Welcome to Gaia! ::

"Please. Stop. I can't.." his thoughts were screaming so loud he couldn't coherently put together a single sentence in his mind anymore. Why was this happening? He'd never felt so overwhelmed, so.. helpless.

Or maybe he had. Long ago.

Rhun could barely make out what Deskri was saying anymore. The screaming came to an abrupt halt when Deskri said it. Rasiel. The name hung in the air, lingered, beckoned to be shouted. Screamed. The noise returned, building in volume until he felt like his ears would surely bleed. Together.

"Please." he urged. Rhun began to want the Malice to come torment him again. Begged for it. At least he could handle that. This? This was torture.

Disappeared. That was a fact. There was no denying the absence of the Broken family throughout their stay at the academy. The static noise deafened on. What was he saying? Make him leave? "...you could never-...." even his thoughts were incomplete. His mind was in shambles, slowly breaking as his exterior remained locked in place, unable to move. Still staring. Still thinking.

"Of course it matters.."

Not. Coming. Back. Rhun didn't want to hear those words, but it was probably for the best that Deskri continued to believe that. This was all for the best. This could never work. It never did.

As he slowly pieced together what Deskri was talking about. He was beginning to realize that Deskri was opening up, he knew that meant that he was becoming more comfortable with him. Maybe he could start to relax.

His mind came to a screeching halt as Rhun's eyes widened, no longer stern, but now in disbelief. He turned his head suddenly toward Deskri.

Disappeared. That very word demanded his attention. "He never-...... what happened?..." "You mean to tell me you don't know?" his voice was sharp as he stared into his eyes, his words commanding to be acknowledged. Was he breathing quicker? Was he losing composure yet again? None of that entirely mattered in that very moment as he simply could not mask his surprise. However, his face was washed over with a glint of misery. What did it matter if he knew what happened? It wouldn't change anything. In fact, he'd probably get upset. Maybe he would...

His eyes painfully darted to the room again, then closed. Stop. Don't.

"I regret to inform you, but Rasiel is the reason this school was forced to close down. I do not personally know the details of where the members of his family are. But Alice..." his voice cracked slightly. Lowered to a soft hum. "Alice is dead."

"...take responsibility."

"Rasiel's actions resulted in her being killed."

"Take responsibility for everything."

"He's probably the reason..." his voice hesitated, his eyes opened slowly, looking over Deskri, implying that Rasiel should be held responsible for what happened to the frail meta in the 20 years that had passed. "You're probably right. That was a long time ago. It's best to move on."

His eyes narrowed softly in hidden agony. "Do it." the voice egged on. "He is probably dead." That's right, Rasiel was dead now. Punished for his crimes. No longer a burden upon this world. Rhun's mind was empty now, no words could surface any more. His eyes were blank now as he searched for any lingering thoughts, anything to grasp onto to pull this encounter forward somehow. Instead, it was silent.

Why didn't he foresee this? This side of Deskri. This stubbornness dressed abrasively in scorn and defiance. It would have been comforting if he hadn't lashed out at his own words.

"Don't defend him." he begged, as his heart swelled. He could barely contain the anger barely sitting below the surface now. The thoughts started flooding in as Deskri angrily defended Rasiel. "God dammit, STOP!" his mind cried out. He was shaking with rage that intensified to match Deskri's. It always did. And there was nothing he could do to stop it. Panic was setting in deep within his psyche as he tensed up even further. Was that even possible at this point? He gritted his teeth behind his stern lips so hard, it was making his head hurt badly.

"...tell him." a whisper was trying to break through to the forefront.

He was obviously holding back now. Focus. He couldn't.

focusfocusfocusfocusfocus...

WHAT WAS THE THIRD STEP

The voices in his mind grew into a loud howl of sound. No. Not like this. This wasn't supposed to happen. Rhun could no longer hear anything anymore, the noise was too loud.

"TELL HIM!"

