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 Posted: Thu Nov 20, 2014 11:23 am
"Yes," Zurine said, and her voice was steady and sure, her pretty face marshaled into certainty. "They aren't for selling or gifting." She picked up another canvas, looking at it thoughtfully. The colors were muddied and dark, a forest scene, thick with trees and branches, all green and brown. There was some skill there, but the figure pictured there in white was wrongly shaped, too tall, too broad, looming like a specter up out of the green-brown murk. She shook her head. "I wasn't... thinking when I made these." She rubbed one arm with the other hand, as if trying to warm herself up, and put that painting back on top of the pile Phiel held, swallowing hard. "They're eerie and I don't like them anymore."
Phiel let that be at face value, shaking his head. "I'll get rid of them, Zuri." How was one to deal with this? His own issues had happened long ago, most of them, and he had suffered and dealt with them alone, locking everyone else out with an iron bar. Perhaps it had not been right to let Zurine do the same. She wasn't him -- Phiel had at least had eighteen years of experience and know-how behind him when he'd been at his darkest place, he thought with a pang as he carried the paintings downstairs.
It was easy to forget that Zurine only had four years of knowledge and coping skills, because she seemed so mature sometimes. Her head was level and steady and she spoke and moved with adult poise. The idea of 'parenting' seemed to be wrong for the situation, but yet by the world's standards she was still a child. Hell, and who knew what standards other Raevans went by? He kicked himself inside. Wouldn't it have been the best idea to contact someone from the Lab to talk to about this, preferably before it got this bad? But no, he'd thought 'leave it alone, let her be' like she was a brooding, sulking teenager listening to music too loud in her room.
Unlocking the shed downstairs, he carefully stacked the paintings in a dim corner, neatly piling the frames up until they stood in a perfectly square pillar, everything matched up corner to corner. He straightened up after a moment, tilting his head to look at the top one. This one wasn't quite like the others. It was all creamy whites and blues, echoing Zurine's colors, and depicted the bakery in snow, the bright draperies and colors wreathed in blanketing white. He'd brought her there often enough to know what the place was, and the view was from the street, looking up through the drifting white. There was a window there, and behind it there was a glow of pink and gold, like the sunrise. His brows furrowed a little, and he picked it up, studying it closely. Love had been put into this one, care and attention to detail. It was different from the others he had looked at.
Biting his lip, he thought about it for a moment, and slipped it into a safe bag, sealing it up, and putting it back down onto the pile, before covering the lot of them with a blanket. He felt a little pang of disappointment in himself -- he couldn't bring himself to throw them away. Maybe she'd want to see them again later. In any case, he needed to find someone that she could talk to about this. And although she seemed to be taking tentative steps towards getting better, Phiel also needed to have her seen by someone to make sure she hadn't done herself any damage. That was first on his list of things to do, he thought as he emerged from the shed and locked it decisively. Second... well, re-entering the world was something Zurine would have to do herself. What would she find there, after months of self-imposed isolation? He couldn't answer that question, but he hoped it would be as easy as possible.
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Posted: Fri Nov 21, 2014 11:46 am
The outdoors were strange after having been cooped up within her four walls, and for a long few minutes she simply lingered on the porch, one hand rubbing her own upper arm as she looked out at the beachscape below. It stretched, wide and familiar, out to both sides as far as she could see from this angle, the sandy soil studded with bold, wild tufts of long grass like hair. It was comforting -- even though many things had changed, that had not. The world went around just like it always did, the sun rising and falling with inexorable patience. She had forgotten that fact. It was comforting.
Less comforting was the memory that, no matter what she had been feeling, the world had moved on without her. Everything had simply carried on existing, though she had felt completely frozen in time, lost in her own misery and apathy.
Fat drops fell onto the sandy beach, darkness blossoming in the sugar-white sand. Distant thunder gave a soft, soothing rumble, and she shivered a little as she floated out from under the safe shelter beneath the balcony, and into the open air. One palm turned up, and a thick drop fell into it with an audible, stinging pat. She looked down at it, and the shining jewel of water rolled softly against her skin. There had been a time, not too long ago, that it would have begun to frost up, glistening in internal shards of ice. It hadn’t been so long ago that she’d stood outside the bakery with Cesc, feeling like nothing could ever touch her again, crowned and cloaked in snow and glowing from within with the joy of kisses. How could she cope with the loss of that?
The cold would come back. It was already on its way. September always gave way to October, and October to November. Sure, the snow might even be back, but it would bring with it memories this time -- both good and bittersweet. What were her friends doing now? The people she loved? Cruz, Ethiriel, Vivi… Cesc?
There was another sting. It hurt to think of him too much, but it was there more often than she cared to admit, a hole like a pulled tooth that she couldn’t keep from worrying. What was he doing now? Right now, was he happy? Zurine had no way of knowing. And after the last time she had reached out to him and gotten only the endless ringing of the phone, a perfect emotionless denial, the idea of picking up the phone again was more than she could bear now.
Whether either of them were happy or not, though, the world had to go on, didn’t it? She looked up at the rainy sky, and after a moment she pushed back the hood of her coat. Soon heavy, splattering raindrops began to soak her hair, washing her face. She drew a deep breath. It was peaceful in the cool rain, filling her with a certain quietness as she basked in it, letting it take away the thoughts that plagued her. For now, it would be best to rest -- a real rest, not the poisonous, exhausting sleep that had filled her days before. Once she felt stronger, then she would think of things like that. Patience hadn’t always been her strong suit, but Zurine rather thought things could get better from here. It was like watering a seed, after all -- you couldn’t just expect it to grow all at once.
A little air, a little water, and the sunshine would come when it could.
