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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 12:25 am 
 
 
                        
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			            Actions spoke louder than words, and Grayson's actions said loud and clear: You messed up, Jude. 
 That he could figure out. What he was not so flawless at guessing was what he'd done wrong. Every piece of information about Grayson and the other Zodiac and Barnaby and anything else they'd discussed was being filtered through some WHAT-DID-I-DO-THIS-TIME mental cycle.
 
 Awkward as he would have felt, Jude selfishly wished Barnaby was there to help catch the two of them while they tripped over their own words and thoughts.
 
 He'd reached a conclusion, just not the right one.
 
 "Oh, Grayson. No." No? No what? "No," Jude repeated firmly, making no attempt to shield the concern on his face. It wasn't the worried sort so much as... offended? Hard to place, really. "I'm not hitting on you or anything."
 
 That's what he'd thought? He was trying to make a pass at him?
 
 The fight with Aurelia he hadn't witnessed (sadly), and the details of the fight had never been given to him by anyone but Hero. The problem, or so he'd been told, was the 'improper things' they'd been doing that had her stamp the Captain as some sort of tramp. Jude didn't doubt he got the same label, and now he was convinced there was some inner circle going around saying he'd take any girl that moved.
 
 And then he'd just told Grayson that, so he must have thought...
 
 "I'd never hit on you, I swear." Ouch. "I know there's probably a lot of rumors flying around in this group because of that fight she had with Aurelia, but I'm not just trying to grab whoever I can get to replace Hero."
 
 Come to think of it--
 
 "I actually think there's something going on with them." Oh, Lord. Just stop Jude. Seriously. Just. Stop. "I dunno if you saw them at Barren Pines, but they were always together." So were he and Marcel, but he forgot that part of this rant. "And after I started running in the mornings with Hero, sometimes I'd pass Aurelia in the halls or something, and I swear she'd look at me like she wanted me dead. I'm not saying she's as batshit crazy as Hero-" And he meant that in the most affection of ways, of course. "-I'm just saying I wouldn't sleep in the same room and expect to wake up unless it was with a pillow covering my face."
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 12:47 am 
 
 
                        
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			            Grayson didn't actually hear much about Hero and Aurelia. It was hard to hear much of anything over the swift, sudden impact of I'd never hit on you, I swear. and the completely empty feeling that followed. There was a difference between knowing a thing and hearing a thing; words, words were important to Grayson. Words had always been important to him, from the time he was a little boy being teased on the playground to the grown man standing in front of Jude, hearing echoes of his conversation with Ignacio, seeing truth in his face as he misinterpreted everything Grayson had said. 
 No one had the power to hurt him like this.
 
 And just like that, there was no room to be hurt anymore. He didn't even understand what he felt for Jude, didn't know if it was all in his head from nearly seeing him dying, or if it was something that had been slow-building, but he was done. He couldn't stand there and keep hurting. He didn't have it left in him.
 
 So, he got angry.
 
 Grayson angry was a peculiar sight. He drew himself to his full height, for once - which only matched Jude's - and his shoulders drew back. Dignity he wore like a cloak, and his mouth suddenly became severe, harsh, in a way that Grayson's never was. And his eyes all but burned, eyes that had been patient, kind, sympathetic -- eyes that had only ever looked to Jude's and sought understanding.
 
 They were hot on his face, now, and the blush on his cheeks faded to be replaced by something pale. When he was angry, Grayson did not go red - he was leeched of all his color.
 
 "Who do you think you are, Jude?" His voice was deep, so impossibly deep, that it might have been Arthur Graves standing before him rather than Grayson. "Honestly, who do you think you are?"
 
 He hurt, but it was hard to feel it under the fiercely contained fury. He hurt, but more than that, he was embarrassed. He was mortified. He was offended that Jude would take what he offered as help, help freely given to assist in him understanding himself, and turn it into something as cheap and small as a rebound attempt. Neither of them had been indicating anything like that, but that was easily forgotten, quickly forgotten, by the temper that Grayson almost never indulged in.
 
