to the third floor window while casting a shadowy form onto the moonlit ground. He landed on the window sill, pulled out his boot knife and flipped the catch on the inside of the window before sliping in and searching for the "accidentee"*. Once he arrived in the hallway he ran until he found an open door and candle lit room. He peeked inside, this was the correct room unless the paladin liked to decorate with toppled bookshelves. He was about to dakoon again but was interrupted by a painful spasm in his lungs, which led to coughing and him covering his mouth with his talon. As he pulled his talon away, he took a mental note of the maroon ichor and set about removing the large bookcase. "Dakoon.", Deugaro rasped, and motioned his hand to move the mass of wood. The invisible tendrils of power wraped around the wooden creation and gently placed it against the wall. He knelt down to the pile, exhausted and breathing heavy. The Phoenican picked up a book manually and looked at it's title. " History's Greatest Necromancers II" it read. He took a moment to think about his appearance and setting. "I'm wearing black and red, there is a bell ringing, it is night, I have red eyes and blood over my mouth along with my talon...", He paused in his thoughts. "If I don't get called vampire I will be very surprised."Deugaro sighed and began sifting though the books, searching for the flattened scholar. (Accidentee was supposed to be a small joke, I know it isn't word. Itai, my hands hurt crying .)
Anyways, to the corrections. Quote: "Soar Darkchain.", He commanded calm... .
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 9:34 am
Aeros Endeem Aurak smiles a little, knowing that the paladin was satisfied with her students. looks down upon the pillows, he places his hand on them to feel the softness of the pillows. They are soft as the softest pillows around, though they still had enough hardness in them to keep from making his hand touch the floor. Then shock covers his face a bit as he realizes something, stands straight up, checks his hands then patting himself all over as if looking for something. Oh Drack! Where is it? WHERE IS IT!?He pulls his small pack out again and opens it again to check inside, nothing. Where is it?! Continues to fumble around in his pack.
Anyways, enough teasing.Quote: looks down upon the pillows, he places his hand on them to feel the softness of the pillows Quote: They are soft as the softest pillows around, though they still had enough hardness in them to keep from making his hand touch the floor. Quote: They are the softest he had ever felt, though they still had enough hardness in them to keep from making his hand touch the floor.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 10:43 am
Squireof the son Arch_HitsujI ((Heya, I just wanna inform to all of you that I will not be frequenting the forum for about one to two weeks due to life. I have around three projects going on around the same time so I need to catch up with my schedule. Thanks for understanding.)) (That’s cool. Life keeps going, even if we don’t want it to.) “I love you dad. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Liran whispered as he finished his prayer. He lifted his head, and opened his eyes. The scents from the meals caused him to drift back into time. “I don’t know. Maybe the faith is spreading.” He looks up, and sees an old man wearing a grey robe, sitting across from him eating a meal. “Maybe it is, but I don’t think many will follow whole-heartedly, or at least for long. It’s getting harder to remain faithful.” He looks into eyes of the man he knew as Dad.. The blue eyes drew him in like a fisherman drew in a fish on a hook. The clattering of plates, and lids brought him back to the present. All the memories of the days back at home hit him like a tsunami. A tear rolled down his face. Liran stood up, pushed out the chair and walked up to a chef and lowered his head into a bow. “I’m sorry, but I can’t eat right now. I’m sure the food is nourishing and delicious, but I won’t be able to fully appreciate it.” He turned around as soon as he finished. He took off out the door without raising his head and looking at anyone, including the chefs. Fresh air rushed at him as the wooden doors opened. By instinct he took off towards the gate then burst out of the abbey, then turned left and followed the black fence. He kept running till it dawned on him he wasn’t home. He stopped and fell to his knees. He kneeled there for what seemed hours. The moon disappeared and everything went black. Liran looked up into the sky where his Dad now resides. “Oh, my. Someone help me!” The scream shook him back to reality once again. He got up onto his feet quickly, then the moon reappeared again. “Thank you heavenly father.” Liran murmured as he took off back into the abbey. He pushed open the gate and looked around. A ring from the bell drew his attention to the tower. A dark figure started ascending up the building and vanished at the third story. (Yes. Another long post. I hope I conquered the “Liran” thing. Oh, yeah. Sorry it’s depressing. I hope this sort of showed more of his past, and what his religion is. Also, I took this out of my story.)
on to the grading. Quick note, no comma before the word "and". When you say the 'drift back into time' you should just have it as 'drift back in time' to be perfectly clear. Lets see, you also should set your little trip down memory lane aside from the rest of your post so people understand what is happening. It should all be in italics.