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 1:37 am
She floated up the stairs, into the living room. The curtains had been opened, and Phiel was hard at work with a duster, balanced precariously on a stool as he leaned over to sweep fat, healthy dustbunnies from the top of the aquarium lighting. “I’m back,” Zurine said lamely, watching Phiel at work. He wore an apron, and there was a can of furniture polish, two sets of cleaning gloves, and a folded towel poking out of the front pocket. He steadied himself, straightening up.
“You’re soaked,” Phiel observed, watching thin drips of water pat down softly onto the ground from the end of her ribbon. The duster folded up in three neat motions, to be tucked into the all-carrying apron pouch, and he stepped down off the ladder. A pile of freshly laundered and dried towels was folded on the couch, and he moved to grab it, shaking it to unfold it. He wrapped it around her, and Zurine smiled a little as she pulled it close, using it to dry the drips of rain that slid down her arms. “Did you just… stand in the rain?” He fussed a little, and Zurine nodded.
“It felt good,” she admitted, toying with the tag on the edge of the towel as she floated to what passed for a seat on the edge of the couch. “I can’t even remember how long it’s been since I went outside…” Phiel nodded, and went back to cleaning. “I missed it. Watching the sea was wonderful…”
His expression shifted, and then he said quietly, “I made you an appointment to talk to one of the Lab folks.” He had never been good at broaching subjects gently, and this was no exception. Usually, Zuri understood that he meant well, even if things came off a little brusque. “I know you’re doing better now… but we need to get you in just to make sure nothing bad happened while you weren’t…well.” There. Tact. He still had some, at least.
She tensed visibly, a moment of hollow nerves fluttering across her pale face as she looked up at Phiel. Several emotions chased themselves across Zurine’s face, and after a moment, settled down into rueful acceptance. Even she couldn’t deny that it was probably for the best to talk to someone about what had happened. After all, it wasn’t every day that someone just locked themselves up in their house for months, and now that she was emerging from the other side of that dark heaviness, it seemed less of a daunting task to be part of the real world. “When?” Zuri asked, after a few moments.
“In a few days,” Phiel said. “On the thirteenth. As far as I know it’s going to be pretty informal. Nothing to worry about… they just want to make sure you’re all right. That’s all.”
She nodded, and began toweling her hair thoughtfully. “Okay,” she said. It might do her some good to talk about it, though she had no idea where to start.
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Posted: Sat Nov 22, 2014 11:47 pm
Zuri smiled a little, looking down into the snowflake-patterned mug. “Thank you,” she said quietly, listening to the news and sinking down further into the couch. Phiel watched her delicately scoop a bit of ice into her mouth with one fingertip, and after a few moments, exhale a soft cloud of steam. “Are you going back to work soon?”
He hesitated for a moment, and then nodded. Phiel had taken a couple of weeks off to be sure that she was well. “After we get you checked by the doctors, if they say you’re all right, I’ll feel safe letting you be on your own again,” he allowed quietly. His expression sharpened after a moment. “But you’ve got to promise me that if something happens, you’ll call someone.” She looked up at him quickly, her dark eyes widening a bit and her mouth opening to protest. “No, don’t argue with me on this one. I know it’s been awhile but I’m sure that they’ll be glad to hear from you again.”
Zurine’s mouth closed, pressing into a little line as a flush of blue came to her wan cheeks. The tip of her ribbon twitched slowly back and forth like a cat’s tail, silently expressing disapproval. Phiel found himself perversely heartened by this sign of spirit. Over the summer, she’d been as pliant as a ragdoll, and now she was at least standing up for herself a bit. “I know,” he said quietly. “I really do know. It’s going to be hard, but… we’ll make it, Zuri.” He reached out, and one ungloved hand gently landed on her shoulder, the knotted web of old, pale scars stretching silver against his skin. His grip was gentle and his hand was cool. “Believe me?”
She couldn’t help laughing a little. After a moment of thought, she leaned against his shoulder for a moment. Phiel marveled at how light and cool her head was, the pale crests of feathers ticklish. “I… believe you,” she said softly, and for a moment her hand fell on his, squeezing carefully just once. “I need to talk to my friends... “ There was a little uncertainty. How many of them would want to talk to her? That, she just couldn’t be sure about, but she did her best to push those worries aside. With Phiel comforting her, she felt a bit bolstered. “I’ll feel better after that.”
He nodded. “I know you will. And of course, I’ll be here for you… so you shouldn’t worry too much.” His tone was warm with fondness as he let her rest against his shoulder. “Just remember to be patient with them, too.” She nodded, and exhaled softly.
“I will.”
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:34 am
Title: Getting Back Out There
Starring Characters: Zeke, Zurine
Summary: [Checkup!]
Phiel's Opinion: RESERVED
Zurine's Opinion: RESERVED
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:55 am
After spending all summer sleeping too much and doing too little, Zurine found that the nights were the hardest. When the whole house sank into the familiar quiet and the moon came up high and white over the edge of the world, it cast deep shadows into her room, conjuring ghosts out of the familiar edges and angles. There was something eerie about the darkness when she knew she was the only one awake -- the soft endless thrum of the bubblers and filters on the fish tanks, the quiet rushing of the tide outside, and if she listened close enough, Phiel’s snoring, low and rough, in the other room.
One way or another, she couldn’t sleep.
Laying on her side, she rested her cheek on her forearm. The old voice was still there in the back of her head, peering out of the backs of her eyes, trying to color the world with grim shapes in the shadows. You rang? it said insidiously, its voice like the slither of snakes in the grass. Zuri shook her head, pressed her eyes shut. It was weaker now, the rattle of its tone dry and dying. It hadn’t been so long ago that it sounded rich and full, that she could have almost felt the flick of a forked tongue against her ear.
