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 Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 4:31 pm
"It's...an eventuality nobody can escape," Rodney said, "and I'm...taking your time. You...took it from others. Without a warning. But they had...all the time God allotted them. He...knew them, knew you, when you murdered them, knows us both now..."
Rodney sank back, holding his head.
"But...I don't know."
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 4:38 pm
"I don't question it." he said, reaching out to touch the other man. "But this whole situation feels fine to me. Apart from leaving you, that's the part that I'm scared of, it's actually the only part of all of this that I think might make it difficult for me. But I wouldn't have my life in the hands of anyone else. No one else would treat it with respect."
He rubbed Rodney's shoulder with a thumb and forefinger. "Maybe everything else just led to this." It was just unfortunate it had led up to it in such a cold and non-physical way.
"It is just unfortunate that you have to suffer so much."
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Posted: Fri Dec 16, 2016 4:47 pm
"It's all...me not trusting," Rodney said, "that, things are going...the way they're supposed to."
Rodney sank.
"I'll be there, the whole time, as long as you're here."
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:25 am
"If you don't trust how things are going then that sense was given to you for a reason. What would you change? What would make things feel better to you?"
He shrugged. "To me it seems like an option that frees me from the indignity of prison and has given me a chance to make my peace and try to change as much as I can. It's a gift, it's just unfortunate that I need to leave you to get it."
He shook his head. "They'd make me leave anyway, and they'd take all your statues away.'
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:39 am
"It's just," Rodney said, meaning it in the justice sense. "You have seemed...like you've been using the time to heal. Some people, they tear themselves apart here. Regardless of what they've done to others, they think when it happens to them, it's somehow...unjust."
His right hand clenched Lawrence's, too hard.
"And, yes. A similar job gets done, by a machine of people. Years of legal fees, paperwork, crowded housing in poor conditions where the institution charges for sanitary supplies, three different switches pulled so the executioner won't have it on their conscience. But it's the same with...farms. They don't allow the farms to kill and sell their own meat. Even if...for the animal, it's less stressful than being taken from their home and shipped to a slaughterhouse. It's...ilegal, because of...zoning, categories, and to benefit...the machine. Over the human. And...yes. If they knew, they'd be eager to put us both into the same machine."
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:48 am
It was definitely a perspective Lawrence had never considered, comparing the machinery of larger society to what they did. He considered there being nothing so noble about his murders, they were random and meaningless, like turning a gun on a farm and indiscriminately killing off young and old. It was entirely to feed his ego and he couldn't justify it in any other way and never really had. As a god it was his right to do what he wanted, with that taken away he'd never had a right.
"And I have, been using the time I mean. I feel better than I have in a long time, still not discounting my past but better equipped to handle it. And I don't resent you being the one to do it or feel it is unjust. What could be more just than the one you love being the one there at the end of a life?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:29 am
"As...long as it's a responsibility that's been given to me, I'll attend to it with as much care as I'm able. Have you still been having urges?" Rodney asked. "To hurt people."
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:34 am
Shaking his head he responded. "No actually, I've mostly been thinking about the opposite, about how much more satisfying it was to put things back together, to keep them from death and give them more time."
He shrugged. "I don't want to kill you anymore either, just the opposite."
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:55 am
Rodney turned over Lawrence's hands, which were firmer, healthier, and softer. The nails were clean.
"A different life," he said softly. "The opposite? You...want to help...heal me, you mean?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 5:22 am
He nodded, the contact from Rodney at his hands as always almost painful, his body healthy and back to a sensible level of vitality. "But I can't. I don't have any ability to. Only your god can. But I would, if I could."
Closing his eyes he exhaled. "The longer this time goes on the harder it is to deal with. "
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 5:57 am
"30 days," Rodney said, "you'll be here for Christmas. But...not the new year. A-anyway," he said, steeling himself this time.
"I'm glad you like the design. I'll leave the scones. Is there anything you'd...like or need today?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 6:15 am
Lawrence shook his head. "No." He said before pausing. "Actually. If there is any way to get access to a piano or a keyboard I'd like to write some music before.." he shrugged.
"And oh good Christmas!" He looked genuinely pleased about this. "Will we have a meal?"
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:41 pm
There was a Christmas meal (vegetarian, but rich with seasonal spices and flavors: clove, orange, chocolate, cranberry, gingerbread), and Rodney was able to find Lawrence a keyboard.
The heated floor helped, but it was still chilly, and Rodney did his best to bring Lawrence a regular stream of hot drinks, hats, gloves, and thick blankets. He tried not to let the water cool on Lawrence's skin when he helped with baths.
Philosophical discussions were frequent, tearful hugs occasional.
Butch came with Rodney whenever he visited.
And the time wound ever and ever nearer.
Rodney told Lawrence previously that there might be a stay, if the weather was poor, but when the day arrived it was beautiful and crisp.
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 3:55 pm
Time went much quicker than Lawrence had hoped, the days practically flying past. It was amazing how quickly time went when for once in his very strange life he felt like he had stability and routine. It was rough going, even for someone as indifferent to most things as he was.
He wrote Rodney a song on the keyboard and wrote out the music, it was sad but powerful with strange keening notes and rich chords. He wrote some songs about god and didn't title them. He wrote a silly song about Butch, who was a good dog.
The cold barely bothered him, the elements seeming closer to him the way death was, the good food kept the cold out better than anything else did.
The night of the Christmas meal he lay and looked up at the stars and cried and didn't understand why.
On the morning of his proposed execution he woke up in a strange calm haze, whatever panic there had been in the nights previous was gone, replaced only be a serene sort of acceptance. At least now there would be an end, even if it wasn't ideal it was better than everything else.The weather had turned out in full splendour and he took that to be a statement from god and fate that it was time. He hadn't eaten, he wasn't one for huge lavish last meals, his body would be clean, clear and easy for Rodney to handle, as easy as it was possible to make it.
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Posted: Sat Dec 17, 2016 4:09 pm
Rodney didn't sedate him, telling him in this, too, his mind should be clear, if possible, and said they would finally be going to see the finished statue.
He washed Lawrence a final time, but the oils and scents involved were much stronger, heady burial spices that somehow had a soothing, sleepy quality.
Rodney talked about God, and more softly about heaven. That it had many gates, for going in and out of, and seeing the rest of the universe. That each person had a purpose. That God had given Adam a job and had a job meant for each of them, like a key fitting into a lock. That evil was not yet abolished from the world, but one day it would be. That death and despair would be thrown into a pit. That everyone had sinned. That everyone could be forgiven. So long as you asked. So long as you lay your burdens and sins and sorrows down and let Jesus carry them instead.
Then he bound Lawrence's hands and feet with rope, undid the lock to the shackle himself, and putting the other man over his shoulder brought him out of the Guest Room.
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