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 Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 11:06 am
Jack, this is much much better. Kudos! I like the grandfather bit, it makes your character more understandable (at least to me). I will mention that for your physical description, you don't really need to say that you look like you're from a fashion magazine. You lived in the mountains - who are you trying to impress? I'm not saying this to be mean, I'm just saying make the physical description a bit more rounded - though he has nice blond hair and tanned skin, he never takes care of himself (meaning scraggly hair and dirt on his skin). I'm sure if he actually bathed, he'd look good, but from my understanding, he doesn't really care; I really don't think anyone could tell that he'd be a good model.
I want to ask why the chemistry - he's wanted to be a mechanical engineer. He likes building and creating things, but on a molecular level? I figured he'd just enjoying building things with stuff already available - like a kid with his legos (...yes, I was that kid). So again, why the fireworks? Speaking of which, what did he do in his father's company? Just fix the machinery or did he actually have to dabble in the chemistry part of it - in which case, I can understand where the fireworks come in.
Other than that, I think this is good! 3nodding
-----------------
And now, we move onto the new girl! Wow, our second girl! This is nice. mrgreen Your profile will be shredded beyond recognition so let's begin the cleaning process, shall we?
First off, change the name. Really, just change it. It's not that Navarro is bad, but Girlie? I've never heard it as a name - a nickname, sure, but don't have that be her actual name. If you can give me a reason why that name (other than you like it), that would be appreciated.
I'm not sure where to begin on physical description. You don't need to add the fact that your complexion is one that "Caucasians religiously tan to achieve." That has no bearing on your character. Just get rid of that. You don't need to say black eyes, since that would be the assumed eye color of a Filipino-American. As for hair, why make it go down to her knees? Even then, why should it be glossy? I know someone who has hair that goes past their butt, and it doesn't look good at the ends - split ends, messy, overall not well taken care of. It really doesn't. Unless your character religiously takes care of her hair, I can't see how that long hair is going to be very pretty.
Believe me when I say I want the body your girl has. But it's not possible to have a soft figure while maintaining solid muscle. You either have a soft figure (which means a bit of fat) or you are solid muscle (which means you exercise a lot). You could be lean, which is a combination of the two, but you still won't look soft. Also, why does your girl seldom wear make up? I know my character hates makeup because 1) she grew up as a tomboy and 2) she finds it a waste of money. Why does your girl not use it? Does she think she's pretty enough or is it you who just wants to make her naturally pretty? Or could it be that she has an allergic reaction to the makeup? Give a good reason for that. When you say generous figure, what do you mean? Like hourglass, triangle, pear-shaped, or stick? And please give this girl some kind of flaw - my girl is pear-shaped; she'd be stick if it wasn't for her latino heritage (and she hates her big butt). I have no idea what Chuck Taylors are - just go ahead and say sneakers/boots/sandals/highheels/whatever they are. And you don't need to add the sundress part - if your character doesn't usually wear that, then why do we need to know it?
You've got an all around happy-go-lucky personality. Why? Did she just have a good life? I have never met someone that honestly happy without having some sort of reason for it - let's give this girl some depth. You seem to want to by mentioning her intelligence, but if the girl screams ditz and sounds/acts ditzy, why would she want to be smart? All I can see is a rich girl that never suffered any type of hardship. Where's that determination come from? If she's rich, is it because she's used to getting her way?
Biography...well, you've got one too many activities going on. I know people who have TONS (and believe me) of activities, but they couldn't fit that much. I suggest 2 sports, and maybe that salsa dancing. Again, why the hell is she so smart? Ditz does not equate to smart. Give me a reason for this. And why did she go to Juliard? If she loved the arts, then why'd she spend so much time in sports? I'd think that she'd go for the art clubs or after school band or even a local drama troupe - which means she wouldn't be able to do her sports; and if she did do a sport, best limit it to one. Otherwise, I'm sure her brain would explode. Also, why French? Why/how'd she get interested in that? If you have no reason other than it'd make your character look good, I just suggest you drop it...actually, just drop it.
