Welcome to Gaia! ::

Who? Rasiel had forgotten the most important piece of information, a small glimmer of a smile trying to be seen. "She's another Meta. The one I worked with at the research facility. Her name is Mirabelle. She's been a big help in making all this happen." he spoke kindly of her. He mentally noted he'd have to inconspicuously thank her later for essentially giving him this chance. Giving him Deskri. She'd never know it, since no one else in this world knew his true identity. Just him. Just Deskri. And for the moment, he was perfectly okay with that. "She's been looking for her brother, even information, but I've been no help to her, unfortunately. She'll be staying here at the acad-... sanctuary. Her expertise is in the bad things. I guess." he explained to Deskri. Hopefully, this was enough information to describe the situation coherently.

Still. Rasiel unquestionably understood that. It pained him that it meant Deskri had also been on the run. From Kagyaku no doubt. Well he couldn't touch him here. Rasiel would not allow it. He nodded in affirmation that he understood the request.

A shower. He perked up slightly. Oh, right. That would be a good idea. The old Rasiel would suggest sharing a shower together, he choked back a snicker, a hand covering his smirk. Ah, the good old days. He returned a look to Deskri with kindness. "Yeah, it's the first door on the left when you exit the room." he instructed. "I didn't have a chance to bring my stuff here, so I don't have any clothes for you to change into." His eyes traced Deskri's tiny body. Even if he did have clothes, they would probably be far to large for Deskri to wear. The small meta hadn't seemed to grow at all, while he himself had grown quite a bit, at least towering 10 inches taller than him now, his body still threatening to stretch him toward the skies even further. "I'll see what I can find though.." he added. He was reluctant to stand now since he desperately wanted to finish what had begun just earlier. He would have to make do by clinging to the memory of what he was able to get. His mind eagerly trying to convince him that he may never get it again as he shook back the thoughts.

Rasiel listened. He didn't know that Deskri had met Mirabelle. His thoughts were starting to swirl a bit as he did his best to sort them into coherent thoughts. "Her sight is what has helped us. What the research was built off of. In fact, I was accompanied by two children from the facility. Leukos, Lucian's son, he acts as some kind of magnet for them it seems, though no spirit has successfully connected to him." he tried his best to explain what research they had been doing for the sake of Metakind. "And there's Melody..." he voice trailed off, it took everything in his mind to keep his mouth moving, to keep his words flowing. "She has a spirit, it's dormant right now. Mirabelle has been monitoring her closely to make sure it isn't a Malice. She's always so concerned about her." he cleared his throat and stood up to move to the closet in the room. "They don't know..." his voice went low, stern, pained. "...none of them know who I really am..." he didn't feel that he needed to explain the statement further and what it implied. Rasiel shook his head, he felt a range of emotions he hadn't experienced in such a long time, but he knew he'd have to close them all off soon enough that he didn't mind feeling this... vulnerable.

He opened the closet, expecting to find it empty, but to his surprise, had a few clothes hung in it. Delilah must have put these here. There was an interesting assortment of clothes, it looked like it was clothes that might have been left behind when the school closed down that Delilah had collected over the years. "Today's you're lucky day..." he commented and left the closet door open for him to rummage through and decide what he wanted. All the meanwhile, he would leave Deskri to shower, Rasiel moved across the room, collecting his violin and bow. He stared at it longingly then reluctantly put it back in its case and slid it underneath his bed. He grabbed his shirt and jacket, putting them back on. He had hoped to look a little more presentable but Mirabelle would be unable to see him anyway. Which left him with one last item. The mask. His stared at it with stern eyes. He had grown to both covet and resent that mask.

You don't have to. She can't see.

"But they can. Melody can."

He was relieved that Deskri complied to keeping his secret. It was one less thing he had to worry about among a quickly growing list of things.

You shouldn't have to hide.

But he had to hide. It was only thanks to Obscurite that he was even still alive today, a fact that he longed to forget. It was a couple years after the incident had passed that he finally was able to fall off of the map under a different identity. After he lost his wings. Not lost. Begged for Obscurite to help him be more human. Rasiel could vividly remember to gleem in his eyes as he reveled in his pleading. He had regretted how reckless he had been with his words. I'll pay any price. What a mistake. The things he had to do to get by, Obscurite constantly holding it over him what he could easily do by revealing his identity to others. Even then he remembered being attacked repeatedly by humans and metas alike. Everyone had grown to hate him. Even himself.