"DESKRI, I WAS THERE.." Rhun heard his own voice lash out before he could even comprehend that he had even said it, followed by deafening silence.

This always happened. Deskri always knew exactly where to prod to get the strongest reactions from him, that fact was inevitable in its own right and it wasn't fair. Rhun's body relaxed, not out of tranquility, but in defeat.

He took in a strained breath as his hand moved toward his face, hesitated, then moved to put a hand on Deskri's shoulder. It was taking everything he could muster to keep calm about how Deskri's compassion for Rasiel pained him. His chest ached so much, he was sure his heart would stop beating any moment now. He was exhausted.

Leaning in just close enough to have Deskri's full attention, his voice was low; tense but weak. "Deskri,..." he started in, "I know a lot more than you could think. About those things." he paused, his eyes softening for just a moment in sympathy. Rhun tried to think of what to say, if he continued to talk poorly of Rasiel, Deskri would definitely react in the opposite manner than he wanted. Not to mention, break the trust he had been half-haphazardly trying to build, to trust him. To trust Rhun. Should he lie? No, Deskri was more than coherent enough to realize it if he were to make something up. Should he tell him everything? That was no good either, even though he really did want to. His mind fluttered past the idea of it, focusing for only a second on Deskri's determination over Rasiel. Maybe he still had feelings for Rasiel. Maybe this could w-... No.

He could not win this one. Fighting with Deskri any longer would certainly stir up something in him, and he dreaded finding out what that was. He forced himself to stand straight and turned only slightly as though to walk away but really didn't. "Why do you even care so much if he was apparently never around. You even said, yourself, that it didn't matter." Rhun compelled his eyes to close, trying his hardest to keep hidden the agony burning in his eyes. He knew he was going to probably cry, or get even angrier if this continued. "He's not coming back." he commanded under his breath, his voice wavered with the intent to release something else but it became stuck fast deep in his throat and refused to come out.

"Of course I know..." he thought as he kept his eyes closed tightly, battling against the tears that violently begged to escape. All he could do was listen. Rhun hurt all the way through his torso, it hurt far worse than any physical pain that could be inflicted upon him. He'd easily volunteer to be tormented, stabbed relentlessly for a thousand years before he would ever dream to be standing here, taking in everything that Deskri could verbally spit at him.

The avalanche of anger had begun, and there was no stopping him once he had started. Rhun had two options, let him yell it out until he calmed down, which likely wouldn't happen anyway. Or give in to his own rage and lash back. That's what he always did. Lashed out at others he held dear to him, even without the help of a Malice to egg him on or do it for him.

"What did you expect? You deserve this."

He was beginning to zone out, trying not to get worked up over his words. If he drowned him out, he couldn't press his buttons, right?

Wrong. He was so very wrong.

Deskri had snapped, his words were too loud to ignore as he screamed at him. Love? Rhun's eyes flung open wide and sought out Deskri's eyes. His own eyes were full of 20 years of pain. No, much much longer than that. Torment that had long stood by his side since the day he came into existence. His stomach churned hard and his heart beat so hard, he feared it would rip straight through his ribcage and escape. He felt something move across his face from beneath his mask. Reaching a shaking hand up to his own face, tracing along his jawline with hesitation. He felt it, pulling back his hand, he was definitely crying. He hadn't even realized his eyes had betrayed him and let forth a barrage of tears that hadn't even mentally caught up to him yet.

Deskri just kept talking. Really letting him have it as every single word felt like a hot knife in his chest, it was simply too much to bear. This was it, the fury that had built up within him spilled forth, he turned to try to obscure his face from view as he bit down on his lip hard, the blood already surfacing quickly and running fast down to his neck. Reeling back, he released it. All of it. All of his anger as he punched into the wall next to the doorframe.