Where'd she get her skills? Apparently she had waaaay too many things going on in her life - where would she even find the time to work on these? If she was in acting, then just give her good acting skills. I almost suggest giving her yoga to relaxed her apparently stressful life. Or Tai Chi - which combines yoga and karate (but if you go this route then just get rid of any school sports). PLEASE GIVE THIS GIRL SOME WEAKNESSES. What do you plan on using your sigil for? Defense, attack, or stealth?
You're going to need to work on this a bit. Otherwise, she's your average Mary Sue (and we want to have interesting characters to spice up this RP, you know?)
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 12:09 pm
Isa's right on one thing for sure: your character is as haphazard as they come. She goes from soccer, kickboxing, karate, and salsa-dancing to performing arts and French (engaging the latter two simultaneously!). At the VERY LEAST, tell us WHY. That seems to be the greatest pitfall of all time when it comes to character creation: it's not necessarily WHAT they do, it's WHY they do it that tells us who they are. Is she just an impulsive go-getter? Is she just indecisive? Are people telling her what to do? There are plenty of ways to explain this series of events in perfectly human terms.
Next, your character is... disconnected. This is similar, but distinct to the one above. You need to explain the process that leads from one to another. For example, why the martial arts were surrendered for performing arts and French, despite the fact that she lacks "grace and fluid movement," which is required for just about any physical hobby (martial arts, dancing, & most performing arts for starters). Where the hell does her long-distance running skill come from? Why the ******** does she have a BO* staff?
Isa was also correct about the character's body. "Soft" and "solid wall of muscle" do not occur simultaneously. As muscles become defined (and, typically speaking, you burn off fat) they slowly gain prominence on your figure. Sure, there is plenty of variation by degree, but unfortunately for your profile "soft" and "solid wall" are on opposite ends of the spectrum. Fix it.
Also, more depth. Namely, WHY? Why does she appear ditzy? How does her hair stay so pretty? Why doesn't she wear makeup much?
Lastly, the Sigil ability. Isa said it for me: pick one! It's ultimately up to you! Be creative! (ie, more creative than your current description of Girlie Navarro.)
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:00 pm
Wow, okay. Sorry about that. It was REALLY late when I typed it up, and I went back and changed a lot without considering what it sounded like in comparison to what I had left alone.
I started out with the happy-go-lucky/athletic character, then changed my mind and wanted her to be a more studious, less active girl, but I didn't want to go back and change the way I had written everything. Lazy razz
I'll try to stick to one thing. Sorry! haha
Edit. As for Girlie, it's a comon Filipino name. I picked it becuase it fit her personality.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 1:33 pm
Awesome, I didn't know about the name. I will have to keep that in mind should I ever create a Filipino character. 3nodding
And uh, sorry about all that...I tend to over analyze things...so I'm sorry if it was too much. sweatdrop
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 2:00 pm
Woot! I love feed back smile . Ok I’ll try to clarify in the bio. Thanks again.
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 9:38 pm
Character Name: Hiyasmin Navarro
Gender: Female
Age: 22
Race: Filipino-American
Physical Description: Hiyasmin stands an 5'0''. She is very active, so she keeps her hair short- about chin length- and usually clips it back out of her face. She is lean and well toned from years of karate. She has a heart-shaped face and creases in the corners of her eyes from smiling so often. Her most distinguishing features, however, are her unusually manly hands and feet, which she inherited from her American father.
She isn't very feminine and avoids dresses and skirts. She usually wears tank tops with sweat pants or basketball shorts. She is a tomboy, and chooses not to wear makeup- it's too mainstream and superficial for her taste. Her sigil powers rely on physical contact via her hands, so just to be on the safe side she dons a pair of gloves (workout or leather depending on the weather and occasion) in public.
Personality: She is generally boisterous and good-natured, but pugnacious as well. When she is offended or feels threatened she attempts to laugh it off, but when this doesn't work she quickly turns sour and uses her fighting skills to get her way. She is very proud of those skills, and likes to silently boast her strength by wearing clothing that reveals her muscled arms and legs.
