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 Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 7:53 pm
It was difficult to miss the startled look Remus gave him, which had Sessrumnir immediately stopping in his tracks. From what Sessrumnir had learned of Remus so far, was that he was a very expressive individual, at least when it came to reacting to what he heard or others did, but he wasn’t very forthcoming in expressing himself with words, often masking his, what Sessrumnir assumed, doubts and fears.
He could relate, of course. Sessrumnir wasn’t exactly one to wear his heart on his sleeve, much rather preferring to keep it hidden and safe, but Remus seemed to have a more difficult time doing the same, even though it seemed he tried from time to time about certain things. Or maybe Sessrumnir was just reading him completely wrong. For Sessrumnir, Remus’s words only went so far, as if they were just scratching the surface, despite those words being honest and sincere. For some reason it concerned Sessrumnir, because someone as typically youthful and lighthearted as Remus shouldn’t have to be so worried about things like doubting himself.
But he didn’t have time to dwell on those thoughts, because the rain was coming and Remus was already pushing him to climb into the old boxcar first. Once he was on solid ground, he reached back to grab onto Remus’s arm to hoist him up and inside.
“Ugh… see, I told you you’d get soaked,” he grimaced, having managed to barely avoid the start of the downpour. Remus, on the other hand, didn’t seem to be so lucky. “Take off that cape thing… or power down if you’d like. I’m staying like this until the rain stops, at least,” he told the other as he quickly went to work on trying to close the door that seemed to have been rusted open. He managed to at least get it closed half way, which stopped some of the rain and wind from coming in, but not all of it. “s**t,” he grumbled, and then turned to see what Remus decided to do.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:08 pm
He felt Sessrumnir's grip on his arm and a second later, Remus was staggering inside. It was darker, and he could feel the icy chill of the rain beginning to set into his skin, soaking through his uniform so that everything felt a little itchier and clammier than strictly comfortable.
His wet hair fell in thick black strands across his forehead, and Remus lifted a hand and raked his fingers through, pushing it away from his face. "Always trying to get me to take my clothes off," he half grumbled, but his tone was teasing as Remus fiddled with the cape, dropping it beside him a second later. Underneath was a simple white dress s**t and a pair of blue suspenders. The gloves were stripped off as well and dropped with the capelet.
"If you're staying powered up, so am I," he said, and glanced around at their less than ideal surroundings, hands on his hips. At the very least, it was large enough for both of them to sit comfortably, even it was made of rusted metal.
Remus leaned against the back wall, closed his eyes, and then slid down it slowly until he was sitting, one hand buried in his damp hair as he fiddled with the collar around his throat, emblazoned with a crescent moon. He untied it, tossed it with the rest of his things, and felt as though it was slightly easier to breathe.
He cast a glance over at Sessrumnir, arching a brow.
"Don't you ever get hot with all that on?" he asked lightly, hoping that maybe the other hadn't noticed his momentary lapse in hiding his emotions.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:22 pm
Sessrumnir thought he should have figured as much. If he was going to stay powered, then of course Remus would as well. He was stubborn like that, and that thought had Sessrumnir drawing in a deep breath through his nose and let it out the same way, shaking his head and mumbling about how Remus would at least be dry if he powered down.
He raised an eyebrow at Remus’s light question, more surprised that he’d asked in such a way that it sounded like an actual question instead of teasing. So, to fill the gap, Sessrumnir felt obligated to respond with, “Aren’t I always?”
The arrogance of his own attempt at humor left a bad taste in his mouth, and he lifted his hands to unhook the cape from around his neck. One he’d gathered it in his hands, he gently tossed it to Remus so he could at least have something to sit on, if he didn’t want to use it as a blanket.
“Yes, I do,” he amended, taking a few moments to unlatch the shoulder armor from across his chest and set the extra pieces of his uniform down on the floor of the car so that he was down to his tunic. He was tempted to try and take off his boots as well, but the thought of stepping on a rusted nail had him keeping them on.
