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 Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:17 am
krimsonnox Dear GGG journal I dont get nearly enough time to myslf. and bless my husband he does try , but his attempts generlly just cause me more stress. I am not cut out to run a househould and cook and clean and care for sean. It's driving me nuts. although i finally have a routine down. which makes me more depressed, where did all the flavour in life go. The best bits of teh day is seeing all the new things my little boy is learning. and yet i wish he'd stopbecause at 8 months he is just about to beginwalking. im sure of it he is shwoing the signs and then i think i will never do anything. And of course ill have to stop now because he is fussing smile it does take some getting used to. really the only way to do it is make sure you do as much as you can when everyone's awake so you can have some you time when they sleep.
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Posted: Sat Aug 13, 2005 11:19 am
GGG,
my son and i are at his dad's house, and it has been good. no fighting, and r. laid on top of me and squished me today, which is always a good sign because if we can ******** with each other we are good.
i am going back to my sister's today, so no more eli for a few more days.
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 3:25 pm
Dear GGG,
This is my very first entry. redface I like Gaia a lot and I have found that it actually helps me to write things out. I love the Goddess Guild and I'm glad I joined. The ladies here are so kind hearted and helpful. It feels good not to be judged and to get positive feedback or constructive critisism. 3nodding
Today was my first day back at college after my looong boring summer break. I woke up early today...630 and I got to school about 730 and it was awful crowded! The school gets like that the first few weeks though. It gets better eventually. Luckily I found good parking right away. But only because I've been there so long I know some pretty good secrets. wink I only had two classes today, Math and Japanese. Both my Professors seem pretty cool so hopefully I'll do good this semester like I did the last. I'll know how my other two professors are tomorrow. (Geography and English) I'm told one of them (Geography) is really awful, and hard. But others say different so I guess it's a matter of opinion. Mine will be made tomorrow I suppose. neutral
I still haven't made up my mind as to my major. I am so confused. That's why I'm mostly working on my General and Japanese (but only because I love it so much. I want to become fluent in it.) But, I can only keep taking general classes for so long. I think I need about one more semesters worth after this so I'll have to make up my mind definitely by next Fall. There are so many things I love to do or am interested in. It's awful because I feel so old in college. I mean, I see and understand that there are people there older than me but... I still don't know... If I never screwed up in and after high school, maybe things would be different. But does that mean that my mind would have been made up then? I feel like I was more screwed up then than I am now. confused
Well, there has been no word from my cousin after the big incident two weeks ago. He's still ignoring me. cry No matter how much I voice mail him with pleasentries he still won't call me back. I still don't know what to do... Why does he seem to hate me all of a sudden? He seems to have pulled away from me the most...
I haven't seen my Godson in almost a month! He started a "learning school" and got a haircut. (I loved his long rockstart hair!!) I really miss him a lot. crying
My cousin Angel (second cousin or something like that), went away to Scotland at the beginning of Summer and I seen her before she left. She told me to email her everyday so she wouldn't get lonely. (I always thought she didn't really like me. sweatdrop ) Well, I emailed her everyday and even sent her some greeting and postcards when I went on vacation. She's supposed to be coming home tomorrow and I have a feeling that things will go back to the way they use to be. (Only seeing each other at family parties and weddings with a little 'hi' and nothing more.)
Wow, look at me... wanting to make a note and practically writing a novel. I get long winded when I write though. I wish I could speak as well as I write...
-Moon
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Posted: Mon Aug 15, 2005 9:13 pm
Malkut As young as he is, it won't be too hard for him to get over it. Studies have shown that long term memory is only vaguely developed under age three. It's after that that you have to worry a bit more. Memories we can call up easily yes, but if you go to anyone who can regress you, you can re-live being extremely young. My mother did it, she found a memory of being in a crib and being yelled at by an aunt, because she was someone to yell at, but she carried it with her unconciously for years and now that she remembers and understands she's used that to heal. I'm not saying this to worry you Jasmine, I'm sure your son will be fine as it's usually only really traumatic stuff that we carry with us even in our subconscious, merely to share a bit of information with Malkut on her comment.
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 1:21 pm
GGG,
big news! i totally passed my driving test yesterday! i am now legally allowed to drive all by myself! on the way home, i ran out of gas and stuck with a dead battery. i grabbed the jumper cables from the trunk and got a guy to help me out, then i scrounged $1.70 in my car, then bummed another dollar from another guy at the gas station. it was my first shitty car adventure! it rocked! then i went to m.'s house to get chuy's shoes that have been there for about a week. she's so sweet, she totally celebrated my breakdown with me.
today, i woke up at 0930, and we ate, got dressed, then left the house a bit after 1000 hours. we drove around for a while. when i stopped to get gas, a lady asked me if i had any gas money. i only have five bucks on me that i borrowed from my sister, so i went in and told the lady to give me a dollar back and the rest in gas. so i paid back the dollar i got yesterday by giving it to the woman today. after that, (i had a destination when i started out, but i totally said ******** that and wandered) i saw a guy in a nice shirt, tie, and slacks walking home. i gave him a ride home. i also got his name and number for my sister, because he's looking for a job and she's hiring. he also gave me his gf's info cuz she's a mary kay girl.
after that, figured i may as well go to my ex's house. so here i am. otherwise, i wouldn't be able to share this with all of you.
i called my dad's gf to tell her about my license after i called my dad and sisters. my dad called her while she was talking to me. i wonder what he thought about that. gotta go!