She hadn’t called it at all. In fact, resentment welled up in her chest, and she let out a hard breath, rubbing her eyes with the heel of one hand. She was restless, and it made sleep elusive. She rolled over, staring at the wall, and thinking of her friends. Soon, she would see them again, right? The chill was coming, and with it always came -- if nothing else -- events that everyone was invited to. Maybe even if they didn’t seem inclined to see her, she’d get to see them again.
Before that thought could veer down a dark path, focusing in and in on itself in an ever-tightening spiral, Zurine let out a huff, wings fluffing tightly before settling. So much of her time was spent waiting for something, she thought. Waiting for sleep, waiting for the summer to pass, waiting for the cold to come, waiting for herself to heal, waiting to find answers, waiting… for what else? Her eyes squeezed shut. Patience had never been Zurine’s strongest suit. Perhaps it was the predator in her that drove her ever forward, though she had never truly been involuntarily hungry in her life. Or perhaps it was the rose, roots reaching ever deeper into the earth, leaves and petals stretching high, urging her onward. In either case, she felt driven. The confines of her cozy room, her nest, suddenly felt too small.
Her heart thumped softly. Soon, Zurine thought, she could stop leaning on whatever that had been that had held her back. That voice’s power would wither away like the grass under the frost, and she’d be able to be her old self again. If she followed the doctor’s orders.
Which had included sleep, she reminded herself, and began to relax every muscle, slowly unclenching them from their tight curl. She wasn’t going to think of warm arms around her in the snow, or of silly crocodile boys in the summer, or of all the things that she had missed while buried in her own limitations. She was going to look toward the future, which promised more sweetness. It seemed impossible to her that in her worst moments, she’d been almost willing to give up on that -- in the future, there was hope and the possibility of things being better.
Relaxation came a little easier after that. Things would get better, she kept repeating to herself, and with each pronunciation of the words inside her skull, she began to come closer to sleep, drowning out the thoughts of the past with promises, however vague, about the future.
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 12:58 am
Title: A Sympathetic Ear
Starring Characters: Zul, Zurine
Summary: ...
Phiel's Opinion: RESERVED
Zurine's Opinion: RESERVED
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Posted: Mon Nov 24, 2014 8:32 pm
It had been a long time since Zurine had taken the initiative to reach out to anyone on the phone. She had started the day with the ambition to reach out to one of her friends, any of her friends -- and after eating breakfast with the cordless phone looking balefully at her down the length of the counter, accusing her with its blinking green 'charged' light, she had finally decided that now was the time.
Yes, now. She held the receiver in one hand, then the other, and then reached for the address book where Phiel kept phone numbers. Her hands were shaking and she missed the page twice in her nerves, but she was determined and soon punched in the relevant phone number. Another five minutes passed while she waffled back and forth, and then finally she hit 'send'. No backing out now, right? Right. She lifted the phone to her ear and straightened up. Cruz would be the first to hear from her.
The number on the caller ID was one they hadn't yet programmed. It lined up with the call sheet, and perhaps Anita should have gone through and added everyone to the cell and house phone, but that was a thought for another time. It rang and Cruz's guardian wasn't home to pick it up; she was out visiting a friend.
Instead, as Cruz hovered nearby, it was his guardian's mother that picked up with a pleasant "Hello?". Her voice held a pleasant hum, the smile on her face easily heard through the receiver.
For a moment, Zurine felt unsure -- what if she had called the wrong number? She didn't recognize that voice, and she hesitated, but finally, she licked her lips and said, "Hello. A-ah... my name is Zurine and I'm calling to see if... if Cruz is there." There. Not so hard, was it? Already the uncertainty was easing. Even if it was the wrong number, she could just try again.
"Hi there," she responded cheerfully, "Oh, you're a friend of his." Minerva covered the receiver with her hand just enough to muffle her voice, "It's Zurine, do you want to ta--"
Before she could even finish, a low rumble of poorly contained excitement carried through the phone. "Yes," he hissed with his hands held out.
She laughed. "Alright, here he is."
Cruz was quick to snatch the phone up and give Minerva thanks in the form of a kiss to the cheek. He held the cordless with both hands, clutching it to his head. "Zoo-ree," he purred with delight.
Zuri couldn't help brightening at the sound of the crocodile-frei's voice. He sounded so happy to hear from her that it was infectious. "Cruz, hi," she said, her smile obvious in her voice. "It's been... a really long time since I saw you. O-or even talked to you... " Last time they'd spoken, she hadn't been quite this articulate.
"Zoo-ree," he repeated, "hi." There was something of a lilt in his voice, not unlike stifled laughter. "Yes... Glad you called. Hi. Are you good? How are you?"
"I'm... I'm fine," Zurine said, her smile turning sheepish. "I... had a really rough summer and I... wanted to call and check up on my friends... I missed everyone this year..."
Cruz hummed in his throat as he listened intently. The growing timidness in her voice was noticed and the croc held the phone tighter to his ear. "Summer was busy," he noted-- possibly for everyone, "Better now? Missed you." While he certainly seemed to have a larger vocabulary, it would seem Cruz's penchant for simplistic speech had changed little since their last encounter.
She held the phone a little easier, and smiled. "Yes," Zuri said quietly, "I'm better now... I missed you, too, Cruz." She didn't mind the simple speech; it conveyed his purposes just fine. "I hope fall and winter will be better... for all of us!"
He rumbled his appreciation through a contented smile. "Good. Missed you a lot." There was a slight pause as Cruz floated elsewhere through the apartment. "Zuri," he purred, "when's your birthday?"