He moved to the door of the car once more to try and pry the rest of it shut, but when he couldn’t he moved to stand beside Remus for a couple moments, and then turned so that he could also sit down with his back against the wall of the car. For a few minutes he didn’t bother to say anything, instead closing his eyes to listen to the thunder and rain and wind. Lightning occasionally lit up the darkness, which was good because he wanted to make sure that the car was as empty as he was hoping it was.
“You okay?” he finally heard himself ask, unable to stop himself. The look Remus gave him still bothered him, and he wasn’t sure why.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:33 pm
He opened his mouth to say something and then stopped, eyes widening. A second later, a half choked laugh had escaped him, a wide grin spreading across Remus's face.
"Why, Sessrumnir, Knight of Jupiter, did you just make a joke?" he asked delightedly, automatically catching the cape in his arms. "No, no, you can't take it back now, you definitely just made a joke and I need a piece of paper to write down the time and date of this momentous occassion, why don't I carry that with me..."
There were so many layers to Sessrumnir's uniform. Cape and fur and armor and glowy bits. Remus couldn't help but watch with interest as it was all discarded, and a part of him wondered if this was also something of a metaphor - trying to get past all of those protective layers so that he could find out the simplicity of who Sessrumnir was beneath.
Remus sat with the cape still in his arms, the knight beside him - and the question was asked, and he should have known it wouldn't have been missed. Remus eased out a long breath, absently smoothing fingers over the hem of the fabric.
After a moment he said, "For some reason the thought of going to my homeworld freaks me out. I'm not really sure why."
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:44 pm
Well, at least Remus seemed to get a kick out of the joke, and Sessrumnir was glad it was dark so he could hide the small grin that found its way onto his lips. It only lingered for a few moments and then was gone again. He couldn’t help it when Remus seemed so thrilled about it, even if what he’d said was a pretty dumb joke.
He looked down to watch as Remus felt the fabric of his cape but didn’t do much with it, and so Sessrumnir reached out to take a corner of it from him, and placed it on top of Remus’s head to try and gently rub some of the wet strands dry. Or at least a little drier than being soaked. It couldn’t be very comfortable to sit there and have water drip onto his neck.
“You don’t have to go if you don’t want to,” Sessrumnir said lightly, trying to gather up the damp strands of Remus’s hair in his hand, with the cape in between, trying to squeeze some more of the water out without yanking too hard. “But if you wanted, I could always come with you.”
The offer had left his mouth before he had a moment to really think about what he was saying, and wondering why he thought that Remus would even want to go with him instead of someone else. There had to be other senshi or knights that Remus would prefer to go with him, instead.
“I won’t be offended if you’d rather go by yourself, or with someone else,” he quickly added with a forced shrug.
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 8:57 pm
It took him a moment to realize what Sessrumnir was trying to do, Remus glancing sideways at him; but he loosened his grasp on the cape to let it have more leeway and relaxed back against the wall of the car, closing his eyes. The movements were gentle, though he shivered slightly as a drop of cold rainwater slid down his temple and over his cheek.
Okay, so maybe standing outside in a storm was a bad idea after all.
Something about having his hair played with - even if what Sessrumnir was doing didn't technically fall into that category - made Remus feel relaxed and soothed. He let himself be lulled into a sense of ease, ignoring the fact that he still felt chilled.
The offer, however, made him open his eyes. Remus looked at his hands for a moment, tucked in his lap, and then half turned his head, resting it back against the wall so that he could look at Sessrumnir beside him, halting his motions There was a faint smile on his face, though there was a strange note of curiosity to it.
"You do that a lot, y'know," he said, and then looked away, freeing his hair once more so that Sessrumnir could continue. "You give me an out."
It did not surprise him, especially with how private he was. Remus was silent for another minute, then said, "Come with me?"
It was said almost hesitantly, as though he wasn't even sure that he wanted to go in the first place. But he took a breath, still focused away from Sessrumnir, and said, "To my homeworld. Come with me. I could use a bit of Jupiter, I think."