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Posted: Wed Aug 17, 2005 9:26 pm
EliMae krimsonnox Dear GGG journal I dont get nearly enough time to myslf. and bless my husband he does try , but his attempts generlly just cause me more stress. I am not cut out to run a househould and cook and clean and care for sean. It's driving me nuts. although i finally have a routine down. which makes me more depressed, where did all the flavour in life go. The best bits of teh day is seeing all the new things my little boy is learning. and yet i wish he'd stopbecause at 8 months he is just about to beginwalking. im sure of it he is shwoing the signs and then i think i will never do anything. And of course ill have to stop now because he is fussing smile it does take some getting used to. really the only way to do it is make sure you do as much as you can when everyone's awake so you can have some you time when they sleep. Agrees.... But things will get better.....I promise!!! He will soon lean to be independant and not even want you around.....That is where my Mikes is at right now the "don't touch me I want to do it" stage. wink wink wink But I miss him being little where I could pick him up and hold him! At eight months they are still so dependant on mommy that it gets really stressful (even for a married mommy).... Ease him into a good night schedule to help him and you have a little "me" time!!!
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 2:31 am
Gwyndara Dear GGG Journal Well life has once again taken another turn for me. It seems like every time I turn arround I have to deal with drama and crisis. It's getting really old. *sigh* well apparently they told Kirk wrong about how much his summer teaching was going to be. So now we have to once again scrimp and save inorder to get the money to pay for August house payment. I love being and adult and normaly I love life. But today it really sucks. ~ Gwyndara ~ Dear Gaia Goddess Guild Journal Kirk got the second half of the money in the mail this week! They simply forgot to tell him he would get paid in two installments. It is his first summer teaching and so we really didn't know what to expect. I think next summer will go a lot better. *Few* Oh and I finished my BOOK! WOOT. It's all writen down. I'm in the process of typeing it on the computer. But it looks fabulous, or so I think.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 6:32 pm
Dear GGG Journal,
So...I've taught three days now. There have been ups and downs (like finding out that I've got a different class, and I have to give up one of them!)
I wanted to share one of the biggest "ups":
I did a little activity for bell work with students today that asked them to tell me one thing I was doing well, and one thing I could improve on. I got a WIDE range of answers, most good, and some good advice. I also got this gem, that REALLY touched me:
You have given me the courage to speak up and be myself.
Keep in mind, I've been teaching these students for TWO DAYS when she wrote this.
THAT is why I wanted to be a teacher.
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Posted: Thu Aug 18, 2005 10:33 pm
Dear GGG Journal,
I am really confused!!! One of my friends from Washington has come down to Colorado with my best friend! And I suddenly have feelings for him........I don't know what to do!!! I can't date him because he has to go back to Washington and my brain won't stop thinking about him!!!
The worst part is that I have told myself to ward off guys! I know they aren't good for me!!! I always float to the wrong ones and I can't seem to help it!!! Anyway, I am not going to act on the feelings, maybe it is just the phsyco hormones from stopping breastfeeding!!!
brittany
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Posted: Fri Aug 19, 2005 9:46 pm
jzznjasmine Dear GGG Journal, I am really confused!!! One of my friends from Washington has come down to Colorado with my best friend! And I suddenly have feelings for him........I don't know what to do!!! I can't date him because he has to go back to Washington and my brain won't stop thinking about him!!! The worst part is that I have told myself to ward off guys! I know they aren't good for me!!! I always float to the wrong ones and I can't seem to help it!!! Anyway, I am not going to act on the feelings, maybe it is just the phsyco hormones from stopping breastfeeding!!! brittany stay strong with your decision! i fell into that hole when i was still hormonal and ending up hurting a lot of people and doing a number on my own self esteem. if you are already close, it is definitely possible that you may mistake the natural feelings of closeness with lust. just try to stay out of situations that might lead to "trouble," and if you find you've been leading him on or that he may notice you have been attracted to him, try to make it clear that you are not yourself right now. it is difficult to curb these, but remember that things could get really messed up for all three of you if you are not careful!
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Posted: Sat Aug 20, 2005 10:42 pm
Dear GGG Journal.
Wow what a conflicting of emotions this weekend has brought.
My Sister's husband has kicked her out of thier appartment. so now she and her two dogs are living with me and my husband and our two dogs.
These four dogs are Labrador mixes and are not small by any stretch of the imagination. We seem to be working out scheduals etc. alright, so things will be okay.