She was quiet for a moment, unsure why he was asking, but her birthday was easy enough to remember, for her. "My birthday...? Um, it's in February. On the fifteenth, right in the middle," she said, thinking of last February briefly, and then quickly pushing the memory back down into its safe little box. "Why? When's yours?"
The croc hummed to acknowledge the date; the day after Valentine's, a very special day and one he would easily remember. "Soon," he answered, "think you can come over? Want to see you... It'll be fun."
She couldn't help smiling, though she was a little bit nervous. "I'd be glad to come over... it'd be nice to see you again," Zuri said. It would be nice to be able to make him happy, too. "What day exactly? So I can get Phiel to bring me..." She had no doubt her guardian would be delighted to see her going out of the house with friends.
A calm sigh moved through his system as Cruz settled on the sofa. It really had been a long time since they got the chance to speak, let alone see each other-- even if he had neglected to reach out in kind, knowing she was well made his heart warm.
"Ah... hold on--" Cruz leaned away from the phone without covering the mouth piece, "Nerva? When's my birthday?"
"The 20th, sweety. September."
"No. What day?"
"Umm. Looks like it's on a Saturday this year."
With an excited breath, Cruz returned to the phone. "September twenty. Saturday."
Zuri was still floating at the kitchen counter, though while she waited for him to ask about the date, she went and got herself a snack from the freezer -- a couple of cubes of ice in a plastic cup. This wasn't nearly as hard or worrisome as she had thought it might be. However much she might have changed, he was still the same, and that was sort of comforting. "Oooh. Okay, let me write that down --" She reached for the post-it notes that Phiel kept near the phone, and neatly penned the date and day on the paper, and below it, 'Cruz', with a little picture of a smiley face with sharp, pointy teeth. A ponytail topped it for good measure. "I'll be there, for sure! That's really soon, too...!"
"Okay," he thrummed, pleased as punch she was intent to document it so as not to forget. The croc waited patiently-- as patiently as he could, with such an exciting prospect on the horizon. When Zurine returned, Cruz chuckled. "Yes. Can't wait to see you. It'll be a lot of fun, promise!"
"I know it will. Ooh, and I get to bring you a present," Zuri said cheerfully. "Phiel gets me presents for my birthday... so... I'm going to get you a surprise!"
The mistletoe frei uttered a soft gasp as his grin stretched from ear to ear. "Thank you. It'll be great." From there, Cruz was a little unsure of what to say. Words weren't his strongest method of communication, it was much easier for him to interact with others in person. All the same, he didn't let silence fall between them for long. "See you, then, Zuri. Hope you feel very good."
"I hope you do, too," Zurine said, honestly smiling. "I'll see you then, Cruz... have a good rest of your day."
"You, too," Cruz hummed, low and gentle. He held the phone away to stare at it, listening for her to hang up first before he did so himself. This was going to be great.
Phiel's Opinion: I wasn't here for this...
Zurine's Opinion: It's been so long, but I'm really excited for this!
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 7:48 pm
The mall wasn't overly crowded this afternoon, and Phiel found himself glad. It wasn't as if he did this everyday, after all. And he would have been much more comfortable with this if it had been as easy as handing Zuri the card and telling her not to go too wild. Neither of them quite understood what they were looking for, only that Zuri had need of a pretty outfit for a birthday party, the first one she'd ever been invited to, and that in itself was a little terrifying.
They were standing in front of the directory, peering in at the red 'you are here' dot next to the pretzel store and the cookie store. "If I'd known we'd be this far away from anything useful," Phiel sighed, "I'd have parked at one of the other entrances..." He pushed a gloved hand back through his iron grey curls, and Zuri let out a little sigh.
"We'll find something, I know we will," she said, trying to draw herself up a little firmly, and setting off purposefully in the direction the map had suggested would contain girls' clothes. Her slim shoulders and chest were small, and things for tweens seemed like the best option. Haplessly, Phiel found himself drawn along in her wake -- something he'd gotten more or less used to. Even recovering from a summer-long bout of despair, Zuri was a force of nature.
The first three stores they visited, Zurine laughed at more clothes than she actually tried on. Half of the ones she actually tried fitted her terribly, and she emerged from the fitting room pouting. "Honestly, they just look... silly," she grumbled over the saccharine sounds of the pop music the store was piping in, frowning into the mirror as she tugged at the hem of a girls' tee that she'd tried on. It was spangled with blue glitter roses, and she'd liked it on the hanger, but it was simultaneously too long to look right and too short to disguise that she had nothing at all below the bust. It had been accessorized on the mannequin with a hairpin in the same motif, which made her feel even sillier, seeing it perched atop her head between the pale feathers. "Very much no." Phiel couldn't help a little laugh as she briskly swept back into the fitting room, and hearing it, she tossed the hairpin over the curtain at him. "Don't laugh at me," she demanded, peering out along one side of the curtain. Her tongue poked out.
"I'm not laughing at you," Phiel said, marshaling his expression into perfect blandness, his brows raised and his lips pressed into a straight line. Zurine knew him well enough to see a twinkle of laughter in the grey eyes, and she made a rather rude raspberry noise as she shut the curtain firmly, wriggling back into her clothes. It was more fun than he had expected, really, and he settled deeper into the surprisingly-plush chair the store had helpfully provided.
When that store turned out to be a bust (except for the blue glitter rose hairpin which Phiel had purchased with the same solemnity as one might buy an engagement ring, much to Zuri's chagrin), they moved on to the next one. This one seemed to be a bit more Zuri's style, with more subdued florals and an absolute lack of glitter. The saleswoman, a cheerful chubby redhead with glasses too big for her face, approached from behind a stack of boxes taller than she was and gave them her sales spiel -- or most of it, before she noticed Zuri's rather abbreviated figure. Her mouth opened, then closed, and just when Phiel was about to make a rather curt response, she said, "A-ah -- I'm not trying to be rude at all -- j-just let me know if I can help you find anything, okay?" He softened, then nodded.