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Posted: Sun Jun 12, 2016 9:25 pm
When Remus turned his head, Sessrumnir had no choice but to stop in trying to dry his hair for a moment. He stared back at him, his own expression guarded and blank, but Remus’s words seemed to startle him for just a moment, and he knew he didn’t have the opportunity to compose himself again as he would have liked.
So when Remus looked away again, so did he, although he kept his hand against the wet hair, drying it a little more before finally stopping and lowering the cape down around Remus’s shoulders. He could tell that Remus was at least a little chilled. The rain was colder than expected for a summer storm, and after being practically soaked, it had to be uncomfortable still sitting in semi-wet clothing.
“Okay,” he said softly, looking away from Remus as he did so. “I’ll go with you. We should plan what time, just in case you end up wanting to stay for a while,” he suggested, placing his wrist against the top of his knee, which was bent up as he sat against the wall. The storm still raged outside, not seeming to want to let up anytime soon.
“If it’ll help,” he started, pausing as if he was choosing his words carefully and then starting again. “If it’ll help, you’re welcome to come with me some time,” he offered as he picked at a piece of loose thread that wasn’t really there. “To Sessrumnir, I mean. I haven’t taken anyone else with me before,” he shared with a small grimace, wondering if it would probably be too boring of a place to visit, anyway.
“Does it bother you?” Sessrumnir asked before he could change his mind. “That I give you an out? I just don’t want you to feel like you have to. Because you’re nice and too trusting,” he mumbled, feeling strangely out of sorts as he sat there next to Remus in the old boxcar in the middle of a storm, but he couldn't figure out why he felt that way.
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:18 am
He knew that Sessrumnir had not expected him to notice; the startled expression that had flickered across his face in the few seconds that Remus had looked at him had been evidence enough of that. There was something to be said about being able to see that sort of look on someone who was normally so careful and so carefully guarded.
He still wasn't entirely sure that he wanted to go to his homeworld at all - the peculiar apprehension that surrounded the idea made Remus uneasy, but the fact that he wouldn't have to go alone after all made it somewhat better. Sessrumnir, in spite of everything, was a reassuring presence that helped ease some of the wariness.
He tilted his head back against the wall again, and a light laugh escaped him. "I'd like to go to your wonder," said Remus, and found it was true. Maybe going there would be helpful somehow, and the fact that the offer had been made in the first place eased some of the worry. "See the hot springs and the library and the halls."
His fingers smoothed over the cape again, appreciating, more than ever, the fact that Sessrumnir had not yet pushed him away. Remus pressed his lips together in thought, then said, "Peter told me that eventually you'll walk away from me."
He turned his head and looked at Sessrumnir, a faint smile on his face. "But it's like you give me a chance to be the one to do that first. You give me an escape route if I need it, but..."
Remus shrugged. "I don't know what happened that makes you so guarded, but you're stuck with me, Sessrumnir. I'm not going anywhere unless I have to."
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 11:01 am
It was something of a relief to hear that Remus seemed open to the idea of going to Jupiter. Sessrumnir hoped that it would give him something else to thing about, rather than the anxiety of going to his own homeworld. He could understand the hesitation, since he was hesitant at first as well. Part of his reluctance stemmed from not wanting to be disappointed, or maybe to not be a disappointment in return. Thankfully, his wonder gave him more than he'd expected it would give him, meaning that it hopefully didn't begrudge him for anything.
Remus was quiet for a little while, and Sessrumnir opened his mouth to say something just as Remus spoke up again.
Peter told me...
He could feel his face pale, shoulders tense, and the growing warmth in his eyes turn cold, the blue more like ice than a clear sky. He stared ahead into the darkness with the occasional flash of lightning still illuminating their surroundings. Sessrumnir didn't see the small smile Remus had as he spoke, but he could hear it in his voice.
Remus admitted to not knowing why he was guarded, but that he wasn't going anywhere. And yet, Sessrumnir realized then, that he had gone too far and got too involved. Remus expected him to be there, and he promised to stay in return.