It wasn't your fault.

They would have never come if he hadn't been so stupid. If he hadn't roped Alice into helping him. If he had only stopped her.

"If only if you had made her hate you."

Rasiel could not escape his guilt, even after Zaku helped him escape Obscurite's clutches. He made them think they were finally safe. It wasn't safe.

"You always fall in love so easily, don't you?"

"No!"

His thoughts were escaping him as he pulled them back quickly. He was stronger than this.

He heard his name and he broke his gaze with the mask on the stand, whipping around quickly to look at him, panic shooting across his face for only a fleeting moment. He stared at him, coming back to his senses, he was here with Deskri. Everything was okay again.

"Yes?" he answered. His heart sank as he finally noticed the scars, the skin and protruding bones. While Obscurite had been surprisingly good to him to make sure he stayed healthy enough to take his beatings and constant torturing, Kagyaku obviously had a different approach to things. The malice had been horribly unkind to him in every sense he could find. The full calibur of what Kagyaku might have done to him judging by what he could see from his view terrified him. If Obscurite had still been connected, he'd have been throwing an absolute fit in jealousy, Kagyaku had actually managed to instill a deep fear in Rasiel that Obscurite had dreamed of achieving. Rasiel was frozen, he couldn't even make his anger stir up, all he could experience was horror.

Deskri was retreating. Had he been staring?

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!" he screamed internally.

You did this to him.

"I didn't."

You can't keep blaming Kagyaku for this.

"He's a Malice."

So are you.

He recoiled at those words in his mind. His mind ran blank as those words sank in really deep. Averting his misunderstood gaze as he watched Deskri from the corner of his eye.

"I am just like him."

His stomach was ready to turn into itself as it couldn't possibly sink any further.

"I just keep hurting him, don't I...."

The voice was silent, it watched him begin to implode upon himself. It was so easy for him to slip back into this inward destructive habits.

He knew that Deskri was just as self-conscience as he was, so how could he possibly be such an idiot to keep doing this to him.

Now you've done it.

"...no." he accidentally spoke allowed. He wasn't going to hurt him like Kagyaku did, he was not one of them.

"Quit ******** this up! You're supposed to be the stronger one here. He needs you. He ******** needs you." The darkness in his chest lifted just enough to realize what he had to do, he kicked off, making a beeline for Deskri, wrapping his arms around him hard. "I'm sorry.... I can't take them back,.. and I can't make them go away. But none of that matters, I will always hold you this close no matter what. No matter what you look like. No matter what you say. No matter what he would tell you." he clenched his eyes tightly as he spoke with stern determination. "I know I've hurt you. I haven't always been the best person. I'm trying. But if I can keep one promise to you, it's that this time will be different." he whispered, refusing to let go of Deskri. The world was cruel, and he'd make them pay if they even dared to come near his Deskri again.

He could feel Deskri tensing up, but why?

You're hurting him again.

"No, I'm not!"

Deskri's words pierced him, straight through to his heart. He was starting to hate himself more and more, trying to deny what the voices in his head were telling him but failing to push them aside. He concentrated, struggled to force his grip to loosen. What was he doing? He should be able to understand him, they were very alike, but here he was being stared in the face by the fact that 20 years had made him incapable of understanding what Deskri had been through. How could he? He was never there. He knew he had really ******** up this time. At this point, he had to choose the lesser of the two evils. Continue to hold him and watch Deskri struggle with his own past alone, or let go and risk him blaming himself and assuming that Rasiel hated him.

His anger was building again, quickly ready to spill over as he began to focus on Kagyaku. This was his fault. Rasiel let go slowly, making especially sure to be gentle with him. He was sure of one thing. He knew that he could never change the past and what that demon had done to him, but this, this was the final straw.

"..don't.." he whispered, taking a good step back from Deskri, knowing that he might interpret it as abandonment, a risk he was willing to take. He was trembling with anger as he took in a calm, steady breath. He inhaled deeply and then drew back, his whole body contorting backward as he screamed out, letting his fist punch full force into the door frame. "I'M GOING TO KILL HIM!!" he screeched, his eyes were burning with fury as he wanted nothing more than to see that demon pay for everything he had done to Deskri.

