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PostPosted: Thu Aug 23, 2007 6:33 pm


I'm excited to read your work. =D
I've always enjoyed these kinds of stories.
PostPosted: Sun Aug 26, 2007 4:23 pm


Oh my...I've forgotten about this. I've been writing up something for another contest but that was delayed when my dad brought me out on a cleaning spree for a few days. The joys of renting out property. xp

I may have to cancel. I can try what I may but I'm going to need a lot more time to balance this along with school. Extension, perhaps?

RosesShadow

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PostPosted: Tue Aug 28, 2007 4:26 pm


Hmm.
It's a shame this competition isn't going as well as I would have liked. =/

I really hesitate to extend the closing date.
Everyone should have had plenty of time to prepare and write the story.
Eh, this prompt was challenging, I must admit.


Alright, you have until the 15th of September!
After that, I'm not extending it further.
PostPosted: Thu Aug 30, 2007 12:30 pm


Where'd you get your sig Mail?
Annnnd now ill have something to do when i go to the VA lol

Me and my Shaddow


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PostPosted: Fri Aug 31, 2007 5:27 am


shadow2551
Where'd you get your sig Mail?
Annnnd now ill have something to do when i go to the VA lol

You can find this and a bunch of other fantastic banners in the "Support our Guild" thread.
=]
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:20 pm


I am working on a story.
-wishes your contest would have gotten more results-

Me and my Shaddow


Me and my Shaddow

PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 7:44 pm


-actually thought of a way to do it biblically based-
PostPosted: Mon Sep 03, 2007 10:10 pm