But that was exactly why Sessrumnir should have walked away sooner. He just didn't realize until he said it that he couldn't on his own. He'd been waiting for Remus to realize what a bad idea this was and to move on, himself.
"What else did Peter say?" he asked, his own voice sounding muted to his ears as he subconsciously clenched his hand into a fist. Was he mad at his brother? No. Or even Remus? Not really. It was his own fault for getting in too deep and now it would be even more difficult to get back out. How he'd managed to get this far in over his head he wasn't sure, but now that he was, he realized he was drowning.
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 12:14 pm
He was aware of the air shifting between them; of the sudden tenseness that had followed his words, at the small fracturing of a bond that Remus had grown to not just appreciate, but depend upon. He wondered if this was what Peter - and Michael - had meant about eventually.
Don't expect anything.
Don't get your hopes up.
Remus's eyes flickered to Sessrumnir's hand, to the fingers curled into a fist. He could feel the thickness of the moment, the heaviness of the question that had almost been bitten out with emotions that Remus could not distinguish, and maybe this was meant to be the end of this little friendship.
Like hell it is, he thought. Like hell I'm giving up that easily.
He kept his gaze focused forward and said simply, "Not much. I didn't want him to. I'd rather hear things from you, not secondhand from someone else. All he mentioned was that I shouldn't expect anything, because you'll push me away eventually. That I apparently don't know anything at all about how dangerous this war is."
Remus turned his head, looking down. He stretched out a hand and gently placed it over Sessrumnir's clenched fist, pushing slightly to try and loosen his grasp.
"I don't believe him," he continued. "I mean, about you. You were the one who told me how painful this can be - powering up. How devastating it might end up, but that's not enough to make me walk away. People can't get through things on their own, no matter how hard it might be."
Remus's eyes lifted to meet Sessrumnir's.
"Being alone only makes it harder, not better."
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 4:37 pm
Sessrumnir frowned, mostly at himself for letting things get this out of hand. He knew he’d been getting too close. Hell, he’d even accepted that it was going to be difficult to reverse the damage that had already been done, to get himself out of that deep chasm where he was drowning, the weight of those he cared about pulling him down with them.
He nearly flinched when Remus’s hand reached out to place on top of his, his fingers clenching tighter together, despite Remus trying to get him to loosen his hand. It was as though he was holding onto a lifeline for himself, so he couldn’t let go if he didn’t want to drown. He knew it probably came off as overdramatic, or even pathetic. He couldn’t even say that he’d been through that much, and he knew there were so many others who were worse off than he was.
So why was it so difficult for him to accept anyone else to try and help him, to pull him back out of the water, to tell him it’s okay to breathe? But Remus was young and Sessrumnir never wanted to wish horrible things on him, so he didn’t expect him to understand and wouldn’t accuse him of not understanding, but it would be easier to just stay away like he should have.
“Peter shouldn’t have said anything,” he heard himself saying, unable to break through the bubble he’d built up around himself. He could hear the words Remus spoke, but his mind was spinning now. He would still go with Remus to his homeworld, and to his own wonder if he wanted, but he knew now that Peter was probably right. He should have been more careful about what he did.
His fist was still gripped into a fist, stubbornly refusing to let go. He knew very well that his entire demeanor just shifted from almost accepting to completely closed off, but it was better that way.
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 4:45 pm
The frigid air had nothing to do with the chilly storm still rampaging outside. Everything felt tense, from the fingers that Sessrumnir had clenched together, to the space between them, like they were on the edge of a knife and one wrong move would sever the fragile connection between them.
Don't get your hopes up.
Don't expect anything.
Don't get too close.
Remus's fingers tightened instinctively around Sessrumnir's fist, and it was the stubborn streak inside of him that kept him from being offended; that kept him from getting hurt at the knight's sudden icy demeanor. A part of him thought that perhaps he should just pull away now, and walk away before he got disappointed - but he couldn't do that.
"Stop," said Remus, and his voice was quiet and level. "Let it go, Sess."