 To think that he would assume Jude was hitting on him just then, when they were talking about Hero --
 
 And damn Hero anyway, for starting all of this --
 
 "I did not assume you were hitting on me. I'm sure you labor under the impression that any homosexual man would thank his lucky stars to receive even a scrap of attention from another man, but that is far from the truth."
 
 How could someone sound so furious and never raise his voice?
 
 And hadn't he just said he wasn't homosexual?
 
 "I'm also not fantasizing about being your rebound from Hero-" Ouch, Grayson. "-because I am trying to help you, if you haven't noticed."
 
 His heart ached. Ached, underneath the fire.
 
 "I am attracted to men, Jude, not every man I see." And his voice was so calm, so deadly calm. "Please make an effort to remember that."
 
 Even though he was attracted to Jude.
 
 Even though he cared, rather desperately, even when he really didn't want to.
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 12:57 am 
 
 
                        
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			            Had this been any other person in the world, Jude would have hit him. Marcel could have been alive, standing there daring to mention her like that, and he would have hit him. Barnaby, too. 
 No violent acts toward Grayson did and didn't have to do with him being Grayson. Jude was no more attached to him than the aforementioned people, though his ties with Grayson were different than those with Barny, so to speak. Point was, he had never, ever seen Leo angry at him. Ever.
 
 A lot of his memories were missing or foggy, but he felt sure he had never witnessed this.
 
 It threw him off. It made him hesitate.
 
 What the Hell was his problem?!
 
 "What the Hell is your problem?!" No brain-to-mouth filter on that Lawson boy. "I didn't say any of that! You're the one going around assuming things!" Or so he thought. "You've said fifty times I'm not 'your type', so why are you so pissed off?!" Jude wanted an answer and he wanted now. Enough that he dropped his cigarette and moved in front of the door in case Grayson decided to act like even more of a girl and storm back inside without giving him an explanation.
 
 Alright, so they were both acting like chicks.
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:05 am 
 
 
                        
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			            His mind might have been going a thousand miles a moment, but his voice was steady, calm, low. "What are you doing, Jude, standing in front of my door as though you won't let me back inside?"
 Jude might have been thrown off enough not to hit Grayson; there were not promises to be made on Leo's side. He so rarely lost his temper that it was a wild thing, his mouth ran away from him, and he was only left to regret his actions. He might not have punched Jude, not just then, but he thought about it.
 
 For a moment.
 
 His hands even balled at his sides, violet eyes sparking, but he didn't move. Couldn't.
 
 He'd asked a question, but he didn't seem to care about the answer. Instead, he bared his teeth, the snarl a stark contrast to his easy smiles, and spoke through his clamped jaw. "That is not the point, Jude."
 
 It wasn't the point? The fact that he'd told Jude time and again, time and time again, that he wasn't his type, wasn't the point? Had he been calm, he would have been embarrassed by the hole in his argument. But he wasn't calm.
 
 The only thing calm about Grayson was his voice. His heart was hammering faster than it had in battle, and he felt a little bit light-headed. Just a little bit dizzy.
 
 He unclenched his hands, flexed his fingers at his side. Standing there in sweats and a tee shirt, he might not have looked intimidating, but a little boy going by on a bicycle nearly upended trying to see if there would be a swing thrown before he rode away.
 
 "I beg your pardon if I have to assume certain things because you do not communicate." Angry girlfriend? When had he become Jude's angry girlfriend? "This has nothing to do with whether you are my type or not, and for the record, you are still not my type, Jude Lawson."
 
 A lie.
 
 It would be nearly impossible to tell under the anger.
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:19 am 
 
 
                        
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			            "What are you doing, Jude, standing in front of my door as though you won't let me back inside?"
 "What are YOU doing, Grayson, throwing a bitchfit for no reason?!"
 
 Jude's only response was an incredibly girly that's not the point, Jude. "What is the point?!" he demanded, but Grayson couldn't tell him because Hell if he knew. There was no point to this entire argument.
 