"WHY DO YOU ALWAYS DO THIS!" he screeched suddenly. He didn't even react to his own actions anymore, he accepted he had lost control. It would take a lot to bring him down this time. A fleeting thought of whether anything would be spared from his wrath. Rhun took in a deep inhale and let forth a loud wail, just as he had before. It was short lived, however, quickly scratching down to a hoarse desperate sob. This is what happened. This is what he did to him.

Despite losing control of his temper yet again, just like the countless times before, there was still the tiniest tug that kept pulling him back, keeping him there. He couldn't bare to even face Deskri, showing himself for the broken man he truly was and no mask could ever hide that.

"Here you are, ******** crying like a child. And he's actually grown. Survived. And then there's you, not even worth the time. You couldn't even last a day around him, how could you expect to redeem yourself in everyone's eyes, when you can't even redeem yourself with him..." that thought alone was surprisingly clear.

Selfish. There it was again. He was being selfish again. Only focused on his own struggles. He had tried to hide them to care about Deskri's for the time being, but how did it devolve so quickly into.. this.

He almost didn't realize that Deskri was hissing at him, still berating him. He was right though, how dare he. How dare he even sully Deskri's eyes with his own pitiful existence like he had something to offer under a new guise. If this was the test, then he obviously failed. "H-he didn't.." Rhun struggled to shove words out, hoping they'd leave his lips but only a few could find their way out. A lump was forming in his throat making it difficult to croak out anything, his voice pretty much giving up on him. "..he's not a-..." it slipped out in whispers.

"Get ahold of yourself."

Rhun's knees buckled and he fell to the ground. His body had forsaken him. "... or don't."

This wasn't fair to Deskri, Rhun felt the guilt welling up yet again, the anger was coming and going in waves, not knowing where to go anymore. His gaze was focused on the ground, as he opened his mouth to cry out again but nothing happened. "He will never actually accept you."

The war raged on in his mind and he battled for control. He could hear in Deskri's voice that his actions were hurting him. Why did this always happen?

Rhun heard the command, processing the demand for his face. His true face. That was it, the jig was up. Maybe there was no way to get out of this one. Maybe there really was nothing he could do. What should he do? Comply? Run? He couldn't run, his legs would never allow him to simply escape this. He tilted his hand back just enough to shift his eyes slowly to meet Deskri's. He hesitated. It was over, wasn't it? Everything he had enjoyed in the few moments he had with Deskri earlier were all he was ever going to get. How could he ever face him again after all this?

"Stop running. That's what got you here in the first place." he thought but then shifted his gaze down the hallway. There was still a small chance he could will himself to bolt up and get away if he acted now. The thought crossed his mind but he was too conflicted to make a decision.

Take off the mask, the voice reminded him, beckoning for him to comply.

"Will you do it?"

"...no." he choked out quietly as his head stared downward.

He was beginning to tense up again. Please... He doubted he'd be so lucky the next time his rage surged through, which was starting to look like sooner rather than later.

Deskri's words suddenly turned cold. His heart sank deep. This was what he wanted, wasn't it? For Deskri to just accept that Rasiel was gone. His brows turned up slightly as his eyes darted to different points on the floor trying to pinpoint his thoughts. His feelings. This was supposed to be what he wanted. So why was he so.. unsatisfied with his answer. Why did his words, that proved he had simply accepted that he wasn't what it was obvious Deskri was looking for, hurt so much more? He tried to stand but there was no use, he wouldn't be able to reach him that way. He'd have to use his words, but something was still holding him back.

Rhun heard his question, he hesitated. He's going to leave. He wants to leave. His thoughts raced, should he let him go? Should he tell him to stay?

"Answer him."

Rhun gave in to his sadness, deciding to let him go. How could he possibly force him to stay? How could he even think he'd have a chance at happiness. Happiness with Deskri. One more chance.

That was over, wasn't it?

"Answer him!"

It was decided, he'd confirm the question and simply let him leave. Deskri would get over it just as he assumed he had before. This was for the best.

