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Hmm Polyamory...well I dunno if I'd be good at it or monogomy for that matter because I've never tried it. I am a jealous person but not over the top, "OMG I'M GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU TOUCH MY WOMAN!!!" Ya know. I'm always open to trying new things. However if I was in a relationship I might have a problem because I'm ADHD and I'm afraid I would get bored and cheat. So maybe Polyamory would be good for that, I don't know, and I won't know till I try...

It's neat to see so many different takes and reactions ^^

I've been listening to a podcast about it called poly weekly, it's hosted by a very sexy woman calling herself Cunning Minx, she is a pansexual switch with a lovely voice and she does interviews, discusses occurrences of poly in the media, responds to listener mail and usually has a main topic that she talks about in each show. There is a warning at the beginning of each show that it is not intended for underage listeners, so I don't feel as I really need to warn you, but don't go to the trouble of finding the show if you are uninterested in mature material. Though her tag line is "it's not all about the sex".

To address the question of being able to really love more than one person, one example that's given is parents are quite capable of loving more than one child. Obviously it's not the same kind of love, but the point is that you can deeply and with all your heart care for more than one person, be proud of their achievements, help them up when they fall, and in the case of poly think up wonderful sexy things to do to them twisted

I do think that it is very much not for everyone. Some people just are monogamous. A lot of people are capable of being happy in either relationship and some people are just poly through and through. All poly people get jealous. ( Well, there was one guy interviewed who didn't, he had asperger's which affects the way the you relate to and interact with other people, I think people without ASDs probably all get jealous at some point or other. And a great many with ASDs are very jealous folk as well.)

Poly people are forced to deal with their jealousy, they cannot let it rule them, which many monogamous folk do, many feel as if their jealousy must be kowtow'd to at every turn, when really they are the ones that need to reign themselves in and trust their partners. There's really a lot mono people can learn from poly's, how to discuss and debate and even how to fight.
When there's more people there's going to be more conflicts of interest and more caught in the crossfire. So they develop guidelines for dealing with things, many even write relationship contracts, a good thing for mono people a well.

Personally I found myself in ostensibly happy monogamous relationships in High School, but I would still get tempted, and I always wondered what was wrong with my relationship because I thought that if you really loved someone you wouldn't feel any desire toward anyone else. The existence of polyamory helped me to realize that even people who are truly madly in love with one person can be tempted and that doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with their relationship. Regardless of whether they have permission to act on their desire or not.
Knowing that helped me resolve some emotional mess that I had pushed to the back of my mind for years. I've never cheated, but as I said, I felt like there was something wrong, when everything was really perfectly natural.

Also, I'm a bit of a flower child, with some very pagan beliefs about sex. So again, personally, it really works for me (in theory...) because I believe in being considerably freerer sexually than bible-thumpers, while I don't believe in behavior that could land you with HPV and I do believe that sex and the human body are sacred. I think you should care deeply for and respect and admire someone as well as considering all possible consequences before you even think about going there.

I think the biggest sign of maybe being poly-inclined is if you can imagine being happy for your partner's being happy with someone else. There was a while my ex (we were together at the time) was very interested in a female friend of his and I was very happy for him, listening to him talk about going places with her and make-out sessions. I was happy that someone else was making him happy, and she found the most curious spot that when... well. Heheh. >.>

But there was another time we had a fight and he wanted to go spend the night with someone else and I was against it, I didn't feel it was right for him to run and hide in someone else's arms while we were having problems. That's something that needs to be understood, you can put your foot down and say "no", poly is not a free pass to do whatever (whoever) you want. Most couples/triads/vees have rules. And they must be obeyed or there will be consequences.

Sorry I neglected this thread for so long. Haven't been on Gaia for a few.

Prince Trin, that's not polyamory. Polyamory is by definition honest, the situation you are describing is dishonest. (Also "amor" means love, so if she couldn't get close to these women her situation isn't even close to the word, never mind the definition)

The fact that dishonest and manipulative people exist doesn't discredit anything. There are women who marry old rich men so they can inherit their money when they die, therefore I am against monogamy because it is one partner taking advantage of another.
Does that make sense? What I was trying to say is, just because someone did it wrong doesn't mean it IS wrong.

I'm really sorry that your friend went through that. I hope the experience has made her stronger so she doesn't fall for anyone's B.S. again! pirate

That's good that you know that about yourself and are firm in your decision. There are a lot of people like your friend who give in to be with someone they like and end up unhappy.
It's good to know what you want. heart

to be honest i think its just an excuse to get laid by 2 people

Totally. Yeah, that's all great and fine to me. Think of the...possibilities. twisted

Nah, in all seriousness, I'm all for polyamory and polygamy (yes, Firefox, polyamory IS a word). I've mentioned that I'd give it a shot, as well as being with men. But, seeing as my love life is pretty weak and desperate anyways, there isn't much to say on the subject.