Side note: I dont know why i believe this way.
But I have a tendancy to think it's going to get a lot worse before it gets a lot better before Christ comes back.
I don't believe in a Pre Trib rapture. It's a nice story- i like it.
If there is going to be an end before the beginning- i believe we will all be taken at the same time and the great judgement will befall upon those who believe and those who don't.
This- Is my idea. - And my submission!
~~~





The skies had been dark now for about 3 days. The lamps still worked. The electricity was still running- and things were going smoothly accept for the certain sense of fear and trepidation. The news reporters were having a field day. Dooms day reports were coming out by the thousands but no one was taking it seriously. The rapture hadn’t happened yet. The three days were just a fluke.

“We just got another report in. This one is from Jamie in Ohio. She reads:
‘First off, it can’t be aliens blocking out the sun because we still have electricity. Secondly- this doesn’t fulfill any predictions in the bible in the supposedly right order so if this is pre rapture- where’s the proof people? What happened to Gabriel’s horn? What about the 7 years of tribulation? If I see one more end time’s singer I swear I’ll scream. So what we’re running out of water? The seas haven’t turned to red have they? Not that I know of. Get a grip people. There’s a man in the east says he’s got an answer to everything and he’s promising peace. Peace in the Middle East! Our troops get too come home- every one is laying down their weapons. How can people not be in favor of this?’

“You know Tia she’s got a point. Up till now we’ve been bombarded with these so called Christians- the people that call themselves that- They’ve been saying they have the formulation to the end of time’s and what’s going to happen. But look at the facts. Because of the nuclear blast over China last fall the rivers are drying up. Not because of some deity getting ready to destroy the earth he created.”

“I think your right Louie. That nuclear blast that destroyed China that the US government initiated gave a residual affect all across the world. There are some theories like the Chaos theory that suggest when a butterfly flaps it’s wings in Asia that the effects can be felt here in the US. What about an atomic bomb? We got lucky that instead of all out air strikes it became the peace keeping initive. What about the guy that came out in public that same day? He raised his hands at the mountain of Gethsemane and the nuclear war heads fell to the ground dead. Like they had never been filled. Up till then- he had only been in the news a little bit. A news conference here and there speaking about Middle East peace. Now- it’s happened. They’ve drawn the state lines and we are living in peace for the first time since Christ supposedly ascended to Heaven. How can this be evil?”

A young woman sat in her living room smoking a cigarette. Perhaps in her mid 20’s, she had long curly red hair, and vibrant blue eyes. Flicking the ashes into the glass next to her since its uses were pretty much dried up by now, she sat watching herself on the television. ‘The up and coming news broadcaster of her time. The Barbra Walters of the 21st century.’
What a joke. Pushing herself up to glance out the window of her desolate street block, her eyes looked sad and tired now. Every once and awhile a stray dog came lumbering by drooling and looking rabid. Thanks to NASA they had come up with some sort of supplement for water but the only way any one could get some was by getting the chip. The new commander of the supposedly free world did it to make sure he could keep track of people in the darkness. Finishing her cigarette, she put it out on the floor and stomped it with her foot.

Walking into the kitchen, her bare feet touched on the hardwood floor and yanked out a wine cooler. It was the only way to get any sleep at night staring at the mark in her hand. Walking over to the couch, she took her shoes off, and pulled out her .22 riffle from underneath the couch. Clicking off the safety on it, she loaded it with about 12 shots and placed it besides her bed. These days- it wasn’t safe for a woman alone to be without protection. Slowly as she finished her drink and let it the glass crash against the once well polished- solid wood floor, she fell into a restless sleep. With a week of darkness it was enough to play on any one’s mind.

“Don’t quote the book to me Lucifer… I wrote the book!”
“You won’t win this time! There mine. It’s my turn!”
Hisses of demons could be felt but not seen.
“No Lucifer! You’ve hurt my people long enough. Your reign is over.”
“Jesus of Nazareth you are finished! Your nothing more than a man, these people handed me their soul on a silver platter. You can’t take that back now.”
“Lucifer from this day forward you shall know that I am God!”
Un-heavenly screeches were heard.


Beep- beep- beep.
“Dang it… again with that stupid dream?” Pushing herself up with her alarm clock buzzing its annoying tune Tia was sweating as she blindly hit the off switch and then threw the alarm clock against the nearest window.
Time didn’t matter now. Not in these cold cruel days.

“Nila- we have another email from a viewer in Texas… ‘The end of days are here. Repent for the Lord has come…’”
Click. Grabbing her remote having fallen asleep with the TV on, she, she just couldn’t take it any more. Dressing in Slacks and a nice white t-shirt, she put the sling on her .22 and slung it over her back. These days- any one could carry a riffle any where. It was for protection.

About to walk out the door, she raised an eyebrow as three black cars drove up to her house. Sleek and freshly polished and unmarked they reeked of government cars. Seeing suits coming out of it, she rolled her eyes and refrained from pulling her weapon no matter how much she wanted to. Any one who treasured there life knew not to pull it on military or government.
