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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:13 pm
Hey, I'm always willing for a reader! If you'd like to PM me your email, I could send you the novel as a googledoc? But only if you don't mind that it isn't finished. XP
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:15 pm
Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Awesome! Okay, will do. <3
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Sun Apr 08, 2012 7:28 pm
I PM'ed you the doc. I hope it's not disappointing. whee
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 2:24 pm
Today's post is a bit messy. I have a couple of haikus (which is a form I'd never written before today, so that suck horribly) and then a splurge-poem. This really is me going back to my childhood!
~ #4 - Childhood Memories
A sock half-way down; the cracked brown of Old Bear’s eye shoves breath from my lungs.
--
The smell of grass makes my Mother’s nose tickle as as she sits amongst bees.
--
Sitting lonely by the road, a book in hand and a staff by my side, I wait for my Mother to play the Knight. Today I left my sword on the kitchen table.
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 6:03 pm
Very sweet, short pieces. Very like the childhood memories they portray I'm sure heh. It really embodies the spirit of childhood memories is what I mean.
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 8:06 pm
Thanks. X3 I didn't think they were worth posting, but I've decided to post everything that I enjoyed writing this year - whether it's actually any good or not. So here they are. I'm just enjoying writing regularly again.
The first couple of days were kind of a chore, but today I was happy to sit down and write something, especially because I told myself it didn't have to be long. It's nice to focus on what the words mean and not how many of them there are. whee
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Mon Apr 09, 2012 9:08 pm
I'm glad you're deciding to share. <3 cx
I'm also really glad you enjoyed this heh. Takes a pressure off not to have to write much. cx
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 9:13 am
I'm glad we're all doing this, to be honest! It's a relief to have found what seems to be quite a supportive community. =D
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 11:29 am
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 7:53 pm
Okay guys. I have no idea if this is finished, and I'm not happy with it. At all. However, I don't feel like working on it any more today will help, so I'll go ahead and post it. This challenge is about learning to write every day, even if it doesn't go well. >_> I won't say much more, other than: sorry, my bad. smile
~ #5 - Speed
The lights in the city are like beacons. They call to him from the bridge; his toes are tensed and bunched up at the metal bars. He stands looking out over the river beneath him, staring into the abyss that sits between his toes and the lights. Beyond the inky rippling water he finds that he cannot focus; the city is blurred, a cacophony of colours in his head, in his ears, in his eyes. Red. Amber. Pale yellow and white. The glass of the buildings reflects everything tenfold and the colours are screaming.
His toes in the ends of his shoes force the leather to scuff at the tarmac and he feels the zing in his chest. It starts off like a faint thrumming within his ribcage, but he knows how it will go. He can feel it building even as he rolls his shoulders and turns his back on the blackness outside of the bridge. Here he is safe, standing with his feet firmly planted on the ground.
He knows it cannot last for long.
The motorbike is an old model, a Triumph T140. It is red and orange and yellow. Like the lights. He feels like it is taunting him, like it also feels the zing and knows what will come. He touches the right handle softly, a caress that leave him shaking. He knows better than to ride at night - usually. Tonight is not Usually; Tonight is Different. He takes a deep breath through his teeth and mounts. The lights are blocked by the bridge supports, but this doesn’t seem to help.
He wants nothing more than to go: to go so fast that everything becomes as foggy as those lights, so that everything twists and writhes into that ecstasy of light and sound and the smell of burned rubber on tarmac. The squeal of wheels - not his - and hammering beat of his heart.
What would he give for that?
The problem, he thinks, is everything.
The bike is between his legs, the comfort that it expends almost rivals the obnoxious ringing in his ears. He wants to shout, to scream. He wants to drive right off the bridge.
He almost did that once.
He kicks the stand away before he can talk himself out of it; his wife would never forgive him. Or would she? Perhaps everything is backwards. He doesn’t care any more.
