⎾ MOROSIS ⏌

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

A part of him did understand Abel’s reason for sending Kieran here. It was probably one of the more kinder things he’d dne in all the time that he had known him. But given the shook they both felt when first seeing the other, it was also unfair. Especially when Abel knew how much he had been missing Kieran. To just send him here with no word, no warning, no mental preparations. It’s no surprise that yesterday went as bad as it did. Jakob knew that somewhere in there this was meant to be some act of love, even if he didn’t love him back in the same way. Perhaps if he had been given the chance to explore and really understand his feelings, he might have found something akin to the love he held for Kieran. In his own right, Jakob was just as afraid about finding out how deep his feelings went for Abel. He knew them to be beyond that of the occasional kiss, a simple flirt, or the casual fling they once had.

Slow witted and in denial, Jakob tried to work out the means behind Abel’s logic. Discussing all this with Kieran felt reminiscent to the talks he had with Abel. Now instead of trying to figure out the words of his former boyfriend, he was trying to decipher the actions of his friend. In front of him, Kieran shrugged at Jakob’s own words before poising another question for him. The question itself was fair, it was something he had thought about himself quite a bit. His heart began to beat a little faster as a simple yes hung on his lips. ”I do-I don’t know.” he said instead. ”It’s not as though he’s ever said this kind of stuff before… I know he’d never move here, not with his whole operation going on back home. He’d likely want to do the long distance thing as much as you do, so that’s out.” As he spoke he was unsure of who he was trying to convince more, himself or Kieran.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Of the two of them, Abel had a better chance of surviving in Germany then Kirean did. He watched Miguel knowing he was hiding something. Kirean wouldn't force it from him. He found it amusing to sit and talk about Abel. They had never really talked about him in depth much less Miguel's feelings for him. Kirean knew Miguel cared for Abel though not to the extent. He hardly thought Miguel knew either.

Questioning Miguel, Kirean waited for a response. He listened as Miguel spoke, understanding his logic. Abel hadn't been forthcoming in his feelings. Kirean smiled at Miguel, ”How could he tell you, he probably thought it'd ruin what you had…” He commented at the thought. Kirean didn't understand their relationship but he knew Abel. ”And if he did give it all up, what then?” He asked, trying to understand Miguel's feelings more.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

It was true that Abel would have an easier time getting by here if he were to stay. Unlike Kieran, he was already familiar enough with the language to be able to commune with others and with practice it would only get better. Whereas with Kieran, save a few obvious words it was completely foreign to him. He would have to start from scratch with learning the alphabet, reading, writing, and so forth. Much as he would like to have them both stay here, it was obvious who would have the easier life. Such a thing would probably cause a strain on an already fragile relationship. As they talked, he could feel Kieran watching him. There was no telling what he might be thinking in this sudden turn of conversation. But he seemed amused though he didn’t quite understand why.

When questioned again, Jakob answered him slowly while also deflecting what was known to them both. Glancing up towards the male he watched him smile and listened to his comments. He wanted to scoff at his words. ”And what is there to ruin?” he asked, still playing dumb. Before being given an answer, Jakob was instead given one more question. He hadn’t thought about either of them giving up their lives in Chicago. It was a hope, a silly wish that he didn’t dare dream of ever coming true. Try as he might, his face said it all. Glancing away, Jakob tried to hide the obvious from Kieran. ”Then legally, I guess I would be hosting him for the next five years. That is if his application was approved and he could pass all the testing and get all the permits. It might take a little longer because you know, the backlog.” Jakob knew that he was rambling and it was hardly an answer to what Kieran was asking him. He didn’t want to hurt him or his feelings by admitting just how happy it would make him feel.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Miguel was deflecting that's what he found amusing. Kirean could see Miguel was struggling to not entirely answer but just skirt around it. He found the answers obvious but wanted Miguel to find them. Kirean listened as Miguel was still playing oblivious against his question. He shrugged, ”Friendship, among other things.” Kirean responded, smirking at Miguel as he explained the obvious. Following up with another question, he watched as Miguel glanced away from him. He listened as Miguel soon responded by giving him some legal mumbo jumbo. Kirean couldn't help but roll his eyes. ”That's not an answer.” He commented, even if the answer hurt, he wanted to know.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob was afraid to admit the obvious even though Kieran had already heard it once this more. Somehow saying it to the person he was supposed to be dating felt awkward. Like they a couple of kids and Kieran was trying to make him admit to a school yard crush. Though in Kieran’s perspective, this was probably exactly how this seemed. Nothing more, nothing less. Just two dumb kids with little to no knowledge in the ways of love. Avoiding the male’s questions seemed to amuse him, but it only made Kieran press more. Beside him, the male shrugged as he responded, a smirk soon spreading across his lips. Jakob felt his heart do a little flip. He wanted to tell him that he was wrong but that would be a lie.