“Miss Tia Kay?”
“Whose asking?”
“The supreme being.”
That was a joke. Finally she just shrugged.
“You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t already know now would you?”
“Come with us please.”
Grabbing her roughly by the arms, she was lead away into one of the armed cars and blindfolded.

Cursing when they arrived at a steel gate towering about 2 miles high, she snarled when she was yanked out of the car.
“I was under the impression we still have rights as American citizens?”
“Not now you don’t. The Supreme one has ousted the president and thrown him in Jail. You’re all under one commandment now. News will break some time tomorrow.”
“That figures.” She said as she was still escorted blindly down a pebbled road. She walked for what seemed hours at gun point. Kind of hard to miss the round barrel at her back.

Finally she felt solid ground under her feet and they seemed to walk for another long stretch and she finally groaned when she felt her .22 being taken away from her.
“Inside. When you address the Supreme one you will call him sire.”
“Like hell I will.” She stated simply and snorted as the blindfold was taken off finally.

Finding herself in a darkened office a fire place was crackling and plants hung here and there across the room. The faint smell of incense insulted her nostrils almost immediately and she glanced over to the large balcony window to see what appeared to be a alter. What she saw on it- she refused to try and reason with in her mind. There was no way her mortal soul could allow it.

“Miss Kay- I am so glad you were able to make it.”
Sitting behind a large- solid oak desk a handsome man sat in a straight back, leather chair. It was extravagant. It was like being in a cartoon she watched as a kid only- with an alter with something dead on it. What? She didn’t let her mind guess.
“Did you give me a choice?” She spat back showing no signs of respect for him. At one point she had been all hail the king on this guy. Now- she had done her research and didn’t like what she had found.

Pushing himself up, right above him there was a large painting- of himself. Long brown hair, and sexy brown eyes, he had a gentle way about him but there was something ironic about it.
“I do apologize but it was of utmost importance that you come. You see- tomorrow I need a dedicated speaker of the public. Among the wires I have heard your name come up countless of times as a loyal supporter of my work. Miss Kay- can I beseech you to make an announcement of some importance tomorrow? You of course will have full rights to the story and in result of doing such a thing you will become my news liaison. I will need one for the new peaceful world order I am setting up. Here’s the speech. I think you will find it satisfactory.”

“I’m on leave though.” Tia spoke gently.
“Ah yes- I heard about what happened to your boyfriend. Unfortunate. He turned into one of those... as I recall. Shouting absurdities about my peace keeping mission in the Middle East, quoting some old barbarian tales from a book that even his president banned? He was… I am sorry to say asking to be assassinated. Miss Kay- do this for me and I will set you up for life. Should you agree, can you meet me at the studio at 8 am sharp?”

She wanted to say no but the man’s eyes and whole demeanor about him told her she had no choice if she wanted to leave this office alive. She wanted to reel up and kill him for what he had said about her fiancé. Still- she let it go. For some reason that she couldn’t understand, she let him escort her out of the room and she was given a much better walk back with the manuscript in her arm.

Once she made it back home, she took the manuscript out and began reading it. He wrote it in red ink? Why did the pages pain her as she turned the sheets? Something- didn’t sit right with this whole thing. The guard had told her about the president so she figured what the speech was about. He needed a strong spokes person to tell the world that the new Messiah had come. He needed a woman to tell the world that- it was over.

Slamming the speech closed, she stuck it back into it’s confidential folder and moved to her fridge. Taking out a six pack, she drank until she passed out. Seeing as food was scarce it was only fitting that any one could get alcohol these days.

“Thus sayeth the Lord- in the last days…”
Whimpering when her alarm clock went off, she looked at it with sad eyes. Was it possible to cry in your sleep? Her eyes felt wet. For a change she didn’t throw it. For a change she didn’t look at her house in anger and hatred.
Moving to get dressed, she threw on her finest three piece suit and fixed her curly hair like she used to. Sticking a few bows in it for affect, she grabbed the pistol she kept in her dresser and tucked it behind her blouse.

Picking up the speech she made it to the studios at 15 till to see the new king already waiting for her.
“Ah Miss Kay- are you ready for your big day? After today- everything is going to be different for you. You’ll be the poster child for the new world.”
“Thank you sir. I am looking forward to it.”
“Please- Call me James.”
“Of course James.” Tia said softly.

Getting prepped for the show and getting make-up pretty well dumped over her, she moved and sat behind the rickety old desk she found she missed greatly. At commercial break for now she got herself situated and settled. This will be the first broadcast she had done since Louis died- in this very room.

“Tia!” She heard her name hissed. Jumping up from resurfaced memories, she glanced at her camera man with a nod.
“In 3…2…1…”

“My fellow countrymen. I come to you today to bring you grave news. Our American President has fallen. At 22:35 pacific standard time, a take over took the White House and the American Social Democracy- has fallen. My fellow people we can no longer be labeled as American’s. We are part of a one world government now. A peaceful and more loving government.”
