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 Posted: Thu May 05, 2011 9:24 am
Romir's irritation died as quickly as it had flared, and the young wolf dropped onto his haunches, ears folding flat as he ducked his head. "Well... no. No one in particular, just yet." How could he possibly describe the dream warrior who clouded his mind? Elucidate the wonderous scenarios that constantly came to his thoughts in the most mundane moments? Sighing heavily, the young wolf dropped onto his paws, resting his muzzle on his forelegs.
"I'll know her when I see her, Father. I may not have met her yet, but... It'll come to me the moment she appears. I know it will."
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 11:13 am
How had he ever gotten these ideas into his head? Iosef knew it couldn't have been his doing. Dreamy-eyed youth though he may have been at one time, he didn't expect...well...this.
"I see," he said, trying to keep any intonation out of his voice at all for fear that Romir would start yelling again. He smiled. "I simply...I want you to be sure, that's all. Before you give your heart to someone. That you really know that it's the right someone, and not just...the first one who will take you."Was there just a hint of bitterness at the end of his voice? Had unfortunate memories of a certain black-striped white wolf just crept into his mind?
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Posted: Mon May 23, 2011 6:57 am
Dreamy, yes, but not oblivious. The young wolf tilted his head, ears pricking forward. "...what do you mean by that, Father?" It was curious, indeed. Everything he'd seen of his parents indicated a flawless union, one that he himself continually dreamt of attaining. Surely there wasn't something... amiss with their pairing, was there?
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Posted: Wed May 25, 2011 1:24 am
"Nothing," he said, quickly, and busied himself with investigating the growth of a vine that crawled up the craggy hillside.
He had, perhaps, underestimated the perceptiveness of his most dream-filled son. While Chimera might be self-absorbed and Perdicas was busy behaving as a good slave should, Romir was distracted by the same emotional frequency as often clouded Iosef's own judgment.
Strange, that in their way, they would have so much alike.
"We should be heading back," he said, perhaps more curtly than he should have. "Morning duties are calling. You know your way here, you can find your way back whenever you get a spare moment."
Probably not the best way to handle that one, dad.
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Posted: Fri May 27, 2011 10:17 pm
More unsettled than he looked, the young wolf regarded his father with surprisingly direct eyes. There was something gravely amiss, and he couldn't put his paw on it. Romir craned his head, watching his father examine the vine, and then huffed out a breath.
"Father..." What he'd been about to say was forgotten when Iosef snapped. His ears flattened as he ducked his head, and the young wolf shifted uncomfortably. It was an odd tone for his father to take, and such a thing only cemented the seed of doubt now buried under his rosy dreams.
"...yes... I suppose you're right..." Regretfully, he looked around the lovely spot, Romir's mind already busy with dreams of when he would bring his beloved to this place. The sweet words she spoke in his mind drew a wag to his tail as he bounded to his paws with youthful exuberance.
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Posted: Sat May 28, 2011 1:04 am
"You can come back after lunch," he said, softening his tone as best he could. He offered a wry smile to his son and nudged his haunch. "Promise."
Deciding it was safest not to say anything further for fear he make the situation worse, he climbed his way down, padding back toward the dens with thoughts weighing heavily on his mind.
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 12:07 pm
Not, of course, that such silence stopped Romir from bounding about his father, pointing out various shapes in the clouds overhead.
A few paces from the den, and he stopped, biting a mouthful of Iosef's tail to pull his father to a halt. Mumbling around a maw full of fur wasn't conductive, and as soon as Iosef paused, the young wolf spat out his father's tail and gave him a curious look. His ears twitched, swinging about to listen for anyone nearby before he spoke quietly.
"...you and Mother are happy, aren't you, Father? I mean... She's wonderful. There wasn't anyone... else... Was there?"
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Posted: Mon May 30, 2011 4:08 pm
Iosef halted, wincing at the feeling of sharp teeth in his tail. He swung his head back, meeting eyes nearly identical to his own -- but not weighed down with the same worries -- and tried to think of what he should say.
"Your mother is an extraordinary woman," he said.
His survival instincts told him to lie. To protect his secret, as he always did.
