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 Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 2:35 pm
I'm sorry if this sounds argumentative. It's really not, I just need to write this out to focus my thoughts.
Apparently I'm struggling with the playing pool hobby more than I thought. I do want it to sound like she SAYS she's undefeated, but I thought I'd rewritten it to make that more obvious. She's good and she knows it, but the lying line refers to her undefeated claims. I didn't say she's a math wiz, just that she has an advantage in geometry/physics. Everyone has a subject they're better at than others, and those two tie in to her ability to play pool.
I really didn't mean to make it sounds like she's amazing at everything. She has a "great eye" for colour coordination, which plays a part in her gardening talent and clothes shopping, though I didn't say that she was perfect at being pretty and looking it. She IS pretty and likes shopping to make herself appear that way, but I meant that more to emphasize a materialistic side to her personality. She doesn't like appearing in public in the same outfit twice, so she goes shopping.
The things I would say she's good at are gardening and playing pool. The things she likes doing are shopping and flirting. I can pare it down to one thing she's good at and make the other something she likes doing, but I don't know that that would change much.
Personality-wise, I view Carolina as a girl that knows what she wants and gets it, no matter what. She's spoiled and materialistic, which is why she's always shopping on her parents' money. She loves male attention, which is why she's always flirting and has the promiscuous reputation. She uses her charm to get what she wants from everyone she's able to manipulate.
Thank you for the crit. I'm going to have to think on this a little bit, but I'll work on what you've suggested.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 5:31 pm
I’ve updated her Playing Pool hobby again, really just adding in a clarifying sentence about how she isn’t undefeated. I know it’s not much of a change, but hopefully that ties together the part where I say she claims to have never lost.
I tweaked a couple of words here and there throughout her other hobbies, but I couldn’t see exactly where it was coming across that I was saying she’s perfect at so many things. She loves gardening because she loves beautiful things and she has an eye for colour coordinating. She loves shopping because she loves making herself beautiful with new, beautiful clothing. Her eye for colour coordination would help with that. I changed the line about her advantage in geometry and physics to just say geometry. This is only one aspect of math, so it’s not like she’d have astronomical grades in the subject because of it, but she’s good at it because she’s good at angles.
I updated her flaws a little bit. I changed Impulsive to include a little bit more about her spoiled princess personality. I changed Promiscuous to be somewhat more detailed and related to her Flirting hobby and Charming virtue. I understand what you were saying about it being presented somewhat tastelessly, but that’s part of the point. It’s something that makes other people not like her and it’s a legitimately undesirable trait for a person to have. I reworded it to be a little gentler though. I explain how she uses her charm to get what she wants in the Charming entry.
As I said, the picture I’m trying to paint is of a girl who knows what she wants and does whatever it takes to get it. She’s motivated, and takes the initiative to get things done. Unfortunately, she’s also arrogant and impulsive. As a teenage girl she’s in love with beauty and with herself. She’s flirtatious and charming, and unfortunately she’s also promiscuous. She can use these traits to achieve her goals nonetheless. She’s immature, which is evidenced through her materialistic shopping, her flighty promiscuity, and her impulsive emotional responses. She’s not particularly likeable except when she turns on the charms.
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 7:11 pm
Sometimes it's difficult to separate your character's opinion from what you're trying to establish as fact, but the changes you made reflect that a lot better, and I also like the additions you made to her Impulsive trait. I imagine she gets like that when her flirting backfires as well?
Just a few more questions/suggestions to round her out, bear with me here -- how is she with interpersonal relationships in general, is she the type to have many genuine friends? She seems pretty self-involved, too overconfident to worry about her reputation -- doesn't care much what people think about her? Is Carolina so concerned with her own happiness and her well-being that she forgets about that of friends, etc when conducting herself?
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Posted: Sun May 23, 2010 8:40 pm
You’re absolutely right. I know now that version 1.0 was written far too much in Carolina’s personality. It helped to get inside her head, but it didn’t help to actually flesh out her character. I had my sisters read the original profile to see if it made sense to them, but we’re all of a similar mind so if I meant something to be sarcastic/humorous/whatever, they read it that way...which is not necessarily something the average person reading it would do.
I knew I had to work in her emotional immaturity somewhere, and it was like a light bulb went off when I realized it could be tied to her impulsiveness. I always thought that category needed a little bit more fleshing out, so it was perfect. She will most definitely react that way when her flirting fails.
Carolina definitely isn’t the kind of person to have close friends. She’s like the popular girl in school that seems like she has a lot of friends, but really, everyone hates each other. I mentioned in Arrogant that she doesn’t give fair consideration to other peoples’ opinions and suggestions. That would include their opinions of her.
I appreciate the help Mouse. I’ve definitely become more focused with respect to her overall character. I’ll work on getting information about her interpersonal relationships into her profile. Thanks heart
Edit: There, I've tied it to her arrogance a bit. I'm going to sleep on it tonight and see if there's anywhere else I can see to add some info.
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Posted: Tue May 25, 2010 4:20 pm
I think she's good to go now, thanks for bearing with! 
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