 Leo getting so loud with him was odd, but with Sagittarius it should have been expected by then. He'd gone off on him in the jungle (it was not three o'clock okay?!), and generally speaking, Jude just had a temper. He hadn't been to boxing--his only means to vent--in way too long, especially with everything that happened. That voice he thought wasn't his shouting at Hero he could die when he wanted may have been after all.
 
 He just got focused on getting the last hit if you got him worked up enough.
 
 If only it was possible to 'win' a fight this incredibly stupid.
 
 "What does it have to do with then?! Do you want me to hit on you?" He must have to get so bitchy about it! What an a*****e! "Fine, okay?! Fine!" This wasn't going to lead anywhere good, but Jude grabbed one of Grayson's balled hands and pulled it up, pulled it forward, and his own hand came up to cup the side of his face.
 
 Maybe Leo's keeper had been right about him being a man of voice, since his face stayed angry while his voice sounded so sincere:
 
 "Grayson."
 
 At first.
 
 The following line could not have been more sarcastic:
 
 "You're sooo cute."
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:25 am 
 
 
                        
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			            It was just too goddamn much.
 Grayson went still, so very still, that it was difficult to tell if he was even breathing. He could put up with a lot of things, as he seemed to constantly remind himself when it came to Jude. He could put up with a great deal of things, and he always had, thought he always would.
 
 He would not put up with being toyed with by Jude Lawson because he was angry, even if he had no idea why he was so angry.
 
 So, he held Jude's angry gaze, contempt and a hurt so deep that it seemed impossible in his eyes, and stared. For a heartbeat, two.
 
 Then, faster than he'd ever moved, he brought his free hand up and punched Jude in the side of the head, as hard as he possibly could with an injured shoulder. It was not as hard as he would have liked, given the circumstances. Jude's hand was still on his cheek, Grayson's other hand in his hand, and the color had finally come back into his face. Embarrassed, mortified. Absolutely devastated.
 
 And, God, more angry than he'd ever been.
 
 "You are a goddamn jerk, Jude."
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:34 am 
 
 
                        
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			            He'd deserved that, he just didn't know it. More so, he didn't know why. 
 Jude got hit in the head nearly every day of his life by one person or another, but having this attack launched by Grayson Graves was just bordering unbelievable. Later he'd wonder what the hell happened, and he'd spend a lot of time thinking about it with no answer.
 
 The instinctive thing to do was to strike back and hopefully harder than Grayson had, but no sooner had his hand nearly reached his jaw he stopped and pulled back.
 
 "Hero will get mad if I knock you the Hell out."
 
 Hero, Hero, Hero.
 
 Hero could have been in the damn Brady Bunch with as many times as he said her name.
 
 "You're a God damn girl," Jude accused in a hiss. "That wasn't even gay because you are a girl."
 
 Morons.
 
 "All you Zodiac are the same!" Very much like a moron, Jude threw his arms up and shoved by Grayson--manly shoulder bump of rage and all. "Do whatever you want! I don't care anymore!"
 
 The truck door slammed and the screech of someone driving way too fast was the last Grayson heard from him that day.
 
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                     Posted: Sun Jan 10, 2010 1:44 am 
 
 
                        
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			            That was fine with Grayson. He didn't even want to look at Jude Lawson's goddamn face, much less think about him, or remember his voice, or smell his cigarette smoke on his clothes.
 He didn't say a word when he stormed back into the house, slammed the door hard enough to make his Pop swear from the kitchen. He shoved Tristan back into his room bad-temperedly when he poked his head out, complaining that he'd heard their entire b***h fight, okay, and he slammed the door to his room when he got there.
 
 He had nowhere to put his anger but inward, and that also really pissed him off.
 
 He did finally cry, but they were furious tears that only dissolved into quiet, brokenhearted ones when the memory of Jude's face finally cleared through the haze.
 
 And then, he folded his arms around himself, and he wept because he was the goddamn jerk.
 
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