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 Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:29 pm
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:59 pm
Dear Journal-thinger,
So I bought another one these book things. I suppose its best for me to keep track of this stuff but for some reason, I keep losing my other journals. What is up with that? Some sick-twist out there gathering up my old journals or sommat?
Anyhoo...joking aside, I have made a resolution to ATTEMPT to keep this particular one updated. Now, onwards to the juicy stuff!
Heh, not really. Things have been boring and mundane lately. I sit at home, wandering in and out of my work space and tending to our housemates. (ie, adopted children and pets) Where have the days of adventure and passion and romance gone? Where is my lust for danger and excitement? I feel like an old fart truth be told. I'M ONLY 23!! How can I be feeling over-the-hill already? Oi...
So last week I started feeling weird. So I thought maybe my Coco Puffs went bad or sommat. Yeah, that wasn't it. And then I thought maybe my soda went bad, since EVERY SINGLE CAN was nasty. EVEN the new ones I just bought. That sucks out loud too, dammit. So anyways, my stomach is just not being nice to me, nor is my chest and I'm tired all the time. What is up with that? I mean ... sheesh. I am never sick.
Mom seems to get a weird grin on her face when she is around me and I start to feel yekky. Now that's twisted. She mutters something about a 'glow' and just grins. Creepy. o_0;
I sure hope this stomach thing passes soon. I'm going through soda withdrawals like crazy.
Hmm... Am I putting on weight ... ? ... how in the hell...?
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Posted: Sun May 28, 2006 5:59 pm
Dear Journal,
Well, I guess I'm a bit worried, I mean Dia is acting a bit on the odd side lately. Well I guess being sick all the time is odd. She's never gotten sick since I've been with her, so this really is a first for me, it's really starting to get me, well, nervous.
I hope she'll be okay, I wish I knew how I could help more than I already am. I'm debating taking some time off of work to stay here for awhile till she gets okay again.
She's also gaining some wait, I really don't say much about it, but it's starting to show a little around her midsection. I think it's cute tho, so it's all good.
Well, when I find out more, I'll let you know, till then, Asy out.
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Posted: Thu Jun 15, 2006 6:07 am
The Shocker Asy leaves Dia forever in the middle of the night, before either of them know of Dia's pregnancy.
============================================== It was with wild eyes that Asmodeus returned home that night. He was scared, almost frozen with terror to his very core. What he had seen and heard at work that day had shooken him extremely, and he knew he had only one choice. He had to leave, there was no other way he could protect Dia otherwise. If she was around him, she too would likely suffer the same fate as those he'd just left. He could not do that to her, he did love her, even if his next actions would put doubt upon that statement. He moved quickly, trying to get to the room that he and Dia shared, moving quickly to his dresser and opening it and then moving to his closet. Once he got the door open, he pulled out the luggage he'd bought just in case time had allowed Dia and him to go out on a vacation. It was with a heavy heart that he started to pack it, not wanting to use the items he'd pulled from his closet in such a way. He didn't have a choice in his mind, he had to leave, so as to better protect Dia. He tried very hard not to put any thought into what had happened, and he didn't want to. All he focused on was shoving his clothes into his luggage. Dia was sleeping comfortably in the large bed she'd shared with her ex-husband, soon to be husband again, or so she had believed in her heart. She knew it wouldn't happen soon, but it would eventually. Afterall, if they could live through that fiasco that happened at the HQ, she was sure their relationship could withstand anything.... not that it had been on her mind recently that is. She stirred a little, a natural action during the course of her sleeping, unknowing what was going on in the room with Asmodeus. She considered herself to be blessed that she was such a heavy sleeper. Though at the Acadmy, they said that would get her killed one day.Asmodeus had not taken the time to see if Dia was around when he had started packing, and when he heard her stirr, he spun. Panic began to arc through him all the more, and he had to take a deep breath to calm down. Once he'd regained his senses, and had finished loading the one piece of luggage, he picked it up