But a dark, niggling part of his mind said, maybe he'd understand. Maybe it's wrong to keep secrets like this from your pups.
This hesitation lasted only a second. His ears flicked. "She is not my first," he said, then. "Long before you were born, there was Alkaia. She died defending your grandmother when the pack was disbanded."
There, that was all true.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 9:55 pm
Perhaps it was his dreamy nature that gave him a faint insight into the dreams of others, but Romir was unconvinced. Padding around to stand in front of his father, he sat deliberately and looked up at Iosef. It was a moment that could only be expressed through childish affection, and he nosed the underside of Iosef's jaw.
"...but did you love her the way you love Mother? Or did you love someone else before Mother?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:20 pm
That...was a complicated question.
"Alkaia was a warrior, battle-hardened and strong," he said. "They are very different women."
He was the king of evasion. But those eyes, those damn violet eyes that were the exact mirror of his own, seemed to be crawling around in his soul. "But I suppose...yes. I loved her the same. As much as you can love any two different wolves the same way."
And that was also true. He loved her the same, as she had served the same purpose: covering for his secret, defending him against those who would have seen him killed.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 10:34 pm
It felt like something wasn't being said, and that always drove Romir to distraction. Tilting his head, ears flopping back, he nosed his father's muzzle again. "...is that all?" It seemed so... anticlimactic. Judging from Iosef's look, he'd thought there would've been much, much more to it. Perhaps a tale of some broken heart, or unspoken longing. That was clear in his eyes as he regarded his father. "That's really all?"
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2011 11:07 pm
His stomach lurched. He felt nauseous.
He didn't want to divulge his secret, not when he had worked so hard to guard it, not when it was so bad, so disgusting and shameful.
But he also didn't want to lie to his son, especially not to his face, especially when his eyes burned into him like two violet-colored embers.
But...how could he say this out loud? He had never actually stated the words before; he didn't even know that there was a word for the affliction that plagued him. The three wolves who had ever known had all found out for themselves: two, because he could not love him; one, because he did.
He cast a panicked look around them, verifying that they were alone. He looked like a frightened animal, whites of his eyes showing. His heart thudded loudly enough that he was certain his son could hear it. He felt like he would vomit. His eyes watered.
But he had to say something.
He opened his mouth. Closed it. His ears drooped. His heart felt like it would explode.
Could he trust him?
...What kind of a terrible thought was that. This was his son.
Yes, and Varia was his sister.
Not even Terreis knew this.
Dammit.
"I have done things I'm not proud of," he said, finally. "There is...something wrong with me, deep down. Your mother has been very kind to keep me by her side regardless."
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 10:48 pm
Nose and ears told him all he needed to know, and Romir gave his father a look that could not be misinterpreted.
His eyes- so painful to see that reflected back in eyes so similar- were disappointed.
The young wolf made no protest of his father's statement, but demeanor spoke volumes as he dropped his head, tail hanging lifelessly. It was a new experience for him, and one that didn't fit any of his rosy dreams. His father had lied to him- lied clearly enough to be all but written on the ground between them. Romir drew a breath, and then simply turned his head, padding a few yards away.
"...morning duties await. I should get moving." Never before had he spoken so dully to his father, but this... It hurt, yes, to see that one's parents didn't live up to the ideal the mind held, but for Romir who lived so fully in his dreams...
It was shattering.
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Posted: Tue Jun 14, 2011 11:14 pm
Iosef shuddered all over, held paralyzed as he watched his son's disappointment play out all over his all-too-familiar features.
This is how so many things in his life had ended. Disappointment and abandonment. He remembered when Terreis and Varia had left him behind to die...and remembered also when Tui had left, head and tail slung low. Now Romir's countenance was hauntingly familiar, and Iosef's mouth went dry and his eyes watered.
He wanted to call out -- to tell him to stop, that he would explain everything -- but he was frozen by fear and shame.
He let him go.
When Romir was gone, Iosef stumbled half-heartedly toward his own duties, pausing once to vomit into a bush. He shook all over. He hoped that no one would see him like this, as he thought having to hide the source of his pain from anyone else might just kill him.
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