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 Posted: Sat Jun 16, 2007 10:28 pm
I knew sometimes things would be difficult- I grew up with divorced parents and had so many issues with the step family life. Well here I am now on the other side of the issues because my significant other has children from his previous marriage. There have been so many good times, but there have also been times that I have felt so emotionally drained and confused. I have such a difficult time trying to figure out what my role should be. There have been many times like tonight where I feel I should back off and mind my own business; but I feel like I deserve a little respect still. It is so challenging. Is there anyone out there that is successful with this step family thing??
I apologize for rambling about my personal life, I just needed to say it. I guess I am having one of those nights xp
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 9:33 am
I've never had to deal with the step family thing. sweatdrop
It does sound very challenging. We are here to support you. heart
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 1:02 pm
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 5:45 pm
My ex had a kid that came and stayed with us for a summer. She was younger (7) so it really wasnt that bad. Me and my ex talked about what discipline would be acceptable for me, and what I should save for him. I stepped up and treated her as one of my own (even tho i had none at the time) and we really didnt have any issues. Once she yelled at me YOURE NOT MY MOM! So I sat down and told her that no, I wasnt her mom, and could never take the place of her mother, but I was her fathers wife and he left her in my care while he was at work. I dont remember exactly how the rest of the convo went now, but things worked out and I didnt have any more issues with her. She was well behaved (for a 7 year old!) and once she got more comfortable with me, I was able to take her to work with me. We had a great time! How old are your step kids? I imagine it would be much more difficult the older they are, but maybe you should talk to hubby and then to the kids and tell them something along the lines of what I told my step daughter? Good luck and I hope things get easier! heart
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:28 pm
They are 12 and 9, we have been together for a bit over 3 years now. They are good kids- but all kids have their moments! (dont we all?) I think it is the most difficult when I have to talk to hubby about something that is bothering me about the kids. I am so afraid he will be upset with me for saying anything negative about his kids, or think I am overreacting. His parenting style is much more laid back than my own. I wish things were easier to talk about sweatdrop
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Posted: Sun Jun 17, 2007 8:59 pm
Do you guys get a break from the kids together? Maybe you could use that time to talk to him, so its obvious that youre not just fed up at the moment? Start by telling him how much you love the kids and how great they are. Then move on to "what should I do when they...." and go from there? I dont know if this is practical, and i know its easier said than done! But you really do need to talk to him or it WILL cause problems eventually. heart
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 7:45 am
Alternate Paradise Do you guys get a break from the kids together? Maybe you could use that time to talk to him, so its obvious that youre not just fed up at the moment? Start by telling him how much you love the kids and how great they are. Then move on to "what should I do when they...." and go from there? I dont know if this is practical, and i know its easier said than done! But you really do need to talk to him or it WILL cause problems eventually. heart YOU are sooooooo SMART!! You need to talk to my friend Lisa? Her new husband has a 7 year old and 9 or 10 year old and she has a hard time with them at times. Her husband is very laid back and she it fed up because he will not discipline them at all. So she does in anger, because he won't! eek
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 4:15 pm
Wow Runs- I can understand that! Their dad is also so laid back they dont get in trouble or have any punishments. It is hard because I think it is easy to build up a resentment fast and then take it out on the kids when they really dont deserve it. Its never their fault that one or both of their parents decided to start a new relationship. It is such a challenge. When I was 12 my parents divorced and remarried other people. I was so upset when they would discipline and judge me. It felt very unfair at the time! Now I am on the other side of the step family equation. So complicated!