Today kirk and I went to the Civil war Re-inactment and had a great time.
We always have fun doing that.
So I've had good and bad expiricnes this weekend.
~ Gwyn ~
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Posted: Sun Aug 21, 2005 4:30 am
jzznjasmine Dear GGG Journal, I am really confused!!! One of my friends from Washington has come down to Colorado with my best friend! And I suddenly have feelings for him........I don't know what to do!!! I can't date him because he has to go back to Washington and my brain won't stop thinking about him!!! The worst part is that I have told myself to ward off guys! I know they aren't good for me!!! I always float to the wrong ones and I can't seem to help it!!! Anyway, I am not going to act on the feelings, maybe it is just the phsyco hormones from stopping breastfeeding!!! brittany Now, i've been in a situation similar to this, i had a long conversation with an ex. telling him i wasn't sure that i did the right thing splitting from him, and i wished i knew how things would have worked if we'd stayed together etc. After this chat he was ready to leave his current girlfriend and his job and come down to where i am(4 hours away from him) This was all brought on by hormones because i was pre-menstrual, i'm now aware that i can get overly emotional during that week and i keep an eye on myself. so i can fully understand what you were feeling. Women really are a slave to the bodies sometimes, i'm taking evening primrose again now to get a bit of balance, i don't need any disruptions like that in my life, i don't want to be hurting someone else just because my hormones are fluctuating. focus on your little guy Jaz and you'll be fine. you'll find that, as a female, you have the capacity to cope with far more than you could ever have imagined, so dig deep and find those inner reserves, and come out smiling smile
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Posted: Wed Aug 24, 2005 7:21 pm
GGG, i am in a much better mood after having been gone for a few weeks. i am still trying to work out a trip to CA for my birthday, but i can't seem to get amy ex on the phone. he bought tickets, but they were too expensive. my sister had offered to pay for chuy's ticket, but she couldn't afford $450. we asked him to find a cheaper flight, but haven't heard back yet. i also talked to my ryan and once in a while i just get overwhelmed by how much i love him. i've known him for about six years, maybe almost seven. we're gonna get married when we're 40. anyway, he sent me a letter (actually WROTE to me instead of email) and some pictures. here's one from his myspace:  he's the third one from the left, lol. isn't he hot? i love my ryan. anyway, while i was visiting chuy's dad last, i talked to him about when he stopped loving me, and it turns out he only loved me when i was the desolate, hateful, spiteful, shadow version of myself i was after i had to move back to OK in high school. he said he stopped loving me because i changed into a completely different person in CA, but really i was a completely different person when he met me, not myself at all. i realized why he i didn't work out. it gave me peace of mind, really. i reshaved chuy's mohawk tonight. he looks supercute. i'll write more about my trip to dallas later.
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Posted: Sat Sep 03, 2005 8:20 pm
Dear GGG,
Right now, I'm very happy. It's been a while... Well, one of my cousins (2nd cousin, I think) is suddenly starting to call me and we're making all kinds of plans. She went to Scotalnd and I had been emailing her all summer. She says my personality is different in email than in real life. She is saying that she's gonna "break me out of my shell" because she knows I'm wild inside, just like her. This kinda scares me, but it might be fun....
Also, my cousin Henry who is a Marine has come home and he's gonna be here for about two weeks. He has been in Okinawa for not quite a year now. I missed him so much!! I have been emailing him but still, it's different. He looks great too!! My cousin is so good looking and he has always been into staying fit but he has buffed up a lot!! I was so suprised that he had thought about me when he came home. He brought me a beautiful hand carved wooden box with about 8 pairs of really nice chopsticks! It's georgeous!!
I hope things start getting better for me. This is really good, but I still wish for my other cousin to talk to me again... He's gonna be leaving for Iraq soon, and I'm really scared. But if he doesn't talk to me before he leaves, I'm gonna tell him something... I just don't know what yet...
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Posted: Sat Sep 17, 2005 8:22 pm
GGG,
i had the best birthday ever this year. my ex and sister split the cost of mine and chuy's tickets to SFO, and we got a hotel room for the night of my bday. it was super fun, just six or so of us chillin, listening to music. we went out to safeway and i bought alcohol for the first time (cuz i'm a big girl now). my ryan won a few points with the big sister by giving her a chili plant we found at safeway. totally random, ut she loved it. he really just grabbed it on a whim, but i convinced him to give it to her, cuz i know she like, hates him. he actually listened to me, too, it was totally cute.
they gave me s**t cuz i barely drank, but something early on kinda got me out of the mood for heavy drinking. funny, the first night i can legally drink i had about three of them.
anyway, that was just one night. we also went to the park with one of chuy's friends, he got to see my friend's mom and sis who he adores, went swimming, went to a state fair. it was the best birthday ever.
on a side note, jason lee is totally hot.
anyway, i got to sleep with my ryan that night (literally, nothing happened) and took a nap with my travis the next day. made no new friends and only talked to a handful of people. it was perfect.
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