At that, she moved to close the script as she watched the camera scroll her text threw the camera, she sighed and placed her pistol on the desk. Her eyes grew more and more serious with every passing second.

“I was asked to do this report because you as would be American’s have trusted me to deliver news to you that is honest and true. So I will.” Rising up, she pointed to the man next to her. The camera followed her index finger to land on the man that had forced her to do this speech.
“This man is a liar. The human world- the human race has already been saved and it is not by this man.”

“This is a sad case….” The man said softly and approached the desk.
“She has been duped by the liars. The doomsayers that speak lies about me have warped her mind. We must all realize that she has come to destroy our new way of life. There will always be those like her and I am glad. So I can show you what will happen to people like this. I will not stand idly by so we can loose our secure and happy way of life.”

Picking up her pistol, he clicked it and drew back the handle slowly. She smiled as he did so.
A great cry of pain came threw the air as Tia fell to the floor but it was strangely quiet. No one came to her rescue- no one shouted, they just stood there as if- hypnotized.
As this cruel hearted man bent down to shoot one more bullet into her it wasn’t needed. Tia simply smiled.
“I see my love that you killed. You’ve lost.” She said quietly and her eyes closed then.

The man screamed loudly- the camera’s rolling the entire time and then- there was nothing.
A loud trumpet was heard and the earth… was gone.

“Jesus… you said…”
“Lucifer don’t tell me what I said. From the first day you were blind in thinking you could out wit me. My creation. The story has already been foretold and I have finished it- just as I said I would- and I will finish you. Just as I have said I will.”


Word count: 2532
 

Me and my Shaddow


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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2007 6:55 pm


My critiques will be in the colour dark blue.

shadow2551


The skies had been dark now for about 3 days. The lamps still worked. The electricity was still running-
maybe try an elipse instead for the effect. [elipse = " ... "] and things were going smoothly, accept except for the certain sense of fear and trepidation. The news reporters were having a field day. Dooms day reports were coming out by the thousands but no one was taking it seriously. The rapture hadn’t happened yet. The three days were just a fluke.

“We just got another report in[strike
Again, try an elipse so it's one sentence, but you get the impression that the news reporter sort of trails off at the end of each statement. This one is from Jamie in Ohio. She reads:
‘First off, it can’t be aliens blocking out the sun because we still have electricity. Secondly- this doesn’t fulfill any predictions in the bible
Bible - always capitalize religious/ly sacred items/people/others, even if it is not your personal religion! It's just polite. wink in the supposedly right order so if this is pre-rapture- where’s the proof people? What happened to Gabriel’s horn? What about the 7 years of tribulation? If I see one more end time’s singer I swear I’ll scream. So what if we’re running out of water? The seas haven’t turned to red have they? Not that I know of. Get a grip people! There’s a man in the east says saying he’s got an answer to everything and he’s promising peace. Peace in the Middle East! Our troops get too to = "Go to the store" too = "I have too many things here" come home- every one is laying down their weapons. How can people not be in favor of this?’
“You know
, Tia, she’s got a point. Up till until now, we’ve been bombarded with these so-called Christians- the people that call themselves that- You've already stated that they call themselves Christians when you said "...we've been bombardered with these so-called Christians... They’ve been saying they have the formulation to the end of time’s and what’s going to happen. But look at the facts. Because of the nuclear blast over China last fall the rivers are drying up. Instead of a period, try a semicolon [ ; ] and make it one setence. Not because of some deity getting ready to destroy the earth he created.”

“I think your right
, Louie. That nuclear blast that destroyed China, and that the US government initiated, gave a residual affect all across try around the world. There are some theories , like the Chaos theory , that suggest when a butterfly flaps it’s wings in Asia that the instead of the try those ]color=darkred]effects can be felt here in the US. What about an atomic bomb? We got try were lucky that instead of all-out air strikes it became the peace-keeping initive. What about the guy that who came out in public that same day? He raised his hands at the mountain of Gethsemane and the nuclear war heads fell to the ground dead.again, try an elipse Like they had never been filled. Up till then-elipse!! he had only been in the news a little bit. A news conference here and there speaking about Middle East peace. Now- ELIPSE!!! it’s happened. They’ve drawn the state lines and we are living in peace for the first time since Christ supposedly ascended to Heaven. How can this be evil?”

A young woman sat in her living room smoking a cigarette. Perhaps in her mid 20’s, she had long curly red hair, and vibrant blue eyes. Flicking the ashes into the glass next to her since its uses were pretty much dried up by now, she sat watching herself on the television. ‘The up and coming news broadcaster of her time. The Barbra Walters of the 21st century.’