Zuri was already examining a stack of loose, gauzy, blue-and-cream floral-patterned wraps, fingering the material thoughtfully. "You know," Phiel said after a moment, when she reluctantly floated away from it, "we aren't just shopping for party clothes. I... don't mind if we pick up a few other things, too." He couldn't get rid of the mental image of Zurine floating around the house like a ghost draped in a battered windbreaker. Didn't girls like pretty things? For a moment he was intensely aware of the fact that, despite being her guardian and providing for her, he had very little knowledge of what went on behind those dark, often-unreadable eyes. It wasn't the first time that he'd had that thought in the past few months, either -- the knowledge that she was completely separate from him, the awareness that he was actually privy to very few of her thoughts, beyond her likes and dislikes, things that she had expressed to him on purpose.
He felt a little adrift for a moment, internally flailing, until he realized her lips were curving into a careful smile as she gathered up the wrap, holding the soft, fringe-edged garment against her chest. "Thank you," she said softly, and the worry eased a bit.
They spent a bit more time in that store, and even Zurine found herself feeling a bit triumphant as she held the bag in her hand. Three dresses, two shirts, a cardigan and the wrap she'd immediately picked out seemed like an embarrassment of riches at the moment, and the saleswoman had given them a coupon for next time, which Phiel had thought was a nice touch.
"So, do you think you've found what you want to wear to your party?" he asked her, and she paused, looking a bit hesitant as she peered into her bag.
"No," she said slowly, looking as if she was bracing herself for an argument. "These aren't quite right..."
After a moment, Phiel nodded. Though he was ready to be done with the shopping, Zuri wasn't, and he'd promised they'd find her an outfit that she would feel comfortable in at the party, a promise he intended to deliver on. "All right, then. Lead the way, then," he said, and even managed an encouraging smile so that Zuri felt willing to carry on.
The next two stores were a bust -- the first catered to a much older set of ladies, and Zuri could not have been less interested in their offerings of shapeless blazers or elastic-waisted pants. The second focused more than anything else on jeans, which were almost entirely useless, and Zuri found only one tee shirt she liked there, emblazoned with a tasteful screen-print of a deer's silhouette. Phiel bought it for her without complaint or question, though she looked quite morose and sad about it for several minutes after they left.
This corner of the mall was quieter than the others, mostly because it was just recently being expanded. Most of the shopfronts were still covered with 'opening soon' signs promising brand new merchandise just in time for the holiday season, though there were open shops here and there, taking advantage of the low flow of traffic to perform demonstrations just outside the doors. A handsome man with curly dark hair tried to sucker them in for a demonstration at the kiosk where he was peddling ludicrously expensive hair-curling irons, and didn't seem like he was inclined to take 'no' for an answer, so without looking, both of them ducked into a shop that hadn't put up its sign yet, escaping their pursuer, who waited outside the doorway for a moment like a thwarted alley-cat before stalking back off to his own work.
"Hah," Zurine said, squinting at the man in badly-disguised irritation. "What in the world did he think he was going to accomplish by bothering us like that?" Her icy feathers had prickled out and the dainty ones in her hair were standing up, her temper somewhat piqued. "Ridiculous!"
Phiel was about to answer when he heard a soft gasp, and the quiet thump of a box of merchandise landing on the floor. He was about to retort that they'd had quite enough oogling for the day, thank you kindly, when he turned around to see a slim young woman who stood only a couple inches taller than Zurine floated. Her dark hair was pulled back into a shining, neat chignon at the nape of her neck, her posture was impeccable, and she walked with an odd, attenuated sort of grace.
"This one looks like a dancer," the woman declared in a strong Russian accent, her smile sudden and quick on a face that looked like it wasn't quite used to making that particular set of adjustments. She approached Zuri, who stiffened, straightening up a bit in response. Before Phiel could warn the woman not to touch, that Zuri was a bit unsure about such things, she laughed, flitting around the owl frei with tinkling delight. "Oooh, as if she stepped out of Swan Lake! Very good, very good indeed...! Welcome to the shop." She gestured, and for the first time since stepping in, both Zurine and Phiel realized what shop they'd walked into.
The fixtures and walls were primly set just-so, and the front of the store held glitzy, close-fitting costumes in several sizes, merchandised with matching tights and other bits and bobs. The back, where they stood now, was filled with more plain things, simpler ornaments with floral designs, dancer's shrugs, leg warmers, and unitards, neatly folded. One whole wall stood full of different types, sizes, and colors of ballet shoes, each in small boxes. Sudden delight sparkled in Zuri's eyes. "I like this place," she declared, and the woman laughed.
"Good. It likes you, too. Please, let me know if I can help you find anything. I doubt that our tights or dancing shoes will help you, but perhaps you will find something to your liking anyway?"
Perhaps it was a testament to the woman's prowess as a saleswoman, or perhaps it was just Zuri's personal taste, but the fact that they walked out with three more bags than they had started with was rather baffling to Phiel as they finally stumbled out, an hour later and significantly lighter in the wallet. Zuri was wearing a new set of barrettes in her hair, which the woman had insisted on doing up for her in a rather pretty updo that showed off the owl frei's long, pale neck. For the first time in quite awhile Phiel could see Zurine's expression full of pleasure and feminine confidence, sure and cool and easy. The woman had made much of her, and perhaps Zuri had needed that to bolster her confidence, because she smiled at Phiel.
