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xZombieNinjax

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:50 am


PrincessLeela
wow, can I join this discussion? I am on the other side...My oldest daughter is from a previous marriage and there are some issues we are having with her and my now husband...
Especially since our youngest came along. He is soo different with the way he treats our own daughter and I can see my oldest wanting that same love and attention from him.
She is a good kid, but she has ADHD and Asperger's syndrome so it has always been a challenge. Her real dad is a bum and not in her life at the moment. I find my husband had always been hard on her.
We just had an incident with her and my husband and he is so mad at her he wont speak to her. It is so stressful.
It's just such a challenge to be in a mixed family. For both sides, and the children.
My ex boyfriend had 2 girls, so I have been on that side of things too (the step parent) and I understand how challenging that can be as well.
I'm just venting also!


I know what you mean Princess. I have a 9 year old daughter from my previous marriage and her dad is not around much. I feel like she would really love more attention from my fiance, but it is not there right now. He can be quite closed when it comes to showing emotions. He is nice to her, but does not really make any effort toward a relationship with her. Sometimes it bothers me because I have spent alot of time with his two kids and put myself out there much more. I guess that is what most moms do anyway.
I had an incident recently with his oldest daughter (involving some insults about me I found on her gaia account) that caused a huge problem. It's resolution was not going well, with us not talking and her seemingly afraid to be in the same room with me. It was so uncomfortable. I ended up having to make the first move- I guess that is what we grown-up have to do sometimes stare
This may sound bad, but it feels easier to forgive my kids when they mess up than it is for me to forgive his. I am trying to grow at this point in my life and work on being more understanding and forgiving.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 8:54 am


senelrad
My youngest step daughter is soon to be 16 and up until this year thought to be pretty normal. But this year she decides she is gay...and of late we have caught her in many lies. Her Dad (my hubby) is sooo disappointed, of course he blames himself. The odd thing is the lies she has made up are to make her look like she has had a rough life, but she has made up abuse and a psych history just to fit in with her crazy friends. How crazy is that!! None of the other three did anything like this! It is really hard on hubby! Guess I'm venting too! Been a rough few weeks!!


My fiance's daughter is also making comments and hinting about being bisexual. I could be wrong about this- but sometimes I think girls do this and make up stories of having a worse life than their own in order to get attention.

xZombieNinjax


xZombieNinjax

PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:00 am


runswithscissors421
starvixen80
Wow Runs- I can understand that! Their dad is also so laid back they dont get in trouble or have any punishments. It is hard because I think it is easy to build up a resentment fast and then take it out on the kids when they really dont deserve it. Its never their fault that one or both of their parents decided to start a new relationship. It is such a challenge. When I was 12 my parents divorced and remarried other people. I was so upset when they would discipline and judge me. It felt very unfair at the time! Now I am on the other side of the step family equation. So complicated!


So, how do you balance it all? And keep your sanity in the meantime? How can you discipline your husband’s children, with love and understanding, when he won't??


Good question! I wish I had the answer! If he is here, I will get him and let him know what is going on that is bothering me. At that point I try the best I can to wash my hands of it because they are his kids not mine and he should be in charge. When I am here with them alone- I think sometimes I do a good job and sometimes I dont. I am working on that though. I know when I am too hard on them and I need to step back. It is hard because thee are times I feel so disrespected. I just need to always remember that they are kids and no one is perfect.

I think he is very easy on them because he thinks their mother is hard on them at her house. In my opinion kids need structure and rules in order to feel protected.
PostPosted: Fri Jul 06, 2007 9:41 pm


starvixen80
runswithscissors421
starvixen80
Wow Runs- I can understand that! Their dad is also so laid back they dont get in trouble or have any punishments. It is hard because I think it is easy to build up a resentment fast and then take it out on the kids when they really dont deserve it. Its never their fault that one or both of their parents decided to start a new relationship. It is such a challenge. When I was 12 my parents divorced and remarried other people. I was so upset when they would discipline and judge me. It felt very unfair at the time! Now I am on the other side of the step family equation. So complicated!


So, how do you balance it all? And keep your sanity in the meantime? How can you discipline your husband’s children, with love and understanding, when he won't??


Good question! I wish I had the answer! If he is here, I will get him and let him know what is going on that is bothering me. At that point I try the best I can to wash my hands of it because they are his kids not mine and he should be in charge. When I am here with them alone- I think sometimes I do a good job and sometimes I dont. I am working on that though. I know when I am too hard on them and I need to step back. It is hard because thee are times I feel so disrespected. I just need to always remember that they are kids and no one is perfect.

I think he is very easy on them because he thinks their mother is hard on them at her house. In my opinion kids need structure and rules in order to feel protected.


I totally agree with you! They need it and they want it. They need limits and guidance and Consistency! That is one of the toughest. Sometime I'm just too tired to be consistent.

runswithscissors421
Crew


runswithscissors421
Crew

PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 11:46 am


You may think because my family doesn't have steps that I don't know what your all talking about, so I just wanted to share with you that I grew up in such a home. My father married 3 times. I have 3 half brothers and a half sister. I also have 4 younger brothers. My parents didn't handle ANYTHING well. It was rough on everyone. Dad was an alcoholic and he died when I was 14, leaving mom to do it on her own.
PostPosted: Wed Jul 11, 2007 8:22 pm


That sounds tough- must have been hard on you at 14. sad

xZombieNinjax


runswithscissors421
Crew

PostPosted: Sat Jul 28, 2007 9:30 am


Yeah, but hard also on my younger brothers, not growing up with a dad at all. Then again, what's worse?
Blade was only 4 years old when our father died.
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