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I like the older, simpler games. 3nodding It is kind to pay respect to my elders. xd

Mario for me. 3nodding I like the sound affects. "Blip" xd

*cleans room which removes all the 40 lb dust bunnies*

What's wrong? sad

Err sorry about that. Quite an emotional day.

Maddie called me out of the blue. I'd been trying so hard to forget, and now she just called and was like hi is john there? and im like speaking, but my stomach tightened and i started shaking. I was so nervous. I loved hearing her voice but at the same time didnt want to talk to her really. I still love her, but its like if we can't be together its just harder and harder all the time. I was doing so well until today. A few hours later when her and I hung up I got drunk. I had to, its how i sort things out, I seem to do my best thinking when I am drunk, because I guess its the one time when I can just speak my mind and be honest with myself.

So i guess I'll just see what happens.

There's a girl I might start dating, just for fun and all, she wants me to come over and watch anime. I guess thats all well and fine but she wants me to wear a skirt. I dunno about that part. Could be fun I guess. I dunno. I just dont know about anything. :S

I'm sorry that I'm sad these days. i'm really trying hard not to be. With Maddie and I on a just friends basis, I am kinda happy at the moment. Slowly getting over her yet still able to talk to her like the best friend she has become. I guess for now I'm lucky. We can still make each other smile without even dropping that wretched L word. ^_^ I've had a good day, and kinda become my old flirty self. Its kinda fun being able to make people (moreso) girls smile by not feeling guilty if I deliver a compliment or something. Not to brag because I am not the sort, but it has garnered me a few numbers. sweatdrop I'm discovering that girls as just friends isnt such a bad thing as long as you can manage to step on your emotions and keep them from becomming more. I definately wont be so nieve in the future ^__^ all in all I guess what I am trying to say. You probably wont see many more emotional sadness posts from me because I am once again gaining control of myself as I used to have. My mind was just a mad ball of pent up frustrations and bottled emotions. Yesterday was the first time I'd heard her voice in a over a month and being exhausted and filthy and starving, I took it badly. We argued a lot. Let the dust settle. I got drunk, did a lot of thinking, being very honest with myself because alcohol tends to make me reeeeeeally bluntly honest. Then I crashed out and felt like a new person today. I even called her earlier to surprise her and make her smile a little since She wasnt feeling too well. Took this nice Belgian girl to lunch since she and I had time to kill and she was on my booth. So what if its just McDonalds, I don't have a working vehicle so I gave her a raincheck for the beach but perhaps someday. She's really cool and was telling me about stuff she usually wears when shes not working. Kinda cool all in all ^_^ I feel I made a good friend and Im thrilled at that. Making friends is what I am about these days again and I love to make others smile. It is in fact my true happiness. blaugh

Yeah and the fact that I my self doubts are being cleansed because of people around me. I feel almost whole again ^__^ I got asked out again this morning as soon as I woke up razz So thats kind of a nice way to start your day (cyooooot goth chick ^_^) Well Maddie must think I am emotionally masochistic because we talked today and she invited me to the Philippines with her next summer. I laughed really loud, I didnt know what else to say. I'm not setting myself up for that again, I mean who knows what the next year will bring but aha, NO. Its good that her and I are friends still, but I'd rather go to Japan where there will be more there to hold my interest than one person. I just couldnt justify me even pretending to be interested in going, but to tell the truth, I'm a little curious. Im so silly razz I told her I'd think about it and give her an answer in January. until then her and I will continue to talk as friends and see what happens. In the meantime I will be having fun being me, I think I'll go on a few dates and just live. Dont worry about me becomming an alcoholic, the other day was the first time in a month and a half since I drank last. If i do it sparsely I dont think ill have a problem, though I smoke a lot more than I'd like to, but you gotta have your release. The way I justify it is that before, when I was stressed, talking with maddie was like a stress relief, the endorphin rush was incredible. Now its just not there, smoking gives me the slight bit of satisfaction I seek so for now, I will continue. Other than the repeated silliness of me calling her or her calling me, life is good. Its different, no longer bad. Just different and I cant say Im really all that unhappy anymore. I might just give other girls a serious chance I suppose. ^_^

Yeah I know, both are pretty bad habits but after all we're only human.