"I think we have it now," she said, lifting a plain bag that held one of her outfits from the ballet store. "I really like the pink roses..." They had been quiet becoming, when the woman had showed her a sample image from a ballet magazine of a dancer who had done herself up in roses and soft, sweet pinks. "Maybe you can help me on the day of the party, to do my hair...?" She smiled again, and this one was more tentative, hopeful. How could Phiel say no?
"Of course, Zuri," he said, laughing a little in that private, close-held way he had, as if he was sharing his mirth only with Zuri. "We'll figure something out."
Not even the curling-iron man or the lingering heat of the low-sinking sun could dampen their spirits as they left the mall with their purchases in tow.
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 7:55 pm
"Ouch," Phiel said crossly, sticking his finger in his mouth with a sigh. "Damn. Zuri, this is awfully small. Are you sure he wouldn't prefer something larger?" He held up the tiny, empty skin of the toy he was sewing, while Zuri hovered over his shoulder anxiously, watching every stitch he made.
"No," she said, pressing her lips into a line. "Just like that. I want it to be something he can hold in his hands if he wants to." Two bandages were taped neatly in place on her fingertips, a testament to the fact that she had worked on the doll herself, fussing and fiddling with the needle. Phiel had been so alarmed at the second deep needle-stick that he had insisted on taking over work on the doll himself, at least for the fiddly bits.
The soft pattened knit fabric was tough to sew even for him, though, and Phiel wished for the fifth time that Zurine had picked something that they could buy instead of fussing over for this long. She had insisted that she wanted it to be something that she made, and truth be told, she had done more of the work than he had this time, and he was proud of the neat lines she'd managed until now. "I think we're ready to turn him right-side out," he said, watching Zuri's eyes light up. The effort was definitely worth it.
A little bit of prodding with the rounded end of a crocheting needle soon had the skin of the little creature right-side out, its little head and claws cutely articulated, and the details Phiel had put in with a tiny embroidery needle were properly positioned, if still flat: tiny grass-green eyes, each with a little pearly seed-bead, a cheerfully zig-zagged white toothy grin, and a tiny gold ring of a necklace around the doll's neck. The back of it was patterned with a small green scale pattern, and the bottom was a yellow and goldenrod tiny stripe. "It's adorable," Zuri said, smiling with simple pleasure. "It looks just like him if he were an animal." The idea of her friend as a cheerful, personable little lizard was oddly appealing to Zuri, and she held up the cup of rice. "Is it time to put this in?"
Taking a moment to rub his tired eyes, Phiel nodded and held open the little flap he'd made at the edge of one of the tail seams, neatly poking the small funnel in. "Pour slowly," he instructed, and she did, while he directed the short grains of rice into the appendages, until the little doll had a pleasing weight to it, the knit fabric allowing it to flex cutely, like a heavy ragdoll. He finished it off neatly, tucking the two edges of the flap together and whip-stitching the little hole closed with a little dab of fray-stop while Zuri cleaned up the grains of rice that had spilled onto the crafting tray. The laptop with the instructions had long since gone to sleep, and the television was playing quietly on into an infomercial, something about a tiny blender.
"There," Phiel said, sitting forward as his back crackled audibly, protesting the hours they'd been at this project. He held out his cupped hand, and as Zuri peered down into it, the little crocodile doll with its blunt long muzzle, spread claws, and long tail lay cheerfully grinning up at her, as if asking for a smooch. Delight washed over Zurine, and she carefully picked it up.
"I know he'll like it," she said, confident and quiet, stroking down the doll's back. "It's perfect..."
"Good," Phiel said, smiling as he sat up and stretched, setting aside the tray. "We'll wrap it in the morning. It's nearly three AM, we ought to be headed to bed, little miss."
Peering over at the clock, Zuri felt a little stunned -- but now that the excitement of the preparations were over, the heavy weight of the day's work hit her all at once with exhaustion, her shoulders slumping a little. She nodded, and delicately placed the little gift on the counter. Phiel was right this time -- wrapping could wait until morning.
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 7:59 pm
Title: Kiss Day Bonanza
Starring Characters: Anita, Phiel, Tango the dog, Cruz, Iorek, Cesc, Zurine, Ethiriel
Summary: Happy birthday, Cruz! Happy Awkward Day, everyone else!
Phiel's Opinion: I wasn't here for this.
Zurine's Opinion: It's a little like a wound, I guess. Things fester and then come to a head and everything just explodes. Happy birthday, Cruz! Sorry we ruined it. sad
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Posted: Sun Mar 01, 2015 10:26 pm
Cesc opened the door and let himself through, shutting it with a quiet click behind him. He didn't move forward, his wings folded against his back, his hands behind him, wrist in palm.
"You okay?"
It was a funny question. He could see that she wasn't, could see that she was weeping, but an angry, vicious part of him -- a part of him he'd never really had before Cerise, or before Jamie -- was lit from the indignity of having to ask HER if she was well. She'd made the decision to leave HIM, wasn't that the truth?
He caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face was hard, his jaw strong, the muscles tense in his neck and shoulders. It surprised him, how angry he looked, and he deflated, putting his hands on his head and letting out a long breath.
He amended his question.
"Do you want to talk about this?"
Zurine's throat worked, her eyes closed, and she wiped at her face again. She was chilling the room, and she knew it, and she tried to modulate her emotions downward. Was she okay? Did she want to talk about this? Not really. No, to both questions. Especially when that beloved voice, gone lower, said it in that tone. She finally managed to compose herself after a moment, looking up at him with a broken little smile.
"I think... I think we should talk about it," she said, and her voice was rough with tears. "I think we need to."
