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 Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:40 pm
Peter: Hey, Lois, look! The two symbols of the Republican party: an elephant and a big fat white guy who's threatened by change.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:47 pm
Lois: Peter, did you paste a new picture of yourself on our wedding picture?
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
Lois: You pasted it over me.
Peter: Yeah I think it looks better.
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 4:50 pm
Peter: HOLY CRAP! I'm communticating with nature! Uh, tree, if one of you falls and no one is around to hear you, do you make a noise?
Tree: Oh yeah, Scott fell over last week and hasn't shut up about it since.
Scott: Oh yeah, go ahead and b***h, but you don't see anyone trying to HELP ME!
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 5:16 pm
Peter: Lois, I'm gonna grow a beard.
Lois: Peter, you know I hate beards ...
Peter: No no Lois, it's time I joined the ranks of great men with beards. Why do you think Jesus Christ was so popular? Cause ... cause of all the magic tricks?
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Posted: Thu Feb 24, 2005 9:21 pm
TV: Hungry? Grab a snickers!
Me: But I'm BROKE!
--- Me, today.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:51 am
Peter: If you could be stranded on a desert island with any woman in the world, who would it be?
Quagmire: Taylor Hanson.
Joe: Taylor Hanson is a guy.
Quagmire: [Laughs] You guys are yankin' me. "Hey, let's put one over on Quagmire."
Peter: No, he's actually a guy, Quagmire.
Quagmire: What? That's insane. That's impossible.
[Pause]
Quagmire: Oh god. Oh my god. I've got all these magazines. Oh god.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:52 am
Quagmire (runs outside in a robe): Hey guys, what's going on? I was just jerki ... ed out of a deep sleep.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 8:58 am
Lois: Come on Stewie, you know you can't leave the table until you finish your vegetables.
Stewie: Well, then I shall sit here until one of us expires, and you've got a good forty years on me, woman.
Lois: Sweetie, it's broccoli, it's good for you. Now open up for the airplane ...
Stewie: Never! Damn the broccoli, damn you, and damn the Wright brothers
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:01 am
Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
Lois: Aww .... (hugs peter)
Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
Lois: What?
Peter: Shhh ... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:33 am
Lois: Where would he go?
Peter: I don't know. I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and Crackerjacks.
Brian: I don't care if he ever gets back. I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 9:38 am
Tom Tucker: Because of an accident today at the Quahog cable company, all television transmission will be out for an undetermined amount of time. Of course, no one can see this news program, so it doesn't really matter what we say. I'm the lord Jesus Christ. I think I'll go get drunk and beat up some midgets, how about you, Diane?
Diane Simmons: Well, Tom, I just plain don't like black people.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:11 am
Stewie: There's always been a lot of tension between Lois and me, and it's not so much that I want to kill her, it's just, I want her not to be alive anymore.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:21 am
Lois: You're drunk again.
Peter: No, I'm just exhausted 'cause I've been up all night drinking
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 11:23 am
Lois: Peter, what did you promise me?
Peter: That I wouldn't drink at the stag party.
Lois: And what did you do?
Peter: Drank at the stag pa-- ... Whoa. I almost walked into that one.
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Posted: Fri Feb 25, 2005 4:24 pm
"I went to the animal fair, all the birds and the beasts were there, the big baboon by the light of the moon was combing his auburn hair, the monkey he took a dunk, and sat on the elephant's trunk, the elephant sneezed, and fell on knees, and that was the end of the Monk!" --- Something I saw when I had to watch my cousins. *shudders*
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