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Posted: Wed Jun 27, 2007 9:57 pm
Hey I can understand how everyone feels here. I've had 3 step dads. My 1st step dad I havent much memory of him. But my 2nd step dad was pretty harsh twards me, he called me stupid and dummy and my mother hated him for that but stayed with him. Between me and my sister, she's 1 year older than me. Im the one who called him dad and I went places with him like golfing and stuff. I never understood why he called me stupid and dummy though. It did hurt me deep inside very much. I know that with all his jobs we had to move a lot. I know that when we moved out of the townhouse we lived in we moved into a house. I noticed that when we moved over there that he didnt move in with us. My mother started working at a restruant to pay the bills. I found out my mother was dating someone I had know idea about. He seemed to be a good person for her. I did notice that he took my mother out to nice places. Before I found out about him I was about to graduate and my mother had told me that my dad passed away and that I better start shapping up in school. Well starting to know my new step dad was fun. So was the way that my mother had met the man I was gonna marry. I did marry him May 13, 1986, we have 2 daughters that are beautiful. Now Im on my 2nd marriage and Im having troubles with my step daughters. The youngest one is the one I have the most problems with. Now with all the meds. Im on I basically try to bring everything to him so he can deal with there problems. There both teenagers. His now 16 year old is pretty cool in her own little way. His 14 year old seems to love me but has big anger issues towards her mother which gets aimed at me. Im starting to let him take care of everything dealing with both of them it seems to be a little better for me to do it like that......Sorry for all of my rambling on I do appologize......hugs to all my friends and to the newbies!!!! cool
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 2:34 pm
It seems like 14 is an especially rough age for girls, too. I know it was for me and most that I have known! Hang in there! biggrin
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Posted: Thu Jun 28, 2007 6:53 pm
My youngest step daughter is soon to be 16 and up until this year thought to be pretty normal. But this year she decides she is gay...and of late we have caught her in many lies. Her Dad (my hubby) is sooo disappointed, of course he blames himself. The odd thing is the lies she has made up are to make her look like she has had a rough life, but she has made up abuse and a psych history just to fit in with her crazy friends. How crazy is that!! None of the other three did anything like this! It is really hard on hubby! Guess I'm venting too! Been a rough few weeks!!
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Posted: Fri Jun 29, 2007 10:31 am
Im thinking that his 16 year old daughter is coming out some, she used to not talk or basically communicate. My 2 daughters dont live with us and that is trully hard on me, I havent seen my daughters since they were 8 and 9. I feel his daughters want to meet there big step sisters and Im scared of how I would react to them after all this time. There now 20 and my other is soon to be 19. In some ways I guess I kinda feel lucky for all of them.....hugs cool
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Posted: Sat Jun 30, 2007 6:07 am
I know what you mean moma, I also have two kids and the two stepkids. Even though its hard sometimes, I sure do feel blessed to have so much in my life.
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Posted: Wed Jul 04, 2007 11:32 am
starvixen80 Wow Runs- I can understand that! Their dad is also so laid back they dont get in trouble or have any punishments. It is hard because I think it is easy to build up a resentment fast and then take it out on the kids when they really dont deserve it. Its never their fault that one or both of their parents decided to start a new relationship. It is such a challenge. When I was 12 my parents divorced and remarried other people. I was so upset when they would discipline and judge me. It felt very unfair at the time! Now I am on the other side of the step family equation. So complicated! So, how do you balance it all? And keep your sanity in the meantime? How can you discipline your husband’s children, with love and understanding, when he won't??
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PrincessLeela Vice Captain
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Posted: Thu Jul 05, 2007 4:39 am
wow, can I join this discussion? I am on the other side...My oldest daughter is from a previous marriage and there are some issues we are having with her and my now husband...
Especially since our youngest came along. He is soo different with the way he treats our own daughter and I can see my oldest wanting that same love and attention from him.
She is a good kid, but she has ADHD and Asperger's syndrome so it has always been a challenge. Her real dad is a bum and not in her life at the moment. I find my husband had always been hard on her.
We just had an incident with her and my husband and he is so mad at her he wont speak to her. It is so stressful.
It's just such a challenge to be in a mixed family. For both sides, and the children.
My ex boyfriend had 2 girls, so I have been on that side of things too (the step parent) and I understand how challenging that can be as well.
I'm just venting also!
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