"Yes."

Rhun felt his heart tug hard as he blinked, realizing that's not what he said at all. What did he say then? Think. It's not that hard to keep track of something you just said. Rhun realized that he had called his name, however weakly.

"Deskri..." his throat had managed to choke out audibly through a coarse voice.

Yes, that's definitely what he actually said. His body was acting on his own. But why was thi- Before he could complete his thought process, his mask was already being pulled from his face, making the view of the floor much more visible. He blinked, his body was still moving, he couldn't stop it. His hand had reached up to grasp the mask, pulling hard at it until the backing unsnapped. He watched it fall from his hand and onto the floor. He began to slowly look up, eventually locking eyes with Deskri.

With the absence of the mask, the markings on the right side of his face were revealed, accompanied by the full view of his red eyes resting within the heavy dark circles he had acquired from the many sleepless nights he had been through, in fact, besides earlier in the day, he couldn't even remember the last time he slept.

He was frozen, staring up at Deskri. Was he shaking? He opened his mouth to speak but only a small whimper escaped. This was it. He practically held his breath as he waited for Deskri's harsh judgement. A sign. Anything that could stop the anticipation.

Pathetic.

It felt like an eternity as he... Rasiel stared back at Deskri. He began to approach, Rasiel couldn't breathe. What was he going to do? He had seemed calm. Rasiel wasn't sure what this calm meant. A thin hand reached out toward him, he wanted to recoil, but he still had no control over his body. He was at it's mercy now. As Deskri touched him, his body tensed slightly in uneasiness, he didn't know what to expect anymore. As Deskri recoiled from the connection, Rasiel was starting to grasp what was happening. He tried again to speak, he wanted to cry out, tell him everything that he had built up over the years. Why he left. Why he came back. What happened to Alice. Everything. Still nothing could make its way out as not even breath could move in his lungs. How long had he been holding his breath anyway?

"I'm real." he wanted to scream it as loud as he could.

As Deskri's hand finally rested on him, his lungs finally exhaled the air trapped within.

"I-I'm sorry." his words spilled out with the breath, he spoke before he could even think of what he was saying. As though hearing the words for the first time as he spoke them out loud. He swallowed hard as he choked back another barrage of tears. He could not understand why, no matter how hard he tried, he was so weak. It wasn't fair.

He formulated an answer, some kind of explanation to answer Deskri with. Where he had been. He couldn't exactly remember, his memories of the last 20 years being a complete jumble of good and bad. Mostly bad. He could at least try to say something,


"..i-i'm so sorry..." he stuttered out between quick breaths. So much for coming up with an answer, his mouth muttered on things as though it wasn't even his anymore, but the words he spoke he knew was what he truly felt deep down. Locked away in a part of him that had remained untouched for decades.

Rasiel looked over Deskri, watching his every move. His eyes were blurry from the tears, but he could clearly make out Deskri folding in on himself. It was quiet, too quiet. He had to break the silence. Anything but his whimpers and apologies to an otherwise unresponsive meta. Was Deskri... rocking?

Rasiel could not take it anymore.

"MOVE" his voice commanded, ringing through his thoughts, cutting through any other thought in his mind. His legs jolted suddenly, launching him slightly forward. He had to be closer. Rasiel had forgotten what it was like to care for someone this much, as he outstretched his arms and wrapped them around Deskri as tight as he could. He could not be gentle even if he tried at this point. "...i'm-..." he hesitated, "Say anything but sorry."

"...I'm home." he muttered.

Rasiel was overwhelmed but he didn't mind. His thoughts were a cluttered mess as he stared down at Deskri. He was absolutely astonished that this was even happening. He dared not even question whether this had been an illusion, he simply did not care. Fake or not, this was everything he wanted. Rasiel still couldn't fight the tears that stung his tired eyes painfully. Deskri's voice was comforting, his touch not only reassured him, it excited him. His body began to move again on it's own, his hand was trembling as it softly outlined Deskri's face. Stroking downward along his jaw to stop at his chin. Tugging ever so slightly, he leaned his head down to lovingly kiss him, something he had ached for but hadn't obtained in a very long time. Until now.

