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 Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2007 10:47 pm
meh. Feeling sad and annoyed and lonely and ignored -_- One of those nights when I get thoughts of, "If I disappeared would anyone outside my family actually care, or even notice? Would they look for me, or would they just say, 'Oh, he's gone. Oh well. Moving on...' "
Bleh...
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 3:14 pm
I am sure your family would be heartbroken if something happened to you.
To us you would just disappear, maybe we would hear but probably not. You would just never come back. Personally I find that a horrifying thought, not only for you but for any of our close friends here at the Gates. If someone leaves for good fine, but hopefully they would tell us. But if I just never hear from them again then that is a very sad thing. Particularly for yourself of course considering we have known each other many years now on a very personal level. You do not exist to me "just online". You are a RL friend, so I would take your disappearance very hard.
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Posted: Mon Aug 13, 2007 4:09 pm
aww, thankies umar crying ~huggles umar, sniffles~
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Posted: Tue Aug 14, 2007 6:49 pm
Ethan Dirtch aww, thankies umar crying ~huggles umar, sniffles~ *huggles back* ^^
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 6:50 pm
Confidence.
*WARNING: May contain graphic language and sexual themes. READER DISCRETION IS ADVISED!*
exclaim I went out last night with several people; 3 girls, 5 guys. Overall, it was a pretty good night. We had dinner, we played pool.
Now, the rant part was that at one point during dinner we did have a discussion regarding sex, and which of the sexes have it easier picking up people and which of the sexes plays more mind games. Obviously, the five guys all said the chicks have it easier, and the chicks play more games. That's not the rant part, though. It was when the chicks were--between themselves, jokingly or not--kept discussing 'I wonder if so and so is hung' or 'I slept with so and so and he was puny'.
At the time I wasn't offended, and didn't pay them much attention, aside from maybe making a joke here or there. Today, though, I start thinking if that's how most chicks think. I know most don't, but it still isn't encouraging. I go back to my internal discussions about guys who are taller and who are more hung getting a girl more often than I do.
Being an asian, I am by default already short and not hung, so my confidence today (not last night) took a hit, really. I know that girls will never actively search for, or advertise for, 'Short males'. It is only logical that girls would only look for tall guys, strong looking guys. Bleh. exclaim
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 7:11 pm
Absolute nonsense. What attracts a worthwhile girl will not fall back on 'looks'. I am shorter to you and willing to bet more unattractive to the eye yet that has always been looked over due to other qualities. And if a woman would only consider you based on what she may suppose the size of your genitalia is reflects a great deal on her immaturity / inexperience. It's about how you use it. That's girly highschool stuff to me, the way those gals were talking as you stated it. No, there is some spark of attraction, be it humor, reliability, passion, or whatever combination of qualities suits the girl at the time. Not saying that appeareance should be forsaken altogether (though I try to live by it) but that it won't come into play in the least the way you are thinking.
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Posted: Wed Aug 15, 2007 9:34 pm
I suppose theres truth to that. It's just something that won't ever completely go away, I don't think. I gets easier to accept it and the duration of it gets shorter and shorter over time, so it's a lot easier and quicker to move forward.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 4:13 pm
The duration of what gets shorter? You lost me. And Dave has said everything I could have said. Well, I could say more I guess. I think that all this stuff about what people are like on the surface is dreck. It's gotta come from the heart, the attraction, I mean the real thing. Like Dave said, some spark. I think though that we can be honest here. Pretty girls often like pretty guys.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 5:44 pm
The duration of the depression is what I meant. Like, the times I'd be down for not being tall or pretty would come and go in a night, sometimes within an hour. It helps if I've got books or games razz
And, yeah, it only makes sense that 'pretty gets pretty'. I view it as unfair only in that the non-'pretty' has to stay single and lonely! But ah wells
New rant: Won't get to see a college advisor until the 27th, and that's deadly close to the end of registration -_-
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 7:35 pm
Quote: The duration of the depression is what I meant. Like, the times I'd be down for not being tall or pretty would come and go in a night, sometimes within an hour. It helps if I've got books or games Which is more the crux of the matter to me and yet something that cannot be taught. By my experience, you will learn to be less worrisome about a world beyond your control. It's a lot easier to think about how imperfect ones life is when it all ought to be enjoyed on a much simpler level. Alas, I could never word it adequately enough until you've experienced it yourself I guess. Well, what the heck.
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Posted: Thu Aug 16, 2007 10:10 pm
Indeed, what the heck neutral But thanks anyway, Swoobores! biggrin
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Posted: Fri Aug 17, 2007 7:43 pm
Good luck with that registration!
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:13 pm
Good luck with the registration, Ethan! And don't worry about the girls; the only ones who talk that way are the immature ones who are just trying to put notches in their bedposts, and you definitely don't want to wind up there. Frankly, I think that it's better to be lonely without anyone than to be lonely with someone. In the meantime, friends can help take away the sting, eh?
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Posted: Sun Aug 19, 2007 10:26 pm
Okay, I'm about a week late announcing this, but I passed the NCLEX!!! I'm now officially a nurse! I start work in September on an orthopedics floor (bones and joints). It's almost exactly where I wanted to start, so I'm thrilled. Eeeeee! mrgreen
On a sadder note, my dog died, a week ago. His heart just stopped, and it wasn't all that unexpected, but it hit us hard. I keep expecting to see him out of the corner of my eye, or hear him scratching at the door to be let out. On the other hand, we don't have to worry about him anymore. It's really kind of freeing, to remember him in his middle years rather than have to deal with the problems of his old age. I miss my puppy, but then, I've missed my puppy for years. It's really kind of bittersweet... he died exactly the way I think he wanted to, with the whole family around him to send him off.
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Posted: Tue Aug 21, 2007 8:35 am
While I'd like to be very happy for you in passing the NCLEX, which is a huge accomplishment and you should be proud of that, I'm really sad about your dog sad I know, it wasn't unexpected, just that...well, I'm very sensitive to animals. That is quite a bit of a downer ~hugs his Snowy~ sad It is good, however, that you keep the good years alive in your memory, and it sounds like your dog has had a good life with a good family. So I totally agree on the bittersweet part.
When I was maybe 4 or 5 back in the Philippines, for some reason I had thought this little kitten...barely able to open its eyes was evil. So I decided to throw it into traffic, and I watched as it got ran over, crying for its life. It was a particularly traumatizing experience for me, and ever since I've had a particularly accute sensitivity to animals. I didn't even want to kill the rats in our the walls of our house, or insects.
I used to cry about what I did, when I thought about it, but I've kinda gotten myself together emotionally now so while it hurts to think about it, I'm able to bear.
Anyway, that's why the dog part really hits me pretty hard.
Still, I will finish on a happy note: congratulations on passing, and I know you'll be an awesome nurse smile ~hugs Roya~
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