Biography: Hiyasmin was raised in the pine forests of Maine somewhere outside of Berwick. She was a daddy's girl, and grew up roughhousing with her three older brothers. She spent most of her time fighting with her brothers, fishing and hunting with her woodsman of a father, and playing outside, climbing trees. She began attending karate classes when she was eleven years old.
At school she instantly surrounded herself with boys, whom she found better company than girls. She felt awkward making friends with girls because she found them to be dull, fickle and all around less fun to be with. She both blames and thanks her father for this. Her freshman year in high school she picked up soccer, which she stuck with until graduation. She never quit karate and rose to black belt level. She decided to put her combat and shooting skills to good use, and went to get a degree in Criminal Justice.
She is currently out of college and aspires to be an FBI agent, but for now she just wants to enjoy a year off to travel .
Skills: Specializes in hand-to-hand combat and long-distance running.
Weapons: Thanks to her father she is an excellent shot with a rifle, but she prefers using her hands and feet.
Sigil Abilities: Water Based: Hiyasmin can both dehydrate and drown an object (or person) simply by touching them. She can usually control it, but when things get heated she tends to slip.
*When absorbing water she releases it through her pours. She would drown herself otherwise.
*When expelling water she draws from a nearby source or even from the atmosphere. She has to be extremely careful, as this is the dehydration process in reverse, and is potentially as dangerous for her as it is for her opponent.
*She has another ability with which she can move small amounts of water through the air, and control its path and force with which it moves. The speed of the water’s movement is relevant to that of her own, meaning the limit if the water’s power is the same as her own strength. This ability is really only useful as a distraction.
Other:
Thank you, Isa-Sama, for the constructive criticism. It wasn't that harsh (it was all true!). Besides, this guild is for improving ourselves and each other, right? =D
Mr. Blackbird Lore, Girlie had a Bo staff because my friend takes karate and uses one on occasion, and I thought it would be neat for her to have one too. That was really on a whim. I also know a couple people who are rather, ahem, plump, but stronger than half our school's football players. Still, that is very uncommon, now that I think about it. For my RP characters I tend to draw a lot from people I know. But I digress.
Thus Girlie was born with her unfortunate name, peculiar physique, and eclectic taste! Just thought I'd clear that up, too. Anyway, thank you, too, for the help.
Another late night, but I think this one's a lot better. -_- Well, everybody wish me luck. I leave at 8:00 am for GA One Act Play Statewide Competition. This is the first time our school has gone to State in like twenty-something years and we've never made it to Nationals, so... yeah, pretty nervous haha Anyway, good night all (and sorry for babbeling so much)!
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Posted: Fri Nov 13, 2009 10:49 pm
Character Name: Jack Dillen
Gender: Male
Age: 22
Race: Caucasian
Physical Description: Jack is everything you would expect form someone who has never paid full price for clothing. Holey, ruffed up, and worn in these are a few of his favorite styles. Often seen in an old pare if green cargo pants topped of with a ratty black hoodie he would look at home sleeping on a street corner. Despite his humble exterior appearance underneath his vagabond clothes is a man that in his own words “cleans up well.” . From his shoulder length blond hair to his dark blue eyes and sun tanned skin he is everything you would find in someone who has spent too much time out doors. Jack stands about 5’6” and is somewhat thinner for his height but sturdy built and well toned.
Personality: Jack has a somewhat dark sense of humor able of smiling at even some of the worst situations. It’s not so much bravery but a well developed defense mechanism that has served him well over time. Not the social type Jack prefers to keep to him self whenever possible. Not only is it easier for him to be alone but for the most part he enjoys the silence. Always working on some project or another Jack has a never ending desire to build, create, and improve the world around him a desire instilled in him by his grandfather who was a mechanical engineer and inventor. He spends most of his days alone hiking or playing around in the machine shop at his fathers company. Not one to have many friends Jack only has a few people he is close to, his late grandfather being his closet.