Cesc nodded. He pulled his bottom lip between his teeth and then let go. With a sigh, he floated to the side of the tub and parked himself there, his broad shoulders slouching.
He scratched his cheek. His voice was low, rumbling. "I don't know where to start. What do you want me to say? I'm sorry I -- went through with that kiss. I shouldn't have thought it could be passed off as nothing."
He struggled with the next words, forcing them out without attaching too much blame or anger.
"--I thought -- maybe it was. I don't -- know what anything is to you."
She looked up at him, and not for the first time that night she realized how much he had grown. Suddenly she felt even smaller beside him, more foolish than before. Her tongue felt dry, and she exhaled.
"Nothing is... unimportant when it comes to you," Zuri said, turning her gaze to the crumpled tissue in her hands. "I know I... I know I messed up, earlier this year." There was quiet, miserable certainty in her tone. "I really, really messed up badly. And now I don't know where to start making it better..."
Rhedefre's eyes went up as she spoke. A cloud passed over his face, the muscles in his jaw working. He put his hands on the lip of the bathtub, steadying himself. She'd 'messed up.' Informative.
He took a slow breath through his nose and nodded, looking at the ground. He couldn't be cruel to her, although there was a little part of him that wanted to be, to inform her that she had messed up and there was no righting it. But he knew that to be unfair. She was suffering plenty, he could see.
He swallowed the bitterness in his voice.
"What happened?" Cesc asked. He rubbed his upper arm with one hand. "Was it -- something I did?"
Zuri's gaze immediately snapped up to him, her cheeks pale and her eyes very dark. "N-no! No, you -- you were perfect," she said, smiling. Fresh tears tracked her cheeks. "I... just... the weather started to get warmer, and... I felt worse and worse," she said softly, wiping her face impatiently. "And not just... my body, but... I got so sad and I felt so guilty that I couldn't do what I wanted to do with you..."
She squeezed the tissue in her hands tight. "It's so stupid. I tried to call you so many times to explain, but... eventually I got so... afraid, that I thought maybe you were happier without me..." Her shoulders scrunched up in self-protection. "I didn't leave the house all summer. This is the first time I've seen anyone but Phiel or Lab staff since... since I saw you last. I guess... I got sick."
There was no real words for what Cesc felt as he watched the poor owl speak. It was part relief and part horror and part fury and part sympathy, all roiling together in his veins and through his heart. She was depressed. Depressed like he'd been after the jungle -- only in his case, he'd had her. Her and Vivi and Shepard, who pulled him out of the muck and forced him to interact with the world.
Where had Phiel been? Where had HE been?
-- right. Dealing with the worst summer of his life.
But what was that? They'd locked each other out, in that case. She'd gone first, and he was furious with her for it, but his fury had been sidelined and he was not allowed to give chase.
"Zurine," he said, his voice exasperated and thin. He put the heels of his hands into his eyes and then sank them into his hair, pulling his curls back.
"Zurine, you got depressed? You got depressed and thought I was better off without you and decided not to tell me and -- and that's why we broke up?"
He swallowed hard, his brows furrowing. He wanted to yell.
"What-- what were you doing all those days? Why didn't Phiel come and get me? Why didn't someone -- trust that -- or know that you can't just DO that to yourself, you can't just --" He was being angry and inward-focusing. Selfish. He knew better. He knew better! He knew self-torture and sticky, murky depression, and he knew better than to react like this. His feathers behind him began to snap like twigs in a fire, and the sound pulled him away.
He dropped his hands. He reached one out, the edge of his fingers on hers. He lowered his voice and his head and he found her gaze.
"Are you any better now…?" Cesc's voice became gentle. "Did you find some help?"
She only listened for a long few moments, feeling as if she had ruined everything, as if she had taken something beautiful and destroyed it. His anger was well-deserved -- but when she felt those fingertips on her skin, she almost flinched. She was frigid to the touch, frost from her tears crisp on her hands, but when his voice gentled and that hand touched hers, she let herself draw a breath.
"I'm alive," she said, shakily, and she managed a fragile little smile. "I... things got so bad that.. I felt like it might be better if I didn't exist at all, and I tried to call you -- actually dialed the phone -- and you didn't answer, and..." Another deep, trembling breath rushed through her. "And I got so scared and sad and finally I... thought I might really disappear. And then I didn't. It... it got better, a little. And Phiel made me see Zeke, and... so. I'm here."
Guilt washed through Cesc. Had she called him? He'd ignored his phone wholesale in the summer. Weeks would go by without him checking it, while he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling and wondered about his family and their pasts. About murder.
Well, he had answers now, answers to that and answers to this.
Cesc squeezed her cold fingers gently in his. His eyes were very clear and very earnest. "I'm sorry I failed you," he said. "You didn't deserve any of that. I was… really angry. I thought you -- were just done."
He looked older. Older than when she had last seen him. Stubble and harder lines made his face, baby fat slimmed from his cheeks. He was bigger and broader and his hands were, too, curled around her slender fingers as they were. "I thought you were just done - with me."
"You... you didn't fail me," Zurine said softly, and she looked up at him, letting herself really see him, really take in those stronger, broader lines, the new strength and sleekness, the way her hand felt very small in his. "And... and I was never, ever... done with you." She managed a smile. It was small and watery, but honest. "I never stopped thinking about you... and I hope that... that I didn't hurt you in a way that I can't make right."
Carefully, she squeezed his fingers, and bit her lip a little, swallowing softly, as if to ask him a question that she couldn't quite put into words.