and took it down stairs. He then came back to the room that he and Dia shared, and walked over to her, leanding down and kissed her forehead as gently as he could. "I'm sorry, Dia, I love you." He righted his body and took a step back, trying to hold in the pain that wanted to make him stay. He had to leave her, it was the only way for her to be safe. He wanted her to be safe. He knew this coudl destroy her, but he did not want her to suffer like the others had, he could not bear to think of it happening to her. He walked to his desk in the room, and began to write a note to her, to let her know that he was gone. Still mostly asleep, Dia knew her love was in the room. She was very familar with him and the feeling she got when he was near. When he lightly kissed her forhead, she hmm'd a bit and whispered his name. "Asy..." tho it probably wasn't really heard as he'd left the room anyway.Once Asmodeus finished the note, he returned to the bedroom, and placed the note down on the bed again. He was trying so hard to keep walking forwards, to not snatch the note back up and tear it to pieces. But he had to go forwards. He walked back to Dia again and gave her one last goodbye kiss, very gently on the lips. Then with a heavy sigh, he turned and headed for the stairs. The sooner he was gone, the sooner Dia would be out of danger, and then he would be able to relax. With any hope, it would overtake him once he was a fair distance away from anyone, and that it would never come after Dia. That was his only hope, and his reason for leaving. Dia stirred once more, enough to wake herself up actually. She felt a strange breeze blow through the room and it was quite unsettling to her. She sat up slowly, rubbing her eyes a bit to adjust to being awake. After a few blinks, she looked at the billowing curtains and tipped her head slightly. "Wind's blowing differently tonite..." she spoke casually, not really showing concern, but just voicing her thoughts outloud.
She looked to the side where Asy normally slumbered, but it was till vacant. This struck her as unusual, even if it had happened in the past, with him working late. She didn't notice the note at all, because she'd pulled the covers off her, inadvertantly covering it up. "Asy?" she mumbled at first, then called out again as she slipped her feet from under the covers and put them on the floor. "Asy?" Asy bit his tongue to keep from swearing. So close yet so far! The door was just a few feet away, he could make a run for it, be out of the house and leave her to find the note. He was getting tugged in all directions. Part of him screamed stay, another part screamed for him to pick up his bag and run, and keep going until he was sure Dia would be unable to follow him. He felt like he was leaving the one place he would ever call home again, and he feared that it would be the truth. He closed his eyes and counted to ten, and then took another step forwards. "Must be quiet..." he murmured to himself, as he walked slowly, and quite deliberatly to the door. With any luck, Dia would look all around the upstairs of the house first, and he would be long gone by then. Dia was never a morning person, even if she woke up at night. She just had to take time to adjusting to being awake.
Sleepily, she rose from the bed and shuffled towards the window to shut it before she headed towards the door. She thought she heard something rustling downstairs. "Asy, you home?" she called out again as she reached the top of the stairway. She hoped it wasn't an intruder, or she'd have to smack whoever it was around. And if it was Metria sneaking around again, that girl was getting grounded. Adult or not.Asy once more froze. Again he was trying hard to keep going forwards. She was directly calling for him, and he had to fight the tempation to turn around and go back. But he knew he couldn't. With a heavy sigh he kept walking forwards, trying to go as quickly as his conflicting mind would let him. He was regretting each and every step, and he was sure by now his lip was bleeding he was bititng it so hard to keep from letting the tears go. He should never have gotten close to her, he should never have gotten attached. He shouldn't have sought her out, becuase now she was in danger.
His one last prayer to his god, before he reached for the doorknob, was that she wouldn't come down the stairs. Dia had gotten down 2 steps before she heard a commotion coming from another room down the hallway. She peered into the darkness a bit and seen the taletell sign of a light being on in the Monster's room. She shook her head and backed up a bit to head towareds Nem's and Metria's room. She stopped just outside of it, having been distracted from her Asy search, and listened. She heard lots of 'shhh's and scrambling.