He lingered, he didn't want any of this to end. Rasiel smiled down at Deskri, a genuine smile. One that he had not worn since he was last like this. His eyes still overflowed with tears that would not let up. His stomach was beginning to sink again as the voices in his head began to buzz. He hadn't dared to hold anyone this close or at all since the day she died. Even though this was an entirely different situation, he was still overwhelmed with thoughts of the past. Memories flooding in, swirling in chaos. He choked up a bit as his smile faded. His grip tightened on Deskri, too afraid to let him go again.

"...it's my fault. I got her killed."

His thoughts were racing faster than he could keep up, he had regained control of his voice, or so he thought as a tsunami of words began to pour out of his mouth.

"I came back. I didn't tell you, it was supposed to be a surprise. I didn't even care if you were still mad at me for leaving again, I knew that if I could just see you again, it might make your day. Even if it didn't, at least I could say I tried." he tried hard to smile, he wanted to but his sorrow was still billowing over, masking it. More tears were coming, they never ended and even increased. "I know we weren't allow to go to the city but I had to. I wanted to get you a gift even if you would probably never accept it." a strained chuckle slipped through, "I was so stupid." sighing, "I'm still stupid..."

"Tell him what you were buying.."

"... i can't even tell him..." he muttered aloud to no one at all, his guilt was welling up, fluttering. Surely Deskri would find him ridiculous to go to the city for those. Rasiel doubted he'd care anymore. And even if he did care, that moment was long passed. He remembered the heartache he still felt then. Taking another deep breath, "Alice knew what I was doing. I knew she thought it was dumb of me, but she was surprisingly supportive of my decision. She even went with me.." he voice was starting to break as the memories that played in his mind became more grim.

"The humans saw us, I guess. Saw me. They thought I was the one killing people in the town..." his voice grew soft then sharpened in desperation, "I didn't, though!", his body tensing. Then relaxing slightly, remembering Deskri's words just before. "But you know that..."

It was becoming increasingly hard to recollect the thought about that day. "They came for us. For me." he kept correcting himself, Alice was just an innocent party in it all. Despite his lack of involvement in the events that transpired then, he knew that it was his fault they were even sought out in the first place. "...Alice... she... She told them she did it.." a small pause, "I could have stopped her... but I didn't." he averted his eyes in shame. "When I found her, I was too late. She had been killed." his voice distorted into a raspy whisper as the lump in his throat grew.

Rasiel thought everything that need to be said had been laid out, but he was wrong. An important question burned through his mind into the forefront of all other thoughts.

Where have you been?

He didn't want to answer that, he dreaded the thought of remembering those times. "I.... It was hard after that. Oron-.." the name strangled back into his throat, flinching with pained eyes as even the thought of him was enough to cause him anguish. But that was only the tip of it. No, not Oron. "...obscurite..." he forced out in a whisper. "He found me...", he was reluctant to continue, "...he relieved me of my wings..." that was not exactly what had happened, but he didn't want to correct that one. Not yet.

He strained as he reached through his memories, most of them foggy and messy. "I don't know how long I ran from him... But I met a girl named Mirabelle. She was a meta,... she knew my mother... I became a researcher at the facility she stayed at. I changed my name, my appearance. It's been I don't know how long, but I was finally able to get the approval to open the academy again. I want to help everyone. I want to show them... that Metas aren't bad.." his eyes narrowed with longing. "...that I'm not bad."

Was that it? Was that everything? It was like he rambled on for hours, and now he waited for Deskri to absorb everything. Did he leave anything out? His thoughts twinged, he did. But he'd save that for another time. He'd already spilled out quite a bit of information already. He'd tell him eventually.