Cesc looked down at her fingers and back up at her. He wasn't certain what to say. He wanted her to be better -- wanted her as vibrant and as lively as he'd last seen her. He wanted it for her -- and also for him, in a selfish way, so that he could be a little angry with her, so that he could work through everything instead of realizing that it wasn't a reasonable way to act and react. She needed, and deserved, softness and gentleness and calmness so she could blossom again. A good and quiet gardner.
And Rhedefre was tired. He'd messed up too much recently, too often. In the past year he'd struggled through his own depression and failings, nearly gotten himself and his family killed, had to wake up every morning with a deep fury against Jamie, against Cerise, against what they'd taught him about the ugliness of human nature. He'd tried to give his heart to Melisande and been rebuffed, but he couldn't be mad -- there it was again, couldn't be mad -- because he loved Zul above himself, and because he did genuinely want for them to be happy.
Just like he wanted Zurine to be happy.
He stroked his thumb over her chilly hand.
"We'll be alright, you and I," he said.
She let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding, and her eyes closed. There were no tears this time, and she bit her lip. A faint smile curved her lip, and she lifted their hands slowly, carefully, until she could press her forehead against the back of his hand. The gem between her brows was a shade colder than her skin, and the roses she had pinned in her hair were soft pink. She held there for a moment, without words, shivering a little. Her wings slowly relaxed.
"I know that it's... not alright now," Zurine said after a moment. Her temperature was easing more toward normal, now; cool, but not frozen with panic and sorrow. "I know that... and I know I missed a lot. More than a lot... you've grown so much..." She lifted her head so that she could look at him again, as if she could memorize the new curves and angles of him. "All I'm asking is... is for the chance to be your friend again. I-I..." She swallowed hard, and then tilted her head as she looked up at him.
"I missed you."
Cesc kept still as she took his hand, watched her in silence as she kept them close. This was fine, he thought, this was a step in the right direction for both of them.
"Come here," he said quietly, opening his arms and pulling her into a hug. He pet the silk-soft threads of her hair and gently squeezed her in his arms.
"I missed you, too."
She more than willingly went into his arms, curling close against his chest and smiling. Her heart felt warm, and she nuzzled a little at him. It felt a little like coming home, something she'd missed all summer, more than she had thought. Her hand rested against his chest, her expression soft, unfocused with relief, though her eyes were still a little swollen from tears.
To Cesc, the embrace felt strange and foreign -- stranger even than the kiss had felt -- like he'd skipped a step somewhere. Like he'd cheated, or lied, or stolen something that wasn't his.
He pulled away after a moment, one hand still at the back of Zuri's hair.
"You ready to go back out?" He asked.
"I think so," she said after a moment, feeling considerably better now. She knew all wasn't well, yet, but she couldn't help the quiet welling hope that it might be soon, and that was good. "I suppose it'll feel a little less awkward now..."
Phiel's Opinion: I wasn't here for this...
Zurine's Opinion: Everything's going to be all right, won't it?
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Posted: Mon Mar 02, 2015 9:30 pm
When she had arrived home, she had been a bit of a mess. Phiel had driven her home in silence, and she had slid quietly off to deal with her emotions on her own, despite the worried looks from her guardian. The party had been appallingly tense, and after that sort of unsettlement, she needed a little time on her own, which meant painting.
It had been awhile since she'd let herself pick up a brush. After the string of miserable failures she'd made during the height of her depression, the brush just didn't seem to fit quite right in her hand anymore. The paint didn't work as well, the canvas seemed intimidatingly white, everything was just wrong. It had occurred to her that perhaps it was her brain that was wrong, but now, the urge had returned, to pour the emotions out in a tangible form. The smell of the paint was soothing, the brush was cool in her fingers, and with the door shut and the lights on, she began to work, blocking in forms in washed-out shades.
It felt good and right, if a bit sore, like picking at an old scab to expose new, oversensitive skin beneath. Every stroke made it a little easier, and as the shapes emerged on the canvas, Zuri felt more like herself. Sure, it had been awkward. Sure, things had sort of come to a head there in the bathroom, and for a moment she felt a little like weeping. What kind of weak, fragile person was she that she hadn't even been able to avoid sobbing all over everything? Who even did that? The question was punctuated with a frustrated little stab of paint on the canvas, the brush's bristles scrunching audibly. She softened a little, sighed. But it had been a good thing, in the end. She could still feel that warm hand on her back, the hug -- the way he'd spoken, the gentleness.
"We'll be all right, you and I," Cesc had said. And that was going to be all right. Even if Zurine still had questions, even if the world was still so uncertain, so small, the fact that she wasn't alone made it okay. Even if that little ugly voice in her head tried to draw her back in, she had what she had always had -- a friend. Friends. Cesc and Cruz and maybe even Ethiriel and big, strong Iorek, people to think of when the darkness seemed too big and too scary to deal with. Lights to turn on in the night to scare away the monsters.
The shapes and lights and darks and colors came on their own while she was thinking of this, filled with a strange effervescent hope that untwisted something in her chest and made creating easier, made the world a little bit lighter, not quite so heavy. For awhile, she let the world just be. And in the end, the flowers she'd painted bore the colors of her friends in the petals and in the stems and the air and earth around them, and this painting, maybe, she'd keep.
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Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:06 pm
Title: On the Mend
Starring Characters: Zurine, Cesc
Summary: In the ashes of the old, something new is born.
Phiel's Opinion: Wasn't here for this.
Zurine's Opinion: Everything's definitely going to be okay. Maybe it's not the same, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as good.
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Posted: Tue Mar 03, 2015 12:12 pm
Title: Winter Warm-Up
Starring Characters: Zurine, Claire
Summary: [ In Progress ]
Phiel's Opinion: RESERVED
Zurine's Opinion: RESERVED
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