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 Posted: Mon May 09, 2011 7:28 pm
Revised for spelling errors.
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Posted: Thu May 12, 2011 5:44 pm
FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF-
EDITED FIGHTING STYLE POST. JUST NOTICED SOMETHING WRONG. >8I
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Posted: Sun May 15, 2011 12:23 pm
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Posted: Thu May 19, 2011 1:34 pm
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Posted: Sun May 22, 2011 12:10 am
Minor changes have been made.
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Posted: Wed Jun 29, 2011 4:44 am
Hello Katsu!!
I wanted to read your quest since you have put so much time into it, even the images of the family are so cute and a nice touch!!!
I do like Mòyú, she sounds bitchy and tough and very well put together. Looking back on her past she has had to build up a wall especially with being so clumsy. Injuring herself all the time (scars & limp) would have given her a reputation for being weak and slow minded. Its good to see she wants to squash all thoughts of that by being so determined and to an extent brutal. The friendly rivalry with her sister supports her personality of being mean but I can imagine her being slightly bitter against her sister. If none of the accidents had happened she would be her sister, she has so much to work against and i can see it being a struggle. It think through RP with others they will see her as confident and bold but also that she is a sensitive person behind it all who has had a lot to work against in her life.
Remember that with all these problems (limp etc) the trainers will be extra hard on her, maybe even rejecting her from training since she will be seen as a possible threat to a mission or even a hindrance to a plan. She will have to prove them all wrong so she may become quite emotionally detached causing problems with making friends who see her as arrogant and uncaring.
I do love that she likes animals though, i think if you want to make friends for her really work on that so people can seriously latch on to it!!
Good luck in your quest!!! <3
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Posted: Sat Jul 02, 2011 11:21 am
Thanks for your input! I'm glad that I portrayed her right seeing as your interpretations of her are exactly what I wanted people to think! ^ ^ I just have to wait and see if she gets accepted so that when I rp as her the areas where she needs to grow will expand more. What's the fun in rping when there's no room to grow, right? ^ ^
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Posted: Tue Jul 05, 2011 11:10 pm
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Posted: Fri Jul 29, 2011 1:15 am
Hahaha when I first saw that her nickname could also mean "jelly" I thought of the slang term for jealous... such a fail on my part. xD Anyway, down to business.
History - I don't have much to say about this section, other than that you explained very well how Moyu's history has shaped her personality. Nice work.
Family History - I love this section, and your illustrations. It makes my job more interesting. The family sounds like a very interesting sort, but I'd like to see a little more description as far as how they influence Moyu - what does she think of them, and what influence do they have on her current path as an academy student? This should be mostly about Moyu, after all!
Personality - I think you've made a good start with Moyu's personality. What I've noticed is that many of her personality traits can swing either way - good or bad. To make things more clear, I think you should align those traits either positively or negatively (as a fatal flaw), or at the very least explain how each trait can positively and negatively affect her socially and in battle.
Fun Facts/Appearance/House - I enjoyed reading these sections. It's the little details that help a character come alive, and you've done a good job of that.
Fighting Style - It's good to see that you've done a lot of research on Moyu's fighting style, and I'd also like to commend you for taking the steps to order all of her fighting moves based on growth. It'll really help in battles and no one can say that Moyu's overpowered if you stand by this. :]
There are also a couple of spelling and grammar errors throughout, but I think a good proofread should catch them.
All in all I enjoyed reading about Moyu and think she has a lot of potential. You're really close! I can't accept this quest right now, but work on what I've mentioned in this post and I'll be more than happy to take another look. Also, if you have any questions, feel free to PM me or IM me on AIM at blueberrygrand.
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2011 5:15 pm
Changes have been made. o uo
-Pushes Moyu- Now stop being difficult, you! > 3>
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Posted: Tue Nov 01, 2011 5:55 am
Under heavy construction..... orz
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