Biography: Jack was born and raised in the shadow of the Rocky Mountains and as such has a love of the outdoors. Hiking, camping, rafting, rock-climbing, biking...ect. After costing thru high school against his better judgment he began working for his father’s pyrotechnics company to help pay for collage. Although it was his fathers wish to have him one day help him run the company he instead intended to follow in his grandfathers foot steps and become an engineer. Everything was going great top of his class and a very gifted student he was doing everything right until Jack received a phone call telling him his grandfather had passed away. After that Jack lost his inspiration and his grades slipped soon leading to his suspension. Soon after that he started spending most of his days ether working for his father as a rig builder or trying to fix up a small log cabin that was left to him by his grandfather. While not an altogether unhappy existence Jack has all but given up on making something of himself and is content as is.
Skills: Outdoorsmenship, extensive tooling and machining knowledge, mechanical engineering, knowledge of chemistry mostly pertaining to making and launching of fireworks
Weapons: Most often carries a 8” field knife that his grandfather had made for him for there first hunting trip but only when camping he mostly prefers a good old fashion street fight no style no grace just fists and force.
Sigil Abilities: Machine
Other:
I think this will be my final unless any one has any ideas. If so just PM me or post here I guess. By the way thank you Isa-sma your advice was very helpful and not harsh in the least.
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Posted: Wed Dec 02, 2009 6:02 pm
Hello all! I was reading the announcements earlier today when I saw the one pertaining to this RP(Im actually new to the guild) and decided to join since it seemed like you guys didnt mind having newer RPers in it (atleast I hope so! I really enjoyed reading the various stories and such). Well, it may seem pretty long as I tried pretty hard to make it as descriptive as possible. Just tell me if I need to change a few things and I'll be willing to change them up. Like I said, im still pretty new when it comes to rping so be gentle on the criticism. sweatdrop
-----Here we go!!!-----
Controlled By: [Yuri Ensland]
Name: Van D. Arborisk
Age: 19
A Bit About Me: -Mediterranean/Caucasian decent-
Throughout his life Van has always been seen as the common “has the potential” type of person, but “Lacks the discipline to harness it” and thus themed a “failure”. At a young age, around 5 or 6, Van took a liking to martial arts, spending more time in the dojo then out playing unlike most children. He had also taken a liking to other things including: sports, and gymnastics. Although it was something about martial arts that would stick with him throughout his years. His parents took a large amount of interest into this, particularly his mother, who had similar ambitions as a young teenage girl in Sardinia, Italy, and wanted nothing more than for her son to be the best at it.
Around the age of 7, Van had partaken in over 23 tourneys with his mother as his coach, placing second in 20 of them, and first in only 3. This triggered Van’s inner desire to always prevail, and become more powerful for every loss and win he could endure. Van never suffered when it came to school really. His father had always wanted him to be an excellent martial artist, but a excellent student as well, sadly, Van could only truly focus on one, being martial arts, and lacking in schooling where he had similar capabilities to excel in.
By the Age of 12, Van participated in over 100 tournaments, ranging from local to regional, to continental; missing a large portion of early schooling, and was forced to being home schooled while on the road. And even still, with all his training and coaching, van had only achieved 3 other first place winnings, with many more resulting in a mix of second and third. At this point, his mother had given up hope reinstating what would be the definition of who he was for what seemed to be the remainder of his life: a “ failure”. His mother then began treating Van in a somewhat hateful manner, saying he could never become anything but average and expected evenless of him then his father. Over the remaining years the family fell apart as Van had now began struggling in school, as well as getting into situations that would thus mark him as a "juvenile delinquent" for future references. It was when he was kicked out of school after mercilessly beating another student for calling him a “failure”, that things had truly began to worsen.
His parents had decided that the best thing to do was to home school him, and allow him to gain a job, possibly learning a bit of responsibility in the process. He was only 15 then, and could barely be even considered for a job at minimum wage in Uptown Birmingham, Alabama. His father had lost his job shortly afterwards, and his mother divorced him, claiming he could, “have his worthless son to himself”. Soon after the divorce, a year or so later, Van’s father was diagnosed with an unknown illness, and would suffer from memory loss months after the initial exam. Enraged by this, Van swore to look after his father, and make something of himself with as much hard work and dedication as possible.