Before he knows what he is happening, the world is speeding and he is stationary. Everything slams by him so quickly that his brain feels like it is filled with cotton balls. A whoop is ripped from his lips, and he realises that he is cold. Cold, but buzzing. It is like being drunk - drunk on lights and smells. He wants to stop, to let the feeling wash over him, but he knows that if he stops it will be gone. And then there is only blood thrumming in his chest; the zing is gone. He slams on the brakes.
What is he doing? He has a family; a wife and small kids. He can’t. He skids to a halt on an empty road, the sound of his dying engine echoing around him, reverberating off the glass. It had looked so inviting from the bridge - now the red is as angry as he is. The yellow is jaundiced and he wants to throw up.
She tried to make him sell the bike.
It was his father’s.
It was his father’s death.
He should know better.
For a second he can hear only his heartbeat in his mouth. Loud. Banging. No, it is thrumming. Thrumming like - revving. There is a burning smell from behind him. His legs are numb. His stomach is in his throat. Can’t breathe. Can’t move.
Triumph.
The bike is in the river. Red, amber, yellow and white.
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 8:05 pm
Guh, now he has to walk all the way home.
<< Sorry. Not that your story called for a joke. Just in a silly mood I suppose. cx
In all seriousness, I'm not sure why you're not happy with this. I enjoyed it. I really saw his motorcycle and his life kind of the same. A wife and small kids, that's a lot of pressure, and usually the temptation to break free and just go, speed away, just for a while, can be strong. I kind of imagined this as his little rebellion, perhaps the beginnings or end of a midlife crisis, the need to break away, the thrumming, as you beautifully described, to do so. The motorcycle gives a physical means to do so, a realisation of the metaphor. And then the slowing down, the stopping, the banishing the temptation to destroy the slowness but sureness of family life.
At one point in the story, you write "arsfoggy ", though I think it's a typo meant to be written as "as foggy". Just a small thing.
The connection to his father was moving.
I really like that, at the end, the slowing down is something he's proud of and not something he resents.
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Posted: Tue Apr 10, 2012 10:29 pm
Psychotic Maniacal Sanity A sock half-way down; the cracked brown of Old Bear’s eye shoves breath from my lungs. -- The smell of grass makes my Mother’s nose tickle as as she sits amongst bees. -- heart Sitting lonely by the road, a book in hand and a staff by my side, I wait for my Mother to play the Knight. Today I left my sword on the kitchen table. Very nice short pieces. I liked very much the splurge-poem which gave me such a calm image, so short yet the mood is there.
Just one thing... When writing haikus and since it's Japanese, nature is always involved, plants or animals. And uhm... Alright, maybe two things... articles such as a, an and the are seldom used. *I have nothing against this rule but in my opinion, it's a little difficult. I admit though that it's better to practice without the articles.It's easy to get used to it anyways.
I like how you are trying to write in new ways because some are hesitant like me. *At least, I found out I'm not very good in journalism...*
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 2:20 pm
Thanks for the feedback! And, I will go and fix that typo now. xd I guess I just felt like it wasn't one of my strongest pieces of work because I didn't really engage with the character as much as I would have liked - but I'm glad I managed to get my themes/ideas etc. across okay. =D Thank you! I quite liked the splurge poem too, because... I don't know. Poems and PMS don't normally mix, but I actually quite like how it turned out. X3 And also thanks for letting me know about the haikus. I guess I was borrowing the form (there was a funny board with "library haikus" in my library that encouraged me) but for future refence I'm very glad you told me. heart
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:44 pm
How's the challenge treating you so far?
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Psychotic Maniacal Sanity Vice Captain
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Posted: Wed Apr 11, 2012 6:58 pm
I have to admit, it's had its ups and downs. ninja It's been so long since I wrote regularly that the hard part at the moment is the regular motivation - but even harder still is the fact that I'm not writing a novel. Novel writing is something I always jump back into with ease, but short stories, poems etc. are not nearly so easy for me and never have been. It's a fantastic experience, but it's taking some pushing!
Thanks for asking. =D How about you?
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