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 Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 7:05 pm
... Shoot. Had he said more than he should have again? He shifted uncomfortably, trying to make the ache in his heart go away. It only grew. Though he himself had said it wouldn't work out, somehow... hearing Sherry say it hurt a lot. More than it should have.
He only watched as she fidgeted, wondering what else he could do.
"You asked me a question, so I would assume it's ok for me to ask one now."
Another pause, as he tried to recollect his thoughts.
"...Why me?"
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:00 pm
Sherry let her gaze linger on the floor. Why was she still sitting there? Why was she still trying? Did she still hope? Even after everything, did she still hope? Or was it simply the fact she didn't want to leave sad? That was silly, and selfish.
She only nodded, waiting for his question. When he asked it, she closed her eyes, thinking. He'd asked before, and she'd tried to answer, but it wasn't something that could be put into words. Not easily.
"Why not you?" She shrugged, looking at him. "Do you remember when we played Jenga? Or any number of our spars? Or when we went shopping? Or...hell, most of yesterday was nice." She sighed and shifted in the chair again. She might have coughed, but she wasn't sure. "I really liked being around you. Just being near you made me happy. Until I went and ruined it all, but that's my fault." She sighed. "You're you. I like you. That's all."
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 8:12 pm
He had remembered, how could he not?
He had absolutely hated Jenga, cursing at the division's choice at such a lame activity to practice, and in the end, both he and Sherry left with sharpie marks all over their face. Maybe mostly Sherry, for he still wasn't sure how he had managed to win that round. And the spars... the very first one... he remembered he had been nothing but mean to her, accusing her of not taking them seriously, and after that...
No, he didn't understand. How could these kinds of things make her happy? He really didn't understand.
"You didn't... ruin anything..." he mumbled, voice barely audible. "And... you're wrong. I can't... make you happy. I'm not who you think I am."
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 9:00 pm
"Yes I did. I ruined what we had." The volume of her voice lowered to match his. She'd liked hanging out with him. Even when he was a stubborn asshat. "I had a friend. I had someone I could trust, someone I felt safe enough with to cry in front of or run off to some mystery island with just to see what we could find. Now I don't." She shook her head. "I guess you're not. I always thought you were an arrogant jerk and asshat who had something of a heart in there. You knew hurt, but you knew how to laugh, too. I don't know what part I have wrong. You weren't exactly forthcoming with who you are, you know," she said, forcing something akin to sarcasm into her tone. "But then again, you don't know what would make me happy." This was going in circles. Which was stupid, because she knew she shouldn't even be having this conversation. "I would have liked to get to know you." She really would have. It wasn't meant to happen, not even on a friendly level. She really wished it wouldn't hurt so much. Her hand left her pocket, an envelope held between her fingers. "Here. I, uh, wrote it before the cruise." She said it like it was an explanation of sorts. With a sigh she rose from the chair, tossing the envelope on the bed. There was indeed a letter in that envelope. She said nothing else as she turned and walked out of the room. She didn't feel like crying in front of him right then.
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Posted: Thu Jun 20, 2013 10:13 pm
When Sherry used those words to describe him, he averted his gaze. He... hadn't been any of that. At that time, he had just been some arrogant trainee looking to piss off anyone and everyone around him. He had been nothing but mean to her, and mean to Chester, and yet these two...
And then she continued speaking, and though her words were true, they stung. He really didn't know who he was, he didn't know what would make her happy. Perhaps... no, she would be better off without him. He didn't deserve someone like her. He didn't deserve it... not after everything he did.
"I don't even know myself..." he wanted to say this, but then Sherry moved, and he only watched as she pulled out something from her pocket and tossed it on the bed. He was still staring at it when she turned around to leave, and had managed to look up just as disappeared out of the room.
It had only been a few seconds... a minute or two, but it felt like hours had passed, as his eyes lingered on the doorway, trying to piece together what had just happened. Sherry... had given him a letter and then... had promptly left. Though she didn't say what kind of letter it was, deep down, he already knew.
This was a farewell letter.
Which meant... he had succeeded. The last piece had fallen in place. He had managed to push her away and she...
She was never coming back.
This was... this was what he wanted it, wasn't it? Now that she understood that he wasn't the one for her, she would... learn to move on, right? She would find real happiness, with someone who could make her laugh, who could keep her safe, who would treat her how she deserved. Her safety was the one thing he really wanted, and it would be ok for him to watch her from afar, to still hold onto these futile feelings that just refused to go away, to pray for her happiness with whoever she found it with.
If so, then why did it hurt so damn much?
With trembling fingers, he reached for the envelope, feeling the weight of a letter in it. Of course, was he hoping that it had been empty? That she was... just using this as a joke to get back at him? His fingers brushed over his name, and though he knew he should open it, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He already knew what it would say, and yet, he didn't... he didn't want to know. This was all that was left over, the only piece of Sherry he would hold onto. Her farewell.
At some time, he felt moisture running down his cheek, and he brushed a hand against it, confused. Tears? Why? He had deserved this. Sherry was never his to begin with. In the end, he hadn't really lost anything... right?
This thought process only made his chest ache more and more, and he found it difficult to breathe. The only comfort he had now was that he wasn't hooked up to a monitor, where its beeps would only echo the pain in his heart. Was this a dream? A nightmare? Or reality? He didn't know anymore. Didn't matter anymore. No leftovers. There was nothing left.
"I came here with nothing, and so with nothing I will leave."
Placing the letter on the table beside him, he pulled the covers over his head, letting the darkness envelope him.
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