Van returned back to school that year, passing all classes with flying colors, as well as keeping himself current with what he loved, martial arts. He made several friends during that time as well, one being Jack Fields, the closest of all his friends, and the only one he could truly trust other than his now unstable father. He has just recently graduated from high school.
I Look Like: Van has a very lean build, sporting a height of 5’9, and a weight of around 145 to 147 pounds. He has sort of a olivish complexion, with a very strong and slim facial structure, giving him somewhat of a pretty boy/tough guy feel. Van tends to wear black cargo pants with red converse, as well as his father’s silver pocket watch placed in his back pocket (the time on it is set backwards in remembrance of how long his father has left to live). Van also tends to wear a white t-shirt with a black flak jacket over it. His hair is dark brown and long, which comes to about shoulder length, although it is placed in a spiky pony-tail for the majority of the time. Van also has piercings upon his ears with studs in them, as well as a tribal-like tattoo on his back in the shape of eagle wings.
Currently, I: Van is currently partaking in a martial arts tournament in Atlanta, Georgia with his friend and rival, Jack Fields. It’s close to being the final round in which Van must face off against Jack to see who will win the tourney.
Anything Else?:
*Van tends to be on the optimistic side of things, believing that with enough training and dedication, anything is possible.
* Van studies various forms of martial arts, more exclusively towards his own mix of taekwondo and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu, being known for his “Wild,yet free style”.
*Van can also be known for a having a very straight forward attitude at times, showing little to no care at all for others on personal feelings. Even still though, Van can be a nice guy, but dangerous if ever enraged.
Biotic Powers: Slaughterfist
Feel free to critize as I stated. More then willing to make changes.
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 9:32 pm
Hooray! Another Host! Nice to have another person interested in this RP. mrgreen
Right. So Yuri, I'm looking over your profile, and I find it amazing. A lot of it makes sense and you do a good job explaining why your character is the way he is. There are a few things that I'm curious about however...you mention that Van liked food, sports, gymnastics, and journalism, but you never built up on that. I can see why he'd be interested in gymnastics (to add to his martial arts), but not really the other things. If you could make it relate to martial arts, that would be good - otherwise, I don't see why it needed to be mentioned.
By the way, I'm not sure if it's possible to go to +200 tournaments in the span of 5 years. MAYBE 100, but still...if you know that this can be realistically done, then by all means keep it in. Also, if he's 19, is he going to college or planning on it? This is just MY curiosity, not something that you need to add.
One last thing! He has olive skin, right? That's not the caucasian skin tone, so is one of his parents of a different nationality? You might want to put that in there.
I hope this isn't too harsh. I honestly think that this is a good profile as is. And thanks for taking an interest in Project: Eden!