Rasiel tunnel visioned to the door frame and he shot forth another punch with as much force as he possibly could, the frame cracked and splintered at the point of impact. "I'M GOING TO ******** KILL THAT b*****d, PIECE OF s**t DEMON!" a barrage of insults flowed from his lips as the punches just kept coming. He had never been this furious in his entire life. "HE'S GOING TO ******** PAY FOR HURTING YOU!!!" he continued, without letting up. His knuckles were bleeding terribly. They had been numb to the pain, but as he kept on, each punch was hurting him more and more. His body wouldn't stop, however, it just kept reeling back and propelling his tightly clenched fists into the door frame, it was dented in pretty badly now, the wood beginning to splinter further. Rasiel lusted for this, wanting it to be Kagyaku so badly. He hadn't even been paying attention to Deskri, he couldn't. His wrath kept him locked on that same point. Waiting for the entire frame to just break. For Kagyaku to break.

His mind was already wildly searching his memories for anything that would help him formulate a plan. To find Kagyaku. To kill him.

You are going to become one of them.

"I don't even care."

His hands were in excruciating pain by now, just like he felt deep down. Everything had been crumbling fast.

This always happens.

"Where are you?"

Why do you even keep fighting this battle. You already lost a long time ago.

"Where the

Why are you even asking? You know exactly where to find me.

His thoughts were flying frantically, his options opening up. He had ideas. How to find him. How to kill him. His anger was slowly turning into bloodlust as he let his fist fly yet again. His body froze up suddenly, his bloodied fist stopping inches from the broken frame as a familiar voice snapped his mind back in an instant. He stood suspended in time as the damage he'd done phased back into view. He had done it again. He had lost control. He had let his rage get the better of him. Why did this keep happening? It was true he had been a pretty strong-headed child but this. This was a huge escalation of anything he'd done in the past. Never this bad.

Please stop. The request was simple, his arm pulled back, the tension gone but still hesitant. Deskri was right, he was supposed to be making him feel safe, and this was definitely not the way to do it.

You are so far past saving, you know.

He could not deny that. He forced himself to look at Deskri. He had to see the pain he had caused. Solidify why he was supposed to stay in control. An image of Melody flashed in his mind. He had scared her like this too, once. Once was all it took. This is the anger that Obscurite had also gifted him. With the mask, he learned to rely on what was his only defense against his wild and reckless abandon for anything as his temper spared nothing in its quest to destroy. Even then, the only thing that had truly spared Melody from his unrestrained anger was Leukos' burning eyes that resembled the ones Lucian had given him when they labeled him a murderer. When he killed Alice.

His body untensed as the flame died down like the aftermath of an explosion, the embers of his wrath fading in his eyes, returning to his stern but sad red eyes.

Look at him. He's still so much stronger than you. Even knowing what Kagyaku probably did, he still has the strength to pick up the pieces of your broken existence. Isn't that just pitiful? How could you possibly prove to him that you've changed for the better, when you constantly remind him of how much of a monster your are. How much of a Malice you've become.

"...I'm sorry..."

You're just like him.

"I know.." he admitted.

"...I didn't mean to-..." Didn't mean to what? "I'm sorry if I upset you." You did so much more than that. "I just... I wish I had been there." he choked out, accepting his own guilt again. But you weren't. He opened his mouth to try to add something, but no words would come.

You'll regret saying it.

He tried again.

I'll make you regret saying it.

"Deskri,... I'm still in love with you." he forced out, his voice cracking slightly.

You are absolutely horrible.

It looked like Deskri was taking in everything he was saying, this was a start.

"Don't ******** this up, now."

As Deskri began to speak, his heart lifted slightly, but Deskri hesitated, Rasiel held his breath and then his heart sank deep. He's cold. His expression lighten, the sternness leaving his eyes as well, only sad now. He could never hide that from Deskri as much as he tried.

The voices in his mind erupted into a serenade of laughter. He expected this. They were not actually together. Rasiel had even said he didn't care if it was real. There was no turning back on that comment. He grasped at that fact and held it steady.

"This isn't real."

