Welcome to Gaia! ::

Thanks Ethan, Dave. That means a lot to me. And thanks everyone, for letting me rant here. I don't know if I could have completed this without the support I found in you guys. *hugs you all*

*cuffs him good-naturedly* Right, Ethan.

Meeting with the Dean went okay, though not as well as I'd hoped. I'd been more candid in my journal than I was exactly comfortable sharing with EVERYONE, but, well, with two unnamed faculty out there already having torn it apart, I didn't see the point in trying to keep the dean out of the loop. And at least I had the chance to explain things to her. Actually, like I told Silvana (dean), I knew that by turning in the journal the way it was written I was taking a big chance in having it be graded poorly based on bias, but I was willing to take the risk because what I wrote was the way I felt at the time, and to be frank, writing is my catharsis, my way of coping with stress. I didn't want to edit my journals and, effectively, lie so that there was no chance of offending that bi....woman. The blow to my own integrity wasn't worth a grade - I thought, at the time. I had no idea she would stoop so low. I would have been willing to take a blow to the integrity to spare the class the rant she treated us to a week ago - if I only a) had known about it in advance and b) if I knew that my journal was a precipitating cause. Am I making sense? Because I feel I'm just rambling.

Anyway, the dean suggested that I go to Pat directly to get things cleared up, as it is common practice to have another faculty member grade a paper that they feel they are unable to objectively grade. However, TWO is not common, and Silvana said it wasn't 'usual practice' to leave the students' names on the paper. Damn, the more I think over the conversation, the more I wish I could go back and ask a few more leading questions - such as what usual practice is, and what she's going to do about this blatant breach of confidentiality. Damn.

Well, depending on how the meeting goes (dean's right, it does need to happen, if only for closure's sake), I might have to lodge a formal complaint, and this time have everything down in writing. On the other hand, before I do that, I'm going to have to think long and hard about my motivation - is it revenge, a sense of my own wounded ego, or do I still have my classmates and the bigger picture in mind?

Arg, it's finals week! I don't have the brain-energy to do a ton of soul-searching! (Regardless, the thinking is gonna happen. My mind's been worrying this issue like a dog a bone >_>)

Aaaand, the meeting is over. The dean was there, so Pat and I were both on our best behaviour. I asked for an explanation about why my name was left on the journals, she explained that she "was just so distressed by reading them that [she] completely forgot and was horrified when she saw that [my] name had been left on..." Plausible, not sure I believe her, but whatever. She apologized, I made rumblings that I was sorry for being so blunt, and we parted on at least amiable terms. 'A mutually satisfactory agreement,' is how I've been terming it, at least in the official record. Unofficially, I feel that I got handled. It bugs me, but, well, any further action I were to take would be just for the sake of a personal vendetta and not for the good of anyone but my own pride. I'm glad to have gotten the story straight from Pat's lips, whether I believe her or not, and so I'm just going to let this drop.

Frankly, I could hardly believe the woman. She makes a good portion of the class so upset that they're crying in public (at LEAST twice, and I can count a good many more times that people I know were crying in private), insults us, tears us down, and refuses to teach us, and then she has the gall to say, "Your journal upset me so badly that I could hardly sleep," and expect sympathy. It's like, shut up woman, I don't give a darn (insert stronger expletive). You and your pettiness and unprofessionalism cost me many nights' sleep, and the emotional turmoil you put me through - and the whole class - was terrible and totally unjustifiable. Don't come crying to me for sympathy, because all you'll get is a certain finger. And not the thumb.

I don't get pissed off too often, but this woman took the cake, frosting and all.

On the positive side, I found out just how many friends I have, and I learned a few lessons for dealing with people, especially in the realm of conflict. I figure, this is practice. Next time I come up against a bully who is hurting someone, I will have a larger base of experience from which to draw, and will handle things better.

Sheesh, rereading that last bit, I should have been a superhero. It would give me a much broader means of fighting injustice. And a cool suit, too. mrgreen

Honestly I do have to say I hope your "teacher" looks at her self hard in the mirror and thinks. "Am I going to be a b***h today or an actual teacher?"

Im glad its over for you, congrads <3