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Posted: Mon Dec 07, 2009 11:40 pm
Isa-sama Hooray! Another Host! Nice to have another person interested in this RP. mrgreen Right. So Yuri, I'm looking over your profile, and I find it amazing. A lot of it makes sense and you do a good job explaining why your character is the way he is. There are a few things that I'm curious about however...you mention that Van liked food, sports, gymnastics, and journalism, but you never built up on that. I can see why he'd be interested in gymnastics (to add to his martial arts), but not really the other things. If you could make it relate to martial arts, that would be good - otherwise, I don't see why it needed to be mentioned. By the way, I'm not sure if it's possible to go to +200 tournaments in the span of 5 years. MAYBE 100, but still...if you know that this can be realistically done, then by all means keep it in. Also, if he's 19, is he going to college or planning on it? This is just MY curiosity, not something that you need to add. One last thing! He has olive skin, right? That's not the caucasian skin tone, so is one of his parents of a different nationality? You might want to put that in there. I hope this isn't too harsh. I honestly think that this is a good profile as is. And thanks for taking an interest in Project: Eden! Ah, yes thank you Isa for the review of my character bio. All the harsh comments were well appreciated. mrgreen I was unsure of how to go about it so some things were blowin out of proportion quite a bit (i.e. the tournaments and such). Originally, I was going to put about 75 or so , and place some importance of absence from school during those years, in order to make it seem pretty realistic. Although, I scrapped it, and over extended the tournament factor a bit. sweatdrop In accordance with his interest, I added just a few extra things for flavor, with sports and gymnastics as more of a center focus of what his activities would have been (seeing his competitive nature, I saw sports as a natural attraction, while like you said about gymnastics, further emphasizing the importance and amount of training he was involved with in order to better himself). I can take those out though since they are pretty out of place, the food and journalism interest that is. In response to your question, I figured he would consider college for sometime or enlist into the military as a means of establishing a living for sometime. Although, a majority of his attention seems to focus towards his fathers slowly diminishing life, and Martial Arts. Most of the income he currently recieves involves his tournament winnings as well as support from various people (including his friend), which in the long run, have been used to keep a stable living. Towards the olive skin comment, I had initially placed him under as Mediterranean/Caucasian with his mother as his link to his olive skin ( She was originally from Southern Europe). Although, I figured caucasian would be enough seeing as some caucasians that I've known have had olive-like skin color (although, they could have had a some other heritages I didn't know about). Otherwise I'll be sure to change that up including the little bit of history of his mothers nationality. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Just made the adjustments to what Isa pointed out. The sheet is above Isa's post if anyone is interested.
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Posted: Thu Dec 17, 2009 5:08 pm
And you are approved, Yuri! Congrats and welcome!
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 6:15 pm
Controlled By: Michure
Name: Cossette Lucinda Babineaux
Age: Twenty-Seven
A Bit About Me: Cossette was born in New York City, New York to the famous Roxanne Smith, a famous American super-model, and Jean-Claude Babineaux, a businessman of one of the most prestigious agencies in Paris. Although they had a child, this hardly stopped their busy careers. Cossette spent most of her childhood in her Penthouse in Manhattan alone with her Au Pair and maid. She learned French and Spanish from the duo, only learning English after discovering the laundry shaft was a great elevator for little girls.
She became quite a pain for her guardians. She continuously disappeared, talked to the neighbors, ran off to Central Park and other parts of New York. Cossette's Au Pair once stated that the girl was a little "Lolita," and that "her beauty would be mistaken for promiscuity," if she continued to act like a little brat. This hardly deterred the child. In order to stop this sudden bout of insanity, however, her Au Pair decided it best to convince her parents to leave New York.
She was ten when they moved, but not for any reason that involved Cossette. Jean-Claude decided it was time to return to Paris after a promotion, making him busier than ever. The moment they went to Paris, Cossette found herself once again running off to Paris, doing exactly what she was doing in New York. Her Au Pair, finally fed up with the child, quit. This was the first time her family actually noticed their daughter's promiscuity and insanity, and decided to send her off to an all-female boarding school.
Cossette continued to act as she did in New York. And because she didn't have her parents so readily nearby, her sheer nonconformist attitudes only strengthened. She dyed her hair numerous colors, she wore platform shoes, she shortened her shirt and always kept an extra button undone on her shirt, wore too much makeup, had piercings on her body and even a small tattoo in a secret place. She would kiss her classmates, flirt with her professors, invite boys from off-campus to her room and party whenever she could.
As a child, however, she always valued education. She was always reading and writing, spending her time with others and involving herself in education. She was the epitome of the best and worst student on campus. Her academics never faltered, yet she continuously broke rules regarding her sexuality.
After graduating from her school, Cossette decided to vacation for a year. Although it was year of partying, she always felt uneasy about this period in her life. She never felt quite the same after that, as though those memories didn't belong in her mind. Yet she didn't allow that to deter her as she pursued a new career in the Red-Light District in Amsterdam.
