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 Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:39 pm
Ok, so maybe my poems are really bad, or maybe they're really good. Hell if I know the difference, so just tell me what you think, please. I'll try my best!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4laugh
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Posted: Sun Jan 20, 2008 5:47 pm
Since Martin Luther King Junior Day is coming up, I thought this poem about slavery might be appropriate. I wrote it for English and got an A+, so maybe you'll like it...
Slaves Of Time
If you listen carefully,
Your ear up to the glass,
From inside this ancient mansion
Comes the sounds of ages past.
Troubled souls still walk these halls,
Not in body, but in spirit.
In order to believe it,
You merely have to hear it.
The clatter of the iron chains,
Dragged across the floor.
Quiet footsteps on the stairs,
A soft knock upon a door.
A child's quiet laughter,
The pain of silent tears.
Old songs long forgotten,
Echo through the years.
Whispered conversations heard,
In the middle of the night.
These ancient ghosts are heard not seen,
As though hiding out of sight.
Far beyond the cotton fields,
A cemetary lay.
Although their bodies are no longer here,
Their spirits will always stay.
So yeah, if that was the worst thing you've ever heard, or the best, or somewhere in between, don't hesitate to tell me...
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 2:29 pm
That was a great poem! I enjoyed it a lot, the rhythm, the rhyme, and the eerie back round all blend so nicely. The fore shadowing was good too; the poem by it's self is great, but the meaning behind it, that hints at the true meaning, stays hidden until the very end which makes it look really well. I'd give you an A+++. mrgreen
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Posted: Mon Jan 21, 2008 2:45 pm
Yay, thanks! Woah, you just copied my teacher for the most part. Ever hear of a lady named Mrs. Smolnic? That was basically what she said, except for the A+++ thing...
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Posted: Wed Jan 23, 2008 6:57 pm
Oh my word, that was so awesome! You did really well! I totally love it. heart
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Posted: Thu Jan 24, 2008 12:13 pm
Ok, now this one's kinda sad, another one that I did for English. My teacher's a sucker for a sad story, so it's easy to get good grades in her class! xd
“Remember”
In the forest, a cabin stood
Just outside of town.
There dwelled a maiden of beauty fair,
Who scarcely made a sound.
She walked paths seldom taken,
And thus was rarely seen.
But on quiet moonlit nights
You’d hear her singing by the stream.
She sung a tune so soft and sweet,
It darn near broke your heart.
A song that spoke of hurt and pain
Echoed in the dark.
When it came to friends, she had but one.
A young man, strong and wise.
It was only he who ever cared,
Who saw through her disguise.
Deep down under her cold façade,
And underneath the lies;
Was what remained of a little girl,
A broken smile in her bright blue eyes.
She gave him everything she had,
Til she had no more to give.
She smiled when she was pronounced ill;
She’d long ago lost her will to live.
Now that she’s no longer here,
Gone since last December,
I now can see how much she meant to me
For even now, I still Remember…
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Posted: Sun Jan 27, 2008 7:40 pm
That's nice. I like it. *is a sucker for sad stories, like your teacher*
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Posted: Sun May 25, 2008 9:12 pm
I liked both of them. I'm beginning to notice that we have a lot of good poetry writer's in this guild. That's something that I enjoy to see once in a while when the roleplay's are so slow that they are at a standstill. Wonderful Job Mitsuki, I hope that you read this whenever you get online again. ^_^
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The Unknown Shadow Captain
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Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 4:22 pm
Yay, thanks! Ok, here's two more, also made for English.
"Wild West"
It was a time of endless fields,
When cattle roamed the land,
Tons of families built their homes,
Everyone willing to give a hand.
When cowboys rode their horses,
Under the vast blue sky.
When children lay out in the sun,
Imagining they could fly.
It was a time of laughs and play,
A time of work and tears.
When the cycle of life and death
Repeated through the years.
Now houses line the endless roads,
Ranchers struggle to be the best.
But there are some who haven’t changed,
Who remember the Wild West.
"Full Moon"
Hanging high above our heads
And far above the clouds
It will shine down, bright and clear,
A spotlight for the world.
Sometimes hidden by the clouds,
But never disappears
Still right there among the stars
As it’s been for many years.
Its wounds are mostly on its back,
In the dark and out of sight.
It has it wounds, but still it hangs
To shine another night.
Well, there you go. Tell me what you think.
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Posted: Fri May 30, 2008 9:24 pm
Again, both poems are once again, great. The Wild West one I found myself giving a slight nod to in understanding. The Full Moon one was a great poem in that it doesn't directly mention the moon at all, however it alludes to it and that makes it great because you don't see it that much.
Good job! 3nodding biggrin
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The Unknown Shadow Captain
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