Knocking lightly, she called out, but not loud enough to wake the whole house, "Girls, what are you doing up still?"Silence... dead silence... for about 10 seconds before the panic set in and 'quick, put it away' was heard in that high-pitched, squeaky and unmistakably Nem's voice.Dia immediately opened the door hearing THAT familar phrase. She spotted the child monster slipping something underneath her carpet, obviously trying desperately to hide something. Tezrian, the Banthi puppy, was in there too, wagging her tail when she seen Dia. Even Nyla was in there. She was hiding behind Tez. Dia crooked her brow a bit at the strange site. "All of you babies need to be in bed at this hour... what are you doing?" she asked, eyeing the ringleader, Nemhain.Asy took this as a blessing, and once he hit the door his panic set in again. He flung it open and then slammed it closed behind him, starting to run, his feet pounding hard on the road from their house, making his way for the nearest exit to town. With any luck, he'd be well out of range for Dia to look for him, and he really hoped she'd read the note and not come looking like he'd asked. He loved her dearly, and he did not want her to suffer a fate far worse than any death. That was his cross to bear alone, should the time come. When Dia heard the door slam, she spun around quickly, remembering she was about to investigate the noise downstairs. And now that she had seen the 3 troublemakers were upstairs, she was a bit concerned. She had keen hearing, tho not as keen as some, but better than a normal human's at any rate, and she heard the feeling. Shoes on cobblestone doesn't seen to be very quiet. She ran to her room, to the window that faced the front of the house, trying to catch a glimpse of whoever was fleeing her house.
Her heart sank when she recognized that tall, lanky figure. He wasn't running like he was late back from break at work, no. He was running like he had a purpose, like he wanted to get away. The breeze came into the room again after Dia had opened it up, she called out to her love, "ASY!" Asy skidded to a stop, turning back towards the house for what he hoped would be the last time. He took a deep breath, cupped his hands around his mouth and shouted back. "I'm sorry! I love you! READ THE NOTE!" And with that, he turned again, and picked up his luggage, and started to run all the more harder. She had seen him, he hoped she'd heard him. He needed to get out of there, so that she wouldn't suffer the fate of all the others. Dia only heard the last part of what he had shouted back at her. She was concerned, but her fears and initial thoughts were eased a bit when he'd taken the time to turn and respond, instead of just fleeing in the night.
Dia returned to her bed and looked for a note. She didn't see one upon first glance, and pulled the blankets up, one by one, and shook them out to see if it got mixed up in them. She spotted the paper flutter to the floor, and practically dove for it.When Dia would open the note, she would find written on the paper, in Asy's tight very neat script:
To my Darling Dia,
I want you to know, before I get down to the reason of this note, that I love you, with all my heart and soul. That is why I am gone. By the time you read this I should be a long ways away from here, and I did not chose this lightly. Out of all the choices I could have made, I chose the one that would save what is most prescious to me. You. I cannot go into full detail as to what as happened, for to do so would damn us both, but know that what has happened is more terrible than any words can express, and if I were to repeat what I have seen, I fear that the nightmares would never cease. I did not want to put you in danger, so I have left you Dia, because I don't want you to suffer like the others have. What I now bear is mine alone to face, I did not want to risk you.
That is why I have left you Dia. I will not be coming back. I'm sorry.
I love you.
Love,
Asy The reality of the situation must not have sunken in as fast as she had read that note. She read it and re-read it at least a dozen times. It felt like at least 15 minutes had passed since her last heartbeat and she finally swallowed, tho even that seemed challenging. Did she have a boulder in her throught or something? Tho once her heart started beating again, she sat slowly on the edge of the bed and started breathing heavy and fast, on the verge of hyperventilating.