Cossette started off as a porn-star and prostitute, climbing the social latter rather quickly. By her mid-twenties, she was a famous porn-star and business-woman, with her name on numerous products.
Cossette was nearing her twenty-sixth birthday when she decided to go to Hungary on vacation. Ever since her extended vacation as a teenager, Cossette never felt comfortable traveling, but pushed herself to go nonetheless. On her vacation, Cossette ran into a young boy named Caleb whom she felt an immediate connection and attraction to. The rest of her vacation was spent on having this boy; she bought his freedom and made him her legal son. This hit the tabloids big-time, making her even more famous across international borders. She was wealthier than ever.
The two moved to the Penthouse in New York where she lived in as a child, working on expanding Cossette's empire. Many people are against Cossette and her line of work, but she continues to pursuit her goals.
I Look Like: Cossette is known for her pornographic looks, even without makeup. She was refered to as a Lolita for a reason. Her eyes are sharp and a seducing shade of green, her eyebrows thin and intense, her cheekbones high and her skin perfectly flawless. She is a bit on the voluptuous size, having to work extremely hard to keep her stomach flat. But her breast and buttocks both are hardly deterred by her obsessive workouts, mostly because she is very keen on keeping them their size.
Her hair is a lovely shade of auburn-brown. Her hair curls in large ringlets, ending right below her breast. Her large hair is a signature in her pornography as well as her ever-present corset. Cossette's mid-section is heavily cinched due to years of using a corset. Her skin is fair and milky. Her signature outfit is her platform boots, corset, school-girl skirt, mass amounts of fish-net and ribbons.
Currently, I: Cossette is in her Penthouse Apartment with Caleb. She is looking into going to Nevada to open a shop.
Anything Else?: 1) Cossette is unable to Speak Spanish anymore, but is fluent in both French and English.
2) Cossette has had three surgeries in her life. One was for her back. The second operation was surgical hair removal, which was necessary for her line of work. This was followed by another spinal surgery.
3) Cossette still has spinal issues and wears a brace disguised as a corset. Because of her small midsection, it is feared her spine will break if it can't support her body.
4) Caleb is her legal son. Although the public believes him to be her sex-slave, Cossette has never actually touched the boy in that regard. This is common knowledge among lawyers.
Biotic Powers: Knifehands
-----------
Controlled By: Michure
Name: Caleb “Babineaux”
Age: Fourteen
A Bit About Me: Caleb’s life-story starts off in the United States as well. At a young age, he was sold by his crack-addicted mother to a mysterious figure who took Caleb away from Chicago and to a mysterious place he could never quite remember. His life is filled with empty voids and sudden bouts of complete memory-loss. His memories only remain consistent the day he is dropped on the side of the street in the Ukraine. He finds himself wandering the streets, searching for somewhere to live. He finds a place in a brothel, selling his young body to the highest bidder. It was during this time that he discovered his fascination with the male body.
A few years pass and he is allowed to wander the streets. His owners know that he would return to the brothel. Children like him always do. He is anemic and weak due to the terrible treatment of the brothel.
While he is attracted to males, his fear of being hurt by them makes him turn to women for comfort. Caleb desires a male romantic partner but fears the touch of a man. When he meets Cossette, he only finds her touch to be soothing.
While Cossette was on vacation, he bumps into her on a train-ride downtown. She quickly learns of his position in the brothel and buys him from brothel-master, taking the boy back to her large estate in Copenhagen. Caleb was in awe by her wealth and shocked by her fame. Because of his hesitation and fear of men, she continuously protects him.
I Look Like: Caleb is a handsome young man, but his life has definitely taken a toll on his body. He is anemic and pale, only finally getting over the numerous medical conditions he was plagued with in poverty. He is a bit lanky and only starting to gain some muscles. His hair reaches his chin. It is thin, wispy and a shade of sandy-blond.
What is striking are his beautiful blue eyes. Because of his eye-problems, they are literally one shade of cobalt blue. Caleb has a few freckles on his nose. He is generally seen shirtless or wearing an unbuttoned dress-shirt and black slacks. Caleb also tends to wear collars, but only because he likes them; this only adds to the image of master/slave that he and Cossette seem to share.