With the next question asked, Jakob felt his expression change and knew that he had delayed in hiding the expression. Turning away, he went for a more logical answer than an honest one. A quick glance, he saw Kieran roll his eyes as he commented. Jakob smirked and raised his head a little. ”Not entirely, foreigners used to have to wait closer to eight years for citizenship.” he countered. Despite his words, he knew he was right. Shifting again on the bed, Jakob moved his legs to a more comfortable position. ”In a scenario where you didn’t come back but he did, I would possibly consider it…I’m sure he never told you this, but we did share a roof together after my little slicing incident. It wasn’t for very long, just enough that I could walk and handle the move. That whole time though, it was pretty peaceful. We didn’t fight that often, kept each other company…it was nice.” Looking up, Jakob waited. He wasn’t sure how Kieran might respond to hearing that they had lived together. It would probably hurt or make him jealous and he was preparing for that. But Kieran had asked for honesty, so there it was.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Kirean knew the consequences of his questions. He knew that he may not like what Miguel had to say. Kirean though needed to hear it. He cared for Miguel but would give up his happiness for those he loved. Kirean found that Miguel could avoid his questions if he wanted but he was beginning to understand the truth. He hardly thought he was bullying Miguel into his own feelings. Kirean didn't think Miguel even had admitted them to himself yet.

He couldn't help but roll his eyes to Miguel's logical response. Kirean found it amusing that Miguel could think such things through and avoid the question. He listened as Miguel countered again. Kirean watched as Miguel shifted on the bed again. He waited patiently to see if Miguel would answer him. Kirean tried not pushing Miguel. He listened as Miguel finally spoke. Kirean was surprised though shouldn't have been. It had been obvious Abel had taken care of Miguel.

When he returned, he could see Abel had changed. Something was different in him. Kirean now knew why. He wasn't jealous or angry, just finally understanding. Kirean shook his head a little, ”No, he never told me.” He commented softly. The thought of letting Miguel go in his head seemed better than expecting things between them would get better.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob couldn’t help being cautious about his answers to Kieran. He understood that nothing he was asking of him was neither bad or even outrageous. He was simply wanting a little understanding of where his emotions lied with Abel. By being honest, he feared that he would lose Kieran all over again. He didn’t want to see him walking out that door and never hearing from him again. Jakob was greedy and selfish and he didn’t want to have to choose. In reality he doubted that might be the case but his anxious thoughts made him think otherwise.

Opting for logic was an easy out, much easier than admitting that he might possibly love another. When that answer wasn’t enough to satisfy Kieran, he raised a scenario in which he could possibly see himself with Abel. Even sharing how they had once lived together before his big move. Jakob was thankful for the male’s patience and took his time choosing his words. When he was finished, it was his turn to be patient. Jakob watched carefully as the words slowly sunk in. There seemed to be some kind of understanding of something he was too afraid to ask.

About a minute goes by before Kieran speaks. His voice was soft, as if he were somewhere far away. ”Of course, he didn’t.” he replied, just as softly. ”That seems to be the theme with him today. Jakob sat there a moment, sorting through the range of emotions he was feeling right now. He let out a curt laugh and smiled only to himself. Shifting on to his knees, he wrapped his arms around Kieran’s neck and buried his face in the crock of his neck. ”Why him? When there’s still so much more I want with you?” he asked. Taking a breath he breathed in Kieran’s cologne, the smell of his skin, the two most wonderful scents he had missed so much. And now he had worried that he had gone and said too much.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Kirean wasn't oblivious to Miguel's love for Abel. He always knew he had feelings for him. It was only now that he saw the depth. Kirean wasn't trying to give up Miguel or make him choose. However it didn't seem like he had an option. He couldn't give Miguel what he wanted. Kirean wasn't going to instantly become the perfect man for him either. He couldn't make promises to change.

It didn't surprise him that Abel didn't tell him. He found that if Abel didn't want to tell him anything, he wouldn't and would take it to the grave. Kirean listened as Miguel soon responded to his comment. He agreed with his words but didn't say anything. Kirean sat in silence watching as Miguel soon laughed, almost like an internal joke was running through his mind.