She shook her head vigorously, as if trying to shake the thought out. "No ... no... he's not gone, this is a horrible dream! Asy'd never leave me. He told me so." she mumbled as she wrapped her arms around her chest, rocking slightly before leaning down sideways on to the soft bed. "He'll be home when I wake up." she whispered and closed her eyes, now trying to force herself back to sleep.Unfortunatly for Dia, the note was the cold hard reality of the situation, and Asy was now walking, but still away from the house, trying to keep up good time. He wished he could have kept his word to her, and when he reached the final hill from which he could see their home, or rather, her home, he turned, and sighed. "A blessing on your home, may you never know the pain of loss..." He sighed, making the ancient sign of his god. He then turned, and headed down the hill, finally losing sight of his once happy home. "I am going to burn for this..." He sighed to himself, already feeling warms tears flow from his eyes. "And I deserve every second of it, for what I have done." And with that, he was gone.
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:33 am
Dear Journal-thinger,
He left me ...
Asmodeus left me ...
What ... did I do wrong?
sad
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Posted: Mon Jul 24, 2006 12:39 am
I did it for her This will probably be my last entry for awhile - perhaps forever - so I feel that I need to make this count.
I did not leave because I didn't love her. I left because I did. I know this sounds odd, even know I'm beginning to have second thoughts, but I know that if I act on these selfish impulses there's a chance it might get Dia killed. Or worse.
That is something I'm not willing to put her through, or risk. I made a choice, a choice I know I'm going to regret for the rest of my life, but it was somethign I had to do. If I had stayed, there is no saying if we would have been ignored. What I run from has a rather long arm, and I fear that I may never again be able to return to the land I once called home.
I know I won't be able to set foot in that house again. Not for awhile anyway, not with all the memories.
I think the thing I regret most of all, is that I broke my promise to Dia. I swore I would stay by her side till the end of time.
I guess I'm just a liar...
Asmodeus Grims... Out.
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Posted: Fri Sep 15, 2006 1:21 am
It had been a couple months since anyone had really seen or heard anything from Antidia. After Asmodeus left running in the night like a little scared chicken, she didn't know what to do with herself. She went through all the stages; anger, grief, depression, etc. But didnt' find real peace with herself. She didn't know why he suddenly left, it was out of character for him, considering how he followed her like a lost puppy.
Without much thought, just out of the blue one day, Dia had packed her essentials. She had packed up Metria and Nemhain and their few belongings, as well as Nyla. Tho, the little Wethkin puff didnt' really have any belongings. After Asmodeus left, she didn't want to be alone, but she needed to not be in their house.
Dia had even quit communicating with her family and friends, so no one knew where she had gone.((meh, I will rewrite when I am feeling more inspired))
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Posted: Fri Oct 27, 2006 4:54 pm
October the 27th ~
I have decided that documenting my travels would be neccessary, now that things have changed so drastically.
Before I get into that change, I need to back up a bit.
I wanted to be alone, without my 'friends' influencing me. So took those whose well-being depended on me, and we became drifters, of sorts. Metria and Nemhain were not very happy about that decision. Metria threatened to eat my head in my sleep, many, many times, because I took her away from her beloved. Maybe taking her with me was not the best choice, but I needed someone big enough to help with the littler ones.
Nemhain did great. She looked at this as just one big adventure. Turns out she had a stow-away with her, but we didnt' find that out until after a few weeks of being on the road. More about that later on, tho.
Back to me. I had not been feeling in top shape to begin with, before fleeing from my life...but I couldn't help but feel awkward enough to seek out medical attention. So, the first town I came to, that didn't have anything to do with my own hometown, I sought out a local doctor.
Devastion happened in less than 10 seconds of what that doctor had to say to me.
I was ... pregnant? Impossible...
That changed everything. I couldn't be pregnant and not have a secure home to raise a child. Hell, what stupid god in their infinite wisdom thought it funny enough, or cruel enough, to entrust me with a baby. Some big cosmic cruel joke this was.
I didn't want anything to do with that sissy chicken Asmodeus, now his seed was growing inside of me? No wonder the b*****d fled like scared little baby.
But I am glad Ala didn't tell me. Apparently, she can smell s**t like this. I guess all those not-so subtle hints from my mother were true. Maybe I didn't want to believe it.