Rasiel seemed... content with that answer. "So be it."

You asked for this. You have no one else to blame but yourself.
"My feelings have not changed."
You still love him?
"I don't know... but I will still protect him. Even with my life."
Why would he believe you? You left him alone so many times, you weren't even there. You let Kagyaku hurt him. You are even worse than a Malice.

Rasiel nodded lightly and without another word, walked to the closet and grabbed the first thing that he could grab, a sweater and pair of pants. Both were a bit big for Deskri, especially now, but they would at least fit and that would solve the problem. Rasiel walked back over to Deskri, not approaching as closely, not as fast. He was being calm, predictable. "Here." he spoke a little more calculated as he seemed to be teetering in the middle of Rasiel and Rhun.

He leaned down to pick up the clothes that Deskri had dropped. "....i'll wash these.." he moved to walk away but paused. "..it's okay." he added then walked through a doorway and out of view.

You're going to make him think too much.

"He'll think either way. Just like I do." he was holding on to the notion that he could still find similarities between them.

You are both very different now. You can never go back to what you had. You're memories are dead.

Rasiel sighed softly, "... then I guess I will make new ones. If the Deskri I knew is gone, then I will get to know the new Deskri."

You'll scare him off. You always do.

"This time is different. I'll go at his pace. This isn't about me anymore." he narrowed his eyes to the side as he thought hard. He was deciding what he should do. He knew he still harbored anger, and still had no idea how to control it without the mask. To control it as Rasiel.

Rasiel had started the wash and pulled out his cellphone to check the time. It had been quite a while since the last time Mirabelle had called. He figured he should be leaving soon. He noticed his knuckles were torn up fairly bad as he narrowed his gaze further. He deserve this pain. It was only a fraction of the pain he had caused Deskri over the years. Rasiel had the feeling that there was not enough things in this world that he could do to make it up to Deskri, but he still wanted to try anyway.

He turned his hand back over, and stared at the phone.

Do it. You know the number.

He hesitated. Was this the right decision? Was he being stupid? He pressed a few buttons, hit the call button reluctantly. He slowly pulled the phone to his ear as it rang. Then someone picked up, a female voice, they spoke out immediately as though they expected his call at that very moment. He froze, unable to speak. He began to grit his teeth as he could not continue the call, he had to stop. He knew this was a bad idea as his stomach churned. A small whimper escaped his lips and the other voice spoke out soothingly, seemingly calling out his name, searching for his response. He panicked and hung up to phone without ever saying anything.

That's what I thought.

Rasiel had to force himself to relax. He had to try to control this. He couldn't just keep flying off the handle recklessly. Focus. he began the process, clearing his thoughts. Everything falling into an order, his true emotions being shoved back down, locked away once more. Breathe. he managed his breathing to a steady pace. His heart rate slowed to a normal beat.

He paused, For Melody. he reminded himself why he needed to be Rhun, why he was here, at the sanctuary.

He opened his cold eyes, a fleeting glimmer of longing hit them. He added one more step. A neccessary and very vital step. Protect Deskri. he thought, he needed to make that as a priority as both Rasiel and Rhun. He owed him that much. Deskri had wholeheartedly defended him when he had been accused of murder. He at least cared. And that was good enough. He would do anything to finally keep his promise to Deskri.

Rhun made his way into the kitchen, looking through the cabinets as he found a first aid kit. They were pretty handy as he bandaged up his hands and put it away again. He moved to the bedroom, not only to check up on Deskri but to see if he wanted to come along. Deskri was already beneath the covers probably asleep. "I'm going to meet Mirabelle. I will return soon, so please rest. If you need anything, there's a phone in the kitchen and my cellphone number is on the counter... At least until I can bring you a phone of your own." he spoke softly and calmly. His words were light but void of deep emotion of any kind, replaced with something else that mimicked those emotions. Rhun didn't want him to think he was not coming back, but realized that Deskri probably couldn't hear him anyway. He stood there silent next to the bed as he then glanced over to the mask that still laid on the night stand. He moved over to it and picked it up, putting it back on. He turned to leave, hoping that giving Deskri space would help. He paused, like he was about to do something, staring at the blankets. He let out a slight sigh as it seemed he decided against whatever it was and continued to leave.