It was blatantly clear that he did not mean Peter telling him things. His fingers slid down Sessrumnir's hand, thumb on the underside of his wrist; and he could feel the rapid pulse beneath, the closing off of the other, the shuttering away.
"You can't do everything alone," he said, and he wasn't looking at Sessrumnir, but looking ahead, out of the small space left by the door not being able to close all the way. It was dark; rain was pounding against the metal, loud and echoing.
"Stop pushing me away," said Remus, and it was firmer now, harder. "I told you, I'm not going anywhere."
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 5:30 pm
Just a few minutes ago, Sessrumnir was thinking about how it was actually nice to have someone like Remus around. Someone who, despite being obnoxious and sarcastic and joked about things too easily, was surprisingly kind and resilient.
He hated it.
He hated the idea of hurting Remus, who seemed so sincere in wanting to help someone like him, and yet… there were worse things than hurt feelings and broken trust. Images that he’d locked away for many years flashed before him with each lightning strike. Shouting mixing in with the thunder, tears with the rain, and blood.
Blood that was warm and heavy and enough to drown.
“You’re so damn stubborn,” he bit out, if only to change the direction his mind was going, closing his eyes and finally shifting to try and pull his wrist away from Remus’s warm grip, not liking that it was soothing. He didn’t want to be soothed or consoled or comforted. “Maybe I’m pushing you away because I don’t want you around me,” he said lowly, his teeth grit together.
He needed to get out. He didn’t want to hurt Remus more than he was sure he was going to by pushing him away.
“I’ll still go to your world if you want me to, and you can come to Jupiter if you want,” he figured to compromise. “But after that, you’ll have to find another mentor.”
Sessrumnir, shifted to push himself up from where he’d been sitting, his back against the wall of the boxcar. It was still pouring, but he didn’t know if he could stop himself from breaking in front of Remus, and he didn’t want that.
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 5:51 pm
"You knew that about me from the start," Remus retorted, and for the first time since he'd met Sessrumnir, a genuine flash of anger flickered across his face. "You knew I wouldn't let this go, that I wouldn't just up and leave, because that's not what I do. I stick around, I stick through things."
Maybe I'm pushing you away because I don't want you around me.
It stung - it shouldn't have stung, but it did, and Remus felt it connect like the jagged crack of lightning that blistered across the blackened sky outside. Sessrumnir had pulled his hand away, standing up, and Remus stared up at him.
What kind of half-assed compromise is that? he wanted to say, wanted to shout; but the words wouldn't come, just like the rest of what he wanted to do. Remus slowly got to his feet, bracing a hand against the wall of the boxcar as he stood behind Sessrumnir, eyes tracing the stiff outline of his shoulders.
"Fine," he said, and the word came out just as sharply bitten out as the knight's voice. "Fine. If that's all you really want, then fine."
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Posted: Mon Jun 13, 2016 6:16 pm
It was still pouring. It would probably take a while to get anywhere with better shelter, even as a knight. There was also the danger that came with not being able to see where one was going. Lightning still struck the ground almost too close for comfort, deafening and blinding. He could try, at least. There was a chance he could get home and then not have to worry about all of the strange emotions that swirled up and threatened to take him alive.
And then there was the dilemma of leaving Remus there by himself. Not just as a senshi backed into the corner of a boxcar, but as a college student alone in an abandoned train station. Even if he wanted to leave, to walk out into the rain and not look back, could he really live with himself for leaving Remus there? He was sure Remus would think he was capable of doing it. He’d pointed out before that he’d left him in an alley to wait for a taxi, so he knew he’d done it before. But he also didn’t know that he’d powered up to wait nearby, making sure he got the ride he needed to get home.
Sessrumnir almost flinched again at the bit out words from Remus, knowing he was responsible for everything that was happening. They’d been having such a pleasant conversation, one that he was actually enjoying, and then he had to take something Remus said and twist it around to be all about him.
Instead of responding, Sessrumnir took the few necessary steps towards the opening of the car to lean out and let the rain and wind pelt against his face, as if that was all that he needed to cool himself down, both physically and emotionally.
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