=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=
I met this really bizarre old woman in a small town about a month and a half ago. She really had a way to get me to open up and talk about things. She helped me to see things from a different perspective. I was not so pleased with some of the stuff I learned bout myself, my thoughts and my relationships.
I learned... I need to not be friends with Ala anymore. She was the root of most of my problems, and it was really her fault that whole mess with Silver, then Asmodeus even started. Could Asmodeus have left because he never got over that ordeal? I don't know, but Ala is bad for my mental health, so I am not going to speak to her again. Maybe that's harsh, but even tho we claimed to be best friends, I don't think we were. She was mean to me, took potshots at me and hardly ever spoke to me after she met Torvil.
Meh, they deserved each other, maybe I shouldn't have wished so hard that Torvil would just disappear.... he at least kept her distracted.
I know this is mean to say, but ... its my journal, my life and I just don't have the patience to fake nice anymore. If I am to have a child, I need to learn to be true to myself, so she can learn that as well.
I will try to write more down, as time permits, but for now, this is all.
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Posted: Tue Nov 21, 2006 4:16 am
November the 21st~
Well, great job I am doing of keeping track of things, huh? harhar ...
So I returned home to Kazeha. My mom and dad moved my stuff back into their house and I put mine up for sale. Even tho Sissy Chicken and I only lived there on our own a couple months, it still reminds me too much of his stupid a**.
Which brings me to the other thing I felt the need to document...
His seed ... inside of me ... growing ...
Yeah, when I think about it that way, I get so full of bitterness and resentment, I could spit.
However, I think about it from another perspective. I have a life growing inside of me. I can't really describe how I feel ... its almost surreal, to know that I am going to be someone's mother. I mean, I am not so mad at the idea as much as I was when I first found out. Obviously I have had time to think about things and figure out what I want to do.
I have the world's best mother. I want to be like her, for my baby. And to be like my mother, I have to somehow learn how to let go of my anger and hate and resentment towards those that I feel slighted by. Its taking a while, but I am TRYING that forgiveness thing...
---
Pregnancy is not what I expected. Well, I didn't know what to expect actually, besides the cliche stuff. And well, the cliche stuff didn't skip me. Stupid cravings for things I hate ... and THEN to top it off, my favorite beverage in the whole wide world tastes gross to me now. Why oh why, cruel Fate would you do that to me!? *whinewhinewhine*
You know what sucks the worst tho? I waddle. I ******** WADDLE! scream
I am eager to meet this child, but I am eager to have it out of me as well. Bugger won't get off my bladder. stare
---
I can only imagine that when I go back to read this journal, I will regret some of the things I wrote, some of my feelings. My mom says when she is born (yeah, she is certain its a girl...) everything will change. She says even I will change. For the better I hope.
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Posted: Tue Dec 19, 2006 3:24 am
reserved for more pregnancy reactions ... prolly a journal entry since RPing is so hard with her at this point. sweatdrop
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Posted: Tue Jan 23, 2007 12:44 am
reserved for birth RP heart
January 19th ~
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Posted: Fri Mar 23, 2007 6:11 am
Haitus Notice! I am on haitus until I can figure out what I am going to do with Antidia and her new baby. I let certain Gaia situations get to me, and it ruined this particular character (not the baby) so I have to find a work around for this so I can get my inspiration back.
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Posted: Thu Oct 02, 2008 3:13 am
IMPORTANT NOTICE!! (updated 10.02.08 )
After a very long haitus in which I wasn't sure I would be able to recover this story, I have finally found the inspiration I needed. I am going to be rewriting a lot of it, as I lost all my old logs, and need to change some of the stuff that caused me to want to abandon the concept. (the story, not the child, I always intended to come back to do -something- with her.) As I didn't do a lot of RP with anyone before hand, I don't think this will effect anyone's stories, or histories.
Images are broken temporarily as I work to make new ones.
Thank you for your patience with me! heart
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