What a joke. Pushing herself up to glance out the window of her desolate street block, her eyes looked sad and tired now. Every once and awhile a stray dog came lumbering by drooling and looking rabid. Thanks to NASA they had come up with some sort of supplement for water but the only way any one could get
synonyms were created so that you don't have too many of the same words in one paragraph. Try the word receivesome was by getting the chip. The new commander of the supposedly free world did it to make sure he could keep track of people in the darkness.
Finishing her cigarette, she put it out on the floor and stomped it with her foot.

Walking into the kitchen, her bare feet touched on the hardwood floor and yanked out a wine cooler. It was the only way to get any sleep at night staring at the mark in her hand. Walking over to the couch, she took her shoes off, and pulled out her .22 riffle from underneath the couch. Clicking off the safety on it, she loaded it with about 12 shots and placed it besides her bed. These days- it wasn’t safe for a woman alone to be without protection. Slowly as she finished her drink and let it the glass crash against the once well-polished, solid, wood floor, she fell into a restless sleep. With a week of darkness it was enough to play on any one’s mind.

“Don’t quote the book to me Lucifer…
the is where you need not an elipse, but a semicolon. wink I wrote the book!”
“You won’t win this time! There
They're mine. It’s my turn!”
Hisses of demons could be felt but not seen.
“No Lucifer! You’ve hurt my people long enough. Your reign is over.”
“Jesus of Nazareth, you are finished! Your
you're nothing more than a man, ; these people handed me their soul on a silver platter. You can’t take that back now.”
“Lucifer, from this day forward you shall know that I am God!”
Un-heavenly
use some other word..."un-heavenly" just doesn't seem to fit screeches were heard.

Beep- beep- beep.
“Dang it… again with that stupid dream?” Pushing herself up with her alarm clock buzzing its annoying tune Tia was sweating as she blindly hit the off switch and then threw the alarm clock against the nearest window.
Time didn’t matter now. Not in these cold cruel days.

“Nila- we have another email from a viewer in Texas… ‘The end of days are here. Repent for the Lord has come…’”
Click. Grabbing her remote having fallen asleep with the TV on, she,
instead of using comma, now you may use your beloved dashes. "she-- she just couldn’t take it any more. Dressing in slacks and a nice white t-shirt, she put the sling on her .22 and slung again, synonyms were created for a reason. wink Try "draped" or "swung" it over her back. These days, any one could carry a riffle anywhere. It was for protection.

About to walk out the door, she raised an eyebrow as three black cars drove up to her house. Sleek and freshly-polished and unmarked they reeked of government cars. Seeing suits coming out of it, she rolled her eyes and refrained from pulling her weapon no matter how much she wanted to. Any one who treasured there life knew not to pull it on military or government.
“Miss Tia Kay?”
“Whose asking?”
“The supreme being.”
That was a joke. Finally she just shrugged.
“You wouldn’t be asking if you didn’t already know now would you?”
“Come with us please.”
Grabbing her roughly by the arms, she was lead away into one of the armed cars and blindfolded.

Cursing when they arrived at a steel gate towering about 2 miles high, she snarled when she was yanked out of the car.
“I was under the impression we still have rights as American citizens?”
“Not now, you don’t. The Supreme One has ousted the president and thrown him in jail. You’re all under one commandment now. News will break some time tomorrow.”
“That figures.” She said
try something like muttered as she was still escorted blindly down a pebbled road. She walked for what seemed like hours at gun point. Kind of hard to miss the round barrel at her back.

Finally she felt solid ground under her feet and they seemed to walk for another long stretch and she finally groaned when she felt her .22 being taken away from her.
“Inside. When you address the Supreme one you will call him sire.”
“Like hell I will.”
LOL. XD She stated simply and snorted as the blindfold was taken off finally.

Finding herself in a darkened office, a fire place was crackling and plants hung here and there across the room. The faint smell of incense insulted her nostrils almost immediately and she glanced over to the large balcony window to see what appeared to be a alter
altar. I corrected it below as well without statement. What she saw on it she refused to try and reason with in her mind. There was no way her mortal soul could allow it.

“Miss Kay- I am so glad you were able to make it.”
Sitting behind a large- solid oak desk a handsome man sat in a straight back, leather chair. It was extravagant. It was like being in a cartoon she watched as a kid only- with an altar with something dead on it. What? She didn’t let her mind guess.
“Did you give me a choice?” She spat back showing no signs of respect for him. At one point she had been all hail the king on this guy. Now- she had done her research and didn’t like what she had found.

Pushing himself up, right above him there was a large painting- of himself. Long brown hair, and sexy brown eyes, he had a gentle way about him but there was something ironic about it.
“I do apologize but it was of utmost importance that you come. You see- tomorrow I need a dedicated speaker of the public. Among the wires I have heard your name come up countless of times as a loyal supporter of my work. Miss Kay- can
try "might" or "may" I beseech that you to make an announcement of some Great! The speech is of great importance! Great importance, not "some!" importance tomorrow? You of course will have full rights to the story and in result of doing such a thing you will become my news liaison. I will need one for the new peaceful world order I am setting up. Here’s the speech. I think you will find it satisfactory.”