Currently, I: He is with Cossette; he is always with Cossette.
Anything Else?: 1) Caleb suffers from Aniridia, so his eyes are a solid shade of blue. Because of this, his vision is lacking and he is generally seen in thick, prescription sunglasses most of the time. His eyes are sensitive, he can hardly see, and he suffers from cataracts.
2) When he lived in the brothel, Caleb had a parasitic worm infestation and lice in his hair. He is on medication to kill on the worms in his body.
3) Caleb is allergic to peanuts.
Biotic Powers: Quillbody
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Posted: Sat Dec 19, 2009 6:29 pm
Wow. Very interesting characters to say the least. Hope you get accepted!
I'm no GM though, so I can't provide my opinion. But I did read through both of your character bios. Both seem to be quite realistic (As in they sure aren't Mary Sues) but the surplus of health problems might cause some problems. Might...Not to say for sure. Hope one of the GMs can give you better advice.
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Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 6:02 pm
Was I accepted, declined, or just forgotten? I never got any feedback after fixing my character profile. Just wondering. There's no hurry! I just wanted to know.
By the way, Michure, interesting characters =D
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Posted: Sun Dec 20, 2009 11:43 pm
Right. Well, a few things now:
I have been given the power to approve Hosts thanks to Joe. For the Eves, I'm sorry, but you will have to wait on Bayer for that.
So Ballad and Jack, I'm sorry. You have not been forgotten at all! Or at least not by me. Unfortunately, Sir Bayer has been busy with school and such and has not been able to keep up with the RP. However, I have his promise that he will return soon enough!
AND SHINKU! You are definitely allowed to give your opinion. Just because you aren't GM doesn't mean you can't help others. We all help each other out here.
Sheesh, I almost feel like taking over this RP (but not really, because I enjoy being a player in it too much).
-------
And now a new person for Hosts! Yaaaay! So Michure, I see that you've created TWO Hosts, and I applaud your enthusiasm. However (and I really am sorry to say it), you can only have one Host. Both characters are very well thought out - I truly love them both. Of course you could always mention one or the other in passing, but you cannot control two Hosts at the same time.
Cossette is a unique mix of sex and academia, which makes her seem very human. I can see where this girl is coming from, and her personality is clearly described.
I am curious about whether she went to elementary school. It sounds like she never went and was only able to see the outside world by running away. Was she home-schooled then? Otherwise, she WOULD know English since she could easily learn it in school. You never mention for how long she lived in NYC or when she moved to Paris.
I'm not sure what you mean when you say "insanity." I wouldn't call her clinically insane, only rebellious and free-spirited. But that's just a personal choice of words, not something you need to change.
Oh! And why the spinal surgery? If it was because she was rather **ahem** well endowed in the chest, then that'd be understandable. If you could say the reason for the surgery, that would be nice.
Caleb has a very sad story, and I almost don't want to see him in the RP because I'd be crying over his sad fate. I worry that his health would prevent him from being in the fights that will occur in the RP. And I'm probably incorrect for saying this (so please forgive me), but wouldn't the brothel attempt to keep him somewhat in good health? It would attract more customers if the person in question looked like they weren't about to break from a single touch. If anything, he might have had a patron that cared enough to keep him in relatively good shape - said patron could be the one that caused Caleb to fear men (while remaining attracted to them).
I am impressed by the fact that he is attracted to males, yet stays with females. But why is he afraid of men hurting him? Were the highest bidders usually men that treated him roughly?
Also, his eye problems would (likely) have been fixed when going in for volunteering for the Host Experimentation. For sure that his vision would be perfect after regaining his Host powers. His vision could still be lacking (while the virus is in hibernation), but it would not be extremely bad. And I think that after spending time with Cossette, the lice in his hair would be dealt with (so I'd take that out).
I hope this isn't too harsh, and is helpful. I'm glad that you've taken an interest in Project: EDEN! 3nodding
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