It wasn't long before he felt the bed shift. Kirean watched as Miguel got onto his knees and came closer. He relaxed as Miguel slipped his arms around his neck and buried his head against him. Kirean reached up, looping his arms around his waist. He listened as Miguel soon questioned him, finding it amusing. Kirean didn't doubt Miguel's love for him but it was never what he had for Abel. ”We don't get to choose who we love.” He teased as he moved his hands over Miguel's back. Kirean wanted Miguel to be happy but he needed to accept facts too.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

It felt as though everyone but Jakob knew of his own feelings. Now that it was out there he didn’t know how to feel about it. He still very much desired a relationship with Kieran, but he didn’t know if Kieran wanted one with him. He was scared of saying goodbye again. If they did he really would be the last time they saw each other. He didn’t expect Kieran to be perfect, lord knows he wasn’t. If he was maybe things would have gone a little differently for them. Maybe they wouldn’t have fought so much, maybe they’d have gotten to know each other more, everything would have just been a little bit easier.

Jakob couldn’t say that he was surprised that Abel had not told him. It seemed as though he’d been keeping everything that had happened between them from the night in his office to now completely to himself. For what reasons he couldn’t really figure out. It wasn’t as though they had been having some wild, passionate affair. Sure they ******** a couple of times, but most days he was too sore to even move from his bed. As Jakob spoke it seemed mostly to himself as Kieran did not answer. It was fine, what was said was more a matter of fact than anything.

Shifting again, he chose to invade the man’s space and wrapped his arms around his neck, all while breathing him in. Jakob relaxed as Kieran wrapped his arms around him. He spoke a second time, not really expecting an answer. However, hearing Kieran’s warm vocals and his teasing tone made him smile. ”Don’t tell me you believe in fate or something like that.” he mumbled against his skin. Jakob wasn’t sure he believed such things, he couldn’t imagine being predestined to someone like that. While awaiting the male’s response, he felt his hands smooth against his back. It was nice to be held and comforted like this. Jakob wished he could do more for Kieran as he too wished for him to be truly happy.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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While he wanted a relationship with Miguel, he wasn't entirely sure that they could fall back into the steps they were in. Kirean cared for Miguel and still loved him, but he couldn't help but feel like he was a stranger to him. He regretted running away those years ago though he knew eventually something would have led to them breaking up eventually.

Abel hadn't felt it was Kieran's or anyone else's business by Miguel's and his. It wasn't as if Kieran had told him what went on between them. If anything, he only learned about their issues from Miguel. Besides Kirean, Miguel was probably the only other person he'd spent the longest with. What they had wasn't an affair, though Miguel had been with Kirean most of the time so in a way it had been.

Holding onto Miguel, he couldn't help but tease him. Kirean ran his hands over Miguel's back as they sat there. He soon heard Miguel questioning him. Kirean couldn't help but shrug at his comment. ”I don't know what I believe but yes sometimes things happen for a reason.” He responded as he sat there relaxed. ”Does it bother you that you love him?” Kirean asked as they sat there. He didn't understand Miguel's interest though he didn't blame him. Kirean was willing to give him up for his own happiness. He had always been dealt a life of unhappiness; what was one more?

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

He didn't know how or if another relationship was possible between them. Right now he was in denial that it may not just work out, even as they spoke. He hated the thought of having to give up Kieran when he had only just walked back into his life. Had he not left would things have gone any different? Maybe. Maybe they could have started talking for once, getting to know the other. Maybe it could have been Kieran keeping him company in bed while he healed, or stopped him in the first place. So many maybes along with the dread of a thousand imaginary break-ups that never even happened ran through his head.

It was true that every time he had been with Abel he had, in some way, not been with Kieran. Aside from the first time they slept together, he wasn't entirely sure he would call it an affair. A lot of the time spent he with Abel he was complaining about their latest problem and trying to figure out where he went wrong. Still Kieran had been his longest relationship and remained the one he loved the most out of all of them. Problems and all. The idea of giving him up now to be with Abel was scary and full of so much uncertainty. Would love be enough for them, or would he have the same issues he had with Kieran.

Clinging to Kieran, Jakob felt a little calmer as the male held him in his arms. He smiled as the male teased him and soon questioned him in return. Jakob was curious if he thought this was all planned or some weird coincidence. He pulled his head back slightly as he shrugged before resting it once more. Listening to him speak, he couldn't say that he completely agreed with it. Jakob didn't like the idea of everything being all planned out, of some omnipotent being sitting on a cloud while dictating their every move from the day they were born until the day that they died. It made it sound as though free will was just absolute bullshit and they had no choice in the world whatsoever. When Kieran spoke again, he knew he couldn't lie.

