Improving Gaian Roleplays

[Xumbra]

Eh heh, heh, ooh dear.

No, it's not bothersome at all.  

[Sanee]

Good, since I'm addicted to pimping myself throughly whenever I have a strike of cretivity. I'm all " OH HAY GUYZ, LOOK AT MY FIC/ART DESUUUU."  

[Xumbra]

Improving Gaian Roleplays.
# 3

Summary:
A random roleplay post is chosen from Barton Town, analyzed, and improved.

Sample post:

Quote:

Jennifer looked at him. "Sure"

Too short, don't you think? Looks like we're going to make it longer...but how are we going to do that? There's no material off which I can build!

Remember, roleplaying is storytelling. These stories are of imaginary characters. That means you get to make up stuff as you go along. Of course, depending on the roleplay, there will be a limit to what you can write, but there are a couple of things you can do.

To make a post longer, follow this non-official incomplete checklist:
Step 1: Look at the first sentence.
Step 2: Examine nouns, verbs, and adjectives.
Step 3: For each item examined, ask who, what, when, where, why, and how.
Step 4: Adjust the sentence accordingly.
Step 5: If the sentence is corrected to your liking, move to the next sentence in the paragraph and start again at Step 1. If not, then move back to Step 4.

Relax, I'm going to give you an example.

Step 1: Look at the first sentence.
The first sentence is "Jennifer looked at him."

Step 2: Examine nouns, verbs, and adjectives.
Our nouns, verbs, and adjectives are Jennifer, looked, and him.

Step 3: For each item examined, ask who, what, when, where, why, and how.
Watch carefully.

Jennifer
Who is Jennifer? In particular, what is her relation to the rest of the characters? Best friend? Rival? Mentor?
What is Jennifer? Jennifer can be a doctor, a lawyer, farmer...the possibilities are endless.
When is Jennifer ________? When is Jennifer going to leave the house? Feed her pets? Deliver the letter? Heck, when is her birthday?
Where is Jennifer? Where is she physically situated at the moment?
Why is Jennifer _______? Why is Jennifer standing still? Pointing a gun at her best friend? Drawing her neighbor's house?
How is Jennifer _______? How is Jennifer able to leap onto a flagpole and stand on it? Sneaking past guards unnoticed?

looked
Who looked? Jennifer, obviously. Not much we can do here.
What is she looking at? The muddy footprints on the ground? The plasma rifle aimed at her head?
When did she look? Midnight? Three minutes past seven?
Where did she look? Under the table? Behind the tree? Inside the box?
Why did she look? Missing her gloves? Curiosity? Boredom?
How did she look? Carefully? Carelessly? Insert your favorite adverb here.

him
Who is he? An assassin? Friend? Father?
What is he? An alien? A noble knight with a quest?
When is he _____? When is he going to shut up? Give her a present? Act stupid?
Where is he? In town? At the basketball game? Atop the skyscraper?
Why is he ______? Why is he dancing? Laughing? Hitting her with a blade?
How is he ______? How is he dodging bullets? Discerning when she's lying?

Now you CANNOT complain about having no material from which to work.

Step 4: Adjust the sentence accordingly.
Fun part.

Jennifer, an animal-obsessed grocery-bagger, had crawled into a hole she found in her backyard and arrived at Lazy Town ten minutes later looking wide-eyed in front of her at the comically-flattened yet chubby dancing alien, the very same one she could have sworn she dreamt of last night.

Step 5: If the sentence is corrected to your liking, move to the next sentence in the paragraph and start again at Step 1. If not, then move back to Step 4.
Yes, I like my sentence, thank you very much. And now I move onto the next sentence, and so on until I've finished the paragraph.

What a way to expand short posts, huh?  

[oceanfinger717]

i can has are pee

*kiss xumbry*  

[Sanee]

^ Autoban'd.

jay kay  

[Gidydude]

Bad grammar sounds tasty. But, yes, they should really fix that.  

[Lord Durel]

The idea of controlling more than your own actions still doesn't appeal to me...

I proceed to prefer the Pen&Paper kind of Roleplay.

Although the "how it's done" is well displayed here. Also, in a non-conversational kind of roleplay (as in: in a forum), I see how it would take way too long to get anything done if everyone only had the control over his own character.  

[QuixoticNeurotic]

The roleplay I most enjoy is the most mindless sort.

Video game-age.  

[Lord Durel]

which is quite like Pen and Paper, only with more presets and more boundaries (and more 12-year-olds).

And less dice throwing fun.  

[Xumbra]

Forum roleplaying improves your writing. Pen and paper improves your math.