“I’m on leave though.” Tia spoke gently.
“Ah yes- I heard about what happened to your boyfriend. Unfortunate. He turned into one of those... as I recall. Shouting absurdities about my peace keeping mission in the Middle East, quoting some old barbarian tales from a book that even his president banned? He was… I am sorry to say asking to be assassinated. Miss Kay- do this for me and I will set you up for life. Should you agree, can you meet me at the studio at 8 am sharp?”

She wanted to say no but the man’s eyes and whole demeanor about him told her she had no choice if she wanted to leave this office alive. She wanted to reel up and kill him for what he had said about her fiancé. Still- she let it go. For some reason that she couldn’t understand, she let him escort her out of the room and she was given a much better walk back with the manuscript in her arm.

Once she made it back home, she took the manuscript out and began reading it. He wrote it in red ink? Why did the pages pain her as she turned the sheets? Something- didn’t sit right with this whole thing. The guard had told her about the president so she figured what the speech was about. He needed a strong spokes person to tell the world that the new Messiah had come. He needed a woman to tell the world that- it was over.

Slamming the speech closed, she stuck it back into it’s confidential folder and moved to her fridge. Taking out a six pack, she drank until she passed out. Seeing as food was scarce it was only fitting that any one could get alcohol these days.

“Thus sayeth the Lord- in the last days…”

Whimpering when her alarm clock went off, she looked at it with sad eyes. Was it possible to cry in your sleep?
Uh...yeah... Her eyes felt wet. For a change she didn’t throw it. For a change she didn’t look at her house in anger and hatred.
Moving to get dressed, she threw on her finest three piece suit and fixed her curly hair like she used to. Sticking a few bows in it for affect, she grabbed the pistol she kept in her dresser and tucked it behind her blouse.

Picking up the speech she made it to the studios at 15 till to see the new king already waiting for her.
“Ah Miss Kay- are you ready for your big day? After today- everything is going to be different for you. You’ll be the poster child for the new world.”
“Thank you sir. I am looking forward to it.”
“Please- Call me James.”
“Of course, James.” Tia said softly.

Getting prepped for the show and getting
"having" make-up pretty well dumped over her, she moved and sat behind the rickety old desk she found she missed greatly. At commercial break for now she got herself situated and settled. This will be the first broadcast she had done since Louis died- in this very room.

“Tia!” She heard her name hissed. Jumping up from resurfaced memories, she glanced at her camera man with a nod.
“In 3…2…1…”

“My fellow countrymen. I come to you today to bring you grave news. Our American President has fallen. At 22:35 pacific standard time, a take over took the White House and the American Social Democracy-
...has fallen. My fellow people we can no longer be labeled as American’s. We are part of a one world government now. A peaceful and more loving government.”
At that, she moved to close the script as she watched the camera scroll her text threw the camera, she sighed and placed her pistol on the desk. Her eyes grew more and more serious with every passing second.

“I was asked to do this report because you as would be American’s have trusted me to deliver news to you that is honest and true. So I will.” Rising up, she pointed to the man next to her. The camera followed her index finger to land on the man that had forced her to do this speech.
“This man is a liar. The human world- the human race has already been saved and it is not by this man.”

“This is a sad case….” the man said softly and approached the desk.
“She has been duped by the liars. The doomsayers that speak lies about me have warped her mind. We must all realize that she has come to destroy our new way of life. There will always be those like her and I am glad. So I can show you what will happen to people like this. I will not stand idly by so we can loose our secure and happy way of life.”

Picking up her pistol, he clicked it and drew back the handle slowly. She smiled as he did so.
A great cry of pain came threw the air as Tia fell to the floor but it was strangely quiet. No one came to her rescue- no one shouted, they just stood there as if- hypnotized.
As this cruel hearted man bent down to shoot one more bullet into her it wasn’t needed. Tia simply smiled.
“I see my love that you killed. You’ve lost.” She said quietly and her eyes closed then.

The man screamed loudly- the camera’s rolling the entire time and then- there was nothing.
A loud trumpet was heard and the earth… was gone.

“Jesus… you said…”
“Lucifer don’t tell me what I said. From the first day you were blind in thinking you could out wit me. My creation. The story has already been foretold and I have finished it- just as I said I would- and I will finish you. Just as I have said I will.”


Word count: 2532

Overall:
My, you're a clever one. whee Really good plot, I never expected anything at the end and your attempts to grasp the reader were most succesful. You just need to check up big time with your grammar and puncuation, but your creativity is so passionate and through your writing I can tell exactly what emotions you are trying to let out through the characters. Puncuation plays a huge role in shaping the emotions expressed, and if you continue a deep study in all the details and just refine again the punctuation and grammar and whatnot, you will thrive. I loved the storyline. Great job!
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