Pulling back, Jakob gently lowered himself to sit in his lap. He kept his arms around his neck as he gave a shrug of his own. "Sometimes...even though you and I haven't been together in a long time, I feel guilty. I don't know how it would work, him and I." he said softly. "When things went wrong with us, I would often turn to him for support. Am I supposed to turn right back around and go to you if something similar happens? That seems a little cruel." Lifting his head, Jakob gave him a wary smile. Jakob didn't want to be the source of Kieran's unhappiness, but it seemed like he had no choice. He still wanted to hold on and just stay here in his arms. It was easier than facing the truth, which was that they had simply waited too long.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Indeed they had waited too long, two years. Kieran had regrets; many of them. He however couldn't fall back on the what ifs. Kirean wished he had had more time with Miguel. However he allowed himself to push those he cared about away. Even now, he was pushing Miguel away. Kirean cared for his happiness not his own. He was used to putting others before himself, even Abel had such faults.

Fate was abstract. It wasn't an absolute and could easily be undone and twisted. Questioning Miguel, he felt him shift. Kirean watched as Miguel moved to sit in his lap. He relaxed as he moved his hands down to Miguel's hips. Kirean waited to see if Miguel would answer him. He watched as Miguel shrugged. Kirean listened as Miguel soon responded, finding his words logical.

Indeed the thought of Miguel returning to him as he and Abel had problems was probably inevitable. He half expected it anyways. Kirean smiled back at Miguel, ”Well all you can do is try though it's not as if I'll leave you entirely…Just because we may not be together doesn't mean I'll abandon you again.” He responded, in truth. Kirean would simply be a phone call away if needed. He couldn't stay in Germany even though he wished he could but it wasn't for him.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Try as he might knew that he had lost the fight. It was almost poetic how their official break-up would involve one of their most civil and probably longest conversations throughout their entire relationship. Jakob had regrets as well, but knew that he needed to press on. He couldn't keep clinging to hope for something that wasn't going to happen. Jakob wondered if Kieran knew this is how it would end with them and for how long. He wanted to ask, but decided against it. It didn't matter. Despite it all, he was glad to have had this time with him. To have one more chance. It hurt, but it would have hurt more if he had simply walked away again like last time.

He had no idea what the fates, if they existed, had in store for him and Abel. Or even Kieran, for that matter. As he shifted back into Kieran's lap Jakob tried not to think on it too much. When he was questioned, he answered honestly, wondering how he was meant to get through a relationship with Abel all on his own. It was a bit silly, but he liked the outside perspective and company when it was needed. Glancing up, Kieran smiled back at him before assuring him that he wouldn't be gone forever. His heart swelled and words could express how grateful he was to hear that. "You mean it?" he asked, voice soft with disbelief. Leaning up, he pressed a kiss to his lips. He hardly cared if it was inappropriate, especially when they were in the middle of breaking up. It would likely be the last kiss he ever got from him, at least for the long while. He wanted to make it count, to remember what he was giving up, who he was giving up.

 

[xDarkWinterx]

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Kirean didn't wish for the end result. He wished it wasn't happening but it had. Kirean couldn't keep Miguel happy. Even in the beginning in their relationship, they had issues. He only seemed to hurt Miguel which is why he ran to Abel. Kirean didn't blame them for turning to each other. He hadn't been the best boyfriend or friend. Kirean though hoped Miguel could convince Abel. He knew they hadn't talked much, practically ignoring him, making him leave them alone. Kirean wasn't sure where Abel ran off to but he hoped he wasn't mad at them.

Indeed this was probably their longest conversation. Perhaps it made sense they were better as friends not lovers. Kirean didn't mind talking to Miguel about Abel but felt self conscious when it came to himself. He had no intention of leaving Miguel to his own devices. Kirean could be cruel and never speak to Miguel again though he too hardly thought he could. He responded to Miguel's words though didn't have a chance to respond to his follow up question. Kirean was soon kissed as he held onto Miguel. He returned the kiss for what it was worth.

 

[Pure Acid Dreamer]

Jakob wished it didn't have to be this way. He wished like hell they could just find another way to be together and forget all the hurt. Things just didn't work out that way, unfortunately. Kieran may not have been the best boyfriend, but he believed that someday he could be. Just not to him. Jakob would never forget his time with Kieran, he would treasure the good they had with one another. He didn't know what he was going to say when he saw Abel. He imagined he was still mad at him for pushing him out of the conversation earlier. Not only that but his behavior as well, the desperation to preserve what was already dead. He hoped that he was still somewhere nearby or at the very least had made his way back to his apartment. So that they might have a long needed conversation of their own.

While he still didn't like it, having Kieran be his friend would be better than nothing at all. There were things he still wanted to share and to get to know him. Maybe on a friendship level they could be better at that. Hearing Kieran assure him that he would stick around was a huge comfort. He couldn't help being grateful and wanting to show it. Leaning up, he kissed Kieran on the lips for what he assumed could only be the last time. Feeling the male kiss him back, Jakob smiled as pulled back slightly. "I love you," he whispered. "I always will."