Quote: “I love you dad. In Jesus’ name. Amen.” Liran whispered as he finished his prayer. He lifted his head, and opened his eyes. The scents from the meals caused him to drift back in time. “I don’t know. Maybe the faith is spreading.” He looks up, and sees an old man wearing a grey robe, sitting across from him eating a meal. “Maybe it is, but I don’t think many will follow whole-heartedly, or at least for long. It’s getting harder to remain faithful.” He looks into eyes of the man he knew as Dad.. The blue eyes drew him in like a fisherman drew in a fish on a hook. The clattering of plates, and lids brought him back to the present.
Otherwise this is an excellent post and brought forward some good history. It's all very interesting which always makes for a good read. Continue on.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 3:34 pm
The feeling around the abbey was still.It was quiet.Untill the sound of clicking heels shattered the silent atmosphere.A girl,tall,pale complection,slight acne,flowing plum-colored locks,streaked towards the large structure's stoned wall.She wore a ruffled purple gown with the hem drawn just below her neck.Her breaths came quickly.Gingerly,she tip-toed her way,pressed against the wall,to the entrance into the garden.She looked back from where she had came.The looked into the garden shrine.She was'nt ment to be here...not,at least,untill tomarrow.She pondered her predicament a moment.Either,she could enter the grounds now,or go back to her home,where several of her village members awaited to kill her.She had never been a village favorite. Due to the fact she was a spy,the girl was never easily trusted.Her feet ached and her head pounded."My my," Came a hissed voice that made her jump."Are'nt we the Runaway bride?"She turned.A white cat.Persian.The girl breathed deeply. "You have no greater joy then to mock me and scare me out of my wits do you Griffon?"Griffon smiled revealing rows of small,sharp daggers."Yes,I'm afraid.But your just such an easy target Vitani."The cat padded into the garden."Nnnnn...Fancy..." he meowed with mock intrest.Vitani liked the flowers,but was more interested in the weapon's rack.Her hands tingled with anticipation as they rubbed over the axe hilt slung a bit sloppily over her right shoulder.She turned her hazel gaze downward.She did look a bit odd.What would the people inside think of her?"Let's go." She mummbled. Griffon hopped on her shoulder. The moon made his white pelt glow and shimmer.She walked up to the double doors,Stared up at the grey structure,Opened the door,and pressed on into the abbey.
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 4:47 pm
All of a sudden Van felt the weight over him lighten. Then he saw the hand and grabbed on hoping it would get him out of the dark prison of collapsed books. "thank you so much!" he said taking in the appearance of his rescuer. The first thing he noticed was blood, "You didn't get that blood on the books, did you?" Then Van realized who it was and continued, "I guess I owe you once again. Your collapse is what let me sneak into the dining hall unnoticed." Van had never seen a creature like him before and was amazed. "Look at that form! So incredible!" realizing that he was being rude Van bowed low to the other and said, "How terribly inappropriate of me, my name is Vanyel. What's yours? Also, if you don't mind me asking, what exactly are you?"
((I don't know, my dad was home when it got hit.))
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 5:40 pm
The Phoenican stared haggardly at this man, while withdrawing his hand from the other's grip.
"For just being smashed by a full bookcase, he is oddly unharmed.", Deugaro pondered. "He was also more concerned about the literature than himself... What a strange man."
"Vanyel... My name is Deugaro.", he paused, unsure if he would understand what kind of being he was. "I am Phoenican."
With his information given he picked himself up off the floor, leaving "History's Greatest Necromancers II" behind.
"Beware of that information... I recieve many requests for Necromancer heads, along with a substantial pay rise.", He said calmly, taking steady strides towards the open door. "I should be in book II there... The one I killed was a rotten puddle when he was found, his face cut off and plastered to a wall."
The assassin stepped through the open door, closing it behind him and walking back towards the window he openned earlier. As he leapt up onto the window ledge he noticed a small glowing bug awaiting him.
"... I will never get a break, will I."
The firefly flew up to his shoulder and perched there as Deugaro leapt from the window, dakooning a simpler chain into the wall to lower himself safely to the ground. As his boots met soil, the impassive man began to clean himself up as best he could.
Before once again heading towards his section of the wall, cloak fluttering in the wind.
(Not my best post.)
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Posted: Sat Aug 18, 2007 4:19 pm
((Due to extenuating circumstances i awill not be RPing for a while please exucyuse my absence))
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